"Dream On" by Aerosmith

My plans for writing these past few days were thrown out the window when I had an unexpected family visit. Although I had a lot of other songs I wanted to write about this month, I only have one night left. And I had to make it count.

As I've said before, this year has been something else. I won't call it bad, because it wasn't. But it was...different. I've never felt more delusional and crazy at times during 2019. And, yet, I've also felt freer and more myself than I have in the past 30 years of my life. I'm a lot closer to something akin to balance than I have ever been and for that, I am grateful. There was a period, earlier this year, when things were extra tough and all my efforts seemed so futile. Then, one morning, "Dream On" came on the radio....and it was the first time I had actually really heard the song. Mind you, I grew up on Aerosmith. They are part of my musical DNA, on par with the likes of Stevie Nicks, David Bowie, Queen, Cher, the Beatles, the Stones, the Doors, and Elton John. However, you can hear a song every single day and still not understand it. Then, all of a sudden, the lyrics take on this weight and meaning that they didn't have the day before. And you can't un-hear it, because it's in your soul now. That's basically what happened to me that day and I couldn't think of a better song to encapsulate my mentality going into 2020.

Every time when I look in the mirror

All these lines on my face getting clearer

The past is gone

It went by, like dusk to dawn

Isn't that the way

Everybody's got the dues in life to pay

I know nobody knows

Where it comes and where it goes

I know it's everybody sin

You got to lose to know how to win

"Dream On," much like "Carry On Wayward Son," captures a specific moment in the Hero's Journey that is absolutely essential in the creation of a legend and the plot of a story. It's the point where the Hero has wandered into the Abyss, unsure of how to get back. S/he has faced a crushing defeat and has to question everything s/he's believed up until that point. Every choice, every wrong turn, every decision made is called up for review. In many ways, it is the lowest point in the journey and what the Hero does next determines who they become. Assuming they choose to embrace their destiny (to be the Hero), that's when s/he realizes....there were no wrong turns, only lessons that helped them become the person they needed to be in that moment. To conquer the next challenge. To overcome the biggest obstacle in the Hero's Journey, which is always self-doubt and fear. It's when the fire returns and they go on to conquer these fears and redeem themselves for their past mistakes. After the Tower has collapsed, the Star comes out. Whether or not you choose to follow it is always your choice. And don't worry - there's plenty of Stars and it's never to late (or too early) to start following one.

I've been having a lot of weird dreams lately. Most recently, I had a dream that I had to fill up a pool with salt water using a wooden bucket. Even in the dream, it was understood that this was a lesson in character building. I mean, the pool did need to be filled for some reason but there was probably an easier way to do it. However, I knew intuitively that the point wasn't to get the water to the pool, it was to grow stronger and more patient in the process. I've been pondering this, as well as some thoughts I heard on a podcast regarding Jupiter in Capricorn. Jupiter is a benefic planet, meaning that - when it's well placed (as it was in 2019, when it was in Sagittarius, a sign it rules) - it lends an expansive, lucky energy to everything it influences. However, in Capricorn, Jupiter is in its Fall. Now, bear with me because I'm just now starting to understand the essential dignities of each planet, but what that means is that Jupiter's influence is severely handicapped. The luck is more in seeing the lesson for what it is, not that you'll get anything tangible out of the experiences you have. The astrologer went on to say that, in 2020, the skies are kind of against us. So if we want a happy ending, you have to be willing to work for it. There ain't no magical transits coming to save us in 2020. Fortune will favor those who are willing to dig in and create their own magic. Who can see the Abyss in front of them and are willing to walk into it anyway. Even if their compass is sorta broken and they traded their last candle to a traveling bard for a really cool looking grimoire. The way I've read the energy for 2020 - astrologically and empathically - is that we're all headed for a major course correction in some way. Regardless of how that plays out for each of us, what matters is who we choose to be every day. If you're not working to be who you want to be every single day, 2020 (and every year after) is going to fucking suck for you. And you'll have no one to blame but yourself.

However, if you are trying to embody your Destiny and your Highest Self - by trying to bring your thoughts, words, and deeds into alignment - I have just one message for you in the last moments of 2019....

Dream on, my dear Hero.

