"While My Guitar Gently Weeps" by The Beatles (as covered by Girl in a Coma)

George Harrison wrote "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" after The Beatles became immersed in Transcendental Meditation (TM). After months of trying to get in touch with your inner One-ness and becoming infinitely more wise in the process, there's a moment when you become despondent that others don't understand what you understand. In the moment, in feels like it was so easy to get to this point. You've forgotten that - in reality - it wasn't. It was full of a lot of pain and before that moment, your life was an endless string of struggles. That's where Harrison was when he wrote this song. He felt so at peace with himself, but walking through the world, all he saw was people in immense amounts of pain. Suffering that was usually caused by their own inner demons - low self-worth, anxiety, competition with everyone in the world. Lacking in authenticity, not knowing that who they were was more than good enough.

I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping

While my guitar gently weeps

I look at the floor and I see it needs sweeping

Still my guitar gently weeps.

I don't know why nobody told you

How to unfold your love

I don't know how someone controlled you

They bought and sold you.

You've got to understand - in 1968, when The Beatles really got into the TM movement, they had spent several years under the influence of fame and excess. Lost in that world, they became jaded, as anyone would in that situation. They all felt as if they lost their passion for music and, in some ways, their passion for living. So, they went searching for something, like we all do eventually. Well, those who are awake, anyway. The Beatles decided to visit India and study TM under Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. His time there marked a profound change in Harrison and, afterwards, began a period of prolific songwriting. When he came back, he started to read the I Ching and embraced the idea of relativism - that everything is in relation to everything else. Nothing is coincidental. Nothing is an accident. He made a decision to write a song based on the first words he saw when he opened a book, which were "gently weeps." Similar to how Stevie Nicks used bibliomancy to write "Rhiannon." In the lyrics, he laments the universal love for humankind that is dormant in all people but remains unrealized. It was his profound wish that everyone would see and embrace this capability. If Love conquers all, why hasn't it yet? I don't know, George....I don't know.

I look at the world and I notice it's turning

While my guitar gently weeps

With every mistake we must surely be learning

Still my guitar gently weeps.

I don't know how you were diverted

You were perverted too

I don't know how you were inverted

No one alerted you.

A few words about Transcendental Meditation - it's simple to do yet, for some reason, you have to go to a teacher to learn it. Like everything worth doing, the world commodified and commercialized it. The Beatles were partially responsible for that - their very public endorsement as the biggest celebrities of the time created a surge of interest....and, simultaneously, hordes of customers desperate to emulate The Beatles. And once people realize you can make money off something, they'll do it. But, as I said, it's simple to do. You sit in silence, repeating a mantra in your head, for about 15-20 minutes twice a day. Supposedly (and please be aware that I have never taken a paid TM class in my life), the TM instructor gives you the mantras to work with and that's what you're paying for, really. Ancient wisdom. But, my friends, that's what the Internet is for....you can look up mantras and the TM technique yourself. You can decide if it's worth the money to get private TM instruction. But I believe the search for inner peace doesn't have to cost money and I'd be wary of anyone who says otherwise.

I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping

While my guitar gently weeps

Look at you all

Still my guitar gently weeps.

This version of "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" comes from Girl in a Coma's "Adventures in Coverland" album, which is exactly what you think it is - an album consisting solely of covers. As I've mentioned, I love Nina Diaz's voice, and GiaC's general style is highly influenced by rockabilly and surf rock. While Harrison's original recordings of the song were more folk music-inspired and the final version that made it to the White album had hints of progressive rock, the twangy guitar in GiaC's version hearkens back to the classic rock that influenced the young George, Paul, John, and Ringo. Additionally, I think Diaz's soulful crooning gives the lyrics more weight, somehow. You can really feel the worldly despair at the end.

Side tangent - While I was listening to this song (both out loud and in my head), I began to think about the idiom "heart of gold." Someone once said I had a heart of gold and I always thought that was a good thing. It sounds like a good thing, doesn't it? You would think it means that  I have a pure, good heart that is precious and valuable and needs to be protected. But then I was thinking that gold is one of the heaviest metals, atomically speaking. A gold bar is extremely heavy - you couldn't easily steal a bar of gold, because no one is that strong. So to be carrying around a heart of gold would be like always carrying this weight around in your chest. That's exactly what it feels like. If that's the case, I suppose it would be better to have a heart of stone. You don't have to carry around so much with you. You'd feel lighter. Oh, the places my mind goes when it's not doing anything....

