"Baby" by Clean Bandit feat. MARINA and Luis Fonsi

I haven't been writing much. Not surprisingly, current circumstances aren't the most inspiring. I haven't even been journaling, despite the thoughts and emotions that have been whizzing around my mind. They'll circle back again. People have been reporting random bouts of weeping and, I must admit, I've had my moments of this, too. It's grief. We're grieving. We're all experiencing a collective, traumatic event. There are parts of our lives that will never return to normal and for some people, the prospect of never seeing loved ones again is very real at the moment. It's okay to feel moments of extreme anxiety, sadness, hopelessness, and even anger. For a lot of people, the precarious nature of their lives and routines have been cast in stark relief against a bleak reality. The People in Charge either clearly don't know what they're doing or have been revealed as more morally corrupt than we could've imagined. And yet, they're still in charge. Throughout all of this runs a pervasive obsession of what happens "after." At least, it does for me. I have an unerring faith that I probably won't die. No, this isn't how or when I go, I'm very certain. Perhaps that's foolish because I also believe that the worst is yet to come in the US. And I'm not even talking about just the virus. I'll keep my predictions to myself but I don't think any of this is going to end quickly or pretty.

Guess I had my last chance

And now this is our last dance

You fell through the cracks in my hands

Tell myself be stronger

My heart's like a rubber band

And it's such a shame

You'll always be the one who got away

We both know that deep down you feel the same

Hard to say it's over

But I'm already someone else's (C'mon)

I have this place I go in my dreams. It's been showing up more recently in the last couple years. It's a town by the sea, arranged against a cliffside, like towns on the coast of the Mediterranean. Think Positano, Italy, or the Amalfi Coast in Greece. The buildings are very colorful and even have a Dr. Seuss-like quality, all curves and twists. The roads are narrow, barely big enough for a Vespa or perhaps a really small car going one way. As such, the inhabitants of this town walk everywhere. It's not a very big town but it does have a lot of layers and to traverse the town, you have to walk up a lot of steep roads and staircases. My imagination probably pulled that from my rompings around Bisbee when I was younger. Every window has a flower box and the edges of the streets are dotted with wild roses and Cyprus trees. At the top of the cliff is a very expensive and fancy restaurant, where I've had a few dinners. Sometimes it's Italian food, other times it's French - although, truthfully, it probably changes with whatever fancy dish I saw on Instagram that day. There's a luxury ferry you can take a ride on for tours of the bay and even get lunch, if you're so inclined. And of course, at the base of this town is a white sandy beach that fades into the clearest blue ocean. These dreams aren't frequent - maybe one every couple of months. I mention it now because my most recent dream of this magical sanctuary was a few weeks ago, before everything seemed to spiral. Only this time, it was different. The town, which had always seemed bustling and full of life before, was empty. All the lights were off and I spent most of the dream banging on doors, desperately trying to bring the town back to life again. I couldn't, though. Dreams always make sense in hindsight.

Wish I met you at another place and time

If only, if only you were mine

This love story ends for you and I

'Cause I'm already someone else's

Baby, ahh (Contigo otra vez)

Baby, ahh (Mereces mucho mejor, mucho mejor)

Baby, ahh (Lo que tienes con ella, no es amor)

I'm already someone else's

The song isn't related to anything. It just makes me happy. It makes me think of a passionate, yet doomed romance (which all the best romances are). I heard it during a fan made YouTube video for some Turkish romance movie, the plot of which involved a university professor falling in love with one of his students. Judging from the video, it looks like he dies in a hail of bullets. No idea why, things started out innocently enough. Anyway, the song is about meeting the right person at the wrong time. Even though you want to do something about it, you know you shouldn't. Fodder for all the best poetry. It's Latin-influenced but it does sound vaguely Middle Eastern. But then, of course, Spain has a strong Moorish history, so we already know the styles blend well. It's one of the reasons I really like Shakira - she weaved her Lebanese heritage into her music so flawlessly. Watching her perform live was pretty amazing. This song is lively and I'd like to imagine there is a pair of young lovers somewhere, dancing in the living room of their tiny apartment with wild abandon, while the world goes to shit right outside their door. In the meantime, when I'm not listening to happy dance music, I've spent a good portion of my time meditating and limiting how often I check the news. When I have the energy, I cook things and, eventually, I'll get to writing again.

"Baby" Video