"Baby" by Clean Bandit feat. MARINA and Luis Fonsi

I haven't been writing much. Not surprisingly, current circumstances aren't the most inspiring. I haven't even been journaling, despite the thoughts and emotions that have been whizzing around my mind. They'll circle back again. People have been reporting random bouts of weeping and, I must admit, I've had my moments of this, too. It's grief. We're grieving. We're all experiencing a collective, traumatic event. There are parts of our lives that will never return to normal and for some people, the prospect of never seeing loved ones again is very real at the moment. It's okay to feel moments of extreme anxiety, sadness, hopelessness, and even anger. For a lot of people, the precarious nature of their lives and routines have been cast in stark relief against a bleak reality. The People in Charge either clearly don't know what they're doing or have been revealed as more morally corrupt than we could've imagined. And yet, they're still in charge. Throughout all of this runs a pervasive obsession of what happens "after." At least, it does for me. I have an unerring faith that I probably won't die. No, this isn't how or when I go, I'm very certain. Perhaps that's foolish because I also believe that the worst is yet to come in the US. And I'm not even talking about just the virus. I'll keep my predictions to myself but I don't think any of this is going to end quickly or pretty.

Guess I had my last chance

And now this is our last dance

You fell through the cracks in my hands

Tell myself be stronger

My heart's like a rubber band

And it's such a shame

You'll always be the one who got away

We both know that deep down you feel the same

Hard to say it's over

But I'm already someone else's (C'mon)

I have this place I go in my dreams. It's been showing up more recently in the last couple years. It's a town by the sea, arranged against a cliffside, like towns on the coast of the Mediterranean. Think Positano, Italy, or the Amalfi Coast in Greece. The buildings are very colorful and even have a Dr. Seuss-like quality, all curves and twists. The roads are narrow, barely big enough for a Vespa or perhaps a really small car going one way. As such, the inhabitants of this town walk everywhere. It's not a very big town but it does have a lot of layers and to traverse the town, you have to walk up a lot of steep roads and staircases. My imagination probably pulled that from my rompings around Bisbee when I was younger. Every window has a flower box and the edges of the streets are dotted with wild roses and Cyprus trees. At the top of the cliff is a very expensive and fancy restaurant, where I've had a few dinners. Sometimes it's Italian food, other times it's French - although, truthfully, it probably changes with whatever fancy dish I saw on Instagram that day. There's a luxury ferry you can take a ride on for tours of the bay and even get lunch, if you're so inclined. And of course, at the base of this town is a white sandy beach that fades into the clearest blue ocean. These dreams aren't frequent - maybe one every couple of months. I mention it now because my most recent dream of this magical sanctuary was a few weeks ago, before everything seemed to spiral. Only this time, it was different. The town, which had always seemed bustling and full of life before, was empty. All the lights were off and I spent most of the dream banging on doors, desperately trying to bring the town back to life again. I couldn't, though. Dreams always make sense in hindsight.

Wish I met you at another place and time

If only, if only you were mine

This love story ends for you and I

'Cause I'm already someone else's

Baby, ahh (Contigo otra vez)

Baby, ahh (Mereces mucho mejor, mucho mejor)

Baby, ahh (Lo que tienes con ella, no es amor)

I'm already someone else's

The song isn't related to anything. It just makes me happy. It makes me think of a passionate, yet doomed romance (which all the best romances are). I heard it during a fan made YouTube video for some Turkish romance movie, the plot of which involved a university professor falling in love with one of his students. Judging from the video, it looks like he dies in a hail of bullets. No idea why, things started out innocently enough. Anyway, the song is about meeting the right person at the wrong time. Even though you want to do something about it, you know you shouldn't. Fodder for all the best poetry. It's Latin-influenced but it does sound vaguely Middle Eastern. But then, of course, Spain has a strong Moorish history, so we already know the styles blend well. It's one of the reasons I really like Shakira - she weaved her Lebanese heritage into her music so flawlessly. Watching her perform live was pretty amazing. This song is lively and I'd like to imagine there is a pair of young lovers somewhere, dancing in the living room of their tiny apartment with wild abandon, while the world goes to shit right outside their door. In the meantime, when I'm not listening to happy dance music, I've spent a good portion of my time meditating and limiting how often I check the news. When I have the energy, I cook things and, eventually, I'll get to writing again.

