"Song of the Siren" by The Bridge City Sinners

Cancer, out of all the signs, is the most connected to the Divine Feminine. The traits ascribed to this astrological sign hearken to depictions of the archetype of the Mother Goddess - kind, nurturing, intuitive, protective, and sensual. The glyph for Cancer (♋︎) is supposed to represent the parts of the body this sign governs - the breasts and the stomach (or more accurately, the womb). Yes, there's a stereotype that Cancers have the best boobs (which I'm not going to argue against...because we do). And we often get pigeon-holed into the role of the "Mom-friend" (guilty as charged). It's the zodiac sign most closely linked to anahata, the Heart Chakra. However, you may see the Yin-Yang symbol as well, which is not surprising - as a Cardinal water sign, it brings together what modern society has convinced us are opposites. All Cardinal signs are leaders, but Cancer - being considered the most feminine of the group - is often underestimated and discounted as one. Where Libra leads with the mind, Cancer leads with the heart. While Capricorn defends physical security, Cancer defends emotional security. Where Aries charges forward with energy and force, Cancer leverages relationships to make subtle changes with effects that ripple outward. Cancer has gentle strength, relies on wisdom that often doesn't come from books, and prefers to rule with kindness.

The Cancerian archetype is considered one of the most protective signs - huge Mama Bear energy. In line with the Mother Goddess mythos, this protection is generally extended to other women and children. I know there's a lot going on right now, but there are several female-centered events going on as of late that you should be aware of. We're in the midst of a second #MeToo wave, this time going after illustrators, publishers, and music industry representatives who exploited young women trying to gain recognition in their respective industries. The Jeffrey Epstein saga keeps unfolding and, with the recent arrest of Maxwell Ghislane, we're starting to see just how far the rabbit hole goes and learn more about the power players who have known about it all along and turned a blind eye. This is the real "pizzagate" and its not even making a blip on most people's radars because of all the noise. There was/is a real child sex trafficking ring that caters to the rich and powerful. Additionally, Congress is trying to pass more anti-sex worker legislation, which is even more draconian than SESTA/FOSTA and has dire implications for everyone's digital usage (I plan to write more about this next week). And, if we're able to do anything good in 2020, we're going to fucking #FreeBritney. We need to tackle the damage involuntary conservatorship does and make some guidelines. I know - it's overwhelming the amount of craziness being thrown at us. But it's always been there, the only difference is our eyes are open now and we have to deal with these waves as they come, before we're swept away.

Follow my voice

And you'll be home again

This is the song of the siren

I woke up the other morning with a bunch of sentences running through my head, all beginning with "the Divine Feminine is." Remembering our hermetic concepts and acknowledging that the Divine Feminine is present in all things, it helps to define Her, just as we defined the Divine Masculine. It may seem like they are oppositional but, in reality, they work in tandem. If one is out of balance, the other runs amok. The Divine Feminine is open to receiving. She listens to her inner knowing and is in touch with how she feels, both emotionally and physically. She believes kindness and empathy are strengths and cultivates relationships, rather than power. The Divine Feminine is still and tranquil - she is able to embrace chaos on the way to inner peace. She spends her time on creation rather than destruction. She seeks to master herself, but never at the expense of others. She believes that collaboration produces better results than competition. She understands that you have to find joy while on the journey rather than assuming it's waiting for you at the destination. The Divine Feminine honors her body and holds compassion for herself, as well as others. She honors her emotions and expresses them honestly and with consideration for the emotions of others. Finally, the Divine Feminine defines who she is for herself and does not let others - not society, not family, not even the Divine Masculine - dictate her path. 

I've been reading this book called "The Way of Grace" by Miranda Macpherson. In it, she talks about the spiritual value of ego relaxation and how to embrace Grace, which is a hard concept to wrap your head around. Grace is a religious concept representing the unmerited mercy of Spirit, something which is increasingly rare in a world where retaliation and vengeance against those who have wronged us is considered most satisfying. For some, of course, and I made a choice long ago that I didn't want to be one of those people. The Husband was teasing me yesterday, because Macpherson uses a lot of spiritual references, especially from Christianity. I wouldn't consider myself a Christian but I do believe in Jesus' teachings. It was one of the things I had to reconcile after I left the Church and began my path as a witch. Essentially, it boils down to choosing not to throw out the baby with the bathwater. The book - and the idea of Grace - has been comforting because I've felt like I've been in a constant state of confusion, like I can't trust my reality any more. As if I'm not seeing things or understanding things clearly, even though my mind is always going, always analyzing. Lately, I've been watching Dr. Ramani's videos on YouTube. She's a licensed psychologist who specializes in treating victims of narcissistic abuse. Her knowledge and dedication to educating people has inspired me to write down my own experiences, a lot of which are painful and left me very confused. I'm distanced enough from those situations that I can look upon it with Grace but that doesn't mean I fully understand what happened/is happening. It's an uncomfortable feeling and I'd like to help others navigate the discomfort, if I can. These things and the Ho'oponopono meditation have settled me somewhat. I've been staying in that energy of remaining still. It's hard to meditate when your mind is racing - ironically, that's usually when you need meditation the most.

