Just my latest musical obsession, this time because it has a good strong beat to run to. And it also has rather explicit sexual undertones and I figured that's absolutely the mood I want to set for Lupercalia. No, I'm not calling it Valentine's Day - I much prefer Roman fertility rituals and feasts than greeting card holidays. That being said, I'm a hopeless romantic in the worst way and would absolutely fall for a Grand Romantic Gesture, like in the movies. I recently watched "When Harry Met Sally" in its entirety (because that's the kind of lame thing I do on a Saturday night). On the surface, it has to be the most boring romantic comedy ever. It is literally just two people being friends for like a decade before realizing they want to be together. What makes the movie is Nora Ephron's dialogue. Harry and Sally are both uniquely ridiculous people....but their ridiculousness complements each other in a way that is absolute magic. Their conversations - if overheard by a curious bystander - probably sound insane. Of course they do - that's what makes them entertaining. And that kind of chemistry is rare. In fact, I'm sure most people think that only exists in the movies, which is why the world is full of cynical people. But I believe in it. At the very least, it's an ideal to strive for. And I'm always being accused of being an idealist (accusations which aren't exactly unfounded but that's irrelevant).
Am I out of my head?
Am I out of my mind?
If you only knew the bad things I like
Don't think that I can explain it
What can I say, it's complicated
Don't matter what you say
Don't matter what you do
I only wanna do bad things to you
So good, that you can't explain it
What can I say, it's complicated
My favorite musical duet combination is perfected in this song - rap music combined with beautiful lyrical interludes sung by a female voice. And I love Camila Cabello's voice - she has such a pure soprano, but she has a special ability to make it sound soulful. If the melody sounds familiar, it's because it is - Machine Gun Kelly sampled the melody Fastball's "Out of My Head" and the lyrics of the original song feed into the chorus. As you may be able to extrapolate from the lyrics, but it's about being into BDSM-influenced sex. Rough sex, in general. There's very much a "there's pleasure in pain" undertone to the words. But the good kind of pain. Pain that sparks memories when you see a familiar bruise on your thigh. Or the enjoyable excitement of having your hands tied behind your back, not being able to control the movement. Before I take this too far, let's talk about the video. Not surprisingly, the director went with a Bonnie & Clyde motif. MGK and Cabello are running from the cops for some unknown crime. The video is interspersed with their love story, which has some rough moments but overall, it's played to emphasize how much they like each other. They are friends first, and that carries them through the hard stuff. Then, at the end of the video, it looks like they attempt to pull a Thelma & Louise. Because - frab nabbit- there's no such thing as a happy love story apparently. Especially not in the music industry.
"The Stranger" was Billy Joel's fifth studio album. Prior to this album, he had been a modestly popular artist but interest was on the decline and Columbia Records was threatening to drop him if this album didn't succeed. Fortunately for him, it was a success, staying at the top of the charts for six weeks and winning Record of the Year at the 1978 Grammy Awards. It's considered Joel's breakthrough album, making him a beloved staple of radio stations and piano bars everywhere. Billy Joel is another artist I grew up with and his music is near and dear to my heart. I even saw the musical "Movin' Out," which puts all of Joel's greatest hits to a story that's told through dance. It was amazing. But I'm also a nerd who is entranced by anything even closely resembling a "rock opera," so my opinion may be a bit biased.
Slow down, you crazy child
You're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart, then tell me
Why are you still so afraid?
The album was released in September 1977. It turns out to be an exciting year for science and technology. The space shuttle Enterprise went on its maiden flight atop a Boeing 747 and the United States launched both Voyager 1 and Voyager 2. The first personal computer, the Commodore PET, made its debut at the Consumer Electronics Show. 1977 would also be the year Apple Computer is incorporated. Of course, there was some weird stuff going on, too. The United States Senate began hearings on MKULTRA, a CIA project that involved experiments on human subjects to test the viability of mind control techniques. These experiments were illegal and unethical due to the undue psychological stress the participants were subjected to. The program also tested the viability of using mind-altering substances in the elicitation of confessions and the erasure of memories. And citizens of Dover, MA, reported sightings of the Dover Demon, a creature with tendril-like fingers and glowing eyes. As far as I've seen, the Demon was only seen for two days in April 1977 and then never again.
Politically, 1977 was somewhat interesting. During 1977, President Jimmy Carter pardoned Vietnam War draft evaders. Anita Bryant's anti-gay Save the Children campaign resulted in a key gay rights ordinance being repealed in Floriday, sparking public demonstrations against the Christian pop star. On the other side of the country, Harvey Milk, the first openly gay politician, was elected to serve in San Francisco. Several countries signed a nuclear non-proliferation treaty, including the United States and the Soviet Union. But then there were several government shutdowns throughout Autumn 1977. You win some, you lose some, I guess. It was also a significant year in pop culture. Our last featured artist, Elvis - the King of Rock and Roll - died in his home, Graceland, at the age of 42. Led Zeppelin played their last concert in the United States. But, on the bright side, Fleetwood Mac released their album, "Rumours." And balance was restored in the music world. "Star Wars," "Annie Hall," "Saturday Night Fever," and "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" were released in theatres.
Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
You'd better cool it off before you burn it out
You've got so much to do
And only so many hours in a day
Let's take a look at the chart for "The Stranger." A few things popped out at me in this chart. First, the Sun is in Libra and the Moon is in Taurus - both very good placements for artistic beauty. Coincidentally, this is almost exactly opposite his natal placements - Billy Joel has Sun in Taurus with Moon in Libra. The moon is exalted in Taurus, meaning that emotions are easily expressed, and at the time of the album release, the moon was conjunct with his natal Sun. Jupiter was in Cancer, the sign of its exaltation as well, indicating that luck was on his side for this release date. However, Venus was in Virgo, the sign of its Fall. Billy Joel has been rather unlucky in love (he's on his fourth wife) and the love songs on this album were written about his first wife. The story behind that isn't a pleasant one - he met his first wife, Elizabeth Weber Small, while she was married to his bandmate, Jon Small, and they started an affair. Joel was so conflicted about the relationship that he attempted suicide by drinking furniture polish. Ironically, it was Jon Small who ended up saving his life. Returning to the chart, Mars was in Cancer, also the sign of its Fall. Mars in Cancer is very passive aggressive energy - like being nice to a person's face but writing a song dragging all their bad qualities. For example, in "She's Always a Woman," he lists all the bad things he's heard about his wife from industry people - as his manager, Elizabeth Weber Small got rough treatment, and although this song was originally written as a tribute to her resilience, Joel eventually stopped singing it at concerts because he had lost his passion for it after their divorce. Finally, Mercury was in the sign of its rulership, Virgo, and it was also conjunct the Midheaven - which is directly opposite his natal Midheaven. Joel's natal mercury is in Gemini, mercury's second ruler. Mercury in Virgo or Gemini means words and ideas flow easily and with placements in both Libra and Taurus, they'll also tend to flow in a poetic or musical way.
But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want or you get old
You're gonna kick off before you even
Get halfway through
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you
I had another song from "The Stranger" picked out to be featured - "She's Always a Woman," which is how I learned so much about Joel's first wife - but then I heard "Vienna" and it struck a chord (pun intended) with me. It called to mind a coming of age montage, one where the protagonist finally decides it's time to grow up. In truth, I was remembering the song being used for just such a purpose in one of my favorite romantic comedies, "13 Going on 30." It was one of those brilliant romantic comedies that came out in the late 90s and early 2000s that they just don't make anymore and it makes me a little bit sad. Everything coming out now has to be gritty or sardonic or cynical to be successful. There's nothing sweet and earnest anymore and I feel like the world is a little worse for it. Anyway, in "13 Going on 30," Jenna Rink (played by the always stunning and surprisingly lovable Jennifer Garner) is a teenager who wishes that she could grow up without going through all the awful, teenager stuff. She gets her wish but, as she learns about who she's become to get her dream life, she realizes it's taken her drastically off the path to what she wants. Including a heartbreaking scene where her childhood best friend, who has always loved her and whom she falls in love with during the movie, chooses to go through with marrying another woman. She gets a second chance to make different choices, of course. It's kind of like "It's a Wonderful Life." Towards the end of the movie, when all of the horrible choices she's made start causing her dream life to crumble, she goes to someplace familiar and comfortable - her childhood home. Her parents walk in while she's essentially having an emotional breakdown. They hug her and tuck her in. And for one night in her crazy world, she can be okay.
