"Queen" by Loren Gray

I discovered through my son's playlist on YouTube. His taste wavers between alternative, heavy metal, folk indie, and dance pop on any given day - so, basically, at the ripe old age of 3, he has better taste in music than 90% of the human population. It kind of hurts that my toddler is already cooler than I will ever be. I can tell he's going to be one of the "cool" kids, so I think my assumption that I was going to be shelling out tons of cash for black eyeliner and dark trench coats was premature. Also, just judging by his music list, he has a thing for blondes. I don't know where he got that from - definitely not from me.

Back to the song, Loren Gray is saying she can handle herself and she needs a man who not only recognizes that, but appreciates it. It's been a common thing in popular culture lately for women to refer to themselves as a "queen." But how many really understand what it's like to be a queen? How many have thoroughly studied statecraft and are ready to make executive decisions based on little to no information, as provided by a group of carefully selected advisers? I would reckon very few. I think, though, that the intention is to say that they're queens of their own respective domains. When I think of a queen, I think of someone who is looking to do what's best for everyone involved (not just what she wants). She's intelligent and can think for herself, but doesn't expect others to agree automatically and appreciates having a diversity of opinions to guide her. And, most of all, a queen shows grace under pressure - falling apart just because things went sideways is just not in her repertoire. Queens don't have the luxury of doing that, because everyone is counting on her to lead by example. Yes, that's a lot to live up to, but kingdoms (even small ones) rise and fall with their rulers, so it's important to uphold one's ideals, even when that's difficult.

There's really not much to say on this song. It's fun and it's a good song to use doing a warm-up. Instead, I've selected a few historical queens that I admire. Unfortunately, my favorite historical figure, Marie Antoinette, is not one of them. As much as I love her, she was kind of a shitty queen. Not her fault - royalty in Europe, and especially in France, had been declining for years. It was only a matter of time before the people rose up. Marie Antoinette was not groomed for being a leader - her mother, Empress Maria Theresa of Austria, used her and her sisters as political pawns to gain influence, but did not actually teach them statecraft despite being a successful ruler herself. I will argue to the death, though, that it was unnecessary to behead her and that the Jacobins were a bloodthirsty group of zealots - she was a victim of her time, pauvre Marie Antoinette.

Catherine de' Medici

Catherine de'Medici is a woman after my own heart. She was an Italian woman born into a wealthy banking family (with all the benefits, physical and intellectual, that this position bestowed) who married King Henry II of France. She wasn't exactly beautiful, but she was smart and knew how to wield influence like a beast. Catherine ruled France as regent when her first son took the thrown at the age of 10 and after he died, she was instrumental when her third son, Henry III, became king. She served as a political adviser and he still followed her guidance even after her death. She was a big patron of the arts, which was lucky because this was during the heart of the Renaissance period. Catherine de'Medici was also very interested in the occult and during her reign, the study of astrology and use of tarot cards gained popularity. She was also a patron of Nostradamus and she kept a personal necromancer/master of the dark arts, Cosimo Ruggeri, with her at court. I imagine he was like Constantine, except more Italian. Catherine de'Medici is still considered one of the most powerful women to have ruled France.

Catherine de'Medici

Boudica 

For those who have played Civilization V, Boudica is the ruler who represents Celts. She is my personal favorite to play, because she gets a significant religious bonus during gameplay (and, for some reason, I enjoy watching whatever religion I create spread across the whole map). As fun as she is to play, however, it must be said that the actual Boudica was a legit badass. She was queen of a Celtic tribe who led an uprising against Roman forces, who were in the business of conquering Britain at the time. She failed, of course, but she is celebrated fondly as a British folk hero. Historical records describe her as a fierce warrior and leader. She saw the mistreatment of her people, the Iceni, by the Romans and acted accordingly. Boudica rallied her armies and did her best to beat back the encroaching threat of the Roman forces. At first, it seemed like she would be triumphant - prior to the final battle, she gave a rousing speech, saying that the gods were on their side because her cause was just. I think it's important to note that she was facing impossible odds - the Romans were going to conquer Britain regardless of whatever uprisings occurred. But her courage, determination, and devotion to her people's well-being are still admirable.

Boudica

Speaking of queens, I'm going to take this opportunity to share one of my favorite comic book illustrators, as she just recently re-opened her online store. Her name is Jen Bartel and you can check out her illustrations at her website (https://www.jenbartel.com/). She has done cover work for all the bigs (Marvel, DC, Dark Horse, etc.) and she's the co-creator of "Blackbird," which I haven't read yet because I missed subscribing when they published the first issue, but I'm hoping they'll compile all the issues into a single volume when the series is complete. Today was payday and I probably spent to much, but I'm trying to show my support for other small-time artists and writers by spending money on their work. What a concept!