I chose this song because sirens are my favorite mythological creature. As a rule, sirens are feminine and that is the source of their power. Femininity can be seductive but it can also be dangerous if left unchecked. It felt fitting because Cancer is a water sign and - this may surprise you - Cancers are often found at the top of "Most Dangerous Sign" lists. This is largely due to the negative aspects of the "unevolved" Cancerian archetype - moody, manipulative, irrational, unpredictable, and unexpectedly cold-hearted. The Sea is a cruel mistress, as it were. Not gonna lie - I'm all about Pirate-core music. As per Doth the Doth, "Pirates are just tropical goths."

"Song of the Siren" Video

"The Widow" by The Mars Volta

I was finishing up my first listen-through of "The Velvet Underground & Nico" when I was struck by a sudden urge to listen to The Mars Volta. No reason for it. The band's name just suddenly popped in my head. The Mars Volta is a band from El Paso and they were active when I was in high school and college. Since they were local, the University radio station played them quite a bit. Earlier this week, I rediscovered this wonderful, dark ballad, which I felt compelled to share to mark the lunar eclipse. Because that is something I do now.

There's something haunting about this song. The vaguely Spanish lilt to the melody. The twangy guitar and the slow rhythmic drumming. How the music comes in waves, receding as the lyrics come in soft, slowly and then rising up dramatically, to consume the listener. A lonely trumpet playing a funerary dirge, as the words hit your core. Then, of course, Cedric Bixler-Zavala's vocals infuse the lyrics with emotion - pain, desperation, contempt, envy, resignation - and that's what really makes this song feel so dark. Che Aimee Dorval sings a cover of this song. It's good, but it's not the same. There's something about the original that you just can't capture. The album version, after the last lyrics, devolves into a cacophony of noise. As the Widow succumbs to madness or so I assume.

Side note: I'm starting to see a pattern in what I like in songs lately. If it's dark and has a flamenco guitar (or a Spanish influence), I'm there. Apparently, that's my jam right now.

Look at how they flock to him

From an isle of open sores

He knows that the taste is such

Such to die for

And I hear him every night

On every street

The scales that do slither

Deliver me from?

Freeze without an answer

Free from all the shame

Then I'll hide

'Cause I'll never never sleep alone

There's this theory that the Widow is singing about Death. She sees his spectre everywhere. Death is a presence the Widow sees constantly. Though she sings about Him ruefully, she admits there's also a dark attraction she has. Some of my favorite depictions of Death are in the guise of a beautiful young man. I'm not sure where I read it but there is a fan explanation that this song is about a woman who is addicted to heroin and her drug dealer is her son whom she gave up for adoption. Or it could be that she's singing about her dead husband and remembering the early days when she was first drawn to him. Either way, there's a suggestion here that Death and her husband are one in the same. And she longs for him.

In that way, this song is strangely perfect for the upcoming Saturn-Pluto Conjunction on January 12th. Technically, we're already in the conjunction - it just won't be exact until Sunday. With the God of Death meeting the Lord of Time and Karma in his domain, the themes surrounding this conjunction are very much about doom and gloom. And imprisonment, especially the self-inflicted kind. The Widow is a label defined by Death. She can only exist after her husband - or lover - has died. Etymologically, widows aren't strictly defined by legal marriage and historically, women who lost men whom they were in love with, but not married to, were also considered widows. I think those situations are even more tragic - to lose a loved one but not have the societal standing for your grief to be adequately recognized. What happens to a man's mistress once he dies? She has to pretend she never loved him, to appear as just another mourner among the faceless funeral goers, while she dies inside. Assuming she dares to go to the funeral. Regardless, she's doomed to face the grief and pain alone. Something about the lyrics makes me think that's the case for the singer of "The Widow." Those situations make for some of the most compelling ghost stories, though. A young woman forever awaiting the return of her beloved from the War or the Sea, pacing the grounds of her estate or leaning on the rail of a Widow's Walk. It's always been a dream of mine to own a house with a Widow's Walk (but I'd settle for having a regular old balcony). Unfortunately, that's a style that's more common in expensive homes on the Eastern Seaboard, so that dream is unlikely to happen any time soon.