I've been reading "Inner Bonding" by Dr. Margaret Paul. In it, she talks about how to re-parent our Inner Child and make more loving choices, for ourselves and for others. Which is exactly why I wanted to get a degree in psychology in the first place - to fix myself and maybe help other people eventually. But, as I read and work through the book, it brings up stuff. The patterns I always knew were there but avoided changing because they made things easier to cope with. "Vienna" sounds like Billy Joel talking to his Inner Child. The song is about a young person who is so eager to grow up and accomplish greatness that they aren't even enjoying being young. And when I stop to think about it, that's the thing that makes me so angry about my childhood - is that I didn't get to have one. I had to grow up so fast out of necessity. It's why I still feel like I'm just pretending to be a grown-up, because I was never really taught by anyone. All of my knowledge about being a responsible, well-adjusted adult is cobbled together from bits of movies and books - I never had a consistent example. And I felt like I had to take care of everybody - a depressed mother, two sisters, I even had to comfort my dad a few times. I got stuck in this caretaker mode, so much so that I will forgo my own needs for others. And they let me. Of course they let me. And all I want is someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay if I slow down a bit. I'm going through some shit right now. I wish I could blame the astrology but the truth is it's been coming a long time. My heart really hurts this weekend. So I'm sorry if I disappear a little bit.
You thought you were going to get out of T-Swift this month, didn't you? Haha...nope. It's her fucking birthday and as someone who also places a lot of importance (probably too much) on her birthday, I feel like I would be doing her a disservice if I didn't play it up sorta big. She is the Billboard Artist of the Decade, after all. True Story. The ceremony was yesterday, the day before her 30th birthday. That's a big fucking deal, considering that almost exactly 10 years ago, Kanye West jumped onstage and ruined her acceptance speech for Best Female Video at the VMAs. I think that was a turning point for her, because - the thing is - he would not have even dared to do that with any of the other nominees. P!nk fucking chewed his ass out afterward. Beyonce was a real lady and gave up her acceptance speech for Video of the Year so Taylor could finish hers. The rest of the nominees were of equal caliber, all brilliant female artists in their own right. But, when they're drunk (on alcohol or power), bullies go after people they think are weak. And I think she got tired of people thinking she was this sweet little girl they could walk all over with no consequences. As a result, she went on the defensive and became really aggressive in shaping her image. She never hid the fact that it was intentional - she wanted to change her reputation. And Swift got criticized for being too mean and ruthless. The "sweet, quiet girl" turned into a "fucking bitch" real quick after she started sticking up for herself. That's pretty typical.
I would be complex
I would be cool
They'd say I played the field before
I found someone to commit to
And that would be okay
For me to do
Every conquest I had made
Would make me more of a boss to you
I'd be a fearless leader
I'd be an alpha type
When everyone believes ya
What's that like?
This is my favorite song off her new album. I've decided it's my anthem for 2020, because I find it almost unbearably true. American culture has a bias towards masculine traits, especially in professional settings. In my experience, active traits such as aggressiveness, overconfidence, and posturing seems more highly valued than more passive skills like communication, planning, and negotiation/compromise, even when those same traits can be detrimental to reaching a goal. Even more common, those traits are also usually incorrectly conflated with leadership skills - then we wonder how we end up with leaders who are all talk but get nothing done, while we ignore the people making a real difference. The scales have been balancing out in recent years. Maybe not as quickly as preferred but, in general, emotional and social intelligence has gained importance.
I believe in the concept of non-duality - that we are comprised of opposites into a single whole and in order to fulfill our purpose, we have to embrace our inner contradictions. Everyone has masculine and feminine energy within them, but how we choose to express those aspects of ourselves has a myriad of faces. This can be difficult for some people to understand because they're used to dualistic thinking. Most people are subconsciously programmed with a bias just by growing up in a polarized culture. Even within feminist circles, there is so much internalized misogyny, it's not even funny. Our cultural depiction of a "strong woman" is outspoken, aggressive, doesn't dress sexy (and sometimes she doesn't even dress feminine), and leads people into battle. Not saying strong women aren't like this - some definitely are. But we've also created a false dichotomy where the antithesis of the "strong female character" are characters who society deems as going too far into the feminine spectrum. When you really look at cultural depictions, you start to notice all the subtle hints about what the People in Charge (PIC) want you to believe. For example, I love "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days." But a lot of the hilarity in that movie is generated because Andi is the stereotypical "cool girl" - i.e., the Perfect Woman, who is thin despite eating a steady diet of pizza and beer, loves sports, and looks beautiful without being high-maintenance - pretending to be a crazy girlfriend, who happens to be really girly. But at the end of the movie, she gets stopped from pursuing her dream of being a real journalist when Prince Charming (Matthew McConaughey) finally realizes he loves her. Really, Hollywood?! Is that really what a Strong Woman would do? I strongly believe that, if she is staying true to her heart, she'll find a way to make it work - she can have Prince Charming and pursue her dreams. In fact, if he really was Prince Charming, he'd be right beside her making her dreams happen and vice versa. It doesn't have to be a zero sum game.
To be a real gender nonconformist is to make your own choices in life, to be who you are even if it doesn't fit nicely in a box, even when the judgement is harsh and difficult to hear. It's not for the faint of heart. And maybe it's because I've been feeling this pressure more than usual - on top of being the primary breadwinner, I have to be the perfect mom and housewife, while trying to work on my own dreams in the wee hours of the morning - but I'm getting fed up with the current state of affairs. I've taken on all the gender roles which, ironically, makes me both not feminine or masculine enough to fit in anywhere. I don't like to be mean or overly aggressive with people (and I'm "too young"), so apparently I'm not cut out for a leadership role. But I'm too opinionated and intelligent to blindly follow whatever authority figure I'm stuck with. What's a girl to do?
I'm so done with this nonsense. I just want to make my own rules. Like Taylor did.
This morning, I woke up about 30 minutes before my alarm was supposed to go off with one phrase being repeated over and over. "Be Love. The people who are meant to be in your life will rise up to meet you." I don't know why but it felt very profound. All day, I've been pondering what it means. And I think that it's this - allow yourself to love as if you've never been hurt before, as if you can't be hurt. Those who are meant for you will match your intensity, match that vibration. They will choose to change, because that is what love does. It changes everything. In fact, love - genuine, real, unconditional Love - is the only thing that ever really changed anything, when you think about it.
So what does it mean to be Love? Well, I'm not particularly religious but I do like that one Bible quote, because it always rang true. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away." I'll admit, it's hard to embody that - but most people don't even really try nowadays. They think they're justified in their outrage at little things - things that, in the grand scheme of things, don't particularly matter - that they forget that they're directing that anger and hatred at real people. It's easy to get stuck in your head, get mired down in your thoughts, your opinions, your desires, your dreams, your fears, your insecurities. But, after a very lonely childhood spent stuck in my own head, I figured out the hard way that happiness is found in the connections we have with other people, no matter how tenuous we think those threads are.