"Queen" Video

"Killer Queen" by Queen

"Killer Queen" is my go-to hype song, when I need to get pumped up for doing something. I used to make my dad play it whenever he dropped me off for an audition or performance in high school. Sometimes, I'll hear it on the radio when I'm driving to work (which is a lot more often than you'd think) and it immediately sets the tone for the day. Obviously, this is one of those songs that I like to pretend was written about me. Yes, I'm aware that it's about a high-class call girl. Irrelevant! Let's look at the facts:

• Am I well-versed in etiquette? Yes, yes I am. Very polite and well-mannered, indeed. When my sister became the etiquette person for her sorority, who did she ask for book recommendations on the subject? That's right....me.
• Am I extraordinarily nice? Almost to a fault. 
• In conversations, do I speak just like a baroness? Well, that's always the goal.
• Did my perfume come from Paris? Naturally! (This actually is a factual statement....when I'm not wearing my perfumes from Italy or Spain. Not bragging, I just have expensive taste in perfume and I'm willing to pay for it. I'm the only person I know who wore Chanel Mademoiselle all through high school. It's a character flaw, if you really think about it...)
• Am I fastidious and precise? Yes. Another thing I can't help. It's pathological.

Drop of a hat she's as willing as

Playful as a pussy cat

Then momentarily out of action

Temporarily out of gas

To absolutely drive you wild, wild

She's all out to get you

She's a Killer Queen

Gunpowder, gelatin

Dynamite with a laser beam

Guaranteed to blow your mind

Anytime

Enough about me, on to the real subject of this post, which is - as if you couldn't guess - courtesans. For some reason, I've always had a fascination with courtesans and, as such, I've read a lot about them. Historically, as civilization became more developed, women's role in society became more and more restricted. However, there have been certain select women throughout history who, through their own cunning, have been able to escape the confines of this predetermined life by writing their own rules. Yes, some will point out that they got to where they were through what can loosely be called prostitution. While that may be true, I'd also point out that they have somehow become immortal, when millions of other women have perished in the dust of oblivion. Thus proving one of my favorite Internet quotes: Well-behaved women rarely (if ever) make history. Today, I'm going to discuss three of my favorite historical courtesans and the lessons their lives teach us.

Veronica Franco

Veronica Franco was an Italian courtesan who parlayed her influence in society into becoming a Renaissance poet. Franco was rare in that she is one of the few courtesans who were born into the life a courtesan. Her mother was also a famed courtesan and she taught Veronica the arts and skills required to be successful. Successful, during the Renaissance, still meant married to a wealthy man. Although she did get married young, the marriage did not work out and she had to return to life as a courtesan to support herself and her children. Her success in her profession was largely attributed to her well-educated background and enthusiasm for intellectual discussions. As a notable courtesan in Venice, she published two volumes of poetry and was a patron of other writers of the era. With her wealth, she established a charity for other courtesans and their children. Eventually, she got caught up in the Inquisition (as prostitutes - especially courtesans - were a common target for acquisitions of witchcraft), but she was luckily acquitted of the charges. Lesson #1: What we do to make a living does not define who we are. 

Portrait of Veronica Franco

Josephine "Josie" Marcus

Josie Marcus is most famously remembered as Wyatt Earp's common-law wife. However, before she met him in Arizona, she had a whole adventure of a young life. She was the daughter of a Jewish baker but eventually ran away from home in her mid-teens. She worked hard to keep this part of her life private, so the best accounts out there show that she may have joined a theatrical company and traveled throughout the western United States. Eventually, she ended up in Prescott, where she more than likely worked as a prostitute for some time (in between performances, maybe?). At some point, she met the sheriff of Cochise County, who convinced her to move to Tombstone by promising the still quite young Josie marriage. He went back on that promise (of course) but she stayed in Tombstone anyway. As the story goes, she met Wyatt Earp and they fell in love. Never mind that he was living with another woman at the time. However tumultuous their relationship was, though, Marcus and Earp stayed together for 47 years, having adventures until he died. Lesson #2: Sometimes, the adventure is worth the risk.

Possible Image of Josephine Marcus

Kiki de Montparnasse

Alice Prin - or Kiki de Montparnasses as she became known - was a celebrated artist's model in 1920s Paris. She sat for many of the great painters of the day but she is most notably linked to Man Ray, who was her lover for most of the 20s and painted hundreds of portraits of her. Kiki was the epitome of the liberated woman for the Jazz Age. She was audacious, intelligent, fun-loving, and talented in her own right. She painted dozens of pictures herself and starred in several films. Kiki was also affectionately remembered as a music hall singer - a common occupation for courtesans of this time period - and eventually, she was also able to purchase a cabaret of her own. We know much of Kiki's life due to her own self-published memoirs, which - unlike Josephine Marcus - she tried to keep as honest and true-to-life as she could. Unfortunately, Kiki de Montparnasse died relatively young - at age 51 - but she was still well-loved at the time and her funeral was attended by many friends and fans. She also inspired one of my favorite lingerie boutiques, Kiki de Montparnasse - favorite in that - one day, when I can afford it - I am going to buy stuff from there because I love the aesthetic. Lesson #3: Being a muse for others is absolutely a viable career choice, but it's much more fulfilling to be your own muse.

