2011 VMAs: The Long-Awaited Breakdown

I just thought she was getting fat...

I think I've done enough procrastinating on this and it's forced my hand.  I have to be honest -- I didn't watch the VMAs this year.  Even the lure of Chelsea Handler hosting the awards could not convince me that my time wouldn't be spent better working on short stories or building websites.  For the record, I dislike most award shows.  I am of the opinion that award shows are mostly just celebrity strokefests or, in cases like the Oscars or the Grammys, an attempt for the stars to convince the adoring masses that they have taste in their respective arts.  As much as I love Arcade Fire, you can't convince me that their winning Album of the Year had nothing to do with the fact that those voting probably had no idea who they were before the Grammys and therefore, Arcade Fire must be the most artistically deserving nominee, regardless if it was true or not.  Same with "The Hurt Locker."  A word to celebrities:  Award Shows are NOT the appropriate venue to express your political beliefs. 

I have a special aversion to any award shows with the words MTV or Teen's choice attached to them because, let's face it, the vast majority of the people who watch/vote for those ones have no creativity or desire to explore new options.  Which is why it was complete bullsh*t that Twilight won everything at Teen's Choice this year.  If I were Emma Watson, whose performance as Hermione -- her acting choices for which I didn't agree with very often -- was infinitely better than Kristen Stewart's lifeless Bella Swan, I would be pissed.  So, in general, if teenagers are the majority of the voting populace, it's probably best to just write it off as mindless tomfoolery and save the primetime spots for something worth watching.  Unfortunately, network executives don't share my views.  But....since they are kind of a big thing in the music world, I will touch upon a few highlights.

• OMG!  Beyonce is pregnant! --  What?!  One of the top grossing celebrity couples in the world who have been married for several years is going to have a baby?!  You're f*cking me....I didn't see that coming at all.  Yes, my friends, Beyonce is abandoning her curvaceous silhouette for a more maternal one and everyone is all aghast and buzzing about it.  Why this is the case is beyond me.  Anyone with any intuitive sense about people could've told you that Beyonce is the "mom" type -- and I think she'll be a good one, in spite of her massive fortune which gives her ability to hire an army of nannies.  I'm more interested in how easy it will be for her to get back into booty-shaking shape.  She had a great body and she was always moving and exercising, so if she loses that battle of the baby bulge, I am definitely opting for a surrogate.

Lady Gaga Will open VMAs

She's been hinting at a big announcement on twitter for a while but today, she finally let the cat out of the bag:  Lady Gaga will, in fact, be opening the 2011 VMAs.  The announcement was made while debuting her new video for "You and I" on MTV -- the message she hoped to convey in the video is that it "is a metaphor for wanting to make something work with someone you love but sometimes there is a boundary that you just can’t overcome.....that shouldn’t stop you from imagining something more."  That's basically what I got out of it.  ::sigh of relief:: Lady Gaga first performed at the VMAs only two short years ago, and this year, in addition to the honor of being the opening act, she is also nominated for four awards, including Best Female Video.  The artist is very excited, saying that she has been "planning it for a week."  Lady Gaga, who never fails to stun with her outrageous fashion statements and eye-popping performances, is sure to top herself this year.   The VMAs will be on aired on MTV on August 28th.

Screen Capture from "Judas"

Lady Gaga's New Down Home Artistic Vision

Jo Calderone, Gaga's male alter ego

Well, she's done it again.  And this time, she's in full-on male drag and a rather elaborate mermaid costume.  True story.  Not very surprising.  We all know she has a truly unique artistic point of view, especially when it comes to her wardrobe and music videos.  What I find interesting is the song....I haven't heard "You and I" before (I'd be a better lil' monster if I could spare the dough) and I really like the slight country twang of the track.  And the thoughtful lyrics remind me of my own life and my small town roots.  I know most people only know her for the electronic dance music that brought her into the spotlight, but she has an immense talent which is can is showcased spectacularly when she breaks the mold the industry has built for her.  Sure, the video features outrageous fashion, a sexy guy (not Gaga's male alter ego...although, I'm not gonna lie, she makes a pretty decent-looking guy), and plenty of glitter, but when she breaks it down on the piano in a Nebraska cornfield, you can understand why she's so popular.  Great video.  Check it out after the jump.