Last weekend, I binge watched "Russian Doll" on Netflix (which I highly recommend) and a lot of things kind of clicked in my head. There's one episode where the main character, Nadia, spends a whole night watching over a homeless man to prevent his shoes from being stolen, because she knows that without the shoes, he's going to freeze to death in one timeline. So, lesson number 1 - if you can, be someone's guardian angel. You may think a random act of kindness is small and meaningless, but it may not be. Next, Nadia had to face her inner child and the guilt she felt for choosing herself - her own well-being - by telling a social worker that she wanted to live with her mom's friend, and not her mom. This episode hit me kind of hard, because Nadia's relationship with her mother very closely resembled mine. She had to grow up a lot sooner than she should've had to, she had to take care of someone psychologically who should've been taking care of her, so it felt wrong and selfish to acknowledge what she wanted. Lesson number 3, forgive yourself for choosing yourself, especially in situations where things were out of your control. And lesson number 4, there is nothing you can do to make someone happy if they aren't choosing to be happy for themselves. You are not responsible for someone else's happiness. Ever. But that doesn't mean you can't take responsibility for helping them do what they need to do. Which leads to lesson number 5 - we are responsible for our own happiness, so do what you need to do. If you need to go to therapy, go to therapy. If you need to make a change in your life, make that change. Don't expect anyone else to make you happy, because they will always fail to meet your expectations, and that's not fair to put on them.
I liked the season finale because, in the last episode, the two main characters - Nadia and Alan - have to prove that they learned these lessons by being separated into two timelines and make the choice they failed to make originally. Throughout the show, they keep trying to figure out how they're connected. Well, in the end, they discover they were meant to save each other and when they learn this, the timelines merge and they're back together again. This reminds me of the ending of one of my favorite movies, "Wristcutters: A Love Story." In it, a guy (Zia) is trapped in purgatory after he commits suicide. In purgatory, he's living out the same boring life he was living before he died, until he meets a girl (Mikal) who insists there's been a mistake and demands to speak to the People in Charge (PIC). So he goes on a journey to help her find the PIC and, of course, they fall in love. Mikal is given a chance to return to life but she tells Zia that she'll come back. He's left waiting, convinced he'll never see her again but happy that she got what she wanted. The PIC take pity on him and return him to life, too. Zia wakes up in a hospital bed and when he turns to the patient next to him, he realizes it's Mikal and they smile at each other. They smile because they know they'll never be alone again.
Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
But keep a straight face
And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm content
With loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk
I chose this song for Valentine's Day because I find something very honest in it. In the video, Haley Williams is lying in a pile of stereotypical Valentine's Day crap during some scenes, in kind of an ironic twist. I think the lyrics speak to something a lot of people can relate to - they go through life trying so hard to protect their heart, after years of disappointments and sadness. But when you fall in love - real love - you want to remove all those barriers. You want to get over all those fears of abandonment, rejection, loss, unworthiness, because you know that those don't allow you to be the best person you can be. And that's how love changes us - it should make us remember who we want to be, because that person is amazing. And if you love someone, you want to give them someone amazing and nothing less. And that requires taking some chances and doing something scary. It may require you to drop habits and behaviors and beliefs that you've had for decades. It should. I think we let ourselves get kind of cynical after a while. We become convinced that we're unlovable because we're not pretty enough, or smart enough, or fast enough or any number of "enoughs." Fill in the blank and you'll see what I mean. And then we use those lies as excuses to build a wall to keep love out, because we're afraid. Love doesn't exist. Love never lasts. Love is pain. Love is torture. Love is a trap. None of that is true, of course, but you'd never know that looking at society. And I'm tired of being cynical.
Sorry for the long rant. I think I had a lot more to say from when I was planning this in my head earlier, but it's late, I'm really tired, and I'm honestly surprised I even wrote this much. As far as visual interpretations go, I think video is worth watching. It's basically a psychologically analysis of how Williams' childhood shaped her approach to love. In the video, she meets this guy and he stays with her all night just talking after a love at first sight moment. In the beginning, the intensity makes her afraid and she's about to bail on him. But after looking at the things that make her want to run, she comes the conclusion that she'll regret it if she doesn't take this chance, so she returns to the original moment and makes a different choice.
It's a New Moon (in Aquarius, FYI, not that you asked) and it's also Chinese New Year. It's supposed to be a powerful time for manifesting, not just for the next month but for the whole year. Especially since the first New Moon of the year was all about releasing things that may have been holding you down (because of the eclipse), we're getting a fresh start in February. Thus, I thought it best if I started off this month with a real love song, not one that's bitter or angry. You know....just in case there is something to this whole manifestation thing, I don't want to invite in heartbreak. I've had enough of that, thank you very much, Universe.
Okay, so if we're not pulling in sadness or resentment, what do we want to pull in? Well, as I mentioned in my post for "High Hopes," it's all about being specific. I'm starting to realize that, when we're looking for love, we're not very specific. Honestly, we like the electricity in the beginning and then afterwards, it's just worrying whether or not they're going to stay. Regardless of whether it's for the highest good of everyone involved (and sometimes it's not....I know that's an uncomfortable truth). When I say specific, it's not about wanting a particular person. In "You've Got Mail," when Kate is breaking up with her fiance because he fell in love with another woman, he asks if she'll be okay, if she has someone else in mind. And she's says, "No....but there's the idea of someone else." And maybe some people think that it's unrealistic that she'd be okay with her long-time boyfriend leaving her for someone else, but I don't think so. Maybe deep down, she knew she was settling just because her current situation made logical sense from the outside. And the Universe intervened. I don't know why that particular scene popped into my head right now - this ramble just became a bit too pensive just now and I was trying to keep it light-hearted. Anyway, I think that's where a lot of people get stuck. And instead of getting unstuck, they just forget about what they wanted in the first place.
Alright, back on topic. What do I want to manifest for February? Well, I've always wanted my life to be romantic. Like movie romantic. The Husband used to say I had unrealistic expectations about this sort of stuff. Maybe that's true. But surprise flowers once in a while would be nice. I'm partial to white roses with red edges. Or oleander, which is my actual favorite flower. A bit unconventional, I know - it smells and looks pretty but all that beauty is secretly dangerous. What else? I'd like a few love letters. I'm the only one who ever writes them, so it'd be nice to get a few back. I've always wanted someone to write a poem for me - or make any art, really. Mr. Nice Guy bought me a stapler once and gave me a card that said "You're My Favorite." It was sweet, in a way, but I also kind of wanted to slap him. If I could avoid the "hopelessly practical" type, I would. Slow dancing in the park under a full moon....okay, now I'm just being ridiculous. Oh well....maybe I'm not the fairytale princess type, which means I'm going have to do these things by myself (and drag The Husband kicking and screaming, if I have to....though I'd rather not).
Why are the things that I want to say
Just aren't coming out right?
I'm tripping on words
You got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here
'Cause it's you and me
And all of the people people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me
And all other people
And I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you
"You and Me" is one of my favorite love songs. So....in his head, the singer has separated humanity into two groups - him and the person he loves, and then all other people. And he doesn't even know what to do with this information! He can't even string the right words together, he can barely even think sometimes. Also, I would also like to note that I don't think this song was written in the infatuation stage, where you're all high on life. Nope, it's after you've done all that "getting to know you" crap and you still like being around the other person most of the time. And, even though some of the mystery is gone, you're still kind of in awe of the other person. Strange, I know. Most people turn into assholes once you really get to know them. Or they become boring and predictable. Or, worst of all, they turn into boring, predictable assholes.