As I write this, I feel strange. There was an eclipse today, the first New Moon of 2019. I don't know if that means something but an eerie calm has come over me. A sort of peace. A feeling that anything could happen - the world could end tomorrow - and I'd still know everything is going to be okay. And I'm ready for it. I can't describe it but I know it's true somehow. I don't really know what's happening to me. Anyway, I'm putting both the Beatles version and the GiaC version so you can hear the differences between the styles. Enjoy!

Girl in a Coma Version

The Beatles Version

"Across the Universe" by The Beatles

After the emotional/physical/mental/spiritual roller coaster that was the last 4-6 months, my body finally gave out on me. I have a tendency to do this to myself - I will work myself to death for weeks or months on a project - sleeping little, eating less - and once I've achieved what I needed to do, I get really sick for like a day and a half. I used to spend 12 hours a day at school when I was a teenager - starting with 0 period and ending with either choir or theatre practice (sometimes both). Now, I realize I was spending so much time at school as a way to escape a less than ideal home life, but back then, I just thought I was dedicated to my craft. And without fail, after the big performance was over, I'd collapse and I'd find myself alone with my thoughts. Again. This time, while I was delicately calculating exactly how much acetaminophen I could ingest before my liver failed, I had an epiphany. I need to let go of any semblance of control I have and just ride this out. Faith is believing in something without proof it exists. You can't have faith if you're trying to control the outcome. I know logically I'm not going to die of this cold but do I really believe that? It's really scary to know you don't have any control over some things, like how quickly your body recovers from the latest disease your toddler brought home. But it's also kind of freeing at the same time.

As Zen as all these musings are, in my NyQuil induced haze, I still wished for a small dose of comfort. I wanted someone to hug me or stroke my hair. You know...."mom" stuff. The Husband isn't good at that sort of thing. On the rare occasion I'm desperate enough to ask, he always complains and then he doesn't do it right, even when I give him specific instructions. I forget sometimes that this - nurturing, reaching out and caring for someone when they aren't feeling their best - is a skill. And it's a skill that I find most people struggle with. I feel like I've been a "mom" since I was 8 years old, so maybe I just learned it earlier than most people. And don't get me wrong, I like being able to make people feel a little better, but I struggle with being resentful when they can't do the same for me. I came to the realization a couple of weeks ago that I give far more than I get back. And I sat back and asked myself how that makes me feel. Do I feel used? Do I feel resentful? Do I feel like holding back as punishment? After some thought, I decided that I don't feel any of that because that's just who I am. I give everything and it would be silly to expect the same in return because some people just don't have the same capacity as I do.

But still, in my low moments, I want something comforting. So I look to myself - and usually I find that something comforting in music. Especially in "Across the Universe." The Beatles wrote "Across the Universe" after the initial madness of the British Invasion, when they found the materialism and hedonism too overwhelming. During this time, John Lennon got really into Transcendental Meditation and Eastern philosophy. Transcendental Meditation usually involves sitting and repeating a mantra in your head for about 15-20 minutes. John put one of his mantras into the song as part of the chorus. "Jai guru deva om" which, literally translated, means "Glory to the shining remover of the darkness." Even more roughly translated, you could interpret it to mean "Glory to God" or something similar. But in many of these traditions that emphasize meditation, God is nothing more than the energy that holds the universe together, which is how I have come to understand it. I try to let that idea permeate my life. When I feel angry or disappointed with someone, I remind myself that we're all connected and I let that feeling go. Sometimes I hold on for a little bit, maybe longer than I should, but ultimately, I release it because it doesn't serve me.

Sounds of laughter, shades of earth are ringing

Through my open ears inciting and inviting me.

Limitless, undying love, which shines around me like a million suns,

And calls me on and on across the universe.

If you've tried meditating, the point is not to keep your mind completely empty, but to acknowledge the thoughts and let them pass as you focus on a singular point. Like a mantra or your breathing. John Lennon is essentially narrating his experience as he meditates. Thoughts drift in and out of his mind. Feelings bubble up and then simmer down. Light and darkness come and flow away into nothingness. But he's there, in that moment, and nothing is going to change his world.

"Across the Universe" Video