The Widow is also a common archetype in stories. She's a character who is both haunting and haunted. The Widow is someone to be feared, usually because she's wise, but often because she's cold and heartless. She generally has a tragic backstory. The implication is that she's unfeeling because she lost the love of her life. So if she seems reckless or ruthless in her actions, it's because she has nothing to fear. Not Justice, not Pain, and certainly not Death. She's survived the worst and now she's just biding her time until Death comes for her and she'll reunite with her beloved. The Widow doesn't care when or how or even why anymore. She is a solitary figure who is mysterious and seductive, but also a little dangerous. In a way, she's Death's match. I better stop there - this song has been stuck in my head off and on all week and it takes my mind to dark places.

Freeze without an answer

Free from all the shame

Let me die

'Cause I'll never never sleep alone

Finally, one of the greatest drummers of all time - Neil Peart (Rush) - died today. Completely unrelated to everything else I was ranting about but still worth mentioning.

"The Widow" Video

"When the Darkness Comes" by Colbie Caillat

This song showed up on one of my Spotify mixes. I couldn't tell you which one, because I have so many. Most people only get 2 or 3 Spotify mixes - I have more like 7 or 8 because my tastes are conflicting/diverse/divergent and the algorithm prefers to only put similar genres in the same playlist. I'm all about breaking algorithms. I think this showed up in the one with all the emo music (i.e., MCR, the Spill Canvas, Breaking Benjamin). Which I find weird, because this is as dark as Colbie Caillat gets. Don't get me wrong - my inner Basic Bitch loves some Colbie Caillat but that's the shit you put on when you're enjoying a nice cup of tea and journaling about your feelings. Super girly. It probably does not belong in an emo playlist.

When I heard this song and realized it was from a movie, I instantly wanted to watch the movie because that's how I am. This song is on the soundtrack for "The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones" and, given how closely the lyrics match up with the events in the film, it was probably written specifically for it. I watched the movie last night. I enjoyed it but it's the sort of shit I seek out on my own - half-Angel demon slayers (called Shadow Hunters), a beautiful heroine who doesn't know how she is a part of this secret world, and lots of magic and pseudo-goth fashion. Also, it stars Lily Collins, who I think is gorgeous. She's kind of my ideal and, if I had the opportunity to choose what I look like (for example, if real life had a Character Creator -type function), I'd choose to look like her. I'm starting to realize I have a very consistent type, regardless of whether someone is male or female.

Lily Collins

Anyway, I liked the movie but they never made the sequels from the book series, which means I now have to read the book series if I want to know what happens next (Oh...How tragic.) It wasn't a bad movie, it just wasn't a popular one when it came out and I'm trying to put my finger on why. I think the reason is because Clary Fray, unlike other heroines in young adult paranormal/dystopian fiction, isn't an all out badass. She's more on the feminine side and she spends most of the movie either in awe of the magic, confused about what the fuck is happening, or enamored with mysterious Shadow Hunter, Jace. During the action sequences, she's hesitant to jump into the chaos and when she does take the initiative, her actions often seem reckless considering the circumstances. In short, she behaves like how a normal young woman would act if thrust into an unfamiliar shadow world where she doesn't know the rules. In general, the American movie goer wants their "strong female lead" to be a specific type of "strong woman." They're looking for a heroine who is skilled at and willing to engage in violence - like Katniss Everdeen in "Hunger Games" - or is the most intelligent person in the entire story, like Hermione Granger. And if she is a milquetoast female character, like Bella Swan in "Twilight," she sure as hell better not know she's attractive. Clary Fray defies these rules - upon her first encounter with the Shadow Hunters, she nearly exposes them because she's horrified by their inexplicable murder in the middle of a dance club of someone who she believes is human. She seems to be of average intelligence, with more emphasis on her creative pursuits (she's a talented illustrator and attends poetry readings for fun). Finally, she knows she pretty and often uses her attractiveness to her advantage. And you know what? There's nothing wrong with that.