Let's talk about the video, because - true to form - I do really love the video for this song. So everyone knows the Romantic Comedy ending - the girl, heartbroken after whatever betrayal the guy has done, decides she needs a change. Usually this change is getting back with her old boyfriend or leaving the country or changing jobs (or quitting prostitution....can I get a holla for "Pretty Woman"?). And - in an incredibly inconvenient twist - this is exactly the moment that the guy decides that he doesn't want to live without her. Thus, the Grand Romantic Gesture is born! Prince Charming pulls his head out of his ass, gets on his motorcycle, and races to stop her from going to....a job interview in DC? Couldn't he just have given her a phone call? It doesn't matter. She was stuck on the Brooklyn Bridge, anyway, so what else was she gonna do? Besides, smack dab in the middle of morning traffic is the perfect place to make out. I'm serious. They've done studies. Some version of that happens in the music video for "You and Me." Girl is headed out of town on the first train (Train? Where the fuck do these people live?!) outta town. Boy, finally realizing that she's his missing piece or something, is racing around the train station, trying to find her....preferably before her train leaves. The thing is....at the end of the video, he shows that he bought a train ticket to go with her. Clearly, he had her itinerary, so why was he freaking out? Boys are stupid.
I think I've ranted your earholes off enough for one night. Please enjoy the beautifully cheesy and almost disgustingly romantic musical stylings of Lifehouse. Video below. Happy Monday!
I'm going to try to keep this short because I'm exhausted but I wanted to fit one more song into January. This song is also a good transition into February's theme and, besides....did you really think I'd let this month end without a dose of Florence Welch? Never!
The original song is by Robert Palmer, an English rock singer from the 80s. Due to its popularity, "Addicted to Love" became his claim to fame - he wasn't exactly a one-hit-wonder but pretty close to it. It was also supposed to be a duet with Chaka Khan, but that never happened due to contractual constraints. There are several cover versions of this song but this version is my favorite. If you listen to the original, it is the quintessential 80s song - from the electric guitar and keyboards to the twang in Robert Palmer's voice. It's easy to imagine it playing as the backdrop to John Hughes movie - in fact, I would be surprised if I did some research and discovered it on the soundtrack for multiple 80s teen romances. It's also an extremely long song - the album version is slightly over 6 minutes long, which was frowned upon in the 80s and nearly unheard of for pop music of the time. The single version they cut down to 4 minutes - mostly getting rid of the unnecessary instrumental breaks and the bulk of the end where he's repeating the chorus. "Might as well face it, you're addicted to love." You know....it's catchy but after 4 minutes of that, you get pretty fucking bored and you're pretty much begging for the fadeout by the end. Florence + the Machine cuts it even further to just under 3 1/2 minutes, only leaving room for the essentials. And that's the important thing about any type of art - you gotta leave them wanting more. Give your audience just enough and they'll keep coming back. I just made that up but it feels pretty true some I'm just going to say it is and call it a day.
You see the signs, but you can't read
You're running at a different speed
Your heart beats in double time
Another kiss and you'll be mine, a one track mind
You can't be saved
Oblivion is all you crave
If there's some left for you
You don't mind if you do
Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough
You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to love
Moving on, I'm not sure the emotion/feeling the song is describing is love, per say. It sounds more like infatuation - that all encompassing need at the beginning of a relationship to be with someone all the time. The obsessive thoughts. The pull that keeps you coming back for more. That "addicted" feeling fades eventually, but what you have remaining - should you choose to continue (and sometimes even if you don't) - is love. Infatuation (and Lust) is what's explosive like that; Love is much more subtle. Unfortunately, it's the fluttery, energetic pulse of the former that gets all the glory. The peaceful calm of unconditional love - well, that gets it's own songs, too, but they're not the ones you expect. They're usually the ones acknowledging that we're only human and things happen. Acknowledging that we are flawed but, at least for a moment, that didn't matter.
Just FYI: While working on this post, I discovered that there is a movie named "Addicted to Love." A Meg Ryan movie, in fact, and one that I haven't seen. Shocking, I know. It's a romantic comedy (naturally) where two people (Meg Ryan and Matthew Broderick) are trying to break up a couple (his cheating girlfriend and her ex-fiance) but fall in love in the process. It looks delightful, even though it sounds like the main characters sound like they start off as assholes in the beginning. And it came out in 1997, which was peak Meg Ryan and peak Matthew Broderick (a powerful combination, I'm sure). To be honest, I've been trying to cut down my screen time, so I probably won't be watching this any time soon. But if you're looking for a 90s romantic comedy to break through a bout of existentialism, this one's probably about as good as any you'll find.
Side Note: Another revelation - the official video for Robert Palmer's version of "Addicted to Love" is the music video that Bill Nighy's character in "Love Actually" is parodying. Love. It.
In my last post, I said the Universe speaks to me through music, sometimes. This is actually a very modern magical method used by "Millennial witches" (*cough*like myself*cough*) for divination. Everybody's methods are personalized but the gist is that you ask the Universe a question, then shuffle your playlist, and the song you hear has the response. Sometimes, I'll do this and just turn on the radio or turn on Spotify. Some people pick a number between 1-10 and then skip that many songs to get to the answer. In my opinion, this isn't necessary - mostly because you'll know the answer when you hear it - but to each their own. Certain songs can be signs, too - for example, I read somewhere in the pagan blogosphere that if a song reminds you of someone, they're thinking of you. I don't know how true that is but it's a nice thought. Additionally, if you're hearing a certain song a lot - particularly one that resonates with you - this could be the Universe trying to tell you something. That's where today's song comes in.
I heard "Without Me" during my last trip to Comic Con, but it wasn't the whole song. It was just a snippet - it was an advertisement for Halsey's new single that was recently released. The commercial seemed to keep coming on, but I was weirdly looking forward to it every time. Because I was drawn to the song. By the end of the weekend, I was like, "OMFG, I have to hear this whole fucking song for some reason." Long story short - I hunted it down and listened to it and it's basically one of my favorite songs right now. It's been steadily climbing the charts (currently number 3 as of yesterday) so it's been gaining more airplay on the radio. That's not too unusual. The unusual part is that it always seems to be on the radio first thing while I'm driving....so I'll listen to it (of course). Then, when that station hits a song that I don't want to listen to, I'll change to a different station (I'm a notorious station-hopper) and - surprise! - "Without Me" is playing again. It's gotten to the point where I'm hearing the song 4-6 times a day and I don't spend that much time driving. Strangely enough, I'm not bored with it yet, but damn! I hear you.
Tell me how's it feel sittin' up there
Feeling so high but too far away to hold me
You know I'm the one who put you up there
Name in the sky
Does it ever get lonely?
Thinking you could live without me
Thinking you could live without me
Baby, I'm the one who put you up there
I don't know why (yeah, I don't know why)
Thinking you could live without me
Live without me
Baby, I'm the one who put you up there
I don't know why (I don't know why, yeah yeah)
Anyway, that was your daily dose of woo-woo bullshit. "Without Me" does have an actual meaning, by the way, and the message is pretty relevant to a lot of people (including myself). It's been postulated that the song is about Halsey's turbulent relationship with G-Eazy, but in interviews, she said that it could be about a lot of relationships (romantic or otherwise). The song is supposed to serve as a reminder not to let people take advantage of you. Particularly for me, I have a tendency to give more than I get. People (myself included) tend to do this when we're afraid someone won't stay around if we don't. What's more, people with this issue also tend to sublimate their own needs, out of not believing they deserve more. I know this! I went to school to understand this shit and everything! And, still, I fall into these same patterns. It stems from childhood abandonment issues - I'm working on it.
There's also a level of pettiness to the song, though. I mean - whoever she's singing to, they probably could live without her. The question is - do they want to? And if they want to, she's better off without them in her life. Additionally, if someone "can't" live without you, they have codependency issues and you really don't want that. In fact, you should probably walk away if they really believe they can't live without you, because that's a dangerous thought for them and for you. That's the kind of thought process that leads to murder-suicides. There is a line from the movie "Rumor Has It" that I really love. Jennifer Aniston's character, Sarah, goes to apologize to her fiance after she royally fucks up. In her apology, she says, "I didn't come here to tell you that I can't live without you. I can live without you. I just don't want to." That's the sweet spot. That's where you want to be.