Kiki de Montparnasse

And there you have it. The abbreviated life stories of three women who you may not have known much about but who indelibly shaped their own little corner of the Universe. One more note - while listening to this song on Spotify, I learned that 5SOS did a cover of "Killer Queen." It's not bad but I prefer the original, which is true for most covers.

"Killer Queen" Video

"You're My Best Friend" by Queen

Today is my mom's birthday so I decided to do a song that reminds me of her. Now, I could've picked plenty of songs. For example, I could've chosen the song "I Can't Get No (Satisfaction)" by the Rolling Stones - because my mom loves the Stones and she is never satisfied (well...that used to be the case...she's a lot more easy-going now). Or I could've chosen "Mamma Mia" by Abba, because she was a disco bunny back in the late 70s (according to my dad....who also likes Abba and has seen "Saturday Night Fever" way too many times). Or perhaps something by Cher - because my family fucking loves Cher. (Don't Judge Us!!!) But no....I chose a Queen song, because my family also fucking loves Queen. This is my dad's song for my mom. Because she's his best friend....which I find interesting, because I never thought of my mom as someone who is easy to get along with. But if a best friend is someone you want to share your adventures with and the first person you want to tell when you have good news (or bad news), I guess she would be his best friend. I told you - I'm lucky enough to believe in true love because of my parents.

Funny Vee story....When I was about 12, we went to my cousin Brian's first wedding. The Bride's mother had a life partner (because gay marriage wasn't legal yet), which of course confused 10-year-old Vee. My dad explained it that she just wanted to be with her best friend for the rest of her life, like he and mom did. "So that means I can marry my best friend?!" Vee exclaimed. "Yes," my dad told her. "I can't wait to tell Nancy," was what Vee responded. Nancy was her best friend at the time - it was naive and cute and my parents took it as such. Didn't discourage her or tell it was wrong, just said that she could if she wanted.

You're the first one

When things turn out bad

You know I'll never be lonely

You're my only one

And I love the things

I really love the things that you do

Ooh you're my best friend

Most people aren't lucky enough to marry their best friend. Most people just find someone that they don't mind hanging around that much....until they get bored. But my parents don't seem bored and they just had their 32nd anniversary. When I lived at home, they rarely did things separately when my dad came home from work - usually, they just watched TV together. Well...usually, my dad would read some history book while my mom watched "Keeping Up with the Kardashians." After my mom got treatment, things got a lot better and now, they just generally like being around each other. They like to plan evil things together, like telling my sister and I we were going to the Grand Canyon when really we were going to an outlet mall in California. Yes - this really happened and I'm never going to fucking let them forget about it because I haven't seen the Grand Canyon to this day, except for a glimpse when we went over Hoover Dam on the way to Vegas. They also still go do fun stuff together, some of which they were nice enough to let me tag along. They went to go see Elton John (which was A-MAZING!!!!) and they visit Las Vegas all the time (without us). And my dad always lets my mom have a taste of his food when they go out to eat. If that ain't a fucking best friend, I don't know what is.

I don't really have much to say about the song, except it's a good song. But it's Queen, so you already knew that. Happy Tuesday!

"You're My Best Friend" Video

All We Are Is Dust in the Wind....

...Or ashes pressed into vinyl records for our loved ones to listen to when we're gone. Perhaps it's morbid, but I've actually given a lot of thought into what I want my family to do if I die. I haven't written it down on paper or anything -- I'm only 28 -- but maybe I should. Because I don't want a traditional funeral. I would think, after hanging around me for 20+ years, my family and friends would know that about me but you never can tell who's paying attention.

If I had to choose, I would prefer to be put into one of those pods that they plant under a sapling so that my life continues as nourishment for a majestic tree. Some Italian company came up with the design and I heard they are still illegal in some places. Damn regulations and such. My backup option is to be turned into an LP. In steps And Vinyly....

For £3000, Vinyly - obviously, a UK based company - will press your loved ones (including pets!) into a two-sided vinyl record. The base price gets you a customized cover - with standard "Rest In Vinyl (R.I.V) artwork, fun name, and dates of death and birth - and 12 minutes of audio on each side. The audio must be supplied by the customer and Vinyly does not take responsibility for any copyrighted material that you include. They will print up to 30 discs for the base price and will print more for an additional price. They offer include add-ons, like spooky music tracks written and composed especially for you, a portrait done by James Hague or Paul Insect, distribution of your record to music stores around the world (I see this becoming a thing), and, for £10,000+, they'll even plan a unique funeral.

