"thank u, next" by Ariana Grande

A few posts ago, I mentioned that I like to psycho-analyze pop stars based on what they share through their music. Ariana Grande is one of those people. As far as coping methods go, Grande is one of those that I would put in the "healthy" category. Especially in recent songs, it's clear that the way that she deals with failed relationships is much more constructive than, say, Taylor Swift. Instead of growing bitter and full of resentment, Grande acknowledges the lessons she learned - both from the good times and the bad - and uses them to move on and become a better person. That's the whole message of "thank u, next" - she's thanking her ex-boyfriends for what they taught her (love, patience, dealing with pain) and it's time for her to move on. I think this is the mark of a strong woman. She's not letting her failures make her more insecure, more mean, or more reserved. Even though she's failed in love, she still believes in it and she's open to being even more loving than before.

I love the music video (and it's gotten a lot of critical praise, too - just throwing that out there). In the video, she re-enacts scenes from a few great teen romantic comedies - a couple of my favorites in fact. "Legally Blonde"...."Mean Girls"...."Bring It On"...."13 Going on 30." My favorite of these is "13 Going on 30," because I think it's most in line with the message of the song. I see all these pithy internet quotes about not having any regrets. But, lately, I've come to the realization that not having regrets is a sign of someone who doesn't think critically about their life. Yes, realize that the mistakes you've made have turned you into the person you are. But if you could do your life over, knowing what you know now, and you wouldn't change anything? Well, then you haven't learned a god damn thing and you're wasting the Universe's time. That's basically the lesson of "13 Going on 30." Jenna Rink sees the person she becomes when she's 30 and she doesn't like the person she is, even though the grown-up Jenna has exactly the life she dreamed of. She also realizes that she pushed away the love of her life (her childhood best friend, Matt) because she was holding onto a ridiculous idea of what a dream life would be like. When she's given the chance to go back, the first thing she does is give Matt a big kiss and tells him they have so much to do together.

But this is all part of that shadow work I keep talking about. I've been spending a lot of time considering the mistakes I've made and the things I wish I would've done. If I had a chance to do it over, I know my life would be drastically different than what it is now. There's people I wouldn't have pushed away and more importantly, people who I wouldn't have wasted my time on. There are things I would've done that I avoided doing because I was too afraid or insecure or anxious. I would've been brave enough to be who I am sooner, and thus, learned to love myself sooner. But, to quote Valentine Michael Smith, "I am only an egg" and I still have much to learn on this journey.

Spend more time with my friends

I ain't worried 'bout nothin'

Plus, I met someone else

We havin' better discussions

I know they say I move on too fast

But this one gon' last

'Cause her name is Ari

And I'm so good with that (so good with that)

She taught me love (love)

She taught me patience (patience)

How she handles pain (pain)

That shit's amazing (yeah, she's amazing)

I've loved and I've lost (yeah, yeah)

But that's not what I see (yeah, yeah)

'Cause look what I've found (yeah, yeah)

Ain't no need for searching, and for that, I say

Thank You, Next

I like this verse because, after breaking off her engagement with Pete Davidson, Ariana decided to stay single for awhile instead of jumping into another relationship. I think this is probably the smartest thing to do after a major relationship, especially one that accelerated so fast and was so intense. Of course, I have no experience with this - I haven't been really single (except for a few breaks that lasted a couple weeks, at most) since I was 18. I think, if I had, I would've learned the things I figured out in the past few months a long time ago. My sister, M, seems to be going through something similar after her last relationship and - to be honest - it seems like she's the happiest she's been in a long time. When you're alone, you have to spend a lot of time with yourself - and if that's not someone you like, you have the time and space to make the changes that you need in order to become who you want to be. Your self-worth becomes tied up in what you think of yourself and not what others think of you. This is a good thing. Otherwise, you end up in a co-dependent relationship, where you're dependent upon your partner's approval in order to have self-esteem. As you can guess, this kind of relationship is pretty unhealthy and, oftentimes, can even be abusive in some way (physical, emotional, psychological) and feel one-sided. Being single gives you some time to really think about the qualities you want in a person and, more importantly, what a satisfying relationship looks like. Knowing this information - in addition to being in control of your own self-esteem - allows you to avoid unhealthy relationships and to recognize and walk away if you do find yourself in one.

That concludes this session of Celebrity Psychoanalysis with Dr. Jess. Hopefully, that long rant was helpful to you or - at the very least - was informative and entertaining. The video for "thank u, next" is below.

"thank u, next" Video