"Baby" Video

"Bang Bang" by Jessie J, Ariana Grande, and Nicki Minaj

Another short post today. My son loved this song when he was younger - he liked to dance to it. It had a good beat and, let's face it, a toddler's idea of dancing is just jumping up and down really fast. Which is pretty fun in its own right. Besides - this three-way collab is fire emoji.

Sure she got a body like an hourglass

But I can give it to you all the time

Sure she got a booty like a Cadillac

But I can send you into overdrive (oh)

You've been waiting for that

Step on up, swing your bat

You see anybody could be bad to you

You need a good girl to blow your mind, yeah

The story behind this song is pretty simple. As if you can't tell from the hella dirty lyrics (in particular, Nicki Minaj's super suggestive rap bridge), it's about three girls vying for the attention of a guy. This song is 100x funnier if you imagine the guy they're singing about is the hot barista at Starbucks and he has no idea the girls he's serving are having naughty fantasies about him over their lattes and frappucinos. That's my alternate music video idea for "Bang Bang." Somebody needs to make that happen. I need a good laugh.

"Bang Bang" Video

"Lone Digger" by Caravan Palace

We're going to start the month off on a high note with some electro-swing. This particular tune is a favorite when me and my 3-year-old have one of our private dance parties. For those who may not be hip to the lingo, a "lone digger" is when you're out with a group of friends and you're the only one who is digging the music. Or you're the only one dancing. This song is an invitation to - go ahead - be that lone digger and enjoy yourself. Who cares what anyone things? Those losers just ain't no fun. The meaning makes a little more sense when you see the video. It's animated, with nightclub neon coloring. It revolves around a strip club but all the characters are non-human animals. The viewer watches three young tom cats walk in, wearing the classic letterman jacket, ready to make some trouble. And they do. A fight ensues and by the end of it, everyone in the strip club is dead. Well, except the stripper, who just keeps on dancing while chaos erupts around her. She's the lone digger.

Hey, brother, what you thinking?

Leave that old record spinning

You feel the rhythm, going

(They call it lonely digging)

Let's end your time to lay low

Your knees a-bending, so

It's time to get up and let go

(You're gonna come undone)

Since the video for this song is so visual, I've decided to focus on a visual medium that was very popular during The Great War Era: Pin-Up Art. I have a few favorite artists from the The Golden Age of Pin-Ups, which was from roughly the 1930s to the early 1950s, but there's tons of other work from the period to check out. When it comes to pin-up art, it's important to be aware that one of it's primary uses was for American propaganda during World War II and was an essential element of the morale effort. Calendars with pin-up artwork were sold to servicemen and they were encouraged to post them in their barracks by Roosevelt's War Advertising Council. Even after the war, it was prominently featured in magazines such as "Life" and "Time." The decline in the artform began when nude photographs of real women became readily available in magazines like "Playbook." However, with modern artists embracing the style, pin-up has made a comeback and originals by the artists named below now go for a small fortune.

Gil Elvgren

Gil Elvgren's initially worked for Louis F. Dow, a leading publishing company at the time, where he produced dozens of works. Since this was during WWII, much of the work he created during his time at Dow was recreated as nose art on American aircraft.  Eventually, he moved on to Brown & Bigelow, a publishing company credited with popularizing the pin-up form. He was active until the 1970s.

"Hold Everything"
Gil Elvgren

Alberto Vargas

Alberto Vargas may be considered one of the most famous painters from The Golden Age. He was a Peruvian painter who studied in Europe up until World War I, when he moved to New York. His earliest work began with the Ziegfield Follies, an elaborate theatrical revue based on the Parisian Folie Bergere, a French cabaret famous for its beautiful chorus girls. He also did work for many Hollywood movie studios, producing movie posters. His most well-know poster was for "The Sin of Nora Moran," which is considered one of the greatest film posters of all time. During WWII, he went to work for Esquire. He produced over 180 paintings during his time with the magazine, many of which featured the iconic "Varga Girls." He eventually moved onto Playboy, where he continued producing his signature works until the 1970s.