The video is what you'd expect. Halsey replays an abusive relationship (both good and bad parts) and, by the end, she is able to get away (police intervention is involved). Happy Saturday!
I'm about half-way through "The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina" on Netflix....and I'm loving it, naturally. Episode 5 is about a demon who tortures people by trapping them in their worst nightmares. Throughout the episode, various versions of "Dream a Little Dream" play in the background. It happens to be one of my favorite songs to sing because it's one of the songs I know I sing well. It's the tune I pulled out if I was peer pressured to sing at karaoke. It's the song I sing when I need to calm down my son or lull him to sleep. As a mezzo soprano, I feel like my voice is better suited to songs from the Jazz Age and the Big Band era, rather than modern pop songs. It seems like all the popular songs are sung in such a ridiculously high, breathy fashion - you can't really judge someone's singing ability in that range, in my opinion. Most popstars have to sing in falsetto to reach those notes, anyway....or use autotune. That's why most pop songs don't sound as good live as on the radio.
A version of this song in French - also performed by The Beautiful South - is on the soundtrack to "French Kiss." Aside from being one of my favorite Meg Ryan movies, "French Kiss" is essentially the reason I fell in love with the culture, language and music of France. My parents had this soundtrack and I'd listen to it on repeat. The movie came out in 1995 - imagine me, a 7-year-old girl, belting out her best interpretation of the French lyrics for this song. Around this time, I also stole one of my dad's Berlitz "Teach Yourself French" books (my dad was a linguist - he had several of these books in various languages) and dedicated myself to the language. Fast forward about 15 years and several "How to be a French Girl" books later, I ended up taking up French as one of my majors at university. I've probably forgotten everything though - I don't always have time to do my Rosetta stone lessons so I'm a bit rusty. Still, you never forget the feeling. Maybe I'll run away to Paris, one day - rent an apartment in Montmartre, write in a cafe all day, and then laze about the Quartier Latin until sunset. That actually sounds pretty nice. One day, one day.
So, "French Kiss" - Meg Ryan plays a woman (Kate) whose fiance ran off with a beautiful French model. Determined to win him back, she flies to Paris. While on the flight, she meets Luc, a scruffy yet lovable rapscallion who wants to start his own vineyard and has no qualms about breaking the law to do it. Luc becomes Kate's guide and gives her advice on how to win her fiance, Charlie, back. Essentially, he's giving her lessons on being a French girl - be aloof, mysterious, non-committal. Things Kate isn't, naturally, because she wears her heart on her sleeve and she's open about how she feels. However, when she follows Luc's advice, she does get Charlie's attention but just as they're about to have sex, she realizes that she doesn't want a guy who is only interested in her when she's pretending to be someone else. Meanwhile, Luc - as a favor to help Kate - volunteers to seduce the French girlfriend, Juliette, but fucks up by calling her "Kate" in the heat of the moment. Awkward! As you can guess, Kate and Luc realize they have fallen in love in the end. Luc boards Kate's plane back to the USA and confesses his love. And there's your grand romantic gesture.
Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you"
Birds singing in the sycamore trees
Dream a little dream of me
Say nighty-night and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me
While I'm alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me
What strikes me most about romantic comedies is how quickly everything happens. The events of "French Kiss" happen over - at most - a week. Even Charlie, the (shitty) fiance, falls in love with his "French goddess" over the short time that he's in Paris for a conference. Why the rush? These people are making major life decisions after feeling something for complete stranger - Kate decides to move to France and start a vineyard at the end of the movie, for chrissakes! That sounds like a terrible idea....she even knows that Luc has a sketchy past. I wonder what happens after the "happily ever after" we see at the end of romantic comedies - do they stay together? Or does it fizzle out as quickly as it started? Do they end up fighting all the time? Considering how neurotic some of these characters, it seems like that's inevitable. Yep, these movies are unrealistic bullshit....but I still like them. Something about watching a good romantic comedy makes me want to believe in happily ever afters. That probably makes me stupid - but I'm happier when I'm stupid.
Here's the official video of the song. You can see short little clips from the movie in it. It really is kind of ridiculous.
A few posts ago, I mentioned that I like to psycho-analyze pop stars based on what they share through their music. Ariana Grande is one of those people. As far as coping methods go, Grande is one of those that I would put in the "healthy" category. Especially in recent songs, it's clear that the way that she deals with failed relationships is much more constructive than, say, Taylor Swift. Instead of growing bitter and full of resentment, Grande acknowledges the lessons she learned - both from the good times and the bad - and uses them to move on and become a better person. That's the whole message of "thank u, next" - she's thanking her ex-boyfriends for what they taught her (love, patience, dealing with pain) and it's time for her to move on. I think this is the mark of a strong woman. She's not letting her failures make her more insecure, more mean, or more reserved. Even though she's failed in love, she still believes in it and she's open to being even more loving than before.
I love the music video (and it's gotten a lot of critical praise, too - just throwing that out there). In the video, she re-enacts scenes from a few great teen romantic comedies - a couple of my favorites in fact. "Legally Blonde"...."Mean Girls"...."Bring It On"...."13 Going on 30." My favorite of these is "13 Going on 30," because I think it's most in line with the message of the song. I see all these pithy internet quotes about not having any regrets. But, lately, I've come to the realization that not having regrets is a sign of someone who doesn't think critically about their life. Yes, realize that the mistakes you've made have turned you into the person you are. But if you could do your life over, knowing what you know now, and you wouldn't change anything? Well, then you haven't learned a god damn thing and you're wasting the Universe's time. That's basically the lesson of "13 Going on 30." Jenna Rink sees the person she becomes when she's 30 and she doesn't like the person she is, even though the grown-up Jenna has exactly the life she dreamed of. She also realizes that she pushed away the love of her life (her childhood best friend, Matt) because she was holding onto a ridiculous idea of what a dream life would be like. When she's given the chance to go back, the first thing she does is give Matt a big kiss and tells him they have so much to do together.
But this is all part of that shadow work I keep talking about. I've been spending a lot of time considering the mistakes I've made and the things I wish I would've done. If I had a chance to do it over, I know my life would be drastically different than what it is now. There's people I wouldn't have pushed away and more importantly, people who I wouldn't have wasted my time on. There are things I would've done that I avoided doing because I was too afraid or insecure or anxious. I would've been brave enough to be who I am sooner, and thus, learned to love myself sooner. But, to quote Valentine Michael Smith, "I am only an egg" and I still have much to learn on this journey.
Spend more time with my friends
I ain't worried 'bout nothin'
Plus, I met someone else
We havin' better discussions
I know they say I move on too fast
But this one gon' last
'Cause her name is Ari
And I'm so good with that (so good with that)
She taught me love (love)
She taught me patience (patience)
How she handles pain (pain)
That shit's amazing (yeah, she's amazing)
I've loved and I've lost (yeah, yeah)
But that's not what I see (yeah, yeah)
'Cause look what I've found (yeah, yeah)
Ain't no need for searching, and for that, I say
Thank You, Next
I like this verse because, after breaking off her engagement with Pete Davidson, Ariana decided to stay single for awhile instead of jumping into another relationship. I think this is probably the smartest thing to do after a major relationship, especially one that accelerated so fast and was so intense. Of course, I have no experience with this - I haven't been really single (except for a few breaks that lasted a couple weeks, at most) since I was 18. I think, if I had, I would've learned the things I figured out in the past few months a long time ago. My sister, M, seems to be going through something similar after her last relationship and - to be honest - it seems like she's the happiest she's been in a long time. When you're alone, you have to spend a lot of time with yourself - and if that's not someone you like, you have the time and space to make the changes that you need in order to become who you want to be. Your self-worth becomes tied up in what you think of yourself and not what others think of you. This is a good thing. Otherwise, you end up in a co-dependent relationship, where you're dependent upon your partner's approval in order to have self-esteem. As you can guess, this kind of relationship is pretty unhealthy and, oftentimes, can even be abusive in some way (physical, emotional, psychological) and feel one-sided. Being single gives you some time to really think about the qualities you want in a person and, more importantly, what a satisfying relationship looks like. Knowing this information - in addition to being in control of your own self-esteem - allows you to avoid unhealthy relationships and to recognize and walk away if you do find yourself in one.