"Dream On" Video

"Only Hope" by Mandy Moore

I love this song and wanted to figure out some way to feature it. "A Walk to Remember" is one of the quintessential romance movies that defined the Millennial ethos on Love. Between this movie, "10 Things I Hate About You," "Save the Last Dance," and "Titanic," it primed an entire generation (especially the younger half) to believe that love can overcome insurmountable obstacles. Even Death, as it turns out. As one of those hopeless people who still believes in true love - real True Love - I've decided to take a closer look at how the romance movie formula takes shape and how that affects the trajectory of the Hero's Journey.

I was recently considering the effect meeting an authentically beautiful soul has on the Hero and his trajectory. In a lot of romance movies - especially romantic tragedies, such as "A Walk to Remember" - one of the two main protagonists is one of these Beautiful Souls. Often times, they are so Pure of Heart that it is to their detriment, and they begin the story as outcasts or ignored because their authenticity makes it difficult to blend in. The Beautiful Soul is often the female lead (there's a reason for this and we'll get to it), but it can be the male lead, as we see in Moulin Rouge. This character generally has a flat arc, in that they believe in something ardently and their entire storyline is centered around testing that conviction. For example, Christian in "Moulin Rouge" believes in Freedom, Beauty, Truth, and Love. Above all else, Love. For Jamie (Mandy Moore's character) in "A Walk to Remember," she truly believes that Landon (Shane West) is a good person, despite the bad, hurtful things he does. This character's mission is to show the other protagonist, through the example of their own authenticity, how to believe in whatever the Beautiful Soul already has faith in. The other protagonist is charged with going through the transformation - to have faith in something, even if it's fleeting. Satine believes in the power of Love before she dies. Landon believes that he's a good person and continues on the path of good, even after Jamie dies. Oh yeah - that's the thing about romantic tragedies - the characters involved usually aren't supposed to be in love with each other for certain reasons, often societal (i.e., race, age, socioeconomic disparities, betrothal to another, long-standing family vendettas) or biological (i.e., a terminal illness, a curse that can't be broken, or Death in one of her other unfortunate guises). Usually someone dies. That is the core choice of the Hero's Love Story - they make a choice to fall in love, even though they know they shouldn't. Even though they know it is short-lived. True Love doesn't always last forever for many reasons, but it would have if circumstances were different. However, it always leaves the protagonist fundamentally reformed as a more authentic version of themselves. This is the alchemical process of the Hero's Journey - to turn lead into gold and often the medium that helps the Hero achieve that is some combination of Love, Faith, and Courage.

There's a song that's inside

Of my soul

It's the one that I've tried to write

Over and over again

I'm awake in the infinite cold

But you sing to me over and over and over again

Let's go into what makes a fantasy romance, because the "Like Stories of Old" channel I've been watching brought up some good points that I only just realized are essential to romances. First, the Lovers are put into a position where they are forced to get to know each other. Some examples: They are stuck together on a long train ride, spending the summer vacation in the same location, or they are working together on a play. In some cases, such as in "A Walk to Remember," they may have been aware of each other for a long time but only get to know each other as a result of being put into a situation where they must interact. Whatever the circumstances are, they always remove whatever barriers there are to the romance and support further intimacy between the characters. Second, they both make the choice to fall in love together. There is no chasing - there's no need for it. The process feels abnormally natural, such that there's no awkwardness or the awkwardness is gotten out of the way relatively quickly. It usually helps that the characters, at least internally, are caring and romantic. They do believe in Love, even if previous experiences have made them cynical. Finally, the circumstances are only there for a short amount of time. It's not that the love has a shelf-life (True Love doesn't and will stick around long after the protagonists separate), but the opportunity to enjoy the romance is short-lived. Reality will come crashing in eventually and separation is inevitable. That's the difference between a romantic comedy and a romantic tragedy. If the characters are reunited, it's a comedy; if the separation is permanent (or if they can only be reunited in death), it's a tragedy. 

