"Hands Down" by Dashboard Confessional

For me, Dashboard Confessional is one of those bands whose songs all sound the same to me. This can be a good thing, if you like the music the band makes and you don't have a high requirement for novelty and variety (I do). "Hands Down," which was released officially in 2003, is probably their biggest hit and the song that got them played on mainstream radio. Most people probably can't even name another song by them. The name Dashboard Confessional brings to mind long conversations in cars with boys - and it's supposed to. Chris Carrabba grew up in Boca Raton and a lot of their music is about being a "townie" in a city that exists only because it has a beautiful beach and comes to life in the summer only to die every year when the pretty rich girls go home. Roughly around Labor Day weekend, so good timing. In his own words, Carrabba "fell in love" every summer, sometimes a half dozen times or more. Sounds like his teenage years were a lot more fun than mine.

Breathe in for luck,

Breathe in so deep,

This air is blessed,

You share with me.

This night is wild,

So calm and dull,

These hearts they race,

From self control.

Your legs are smooth,

As they graze mine,

We're doing fine,

We're doing nothing at all.

Dashboard Confessional, to me, falls into a category that I like to call "Angsty Chad" Rock - it's populated by bands like the All-American Rejects, Jimmy Eat World, Secondhand Serenade, and The Spill Canvas. Not dark enough to truly be called Emo, but not hardcore enough to be Punk (or what the 90s considered punk, at least), but also not serious enough to be Alternative Rock. It certainly flirts with that line, though. All the music sounds like it was made for a High School Movie soundtrack but it's not interesting enough to be Barenaked Ladies but also not boring enough to be Dave Matthew's Band. That's right, someone had to say it. Dave Matthews' Band sucks. You know who the Angsty Chad is - it's the regular guy who sort of fits in the popular crowd but he thinks he's different because he's also smart and sensitive. He even plays guitar, when he's not writing poems about cheerleaders. Style-wise, he's a step above the Average Dude and on-par with the Standard Chad, except less polos and pastels. Stylistically, he's closer to being a Hipster, but his clothes fit looser, like Grunge (except he clearly showers and wears a tasteful amount of Drakkar Noir). He's nowhere close to being a Metrosexual but he understands how to dress himself. He wears an undershirt/t-shirt under an open short-sleeved button down with jeans, most of the time, but - if he's feeling dangerous - he might rock a jean jacket with a detachable hood. He might even pair it with some Doc Marten's but he'll probably be wearing Converse because - let's face it - he's not that cool. Have I painted a good picture yet? You know this guy. You might've even dated this guy. And he makes semi-decent music.

My hopes are so high,

That your kiss might kill me.

So won't you kill me,

So I die happy.

My heart is yours to fill or burst,

To break or bury,

Or wear as jewellery,

Whichever you prefer.

The thing I like best about "Hands Down" is the lyrics are visceral. I'm still working my way through "The Body Keeps Score" but one of the big takeaways so far is knowing that the strongest memories aren't fully narrative. They are brief images, smells, tactile feelings, emotions - which is exactly what Chris Carrabba uses to convey the experience of what he considers one of the best nights of his life. These things are fragmented in the telling but by bringing them together, they pull together a cohesive narrative - something that most people are familiar with. The anxiety of chemistry, the high of falling into love, then ending with the relief of it being reciprocated. There's this phrase that gets beaten into you in school about writing narratives - "Show, Don't Tell." And, as annoying as it is, it's the most seminal piece of advice you need to understand, not just for writing, but for any other art as well. You have to let your reader/viewer insert their own imagination and experiences in order to capture their interest and bring them into the story. The best novels, poems, movies, and song lyrics are able to do this. Most of the battle is getting your audience to feel something and any number of literary sins can be erased if you're able to engage someone to understand something deep inside. To help them discover a truth about themselves they didn't realize was there. Showing, at least in written mediums, also helps them to build the world in their head. That was sort of the purpose of describing the Angsty Chad. Hopefully, not only could you picture how he looks, but also - from the details I gave - how he smells, talks, and even behaves, because you can reference the information from your own experiences, both from real life and pop culture.