That concludes this session of Celebrity Psychoanalysis with Dr. Jess. Hopefully, that long rant was helpful to you or - at the very least - was informative and entertaining. The video for "thank u, next" is below.
I just realized I only have like four days to fit in songs from all my favorite movies and TV shows and it's probably not going to happen. I have too many favorite movies and TV shows, to go along with having way too many favorite songs. I'm just going to have to get the most bang out of this week while I can and take comfort in knowing that I can do a redux of this theme in another 6 months. Ah, creative freedom! It's almost worth the level of unpaid labor I put into this thing (surprise - I actually put a surprising amount of time into what seems to be unorganized nonsense). But enough about me - let's talk about today's movie.
I first heard this song in what is now one of my top 3 favorite movies - an independent drama starring Will Ferrell at his most charming. I'm talking about "Stranger than Fiction." I didn't know what to expect when I first saw this movie, but I find that's a common characteristic about most of my favorite films. It's a story about a story and, as a writer, that's my weakness. One day, the protagonist, Harold (Will Ferrell), starts hearing a woman narrating his life. As you can imagine, this is a little disconcerting. I mean, it's one thing to narrate your life in your own head (which we all do, my dears - no use denying it), but it's something else entirely when you start hearing someone else do it. In order to figure out what's going on, he enlists the help of a local literature professor (Dustin Hoffman), whose sage advise is to just "see where it goes." Along the way, he meets the love of his life, finally learns guitar, and takes some much needed time to figure out who he is. Eventually, he figures out who is narrating his life - and it's the worst imaginable author. An author (Emma Thompson) who always kills her protagonists. He's hearing her voice because she's almost done writing the book. In a mad dash across the city to find her and plead for his life. She lets him read the ending that she's written down on legal paper. After reading it, Harold tells the writer it's a poetic ending and leaves her to continue writing it. Spoiler alert: She chooses not to kill him....because isn't a man who willingly choose to die for a piece of art worth saving? I think so. If he had died, the ending would've been poetic. But even if it's not as poetic, you're happy that Harold gets his happy ending, too.
When I was a young boy
My mama said to me
"There's only one girl in the world for you
And she probably lives in Tahiti."
I'd go the whole wide world
Go the whole wide world just to find her
I'm a sucker for that moment in movies when the nerdy guy/girl gets his object of affection. It makes me squeamishly happy. It's kind of funny to watch - I sorta kick my legs and giggle like a schoolgirl. I imagine it looks cuter than it sounds. Anyway, "Stranger Than Fiction" has one of those moments. Harold is crushing on this alternative baker beauty, Ana (Maggie Gyllenhaal). After auditing her and totally fucking up his first chance, he shows up while she is closing up the bakery, a bouquet of flours in hand. You read that correctly - a baker's dozen of various types of baking flours. It's adorkable and I don't know how she wouldn't have fallen in love right then. So, Ana takes him home and feeds him. After dinner, he's eyeing a guitar one of her customers gave her as payment. After initially refusing to play it, Harold picks up the guitar and starts strumming a classic punk song - Wreckless Eric's "Whole Wide World." Midway through the song, Ana jumps his bones - as any punk-rock-loving girl would have. I think it's one of my favorite scenes in all of filmdom - definitely up there with the goddamn fish tank scene from "Romeo + Juliet."
Lucky you! I was able to find the flours scene and I'm sharing it here.
In my last post, I talked a bit about the Evil Ex Trope, but I neglected one important detail. Sometimes, we're the Evil Ex in someone else's story. And that is usually a fundamental obstacle on the Hero's Journey - making amends with those we've wronged, whether or not the wrong was intentional. Additionally, the Hero/ine is often presented with an opportunity to forgive those that have wronged them. This moving on - from both past mistakes and the pain caused by others - is a rite of passage for the Hero/ine and needed for them to realize their full potential.
"Black Sheep" is featured in "Scott Pilgrim vs the World," which is an excellent example to demonstrate this point. Scott Pilgrim has to fight Ramona Flowers' seven Evil Exes, but throughout the whole movie, his own callousness with Knives' heart is constantly in the background. We also see that he's kind of self-involved, resulting in him being kind of a super jerk to his friends. He has to resolve both of these conflicts before the end of the movie. Ultimately, he has to apologize to both Ramona and Knives for cheating on them in order for him to achieve his goal, which is to date Ramona.
It must be noted that apologies don't always fix everything and forgiveness doesn't always bring closure to the Hero/ine's pain. I was watching "Kung Fu Panda" this weekend and towards the end, Shifu apologizes to Tai Lung for building him up for a Destiny that wasn't his. It does makes Tai Lung pause for a second but then he continues on his destructive course, which ends with his demise. Although some peace is brought through this acknowledgement of the wrong he did to Tai Lung, Shifu is not completely relieved. He genuinely loved Tai Lung as a son and it is clear that his death is not the ending Shifu would've picked. This is important to remember in real life as well - that forgiveness and apologies are often the beginning of entirely new path.
Hello again, friend of a friend, I knew you when
Our common goal was waiting for the world to end
Now that the truth is just a rule that you can bend
You crack the whip, shape-shift and trick the past again
"Black Sheep" is about loving someone - friend, relative, significant other, doesn't matter - who has a tendency to push people away, especially people who actually care about them. Eventually, you just have to let them do it but be supportive if they come around. Pushing people away is a common coping mechanism for people who fear abandonment. They think that they're pre-empting the inevitable, because everyone they cared about always left before. Taylor Swift clearly has this problem. In fact, in one of her more recent songs, she actually has the lyric "you gotta leave before you get left." In her situation, though, she usually creates the conditions that would result in the person leaving anyway, because no one wants to (or should have to) deal with emotional abuse. From her songs, you can tell that she thinks this tactic makes her a strong woman, but in reality, it just leaves her more lonely and broken. As you can tell, I use my Psychology degree to spend way too much time analyzing pop stars. Some of them have healthy coping methods and some do not - I try to use what I understand from their situations to bring light to my own unresolved issues. It's called mirroring and I've found it incredibly useful in my shadow work. You'll notice that Scott Pilgrim also has to fight his shadow self - aptly called Nega-Scott. This is not a coincidence - it's a vital part of the Hero's Journey. In fact, it's the entire point of the Journey - to reconcile the dark and light side of yourself. In the end, Scott and Nega-Scott shake hands, knowing it probably won't be the last time they fight.
Post Note: You may have noticed I've been capitalizing certain words and phrases in my posts. I've been using that method to bring attention to literary themes and high-level narrative/philosophical concepts. This helps my understanding and I hope those reading find it helpful, too. I'm not just being free-styling with the capitals for my own amusement....I would never do that.
This past weekend, I tried to watch "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist." I got about 20 minutes in...then the baby woke up and put a stop to that nonsense. It's a cute indie romance and it's got a killer soundtrack, which includes "Xavia." Even though I didn't get to finish it, I remember the basic plot and I was thinking about several elements in the movie that I wanted to mull over. Out loud, to no one in particular.