Now the door is open

The world I knew is broken

There's no return

Now my heart is not scared

Just knowing that you're out there

Watching me

So believe I'll be here waiting

Hoping, praying that

This light will guide you home

When you're feeling lost I'll leave my love

Hidden in the sun

For when the darkness comes

Also, there's some weirdness in that Jace may or may not be her brother. Again, there's a story behind that - I suspect he's not actually her brother and telling them this is just another manipulation by the villain in the series. However, still an iffy direction for the author to go in terms of plot twists. Especially since, when this information is revealed, it's after Clary and Jace have already had a hot make-out scene. But, hey, apparently that's what people are into nowadays.

"When the Darkness Comes" Video

"The Man" by Taylor Swift

You thought you were going to get out of T-Swift this month, didn't you? Haha...nope. It's her fucking birthday and as someone who also places a lot of importance (probably too much) on her birthday, I feel like I would be doing her a disservice if I didn't play it up sorta big. She is the Billboard Artist of the Decade, after all. True Story. The ceremony was yesterday, the day before her 30th birthday. That's a big fucking deal, considering that almost exactly 10 years ago, Kanye West jumped onstage and ruined her acceptance speech for Best Female Video at the VMAs. I think that was a turning point for her, because - the thing is - he would not have even dared to do that with any of the other nominees. P!nk fucking chewed his ass out afterward. Beyonce was a real lady and gave up her acceptance speech for Video of the Year so Taylor could finish hers. The rest of the nominees were of equal caliber, all brilliant female artists in their own right. But, when they're drunk (on alcohol or power), bullies go after people they think are weak. And I think she got tired of people thinking she was this sweet little girl they could walk all over with no consequences. As a result, she went on the defensive and became really aggressive in shaping her image. She never hid the fact that it was intentional - she wanted to change her reputation. And Swift got criticized for being too mean and ruthless. The "sweet, quiet girl" turned into a "fucking bitch" real quick after she started sticking up for herself. That's pretty typical.

I would be complex

I would be cool

They'd say I played the field before

I found someone to commit to

And that would be okay

For me to do

Every conquest I had made

Would make me more of a boss to you

I'd be a fearless leader

I'd be an alpha type

When everyone believes ya

What's that like?

This is my favorite song off her new album. I've decided it's my anthem for 2020, because I find it almost unbearably true. American culture has a bias towards masculine traits, especially in professional settings. In my experience, active traits such as aggressiveness, overconfidence, and posturing seems more highly valued than more passive skills like communication, planning, and negotiation/compromise, even when those same traits can be detrimental to reaching a goal. Even more common, those traits are also usually incorrectly conflated with leadership skills - then we wonder how we end up with leaders who are all talk but get nothing done, while we ignore the people making a real difference. The scales have been balancing out in recent years. Maybe not as quickly as preferred but, in general, emotional and social intelligence has gained importance.

I believe in the concept of non-duality - that we are comprised of opposites into a single whole and in order to fulfill our purpose, we have to embrace our inner contradictions. Everyone has masculine and feminine energy within them, but how we choose to express those aspects of ourselves has a myriad of faces. This can be difficult for some people to understand because they're used to dualistic thinking. Most people are subconsciously programmed with a bias just by growing up in a polarized culture. Even within feminist circles, there is so much internalized misogyny, it's not even funny. Our cultural depiction of a "strong woman" is outspoken, aggressive, doesn't dress sexy (and sometimes she doesn't even dress feminine), and leads people into battle. Not saying strong women aren't like this - some definitely are. But we've also created a false dichotomy where the antithesis of the "strong female character" are characters who society deems as going too far into the feminine spectrum. When you really look at cultural depictions, you start to notice all the subtle hints about what the People in Charge (PIC) want you to believe. For example, I love "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days." But a lot of the hilarity in that movie is generated because Andi is the stereotypical "cool girl" - i.e., the Perfect Woman, who is thin despite eating a steady diet of pizza and beer, loves sports, and looks beautiful without being high-maintenance - pretending to be a crazy girlfriend, who happens to be really girly. But at the end of the movie, she gets stopped from pursuing her dream of being a real journalist when Prince Charming (Matthew McConaughey) finally realizes he loves her. Really, Hollywood?! Is that really what a Strong Woman would do? I strongly believe that, if she is staying true to her heart, she'll find a way to make it work - she can have Prince Charming and pursue her dreams. In fact, if he really was Prince Charming, he'd be right beside her making her dreams happen and vice versa. It doesn't have to be a zero sum game.