Clearly, this will take some planning. With 12 minutes a side (let's assume I'm not going to pay for extra time because I'm cheap....no, seriously, I am), that leaves room for either 8 three-minute songs or 6 four-minute songs. Realistically, there's only room for 5 songs and a brief personal message. Naturally, I got to thinking about the 5 songs I want my family and friends to remember me by. They can't just be some of my favorite songs - I love "Blank Space" but I don't necessarily want Taylor Swift to be my death knell. It had to be 5 songs that mean something to me and the people who love/know me best. Here's what I am up with.

Click for Side A

Side A

1. "Frankly, Mr. Shankly" by The Smiths (2:19)

I once read in an Amazon review that "we all go through a 'Smiths' phase, but not everyone grows out of it." I am definitely one of those people that has yet to grow out of it. My best friend and brain twin, Anabel, can attest to this, as she has frequently seen me scrawl the following lyrics across many a shady bathroom wall: "Fame, fame, fatal fame/It can play curious tricks on the brain/But I'd rather be Famous/Than righteous or holy/Any day, Any day, Any day." Those lyrics, my friends, are from "Frankly, Mr. Shankly" and are still as true to me today as the day I first heard them. I think it's some kind of instinct for people to know who you are. And there's no other song I would choose to begin my descent into Hades.

2. "Killer Queen" by Queen (3:02)

"Killer Queen" is one of my favorite Queen songs. Some people may be thinking, "If you're going to include Queen, why not go with 'Bohemian Rhapsody.'" Don't get me wrong - "Bohemian Rhapsody" is a masterpiece and a classic. But when I needed to be pumped up before a play rehearsal, it was "Killer Queen" that I would have my dad play. I don't know what it was about that song, but it made me feel powerful and unstoppable. In my head, I imagined it was a song about a transvestite prostitute. I have no idea why or why teenage-Me would consider that a message of empowerment but I did. It also brings back happy memories of my dad - back from whatever deployment he'd been on - would drive me to choir practice or to theatre rehearsal or French club. Well, that and "Safety Dance," which - I shit you not - is going to played for the Father-Daughter dance at my wedding, assuming The Boyfriend ever proposes.

3. "Rhiannon" by Fleetwood Mac (live version) (6:41)

Another song that reminds me of long drives with my dad. He saw Fleetwood Mac perform this song live at New Mexico State University. Before she performed this song, Stevie Nicks would tell the audience that it was inspired by a story of Welsh witch. I feel this song deeply, not just because I identify as a witch, but because I want to be a woman that exists only "once in a million years." On "American Horror Story: Coven," Misty Day had Zoe listen to "Rhiannon," telling her that Stevie was the only witch before Zoe that she'd ever known. "Listen to the lyrics. This song was her anthem...doesn't it just penetrate your soul and tell the truth about everything you've ever felt in your whole life?" "Yeah, totally." Indeed. I'm not a witch because of this song, but that doesn't mean it didn't have an influence.

I chose the live version because we'd listen to "The Dance" on long drives to grandma's house or when he was driving me back to school (like my parents, I attended NMSU). The lyrics are slightly different from the "Greatest Hits" album version and I always get tripped up when singing along to that version. I prefer the lyrics from the live performance - Stevie Nicks gets so wrapped up in them - but both versions are pretty amazing.

Side A Total = 12:02 (a little over....hopefully, they don't charge for 2 seconds extra)

Flip for Side B

Song 'O' the Day: Double Dose

Since today is my parent's anniversary, I thought I'd do something special and share their songs.  Both of them are kind of old and one is a little cliched and sappy but, hey, they've made it through 25 years of marriage so I think that deserves a little acknowledgement.

My Best Friend

by Queen

Like my dad, I am a big fan of Queen because it was damn good music.  He told me that this song always reminds him of my mom because she is his best friend and has been for longer than their marriage.  This taught me an important thing about romantic relationships -- you can't love a person unless you like them.  You'd think that would be common sense but I can't stress how many people tell me that they don't like their significant others as human beings, let alone as comrades.  I consider The Boyfriend one of my best friend's and -- had we not become a couple -- I think we still would've been friends, despite the fact that our interests and values are a little like mixing oil and water.  Even though we have a lot of "debates" and heated "discussions", whenever something good happens, he's the first one I want to call.  And whenever something bad happens, he's always there to listen to my angry rants.  Of course, vice versa applies.  It's the same deal with my parents.  Personally, I think it's best that way.