"Soon You’ll Get Better" by Taylor Swift feat. The Chicks

It's that time of year again. I feel like this has become one of my personal holiday traditions, curated just for this blog. It's been a crazy year and I'll sum it up in a post eventually....but this is not that post. Nope. It's only my annual rant celebrating the 2023 Person of the Year. 

In the past, I've posted about my favorite T-Swift songs - of which there are myriad - most of which are sickly sweet love songs. But one of my favorite things about Swift's discography is that it is so diverse. She literally has a song for every type of heartbreak and another for every other emotion a person can feel. This year, I wanted to showcase a song that - to be honest - didn't make an impact on me until this year. Simply because I hadn't gone through the situation. I didn't understand....but now I do. I'm going to warn you - it's not a particularly happy song but it features some of the most vulnerable lyrics that Swift has released (in my opinion). This song is about Taylor's experience when her mom was diagnosed with cancer a second time around 2019. "Soon You'll Get Better" was released later that year on the "Lover" album. 

Holy orange bottles, each night I pray to you

Desperate people find faith, so now I pray to Jesus too

And I say to you

As you may have guessed, my mom was diagnosed with cancer this year. Thankfully, the radiation and chemotherapy appear to have worked and, as of right now, the doctors consider her "cancer-free," assuming nothing pops up on the scans over the next few months. However, there were moments this summer I found myself bawling my eyes out in the front seat of my car while listening to this song. Here's the thing - my mom isn't like Allison Swift. She's not a sweet midwestern mama who bakes cookies and calls to chat on the phone. My mom was born and raised in NYC (still has a ghost of a Queens accent) and complained the whole time (totally valid). I'm not sure she prayed, although I did (not to Jesus...but maybe a little to his mother, Mary). I spent a lot of time hanging out with her when I was done at the studio (we rented her a house near the treatment center, which was just down the street). Listening to what the doctor's were telling her and how inefficient the medical system is. Her biggest concerns before going into chemo/radiation was that she couldn't get manicures or go swimming while she was in treatment. She's kind of ridiculous for that. I talked her through losing her hair. Convinced her that it's okay to cut it short and buy a few nice wigs for right now. I know I've written about our complicated history but things are so much better now that her bipolar disorder is under control. And my kids love her so much and I'm happy we're creating good memories with her. Hopefully that lasts a while but I know my parents are getting older. This whole experience has thrown that into stark relief, so I'm trying to make more time for them. That was one of our big reasons for moving back to Arizona, after all.

I know delusion when I see it in the mirror

You like the nicer nurses, you make the best of a bad deal

I just pretend it isn't real

I'm not going to add much more about Taylor Swift. Y'all know she's amazing (or you should) and there's entire articles out there for you to read on that. I will say, though, that this is exactly why music exists. To express our experience and share it with others. They say music is a universal language and you can see that's true when people across the world vibe with someone's music, even if they don't fully understand the words. Take away the lyrics for "Soon You'll Get Better," you can still tell from the accompaniment that the artist is going through a difficult time. And as for the lyrics, I'm not the only one who ugly cries when they hear this song. It's comforting, to know you're not alone in going through a situation. Music brings people together.

"Soon You'll Get Better" Official Audio

"Mean" by Taylor Swift

This is the first of the Taylor Swift songs for this month. I'm limiting myself to just three this month, for your benefit. Taylor Swift is so prolific that I'm certain she has a song for everything that you're going through in life. I'm still discovering songs that she wrote like 10 years ago. Taylor Swift is the I-Ching of female pop singers (sorry....I was watching "You've Got Mail" again this weekend and Tom Hanks' character refers to "The Godfather" as the I-Ching and I liked that description). This particular song got me through the first couple of months of 2018. I'm pretty sure I listened to it practically every day (to The Husband's chagrin), because it made me feel better about the situation I was in and made me remember myself when it got hard. Let me explain.

At the start of 2018, I was dealing with the coworker from Hell. Someone so full of his own self-importance that he seemed to suck the air out of the room when he showed up to work. The situation got so toxic, that me and my other teammates would get caught up in bitchfests that lasted for hours just discussing this one person. It was so negative and draining. It didn't help that he was kind of a misogynist and, being that I was the only woman on our team at the time, I felt like I was his favorite person to pick on. So, for months, I had been dealing with snide comments in addition to carrying a team that felt like it was on the verge of collapse every day. There were many days when I wanted to be mean right back, to give him a taste of his own medicine. For example, I would buy my teammates little things to mark the holidays - by the end, I didn't want to include him. I wanted him to know that his presence wasn't wanted anymore, that I didn't consider him part of our team because he didn't act like it. But when Valentine's Day rolled around, I still bought him a little box of chocolates. Because I don't want to be mean - I've been a "mean girl" and that's not who I am. That's not who I want to be.

Around this time, I started talking to a guy from another organization who had a lot of experience dealing with "toxic teams." I wrote a comment in response to one of his blogs - no specifics, just that being in such a negative situation can ruin an otherwise wonderful job. He reached out to me and shared some articles and studies that he wrote in regards to dealing with these situations. Basically, he told me to lead by example and avoid feeding the negativity. Talk to my supervisor about the situation and do my best to be a positive force on the team. "Be the light." That was my mantra. And, eventually, things turned themselves around. That guy isn't on my team anymore - he removed himself from the picture, which ultimately was for the best. Almost a year removed from those days, I'm amazed by the complete transformation. I guess the moral of the story is things get better, as long as you accept help when it's offered and remember the person you want to be. And a little dose of Taylor Swift every day doesn't hurt, either.

You, with your switching sides

And your wildfire lies and your humiliation

You have pointed out my flaws again

As if I don't already see them

I walk with my head down,

Try to block you out 'cause I never impress you

I just want to feel okay again

I bet you got pushed around

Somebody made you cold but the cycle ends right now

'Cause you can't lead me down that road

And you don't know what you don't know

So, Taylor used to be bullied when she was younger and, even now, she's kind of a favorite for tabloid fodder. She wrote "Mean" to remind herself that she's better than those people. Dealing with that stuff messes with your head. I mean - you can kind of see how it's shaped Taylor. Even though in "Mean," she says she wants to be the bigger person, she survives on grudges and admittedly kind of abusive in relationships. Bullying makes people feel like they're not worthy of love and respect, which is a lie - all people are worthy of those things, all people deserve them, regardless of who they are or what they've done. That's what I believe, anyway. Of course, it's not uncommon to get caught in this cycle of bullying. The bullied often become the bullies, because it's a way to feel in control. When I was growing up, after a day of my mom calling me fat, ugly and worthless, I'd turn around and say those same hurtful things to my little sister. I'm not proud of that - if anything, it's one of the things I wish I could change about my life. I've apologized to Vee, but that doesn't undo the damage. The only thing you can do is to go forward and be better. I'm trying to do that. Maybe it's too little, too late, but I'm trying. And that's all we can ask of each other.

I love the "Mean" video because T-Swift looks really beautiful in it. Especially at the end - the subplot of the video is that she's a country girl being tormented by a very stereotypical "Dudley Do-Right" sort of villain. For example, he ties her to the train tracks and then sits and waits for the train. Quelle melodramatique! But, by the end, she's a star in the Big City, and the villain is nowhere in sight. Again - moral of the story is things get better, just focus on what you want to accomplish. OH! And stand up for yourself, don't let others treat you less than you deserve. That's a lesson I'm still learning. Side note: I also like the liberal use of banjos in Taylor's earlier songs. I really like banjo music and I'm really impressed that T-Swift knows how to play it (among the many other instruments she plays). I know - I'm weird like that.

"Mean" Video