The movie follows your basic True Love story architecture, which is actually a superplot of two stories. Especially in good films, the True Love plot is two Hero/Heroine's Journey stories combined into a single narrative. Both characters have to overcome obstacles - usually psychologically but sometimes physically - in order reach self-actualization and achieve the final goal. As you probably could've guessed, for most romances, the goal from the audience's perspective is "to be together." You get some variation from story to story, but that's the basic gist of the formula. "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist" fits this format almost exactly and the thing that makes it a better romantic comedy is that it's balanced. It's not overly focused on either the guy or the girl. The audience gets to see both journeys, which are fairly well mirrored against each other. Although they are played out in different forms, both Nick and Norah have very similar problems with their self-esteem, which they need to overcome in order to attain happiness.
"Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist" uses the tropes of the Crazy-Evil (Ex)Girlfriend and the Milquetoast-Mediocre (Ex)Boyfriend. I have the "ex" in parentheses because, sometimes, these tropes come in the form of current girlfriends/boyfriends. Regardless, they both serve the same purpose - to help the hero/ine understand that they don't have to accept awful treatment in order to be loved. Nick, who is heartbroken over Tris at the beginning of the movie, realizes at the end that she's only trying to seduce him because she lost control over him. He was letting her lead him on like a puppy dog because he didn't think he could do better. Tris kind of believed it, too - and she's frustrated at the end because her physical beauty/sexuality doesn't have any hold over him anymore, which is the only power she really had in their relationship (Tris needs to do some growing, too, but it's not her movie). Conversely, Norah let her on-again-off-again fuck buddy, Tal, use her for her money and industry connections because she felt lonely. She finally breaks that pattern by seemingly giving in to his requests for her to pay their tab before serving up a dose of instant karma (spoiler: she tells the waitress to increase the tab and then leaves the bill for Tal to pay). Anyway, Nick and Norah both had to address their deeply held feelings of unworthy-ness and their patterns of letting people use them in order to reach the level of self-acceptance needed to be together.
I had more examples of these tropes and plot elements to go over but I didn't realize I had gotten so ranty over "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist." I also wanted to talk about how Norah had fallen in love with Nick before she even met him. This is also a common theme in romances - even before the Meet-Cute, the narrative drops hints for the audience that the two protagonists are on a crash course. In films, you can do this with clever visual cues (like the criss-crossing scene from "You've Got Mail") but usually, this is done in the exposition (the first 10-20 minutes of a film) as part of the world-building. In Norah's case, she finds that Nick has excellent taste in music - almost a perfect match to her taste. Not that this should be surprising - the songs for this movie were clearly chosen by a genius, which is why it has one of the best soundtracks of any film (romance, comedy, indie, or otherwise) ever.
I Don't Wanna be Your Favorite Enemy
Not when I can be Loving You, alright
Why can't it be?
No Two People feel the Same Way at the Same Time
When I first heard "Xavia," I was kind of obsessed with the last two lines of that verse. Because it seems true, doesn't it? Why can't two people ever feel the same way at the same time? But it's not true, because it has to happen at least occasionally or else no one would ever be in a relationship. We'd all be stuck in the ridiculous Hell that this song describes, where one person wants to make it work and the other is done with it. Probably one of the prettiest break-up songs I've ever heard, which makes it perfect for Nick and Norah. It's funny, because they have the opposite problem - the whole time, they both don't see that they feel the same about each other until the very end. At first, Norah is chasing Nick....until she realizes that Tris is his ex-girlfriend and she feels like she can't compete so why even try. Then, Nick chases Norah, realizing he fucked up by going with Tris, knowing that she's a manipulative snake. Again, another common theme in romances, the cat-and-mouse back-and-forth between the protagonists. It's more pronounced in other movies, and this post is already miles too long so I'll leave it for another day. Thanks for reading!
Post Note: Xavia is another one of those weird names I love that the Husband won't let me name our hypothetical daughter. I guess it's back to the drawing board.
Phoenix is a French band that sings in English. Naturally, when I discovered them, I thought they existed specifically for me and my francophone ilk. I fell in love with a single that came in a free compilation mix - "1901." However, as great as that song is, this is my favorite Phoenix song. It's from one of their debut album (not the masterpiece that is "Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix") and I like to pretend it's my theme song on good days. It's bouncy, upbeat yet existentialist, and hopeful - much like myself. In an ironic twist, the Husband doesn't really like this song. Oh well.
"Too Young" is featured in "Shallow Hal" when Jack Black is dancing with a bevy of beauties who are actually "unattractive" women when the camera cuts away. "Shallow Hal" is one of those movies that I really shouldn't like but I do. The film is....problematic at best. It's dependent on the audience believing that someone's inner beauty can be translated into a representation of conventional attractiveness. For those who aren't familiar, Jack Black plays Hal, a man obsessed with finding a woman who meets his nigh impossible standard of physical beauty. One day, he meets self-help guru, Tony Robbins, in an elevator, who then hypnotizes Hal to only see a person's inner beauty. Afterward, he meets lady after lovely lady who, for some reason, are attracted to him, including Rosemary (Gwyneth Paltrow), his True Love. However, throughout the movie, the camera switches between what the hypnotized Hal sees and reality, which shows these women to be "unattractive," by conventional standards. In the end, Hal learns to see real beauty without being hypnotized and Rosemary carries him off into the sunset.
There are multiple concerns with "Shallow Hal," that I'm not even sure where to begin. First, there's a lot of fat jokes played off for laughs - for example, the svelte Paltrow looking at underwear in a much larger size at a posh lingerie store and then, later in the movie, she takes half of Hal's birthday cake and eats it with her hand. That shit probably wouldn't fly today. Additionally, the movie half implies that women who are kind, smart, funny, interesting, AND attractive do not exist. The only woman who is "beautiful" in reality is Hal's neighbor Jill and this is explained away that she still looks the same because Hal knew her before the hypnosis. We don't meet a woman in the movie who looks the same, regardless of whether or not Hal is hypnotized. But isn't that what would happen? If, hypothetically, an attractive woman who is as wonderful as Rosemary existed in the Shallow Hal universe, she would be her authentic self and the hypnosis wouldn't do anything. Or would the film makers feel compelled to make her more beautiful? How would you even do that? I fully realize I'm ranting now but, as someone who had to overcome some major insecurities regarding my appearance, I have concerns about how people perceive inner beauty. Is it something that can be quantified, qualified, and depicted on screen? I don't think so. It's hard enough for women to avoid comparing themselves to each other, now we have to compare ourselves to some idealized version of "inner beauty?" Thanks, Hollywood. This was supposed to be a short post about an awesome Phoenix song and now I'm just a tad pissed off.
I can't lie on my bed without thinking I was wrong
But when this feeling calls this world becomes another
Nighttime won't hold me in your arms again
I got a very good friend who says he can't believe the love I give
Is not enough to end your fears
I guess I couldn't live without the things that made my life what it is
Anyway, "Too Young" is about this guy who just broke up with a girl. He thought she was the one but it's over because they wanted different things and he's trying to get over it. Because he's too young, too young to settle down. He still has adventures to have, parties to attend, people to meet, and he's not ready for that to end. The girl in question - I'm assuming she wanted to get married and was tired of him going out at night. Afraid he wouldn't come home or would find someone else. There's a lot of insecurities and fears that are triggered when you discover you love someone who doesn't want the same things as you. Unfortunately, love is not enough in this situation and each of them have to do what's right for them. He understands this, that life will go on without this girl. It's okay to feel sad about it for a moment, but in the end, you have to keep on dancing.
