"Blue Christmas" by Elvis Presley

First off, I am going to admit that, initially, I wasn't going to do a song for Christmas this year. Sorry to be a Scrooge but it doesn't feel like Christmas to me. I've told multiple people as much. I'm doing presents for my babies, because I love them and they deserve a reprieve from the general dreariness of this year, but everyone else can fuck off. I didn't even do gifts for my team, because half of them can't be in the office anyway (we're still doing partial telework). I haven't decorated - instead of putting up a tree, we piled all the presents on the coffee table - and, while dinner will be a little better than usual, the meal I'm planning isn't necessarily something I wouldn't make on a normal weekday. I'm not sure I even want to drive around and look at Christmas lights, which is one of my favorite things. To top it off, it's been unseasonably warm, even for Central Texas. I haven't lived anywhere that would normally have a "white christmas" since I was about 7-years-old, but even in the Southwest, it would be a little chilly out by now. So, no, it just doesn't feel like Christmas to me. And I'm not going to pretend it does, beyond what I want to do for my family.

And when those blue snowflakes start falling

That's when those blue memories start calling

You'll be doing all right

With your Christmas of white

But I'll have a blue, blue, blue, blue Christmas

I was thinking about this song this week, though. I don't know why. Don't get me wrong - I love Elvis but I'm also in the camp that believes "All I Want For Christmas is You" is the greatest Christmas song ever made (it is - don't argue with me). However, I think I did "All I Want For Christmas is You" in a previous year and I don't like to repeat myself. It's a waste of perfectly good Internet. No, I was thinking about "Blue Christmas" because it was the first song I can remember performing in front of people. Like a lot of people - a whole elementary school cafeteria full of people! I was about 9-years-old and I had to perform it (along with the rest of my fourth grade class) for a holiday pageant. This morning, my mother texted the family group chat, declaring that she "remember[s] when Jessica sang Blue Christmas at her school concert." And it's times like this when I wonder if my thoughts are on broadcast for the whole world to hear.

I still know all the words to "Blue Christmas" and can mimic that classic Elvis twang in my sleep. But, at the heart of it, it's a sad Christmas song. It's about not feeling like it's Christmas at all because you can't be with your loved one(s), and it's a sentiment I think a lot of people understand this year. Those people who are trying to be responsible and maintain social distancing measures, at least. I will be doing the now traditional holiday Zoom call with my family. At this point, we've all become skilled at having fun, together but separately. But for someone who has "touch" as one of their primary love languages, it's a poor substitute. And while I'll probably be rehashing this rant with my therapist next week, all I can do now is accept that I'll have a blue - blue, blue, blue - Christmas. But I hope whoever reads this has/had a lovely, safe holiday. Merry Christmas.

"Blue Christmas" Video

"Santa Baby" by Eartha Kitt

I felt I'd be remiss if I didn't feature at least on Christmas song this month. I chose my second favorite, after "All I Want For Christmas is You." "Santa Baby" has two things going for it - it perfectly encapsulates the consumerist culture of the American Holiday Season and it's definitely a song you can strip to. There are many versions of this song but I've chosen the classic version performed by Eartha Kitt, because it's the version I remember fondly from my childhood.

Think of all the fun I've missed

Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed

Next year I could be also good

If you'll check off my Christmas list

In recent years, I've taken to buying myself my own Christmas gifts. I never really buy myself anything during the year so I figure the Holiday season is a reasonable time to splurge. I even wrap them up and put them beneath the tree, so it seems like Santa brought Mama stuff, too. Of course, this tradition has developed after several years of me over-giving at Christmas. When I was a teenager, I got in the habit of telling my parents I didn't want anything for Christmas because I didn't want them wasting money on me. This was a mistake because they still wasted money, it was just on things I didn't want. Meanwhile, I would spend tons of money on super thoughtful gifts for everyone else. I remember one year I went all out and bought everyone l'Occitane hand creams and maple candy from Vermont, in addition to the presents I'd already bought them, which was usually something they had hinted at wanting earlier in the year. This is obviously unsustainable, which is why I keep it simple now. I buy people gift cards and I only ask for gift cards - because people usually like free money. It may be impersonal but most people usually aren't going to be disappointed, as long as you know what stores they like. This works out for my family because we're full of people who are notoriously difficult to buy for. And, no, we do not do homemade presents. If you met my family, you'd instantly understand why.