The scene in "A Walk to Remember" where "Only Hope" is featured is one of my favorite scenes in film. It's during the school play and Jamie is singing the song, during which, she looks like an absolute angel. This is a key point. This is the "Meeting with the Goddess" moment on Landon's journey, where the full weight of Jamie's beauty, kindness, and general good-ness cannot be ignored. He can't look away - everything has been unveiled to him and he must make the choice to pursue it. And he does, with a simple kiss, which is implied to be unscripted. There's also a moment at the end where his girlfriend/ex-girlfriend gets visibly jealous at seeing them together. That's often another element in romantic tragedies - there is another woman, often a femme fatale, who cannot stand to see the Goddess triumph. This woman is not always linked romantically to the Hero. Sometimes, shes simply jealous of the Goddess because of her beauty and/or talent, such as Nini in "Moulin Rouge." Or it's an overbearing mother who doesn't want her daughter to waste her life on a man she deems as unfit ("Titanic" and "The Notebook"). In the end, this leads to another test for the Lovers - often the ultimate test, before they finally end up together (for however long Fate decides).

It should be noted that this song is actually about Jamie's faith in God, but the lyrics were written purposefully so that it could be inferred that she was referring to her growing feelings for Landon. I could keep ranting because I'm pretty sure I missed a few points that were jumbled in my head earlier today, but I'll keep that to myself (or, more likely, write an entire literary analysis that I don't show anyone). Enjoy the following clip from "A Walk to Remember"!

"Only Hope" Video

"Before I'm Dead" by Kidneythieves

We're going to stay within the Vampire Chronicles, simply because the "Queen of the Damned" was one of the best soundtracks that came out of the early 2000s. I could do a post on every single song on the album, it's that good. I've been watching this YouTube channel about the different ways film addresses meaning, through philosophy and metaphysics. It has illuminated some of my favorite movies in ways I have never thought. One of the ways the channel accomplishes that is through discussing different character archetypes and, of course, how those archetypes play out on The Hero's Journey. One of the videos I watched today mentioned that the Hero's Journey always begins with an initiation. A transitional experience (and often, a choice) the Hero must encounter in order to cross over from the profane world (that which know as ordinary reality) into the sacred world. In the video, the narrator stated that in the modern era, our encounters with the sacred world are becoming more sparse. Entry into the sacred world used to be something every human experienced, because it was baked into our tribal culture through rites of passage. Now, a contemporary human may go their entire lives without passing through any barriers into transcendence. The irony is that society has invented pseudo-initiations to fill in the gap, but very few things come close to the transformative event that is described in the Hero's Journey.

This discussion of the sacred-profane dichotomy brought to mind the Order of the Talamasca. The Talamasca is a secret society in the Vampire/Mayfair Witch Chronicles that was established to keep watch over the world of the paranormal. As desperately as I wish such a thing existed, the most disappointing thing about this secret society is it is purely academic - or it's meant to be. Their motto is "We watch. And we are always there." But that's all they're supposed to do. However, it's an occultist society and you can imagine the type of people it attracts. Naturally, it attracts people who feel out of place in the profane world. People who, without proof, believe that something more must exist. Or they come from lineages well-steeped in the mysterious and supernatural. Some of my favorite characters in the Chronicles timeline - Jessica "Jesse" Reeves and Merrick Mayfair - are just such people. We'll focus on Jesse, because she's one of the main characters in "Queen of the Damned." She's orphaned at a young age but is sent to live with relatives of what is referred to as The Great Family. The Great Family was born of one of the oldest vampires, Maharet, before she was turned by Akasha, who wanted to claim her power as witch through consuming her blood. The mythos of the Chronicles is intense and varied, so I'll try to sum up as best I can without rewriting the whole damn series. After she is turned, Maharet makes it her mission to ensure her descendants are taken care of. She even visits many of them regularly, though she keeps her distance. This is probably what I'd do if I were immortal. As sad as it would be, I'd still watch my son grow up. And then his children after him. And their children after them. Jesse knows Maharet as her aunt but has always felt drawn to her and the forced distance has always weighed on her heart. Jesse has natural psychic gifts of her own, which is how the Talamasca finds and recruits her. However, she is charged to watch the supernatural world but be not of it. Ultimately, she cannot uphold that promise, because it is built on an unstable foundation. It goes against her soul and there is nothing so untenable as trying to keep a promise that is in conflict with your soul. The irony is that the Talamasca is filled with people who long to join the sacred world, but most are too cowardly to face the initiation and so choose to dress up their cowardice as "academic interest" or "serving the common good." They hide behind societal morals and ethics, always with one toe on the threshold but never daring to cross.