To be a real gender nonconformist is to make your own choices in life, to be who you are even if it doesn't fit nicely in a box, even when the judgement is harsh and difficult to hear. It's not for the faint of heart. And maybe it's because I've been feeling this pressure more than usual - on top of being the primary breadwinner, I have to be the perfect mom and housewife, while trying to work on my own dreams in the wee hours of the morning - but I'm getting fed up with the current state of affairs. I've taken on all the gender roles which, ironically, makes me both not feminine or masculine enough to fit in anywhere. I don't like to be mean or overly aggressive with people (and I'm "too young"), so apparently I'm not cut out for a leadership role. But I'm too opinionated and intelligent to blindly follow whatever authority figure I'm stuck with. What's a girl to do?

I'm so done with this nonsense. I just want to make my own rules. Like Taylor did.

"The Man" Video

September Theme: Where have I heard that before? Part Deux

Friday was a slow day at work and I found myself in an intensely philosophical discussion with my coworkers about the Hero's Journey and the trajectory of a character into good versus evil. I posited that one of the key moments in the Hero's Journey where it has the potential to turn into the Villain's Journey is the Atonement (or lack thereof) of the Father. The examples we discussed were Voldemort and Kylo Ren (aka Ben Solo). Especially concerning Kylo Ren, there's this question of whether or not he can be redeemed. However, in general, killing your own father (sorry if I spoiled that for ya....it's been like 5 years) is a point of no return. You've already chosen the path of evil, any seeming good that you may do from that point on is in service of whatever twisted purpose you're pursuing. The discussion spurred me to actually go out and buy "The Hero with a Thousand Faces" by Joseph Campbell, which I've been meaning to do for months now. Maybe I'll actually know what I'm ranting about for once. The Hero's Journey, although dressed in the trappings of comparative mythology, is ultimately about the search for meaning in the human experience. Joseph Campbell draws from psychology, religion, and spirituality to weave together why this particular plot line is so universal. From the knowledge of the literary journey of our favorite protagonists, we are able to draw vicariously from their experiences and develop our own sense of purpose. The Hero's Journey mirrors the Human Journey - remembering that turns every story we consume into a guide we can use to lead us to - and through - our destined paths.

Whew! Got a little dramatic there but I cannot overstate this - I've read about 20 pages in this book and it is already deep, dense, and heavy. It also has a lot of footnotes, and that's just about my most favorite thing in the world - a book with lots of footnotes. As the title suggests, I would like to revisit November 2018's theme again and dive deeper into the pop culture quagmire that we call civilization. I hope to put some of my newfound understanding to (somewhat legit) use by applying it to films and TV shows I've enjoyed throughout the years. It may get a little introspective, but I think all art - yes, even humble blog posts such as this one - are reflective of the people who create them. It's just that some introspection is more overt than usual. Of course, I plan to pull songs from the chosen media to highlight how music plays it's own unique part in narrating the human experience.

That's enough for now. With that, I leave you with the following pithy Internet quote:

"Bad Liar" by Imagine Dragons

::WARNING:: There may be some (very minor) Game of Thrones spoilers. But, if you've watched the past few seasons, you probably saw it coming anyway. ::END::

My son loves Imagine Dragons. I'm not sure if he likes them because I like them, or if I started liking them because he enjoyed their music. He's definitely the bigger fan, between the two of us. Whenever their music videos come on our playlist, he dances with wild abandon, like only children do. Sometimes I join him. "Bad Liar" is one of our favorites to dance to. In the video, a girl is dancing - mostly classical freestyle. Gives me a chance to break out the old ballet moves. I'm not very good at spotting but I can do at least a single pirouette decent enough.

The video is a little disturbing to me but it matches the song perfectly. In the video, there's a guy hanging from an invisible rope. He seems dead. A girl walks in and starts dancing. For him. Trying to bring him back to life. Trying to show him what it's like to be free and alive. He's following her but through no effort of his own. And she's trying so hard but she's losing patience and getting frustrated. At the end, his noose is released and he drops to the floor. She bows and walks away. It's a metaphor. Presumably, after the video ends, he comes back to life. But it's too late. She's already gone.

Oh, hush, my dear, it's been a difficult year

And terrors don’t prey on innocent victims

Trust me, darlin', trust me darlin'

It’s been a loveless year

I'm a man of three fears

Integrity, faith and crocodile tears

Trust me, darlin', trust me, darlin'

This song (and its associated video) reminded me of The Impotent Lover archetype, a shadow version of the master masculine archetype, The Lover. The Impotent Lover has lost his passion for life and is just existing in a dull, grey world. He's consumed by loneliness, even in a room full of people. He's cut himself off from his friends, his family, but - most of all - he's cut off from himself. Ultimately, he's cut himself off from his own emotions. In a world devoid of pleasure, at least he can avoid the pain. He's lost his identity so it often feels as if he's watching a life that isn't his own, as if it's a movie he has no interest in. 