You were picturing this guy, weren't you?
It's okay, you can admit it.....

The ending lyric struck me - "And you kissed me like you meant it/And I knew that you meant it/That you meant it." In particular, it brings up a scene in one of my favorite books, "Stranger in a Strange Land." In it, Valentine Michael Smith is in the process of orienting to living on Earth and he's been studying human behavior. He's fascinated by kissing, which is something the Martians didn't have an equivalent for. He practices on Gillian and she swoons, because she's never been kissed like that before. Smith kissed her as if all of his attention, all of his focus, was only on kissing her. As such, it was the most intense and passionate thing she's ever experienced. Among other things, that was a profound lesson I took away from the book and I try to remember it - not just when I'm kissing someone but also when I'm doing other things. The lyric also brought to mind this idea of knowing how someone feels about you when they kiss you, which is a trope in American pop culture, made popular by "The Shoop Shoop Song." It also got me thinking about the absurd boundary Julia Roberts' character has around kissing her clients in "Pretty Woman." She will do anything except kiss on the mouth, because it's "too intimate." And, while I agree kissing can be quite intimate depending on the partner, it seems like a inadvisable line to draw for a prostitute, especially when working for a client who essentially asked for what has been deemed "The Girlfriend Experience," in which french kissing would be considered part of the package. And we're led to believe that when she breaks this boundary with Richard Gere, that's because she's in love. It's bizarre, because we know that sexual intimacy does not require emotional intimacy and vice versa (although the lines are much more blurred for those of us who have Touch as one of our primary love languages). That being said, I do believe you can tell how someone feels about you by how they kiss you - if they seem like they're distracted or seem like they're just doing it to make you happy, that's a pretty good indicator. It's not hard to lose yourself in a kiss when you're deeply connected to someone, but it's nearly impossible to meet that intensity if you're not.

One of my favorite apps - "The Pattern" - added a new feature called Bonds in which you can explore what your hypothetical "bond" with  people - both celebrities and actual friends - would be.

Not to brag but Taylor Swift and I would be close friends. Additionally, Sebastian Stan and I are highly compatible and have an "ideal relationship dynamic." It's never going to happen but it's fun to try out. I wasted one of my "bonds" on finding out our romantic compatibility - totally worth it. 10/10 would do again, only this time with Henry Cavill. On a more serious note, I have always had this deeply held belief that we are all interconnected. In fact, "Interconnectivity" was one of my Top 5 leadership strengths when I did a team-building seminar as Treasurer of my university's Residence Hall Association. It doesn't surprise me that I'd have a strong theoretical bond with T-Swift because I can feel that deep understanding when I listen to her music. We might not be friends IRL but her artistic presence is obviously important in my life. I don't need to know or have anything more than that. I think we instinctively know what's for us and what's not - including people and the roles they are supposed to fill in our lives - the problem is we ignore that intuition because of trends or societal norms or some misguided vision of what we're supposed to be/do/think. I have more thoughts on this but - to avoid every post from becoming a rant on spirituality, intuition, purpose, and "The Great Work," it's best I end here.

Post note: I've been meaning to publish this for days but I've been too exhausted to do the usual "finishing touches." For Labor Day weekend, I intended to clean up the house to prepare for Baby [Name Redacted] - not nesting, just super aware of what needs to be done before I have the baby, which may be a week early if my OB and I decide a repeat C-section is in my best interest (unfortunately, 39 weeks falls exactly on the day that Saturn conjunct Pluto is square Mars...nice timing, Doc). I ended up sleeping most of the day on Monday, which I hate doing. As a rule, I hate sleeping more than the recommended 7-8 hours a night, because I like being awake. Unfortunately, I've had the worst insomnia/sleep of my life this week and yesterday, I was at the point where I was so exhausted, I was shaking. The only time I've been that tired is right after I had my first child. After another sleepless night, I decided to take this morning off to rest - I'd like to say it helped but I know it's just a temporary fix. I know I'm doing too much but I can't help it - someone has to do these things. My body is just hitting a wall that I have to push through - trying to remember the old adage that it doesn't matter how slow you go, the point is to keep going. Just one more month.

"Hands Down" Video