Epochs fly, reminds me

What I hide, reminds me

The desert skies

Cracks the spies

Reminds me what I never tried

The ocean wide salted red

Reminds me what to do before I'm dead

Some do, though. Jesse does, in the end. As does Merrick Mayfair (although that's an entire novel on its own). And, of course, the ethereal beauty of the Mayfair witches draws in its fair share of male Talamasca members, most of whom suffer an unfortunate fate. They forgot the most important guideline - never fall in love with a witch....not even once. The only thing almost as tragic is having a vampire fall in love with you, which is what happens to Jesse. To be fair, Lestat has a habit of falling in love with everyone, so she's kind of the rule, not the exception. Still, Lestat offered and she accepted. That's the difference. To go on the Hero's Journey, when presented with an opportunity, you must accept it. Yes, in some cases, the Hero is forced onto the path but there is always a choice to not continue. There's always the option to go back to The Shire and live out the rest of your days peacefully. There's nothing wrong with this except that you'll always be haunted by the "what ifs," which isn't so bad. You can be haunted by "what ifs" for opportunities that weren't even possibilities for you, anyway, so it seems a small price to pay for a comfortable life. It just seems like a shame to merely taste the extraordinary only to go back to the mundane, with very little to show for it except memories. In order to be transformed, you have to be immersed in the sacred fully and come out the other side. One must walk through flames and allow the old self (i.e., the ego) be utterly destroyed. But you must go in willingly, with no illusions of security or comfort. Only then can the Hero emerge.

"Before I'm Dead" Video

"Downtown" by Majical Cloudz

I've probably mentioned this before but my favorite Major Arcana in tarot is "The Star." It comes immediately after "The Tower" and there's a reason for that. The only way to survive the Tower crumbling and falling apart is having faith that you can rebuild whatever was destroyed. Not only rebuild, but make it greater than it ever was. With that in mind, I found myself ruminating on the difference between faith and hope. I've decided that hope is more uncertain and comes with expectations. Because it comes with expectations, we're always looking for confirmation, because ultimately, hope is built on shaky foundations. We don't really believe the implausible can happen, even though we really really want it to. Faith, on the other hand, is a deep knowing that something is true - regardless of what reality presents itself as. Some may call this delusion. And, in our darkest moments, faith does feel like delusion - so much so, that most abandon it. To continue believing, in spite of everything you see, you have to keep trusting that little voice inside that keeps telling you what is true. Because faith shatters your expectations altogether. Given this, I struggle with the balance between hope and faith. I wonder which one I really have.

I've been watching "The OA," which I highly recommend. There's been a recent fight to get Netflix to make more seasons, and I can understand why. It is good. So good. However, the premise requires an open mind. It addresses those questions of faith and hope and what happens after we die. Are we more than a brain trapped within the confines of a body? In order watch "The OA" and take in the message it has to offer, you have to be able to suspend what you know and have to be willing to accept that there's so much we don't know. In fact, that's the entire concept of the show, as far as I've watched. I'm going to try not to give away too much, but the show is about a woman (who calls herself The OA) who has escaped being held prisoner and she's trying to save the people she was imprisoned with. Including a man she loves dearly. In order to save them, she has to use her knowledge of the world beyond, which she gained during a series of Near Death Experiences (NDE). But her plan requires bringing others into the fold. Others who have already been jaded by life, even though most of them are so young. And she has to make them believe.

Faith is an essential component of The Hero's Journey because, inevitably, the Hero will face a tower moment where all their beliefs, hopes, dreams, and aspirations seem impossibly out of reach. It's usually after the first big battle of their journey. They've already gone through a major transformation for the better but they go into the battle arrogant. They've let their ego run the show and for that, they've faced a major defeat. Their perception of their identity has now been completely destroyed. They are nothing and no one once again. And they must answer those uncomfortable questions that have been looming since the beginning of their journey - questions only they can answer. Am I really on the side of good? Does magic exist or is it all in my head? Is True Love even real? Was it worth leaving the comfort of home? Do I have what it takes to accomplish my mission? They have been swallowed up by the void, consumed in total darkness. In order to get out, they have to believe that there will be a light if they keep going. Even though they can't see it, they have to know it's there. And in a situation where they could literally go any direction, the truth is that the only way you can go is forward. You can't erase past - honestly, the past might as well not exist. All that matters is what the Hero chooses to do in this moment. It might take a long time but the Hero eventually takes a leap of faith (his second on the journey) and puts one foot in front of the other.