"The Sin of Nora Moran" Film Poster
Alberto Vargas

Zoe Mozert

Zoe Mozert (nee Alice Moser) is probably the most well-known female pin-up artist from The Golden Age. While in art school, she made money by modeling for other artists. This had its benefits. She often posed for her own paintings, using cameras and mirrors, and is said to have enjoyed working topless. Like Vargas, Mozert's work was often featured for film posters and promotions. She also worked for Brown & Bigelow during the 1940s, during the same time Gil Elvgren was with the company. Her work was known for the soft color palette and realistic depictions of women, and much of her work was commissioned by magazines of the era.

"The Outlaw" Film Poster
Zoe Mozert

Modern Artists

As I mentioned, there are several artists keeping the style alive today. Chief among these is Olivia De Berardinis, whose work has been featured in Playboy since 1985. Her artwork often features pop culture, such as comic book superheroes and cult film characters like Elvira. However, most people are probably familiar with her beautiful depictions of Bettie Page.

Bettie Page
Olivia De Berardinis

Another contemporary favorite of mine is Art Lucia, who created the DC bombshells series. I have his "Rockabilly Black Canary" as my laptop background because it's my favorite but all the prints in this series are phenomenal.

Catwoman
Art Lucia

Black Canary
Art Lucia

Wonder Woman
Art Lucia

The last artist I'll end with is Luma Rouge, whose artwork actually calls back to the pin-up style's origins with Toulouse Lautrec and the Moulin Rouge. (I also geek out hard over La Belle Epoque, as well, but maybe that's for another month.) Similar to Lautrec, you'll find Luma Rouge hanging out in the dressing rooms of burlesque shows, furiously drawing the dancers in between performances.

"Burlesque"
Luma Rouge

Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed the pictures! The weird animal strip club video for "Lone Digger" is below.

"Lone Digger" Video

"Hotter Than Hell" by Dua Lipa

The last couple of posts were super serious, so I wanted to choose something more fun and upbeat for today. This is quickly becoming one of my favorite songs when I go running...or when I'm practicing some S-Factor moves alone in my room. As I said in an earlier post, Latina women are kind of having a moment, especially in music, and that was very evident at the Grammy's this year, with Dua Lipa winning Best New Artist and Best Dance Recording; Cardi B winning Best Rap Album (on top of being nominated for 7 awards); and Ariana Grande winning Best Pop Vocal album in a category that included stiff competition like Taylor Swift and P!nk. Camila Cabello had two nominations and, although she didn't win anything, her performance of "Havana" was on fire.

Dua Lipa wrote this song after a toxic relationship, where the guy basically used her for sex and misused her emotions. By the end of it, she felt like she was worthless. This relationship is featured in many of her songs, one of which I plan to use for another post later this month. Instead of focusing on how she was used, she wrote this song to twist around the situation so that she was in control. Again, another artist transmuting her dark experiences into something magical. In the song, she's the one who has the power, like he's the one being used for her pleasure. A temptress. He can try but he can't get away. The lyrics are quite aggressive, which is one of the things that makes it a great "song to strip to" (yes, I have a whole list of these that I'll eventually write down, don't worry). I can understand the sentiment. I have a tendency to be "aggressive" in relationships....and I'm going to be honest, that's never worked out for me. Mr. Nice Guy said I "kissed too passionately." The Moviestar was - I don't know - not interested in being chased....so I didn't. I'm a once bitten, twice shy kind of girl - you only get one chance and it's gone if you don't take it. And honestly, the only times things sort of worked out is when they chased me, so the lesson I learned here is that if he's not chasing, he's not interested. Yes, I know some guys are too shy or scared to chase. That's too bad - I don't fuck with cowards. Not anymore. Not ever again.

(SLANG NOTE: By "I don't fuck with cowards," I mean I don't bother with them, I don't waste my time, not the literal meaning of "fuck" - although it does, technically, mean that too. I know I have a lot of international readers who aren't familiar with American Millennial Twitterisms, so I thought a clarification might be in order.)