There are two types of people in this world. People who love Meg Ryan movies....and people who don't. I'm one of the former so expect to see another Meg-Ryan-movie-related song to come up later this month. One of my favorite movies is "You've Got Mail," which is based on a old Jimmy Stewart film, "The Shop Around the Corner." It's basically the same plot, except that "You've Got Mail" is set in the late 90s and the plot centers around email instead of the standard post. Obviously, you know I think it's a great movie but, if I had to choose one scene, my favorite part is at the beginning.
There are certain rules that romantic comedies - and most romances, now that I think of it - have to follow. I've mentioned it before but the number one rule is that the two lovers have to be different but, somehow, the same. And usually, they want the same ultimate goal - to be free, to have adventures, to be successful, to be able to marry for love, whatever. The differences arise in how they have chosen to go about achieving that end goal, which results in complications for their love story that have to be resolved before they can be together. It's usually not as obvious as it is in "You've Got Mail" - in the movie, Meg Ryan plays independent book store owner, Kathleen Kelly. Tom Hanks (it's always fucking Tom Hanks) plays Joe Fox, the owner of a chain of mega-bookstores who plans to open a branch in the same neighborhood as Kelly's little shop (aptly named The Shop Around the Corner, an homage to the film's earlier inspiration). Although business rivals in real life, they are internet pen pals who became fast friends on AIM one night. However, they don't know that, but the audience does and the fun is knowing that these two are secretly in love with each other and don't realize it.
Returning to why I love the beginning, this different but the same rule is adeptly highlighted in how their mornings start. They both wait until their respective significant others leave for work, they make a show of making sure their SOs are really gone, then they excitedly go to their computers and they wait patiently for the Internet to start (ah yes....that harsh dial-up sound does bring a bittersweet sting to the cockles of this old Millennial's heart). Kathleen and Joe both are hoping for an email from each other and get a rush of happiness when they see that their faith was not in vain. Throughout the movie, they tell each other everything over email - mundane things, happy things, their favorite movies - things normal people wouldn't tell a complete stranger. But they never run out of things to say and they are happy to have a person they can share their authentic self with, even if they never meet. Even when Kathleen thinks her pen pal stood her up when they had planned to meet...but he didn't! Joe showed up but Kathleen was so caught up in her personal drama of losing her family business because of Fox Books, that she doesn't catch on. That's another rule of romantic comedies - the guy is usually the first one to realize there's something there and initiate contact. It's usually like a love at first sight kinda thing during the Meet-Cute and it has to happen to move the story forward. He's also the one who has to bring the story full circle with the Grand Romantic Gesture.
And now I tell you openly
You have my heart so don't hurt me
You're what I couldn't find
A totally amazing mind
So understanding and so kind
You're everything to me
Oh my life is changing everyday
In every possible way
And oh my dreams
It's never quite as it seems
'Cause you're a dream to me
Dream to me
Went on sort of a side tangent there on the Rom-Com rules - we'll get into more of those thematic elements in later posts. As you can see, I've probably spent way to much time analyzing these movies but - what can I say? - I'm a writer and a film buff. That's what my mind does in its free time - it thinks deeply about seemingly meaningless shit. Like the opening to "You've Got Mail"....because I haven't even gotten to my favorite part yet! Yes, it's cute how Kathleen and Joe's mornings mirror each other but my favorite part is when they're walking to work. They take essentially the same route to their respective destinations and they keep criss-crossing but they never meet, they never even see each other. It brings to mind this idea that them meeting later in the movie is kismet - it's meant to be. Like things couldn't have happened any other way because they had to meet eventually. It was only a matter of time and everything that came before was leading up to that moment. During this criss-crossing scene, "Dreams" by the Cranberries is playing, which sets the perfect backdrop. It's wistful and upbeat, and these elements combined make the overall song sound...hopeful. Anyway, including this scene as one of the videos so you understand what I mean.
The last couple of posts were kind of heavy, so let's start off this week a little lighter. Because it's been raining all day but I'm still in a pretty good mood. The movie "Enchanted" is a parody of the classic Disney fairy tale and romantic comedies in general. For those who haven't seen it, the plot centers around a classic animated princess named Giselle (played by the eternally lovely Amy Adams) who is thrust from her fairy tale world into the "real world," which is always invariably synonymous with New York City. A man and his daughter - who believes wholeheartedly in the magic of fairy tale romance - take pity on her and invite her into their apartment, because they're convinced she's just a beautiful crazy person that needs help. As a beautiful crazy person myself, I intensely relate to this situation and hope someone takes pity on me if I get lost in some new city (which will most likely happen one day). Anyway, crazy antics ensue - people start bursting into song, she turns their curtains into amazing dresses, and other fairy tale characters come into the picture, including Prince Charming intent on rescuing Giselle. But, of course, the cynical father falls head over heels for her, despite being engaged to another woman (played by the always amazing Idina Menzel). In the end, the Evil Stepmother/Sorceress is subdued, Giselle marries the father, Idina goes back to the fairy tale world with Prince Charming and everyone gets their Happy Ending. Well, except for the Evil Stepmother, but she was never going to get one anyway. In summation, it's a light-hearted romance with some really cute, tongue-in-cheek songs.
Amy Adam's in "Enchanted"
During "That's How You Know," the cynical divorce lawyer/father - Robert - is upset after a big fight with his fiance, Nancy (Idina Menzel), after she finds Giselle in his apartment. Giselle uses this song to convince Robert to send her flowers and apologize to make up for it, even though he's not big on the whole cheesy romance thing. The scene is pretty funny, because Amy Adams starts singing and Patrick Dempsey is like, "What the fuck is happening?!" and tries to get her to stop. And that's when the Jamaican steel drum band starts up....magically! Then everyone is singing and dancing and having a grand old time. I have often wished this would happen to me, that I would start singing and - Suddenly! - I'm leading a whole army of people in a musical number. Just one of the things a beautiful crazy person imagines while she's walking down the street. Towards the end, Giselle makes a wreath of yellow flowers and gives them to a bunch of doves to deliver to Nancy, to which Robert understandably says "Are you crazy? They're birds!" But, at the end of the song, he gets a call from Nancy - she's happy and all is forgiven. There's your relationship tip of the day, fellas - have a flock of birds deliver a bouquet of roses to your beloved when you've fucked up. Or give her chocolate - that works, too.
Well, does he leave a little note to tell you
You are on his mind?
Send you yellow flowers when the sky is gray?
Hey!
He'll find a new way to show you
A little bit everyday
That's how you know
That's how you know he is your love
Some girls don't like this shit....but I do. Kind of wish The Husband would do more of it....or do it at all. He used to tell me watching movies like "Enchanted" (and "Sleepless in Seattle," which we watched on Amazon Prime this weekend) gave me unrealistic expectations. To an extent, he's definitely right. But I don't expect flowers every day...just on my birthday would be kind of nice. Oh well. I'm also the kind of girl who would give a guy a chance if he used a cheesy pickup line...if I thought it was really clever. My favorite is when a guy trips and falls while he's walking and then turns to whatever girl is there and says, "You're the only girl I've ever fallen for." ::swoon:: There are some other good ones out there on the internet - like "Am I dead? Because I'm pretty sure you're an angel!" or "If you were a library book, I'd check you out." It takes a lot of guts to sound this dorky and I appreciate that. But, understandably, it's hard to figure out which girls will think it's cute and which girls will give you a Death Stare. However, if a girl breaks out into random song, wondering if she'll like your cheesy pickup line is probably the least of your worries. Because, without a doubt, she has a Handsome Prince or an Evil Sorcerer following close behind and that's a level of shit most people would rather not deal with on a Monday.
The video is the aforementioned musical number. Because the expressions on Patrick Dempsey's face are half the fun. It also has the lyrics on the bottom, if you're inclined to sing along.