There's one thing I'll do

If it ever goes wrong

I'll write you into my all of my songs

And if suddenly I die

I hope they will say

That he was obsessed and it was okay

'Cause we're going downtown

And we feel like running around

Is it really this fun when you're on my mind

Is it really this cool to be in your life

This song accompanied the climax of "The OA's" fifth episode. This episode was especially emotionally charged, for several reasons. Over the first few episodes, a connection between The OA and another prisoner (Homer) has been building. It's a weird type of intimacy because they begin as strangers. She can't even see him in the beginning, because she's blind. They have no privacy and, just because of the situation, they are forced to be vulnerable. They can't even touch each other but they become closer than most couples. They don't owe each other anything, they haven't promised each other anything, but the unspoken understanding is there. Unfortunately, in this episode, there comes a point where Homer seemingly betrays The OA, which is what their captor wanted. To break The OA's spirit, because her strength is keeping the other prisoners going. Until this point, it seems that OA derives her hope from Homer, so his betrayal hurts her deeply. Make no mistake - she has been broken. And she's forced to see through her hope, to recognize that he's just another human, and that they are in a truly impossible situation. The OA is finally met with her greatest failure, her most keenly felt weakness. At this point, she must decide if everything she's learned in her NDEs is a delusion or something more. It takes a moment but she continues working on her mission to escape. At first, it seems like she's going through the motions but then her passion rebuilds. Then, in a symbolic gesture of apology and to reassure her that she isn't crazy (that she's not the only one who fell in love), Homer joins her in working through the plan. And, at the end of the episode, they make a miracle happen. Together. The magic that they create inspires faith in the other prisoners that there is a way out of their prison.

The entire show is intensely metaphysical and I've derived some very beautiful lessons out of it thus far. Truths I very much needed to be reminded of. I find myself in the unenviable position of being deep in the wilderness. Deeper than I've ever been before, if that's possible. It's never been this hard for me to rustle up the purity of intention needed to power through the thicket before me. I will, though. It's just taking a minute. On the bright side, I did discover that "The 10th Kingdom" is available on Amazon Prime so I've taken a brief break from watching "The OA" to enjoy something a little lighter for a moment. 

"Downtown" Video

"A Whiter Shade of Pale" by Procol Harum

This is one of those songs you've definitely heard before but never knew who sang it. It's one of those dream-like songs from the late 60s that you're not sure really existed outside your mind, until you hear it in the background of a show or movie. Every couple of years, this song pops into my head, which eventually gets me yearning to watch "The 10th Kingdom." "The 10th Kingdom" is one of my favorite mini-series of all time. Weird favorite to have but it's definitely up there with "Gormenghast" (it's okay if you've never heard of this one, because it's rather obscure....my sister and I discovered it on PBS and were obsessed momentarily) and "Pride & Prejudice" (the one with Colin Firth....which is the only acceptable adaptation of P&P in existence). "The 10th Kingdom" is your typical quest story, with a female protagonist named Virginia. As you may have guessed, it's a twisted fairytale, where the fantasy world is just as fantastic as one would hope but still weirder than anyone could imagine. This is the point in my rant where I point out that I had a celebrity crush on one of the lead characters - yes, Virginia's love interest was exactly my type. Wolf, played by Scott Cohen, is a roguish werewolf with shaggy hair, piercing eyes, and a perpetual five o'clock shadow. Throughout the mini-series, he struggles with taming his animalistic instincts (which is mostly just being sex-crazed and overtly aggressive in his romantic pursuit of Virginia) because it always seems to get him (or Virginia) into trouble. He's also torn because he has inadvertently fallen in love with Virginia, but he's pledged allegiance and loyalty to the Evil Queen (more on that later). Overall, Wolf is a surprisingly complex character because, as the story progresses, his narrative reveals why he is the way he is. Because the viewer sees this development, it becomes understandable and even desirable for him to get his happy ending, too, in spite of the "bad" choices he makes in the beginning of the series.