The Impotent Lover usually has too much discipline and limits, that he can't enjoy the fullness of life. He lives so much in his head that he feels powerless and this may manifest in various ways. The most obvious (given the name of the archetype) may be a loss of sex drive or sexual dysfunction. He may seem bored and listless. Or, when offered something he desires, he may come up with a reason why he cannot indulge. Because of so many rules and restrictions, there may be a great reserve of anger and envy bubbling under the surface, waiting to come out in self-destructive ways. Excessive alcohol and drug abuse, thrill-seeking, obsessive behavior, promiscuity - effectively turning him into the active shadow, The Addicted Lover.

I'm caught up on GoT now and, having watched the most recent episode, this song could definitely stand in  as the theme for Jaime Lannister. A good woman loves him, in spite of all his faults, even though he's not in the same shape he used to be (he's missing an arm), even knowing his past (including the whole incestuous relationship with his twin thing). She stood up for him, fought zombies next to him, and probably would've died for him if it came down to it. But he leaves her outside Winterfell - freezing in her robe, full on ugly crying while begging him to stay - to return to his cruel, sadistic, manipulative sister (Cersei). Cersei would kill him (or have him killed) without another thought. She couldn't care less about him, so what the fuck is he doing?!

I agree. On the surface, it seems like he's - literally - the worst. But I must have compassion for Jaime - I imagine he's feeling a lot of cognitive dissonance. His relationship with Cersei was/is really fucked up (he manifests as The Addicted Lover within its context). He has murdered for her, lied for her, done everything he could to serve her. Jaime even says as much in his goodbye, with the implication that he must love her if he did all those terrible things, if he endured all her madness and cruelty. But, in earlier episodes, he confesses that he's genuinely afraid of Cersei. And you cannot love what you fear. Fear is the antithesis of Love. But Jaime doesn't understand that - no, what's going through his head is that he cannot be redeemed. That is unchangeable - no matter what good he's done since then doesn't change his situation. So when faced with real love, all these feelings of unworthiness and doubt arose. Jaime walked away because he loved Brienne enough to know that she deserves better than him. And maybe she does (fuck yeah, OF COURSE she does!). But the heart wants what it wants.

I can't breathe, I can't be

I can't be what you want me to be

Believe me, this one time

Believe me

I'm starting to get all hopeless romantic on y'all, so let's cut to the chase. The Lover archetype is about being present in your life and pursuing your passions in a healthy way. A few questions to ask yourself when exploring its shadows:

• Are you enjoying what you have in your life now? If you are, engage in more of whatever makes you happy. If not, make a change - take a class, start a hobby, go on that trip of a lifetime, indulge in a Chai Tea Frappuccino....something that will ignite your excitement. Again, writing down a list of things you want to do (hobbies, adventures, food places) is great for figuring this out.
• Are you rushing through the pleasures of life (eating, sex, cashmere)? If so, why? And what can you do to slow down and enjoy the small things?
• Are you taking time for romance? Yes, I'm talking the "red roses, love poems, serenades under the balcony, dinner on the rooftop then dancing under the stars" type of romance. Okay, maybe not that far, but it is called The Lover archetype for a reason....be creative with it.
• Are you being fully present in your life? Or are you constantly looking for the next distraction?
• Do you allow yourself to feel your emotions? Or do you bottle them up? Or are you constantly over-analyzing them and trying to convince yourself that you shouldn't be feeling a certain way? If you do one of the latter two, try to understand why you do that.
• Finally - and this is the toughest one - do you love yourself? Do you believe you deserve love? A lot of people think they do, but when they start to make an effort to love themselves, they realize a lot of their actions have been self-sabotage. If the answer is no, taking time to discover your passions will help.

I'm going to end with a quote from my favorite real-life embodiment of The Lover, F. Scott Fitzgerald. I read it on my Twitter feed (because I'm one of those dorks who follows an F.S.F. quote bot) and thought it was the perfect description of The Lover archetype in literature:

"In her presence he was too absorbed to notice his surroundings; so that her absence never made them empty, but, rather, sent him seeking for her through haunted rooms and gardens that he had never really seen before." - from Basil & Cleopatra

"Bad Liar" Video