You're my manna from heaven

We all gotta get fed

Can't let me know I'm wanted

Can't let me in your head

I'm not here to make you kneel

But it's praise that I'll get

You ain't gonna walk free boy

Not finished with you yet, no

The "I don't fuck with cowards thing" also goes for my own life as well. (I am a Gryffindor, after all...) I decided to re-read "Eat, Pray, Love" again, after recently reading a piece by the author, Elizabeth Gilbert. This book made a major impact on my life and, re-reading it, it's astonishing how much of my current inner guidance is reflected within its pages. Gilbert always struck me as so brave, to choose to blow up her life in order to be happy. I've found a kindred spirit in Gilbert and not only because she is also a Cancer Sun with Gemini Rising (although I found that an amusing coincidence....the first time I read the book, I probably didn't care, but with my newfound hobby as an amateur astrologist, I understand a lot of the similarities between me and her, which may be why I resonated with her story so much, even as a teenager). I am now the same age as she was when her story - the journey she describes in the book - initially began and, in many ways, I find myself facing the same questions. What do I really want? For her, in the aftermath of a messy divorce, that question was answered at first with a desire to learn Italian and visit her Guru's ashram. I also desperately want to learn Italian and have decided that now is as good a time as any to start discovering one of my ancestral languages. Especially after reading her passionate words about the language and saying some of her favorite words out loud, I feel like it's time to try it out. She thought learning Italian was kind of a random desire, especially for a WASP girl from Connecticut, but she still followed it. It was one that had eaten at her for years, which got me thinking...What is a desire that has eaten at me for years?

When I run, it's kind of a meditative action for me. A time to let my mind and imagination run free. Sometimes, I imagine I am a superhero. Or spy in training. And those fantasies are fun, I'll admit. But my favorite fantasy, lately, has been imagining myself as a Burlesque performer. For a long time, when I heard songs, I would construct whole Burlesque routines around them. And not just the dance routines, but the costumes, the lighting, the props, the scenery.....everything. Everything that goes into a performance. But I've never put it into action and lately, I've been asking myself "Why not?" I'll go through Instagram and see posts from the Suicide Girls' BlackHeart Burlesque, and think, "I could do that....I could do that well." And again, that infuriatingly calm, insistent voice - "Why don't you?" And I think there's a lot of shame and fear behind it, because when I've expressed interest in the Burlesque world in the past, the reaction I've gotten from people was, "Really? That's kind of out of character for you, isn't it?" Now, I'm realizing...no, it isn't out of character for me. It's out of character for the idea people had/have of me, which is the bookish, quiet type. A lot of people don't know I'm a natural performer but I am, always have been, since I was a little girl. In high school, my best friend's mom told me I glowed when I was on stage. And I do. I really do. Anyway, there's something in me who wants to explore this and the interest hasn't gone away after 15+ years, so maybe it's time to take action. Take a class or two. Even if I just perform for myself or my partner, I know it's something I want to do, a skill I want to learn, and that's probably not going to change.

Let's talk about the video. Dua Lipa does dance music, essentially, so it's what you'd expect a dance music video to be like. Dancing seductively in a warehouse with a bunch of other young, gorgeous people. For the record, I find Dua Lipa extremely beautiful. I'm finding that I'm attracted to all my spiritual guides, musical or otherwise, because of their beauty. And it's not that I'm attracted to women - honestly not interested in sex with women at all - I'm just very drawn to feminine beauty. I guess I have a latent desire to embody it, so I seek out people that I see that in. Figure I can learn something from them, you know? I understand that's a weird perspective - to see beautiful women as teachers and allies, not competition. Because, fundamentally, I don't believe their beauty detracts from mine, because it's something wholly separate and unique and worthy of admiration. It's not a threat, it's a gift. Personally, I think this is a good perspective, and it's certainly been healthier for my self-esteem. I'll probably be exploring this more next month, but you know....I love a good prologue.

"Hotter Than Hell" Video