Scott Cohen as "Wolf" in "The 10th Kingdom"

As much fun as Wolf adds to the plot, we mustn't forget that "The 10th Kingdom" is ultimately about Virginia's story. When we first meet Virginia, she's a responsible waitress living a predictable and lonely life in New York City. We learn that, at some point, her mother abandoned her and that she's spent the majority of her childhood looking after a lovable but somewhat foolish father. She's not really interested in doing much of anything, including dating. Thus, the stage is set - our Hero, who believes in nothing but the mundane world she knows, will now be met with Destiny and be called to adventure. That adventure turns up in the form of a golden retriever, who is actually a prince from a fantasy realm you can only get to via mirror portal. Of course, she thinks it's just a dog at first, until weird shit starts happening, including the arrival of a handsome stranger who keeps threatening/joking that he's going to eat her (you can read into that as much as you want...I'm not going to spell it out for you). Long story short, she ends up in a quest to the 9th Kingdom (in case you were wondering, the 10th Kingdom is NYC) to return the Prince to his rightful form and function.

As I've mentioned before, in The Hero's Journey, there comes a point where the Hero must address long-standing issues and underlying pain with one or both of their parents - The Atonement of the Father. In the Heroine's Journey, this is often in the form of Reconciliation with the Mother. In Virginia's case - although she is hesitant to admit it - her mother's abandonment has left a deep wound. She blames herself for her mother leaving and, thus, has been avoiding happiness and intimacy. Eventually, we discover that the Evil Queen is Virginia's mother, who ran away to the 9th Kingdom after having a mental breakdown and nearly drowning Virginia. The audience learns that Christine married Virginia's father, but subsequently fell out of love and became disillusioned with her life. Instead of facing that reality, she chose to escape to a fantasy world instead. Towards the end of the series, Virginia has an opportunity to confront her mother for having abandoned her. I can't remember the details exactly, but it wasn't a pleasant conversation. Unfortunately, in some stories, the protagonist's fears are confirmed. Their mother really didn't love them or their father is disappointed in them and will never be proud. This is just another trial the Hero must see through 'til the end. At the end of Virginia's quest, the Evil Queen is still intent on continuing her plot for world domination and will stop at nothing to make it happen. Virginia ends up killing her mother in self-defense, which saves the 9 Kingdoms, but will certainly add tons more in therapy costs when she returns to New York.

She said, 'There is no reason'

And the truth is plain to see

But I wandered through my playing cards

And would not let her be

One of sixteen vestal virgins

Who were leaving for the coast

And although my eyes were open

They might have just as well've been closed

Joseph Campbell asserts wholeheartedly that we are able to apply the Hero's Journey in our own lives, so what can we take away from Virginia's story? I think it's a lot about facing uncomfortable truths, especially those about our parents. This is hard. For children, their parents seem like mythological figures, particularly in the first few years. It's not until we're disappointed by our parents that we begin to realize that they are mere mortals, like us. That they had/have their own dreams and aspirations, their own pain, and definitely their own insecurities. As a parent, I know I myself feel the pressure to maintain that facade of being the all-knowing, all-wonderful Mom, but that's not reality. And I've always believed that honesty is the best policy when it comes to children, because the thing that makes children feel the most insecure is when they aren't given the opportunity to understand what's going on. Obviously, children don't need to know everything about a situation - no one does - but they at least need know enough to recognize that it's not their fault. I am lucky that, in recent years, I've received more clarity about my childhood. That's allowed me to not only to show compassion and forgiveness towards my parents, but also towards myself. That's part of the Hero's Journey, too. To not only recognize your faults, but to embrace them, because they will help you understand what you need to continue with the journey.

"A Whiter Shade of Pale" Video

September Theme: Where have I heard that before? Part Deux

Friday was a slow day at work and I found myself in an intensely philosophical discussion with my coworkers about the Hero's Journey and the trajectory of a character into good versus evil. I posited that one of the key moments in the Hero's Journey where it has the potential to turn into the Villain's Journey is the Atonement (or lack thereof) of the Father. The examples we discussed were Voldemort and Kylo Ren (aka Ben Solo). Especially concerning Kylo Ren, there's this question of whether or not he can be redeemed. However, in general, killing your own father (sorry if I spoiled that for ya....it's been like 5 years) is a point of no return. You've already chosen the path of evil, any seeming good that you may do from that point on is in service of whatever twisted purpose you're pursuing. The discussion spurred me to actually go out and buy "The Hero with a Thousand Faces" by Joseph Campbell, which I've been meaning to do for months now. Maybe I'll actually know what I'm ranting about for once. The Hero's Journey, although dressed in the trappings of comparative mythology, is ultimately about the search for meaning in the human experience. Joseph Campbell draws from psychology, religion, and spirituality to weave together why this particular plot line is so universal. From the knowledge of the literary journey of our favorite protagonists, we are able to draw vicariously from their experiences and develop our own sense of purpose. The Hero's Journey mirrors the Human Journey - remembering that turns every story we consume into a guide we can use to lead us to - and through - our destined paths.