As for myself, I've got simple - albeit expensive - tastes. I'm very particular and I'm not above giving direct orders to people with "Hey, I like this...buy it for me." Which is why I'm always surprised and a little disappointed when they get it wrong. I like books and witchcraft supplies. The most thoughtful gift the Husband ever got me was "Twilight," which set off three months obsessing over the books with my roommate while I read them. It was thoughtful in that, even though I hadn't ever expressed a desire to read it, he knew it was the sort of shit I like reading and bought it for me. I like clothes from mid-range stores, fancy lingerie, and bohemian crap from World Market. I like delicate, feminine jewelry that has the potential to get lost easily and requires me to take care of it. I like luxury skincare products and expensive perfume from designer brands. And - yes - much like Eartha Kitt, I would like a yacht, a classic car (but not in light blue....gross), and (although I'm ashamed to admit this) a fur coat. However, since Santa does not exist, I'll have to buy this stuff on my own. And, to be honest, I don't mind it. It's one of the rare times of year when I can buy something for myself without feeling too guilty.

That being said, it is nice to be on the receiving end of Christmas once in a while. Maybe next year.

"Santa Baby" Video

"All I Want for Christmas is You" by Mariah Carey

I was going to post this yesterday but I felt it was more important to watch "My Best Friend's Wedding" with my older sister. Because I've been lazy over the holiday, I've decided to scrap the third Taylor Swift song for this month. (You're welcome!) Anyway, this is my favorite Christmas song. Not very original. I'm pretty sure everybody's favorite Christmas song, at least of the female/gay male persuasion. I'm pretty sure most people can identify it - we've all had a Christmas where we couldn't be with someone we love, either due to distance, work obligations, or other reasons. My dad was deployed pretty much my whole childhood but I honestly can't remember a Christmas that he didn't spend with us. We were very lucky like that - other military families are not. I think that's the probably the hardest thing - missing someone so badly, knowing that they can't come home, even though you know they're missing you, too. I think that's why this song resonates with so many people. It captures a part of Christmas that isn't so happy, but it's still pretty fucking catchy.

I don't want a lot for Christmas

There is just one thing I need

I don't care about the presents

Underneath the Christmas tree

I don't need to hang my stocking

There upon the fireplace

Santa Claus won't make me happy

With a toy on Christmas day

I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know

Make my wish come true

All I want for Christmas is you

You baby

I'm going to keep with the theme and talk about my favorite Christmas movie. It's "Love Actually." Don't act surprised. It was on TV last night, but I'm pretty sure it's on Netflix, too - not sure how long that will last, but it's there if you want to watch it. Basically, it's a bunch of different love stories (which revolve around Christmas) interwoven together into a cohesive narrative. I believe most of the characters know each other, at least by sight, so it's fun to see them weave in and out of each other's narratives. My favorite story out of the ones in the movie is that of Jamie and Aurelia. Jamie comes home to find his wife/girlfriend (it wasn't specified but they live together) cheating with his brother. To get some distance from the situation, he goes to his summer rental in France to work on his novel. Since the owner didn't expect him during winter, the usual maid that assists him wasn't available, so she's hired Aurelia. She doesn't speak English (or even French), just Portuguese. But they manage and, at the end of the day, he drives her home. My favorite scenes are when they are each saying something in their native language and it's almost the exact same thing but from the opposite perspective. For example, in my favorite scene, he's driving her home and he says to her, "It's my favorite part of the day, driving you home." And she replies, "It's the saddest part of my day, leaving you." Isn't that so sad? OMFG, the heart strings! But they get a happy ending. After Jamie leaves France, he starts learning Portuguese on his own. Mind you, he has no expectation that he'll ever see her again, no idea how she feels, but in his mind, a plan is starting to form. On Christmas, he is about to join his family but he has some sort of epiphany. He drops the presents at the door and runs to Heathrow airport. In his grand gesture, he walks the Portuguese district of Paris looking for Aurelia (with most of the residents of the area in tow). When he gets the restaurant where she works, he proposes to her in bad Portuguese. Aurelia says "Yes," in broken English. She learned English for him! "Just in cases." I think that's beautiful. Neither of them knew each other felt the same but they knew they had to overcome this barrier in order to even have a chance.

Anyway, a belated Merry Christmas to you all! There is an official video for this song. Enjoy!

"All I Want for Christmas is You" Video