Whew! Got a little dramatic there but I cannot overstate this - I've read about 20 pages in this book and it is already deep, dense, and heavy. It also has a lot of footnotes, and that's just about my most favorite thing in the world - a book with lots of footnotes. As the title suggests, I would like to revisit November 2018's theme again and dive deeper into the pop culture quagmire that we call civilization. I hope to put some of my newfound understanding to (somewhat legit) use by applying it to films and TV shows I've enjoyed throughout the years. It may get a little introspective, but I think all art - yes, even humble blog posts such as this one - are reflective of the people who create them. It's just that some introspection is more overt than usual. Of course, I plan to pull songs from the chosen media to highlight how music plays it's own unique part in narrating the human experience.

That's enough for now. With that, I leave you with the following pithy Internet quote:

"Believer" by Imagine Dragons

There's this thing in witchcraft that we call The Great Work (or, for those of you schooled in the studies of Hermeticism and alchemy, the Magnum Opus). Spoiler alert: The Great Work is you. It's your life. In Thelema, the magical system developed by Aleister Crowley, the Great Work is the spiritual practices leading to the mystical union of the Self and All. Now, whether or not you follow Mr. Crowley, there is something empowering in knowing that you are your own masterpiece. That's the actual magic of alchemy. Through putting all your energy into accomplishing a goal (such as creating the Philosopher's Stone), the process transforms you, metaphorically turning your soul from lead into gold.

I've been delving deep into Theosophy lately, specifically the lessons of the spiritual path and its similarities to The Hero's Journey. When you see all the threads for what they are, it's hard not to see all the inevitable connections. On the spiritual path, the first initiation is the choice to take the spiritual path. The choice to embody who you are and your destiny. Not unlike what the Hero has to go through, when s/he understands that not going on the journey/quest/mission that has presented itself will leave them unsatisfied. It's not that the life they would have if they don't choose to go on the journey will be unhappy, but it will be safe and unremarkable. And they'll always be left wondering about the "what ifs." In "Believer," the singer stands at the precipice of this choice. He is thinking over his life and he realizes that everything that has happened to him - both good and bad - has led him to this place. He's grateful for all of it. And he realizes he has control over what happens next. Theosophy speaks of many other initiations, all very interesting in their own right, but it's this first one that matters the most. Theoretically, the majority of people don't face this initiation. Maybe they get close but then back away at the last second. Usually out of fear of what other people will think.

First things first

I'ma say all the words inside my head

I'm fired up and tired of the way that things have been, oh ooh

The way that things have been, oh ooh

Second thing second

Don't you tell me what you think that I can be

I'm the one at the sail, I'm the master of my sea, oh ooh

The master of my sea, oh ooh

Which brings me to the subject of Saturn Returns. Saturn is the ruler of discipline, duty, and - yes, my friends - destiny. He forces us to face the essentials of life, the obligations to our community that we have when we are born, and the responsibilities we must accept if we are to continue existing. Saturn Returns have a way of activating parts of our natal chart that have thus far remained dormant. It takes Saturn to go through all 12 signs of the Zodiac approximately 29.5 years and it usually has an influence for about 3 years. For simplicity's sake, let's just say that most people are under the influence of their Saturn Return from when they turn 28 to until the end of age 30. Coincidentally, the average age for divorce is 30. Supposedly, most people turn to whoever they're with and they have one of two reactions: "Yay! I get to spend the rest of my life with this person." or "Oh. My. God. I'm going to spending the rest of my life with this person." Alternatively, Saturn Returns also have a habit of bringing in love from an unexpected source, usually when you're not looking for it. This isn't necessarily a bad thing - Saturn also has a habit of helping people realize what they really want in life. It's the much needed kick-in-the-pants that gets them pointed in the right direction, if they weren't already going that way.

I was thinking about the 3 years that encapsulated my Saturn Return. It's funny - I distinctly remember when I turned 28, I vowed that it was going to be the best year of my life and I wrote down a plan to make that happen in my journal. About a month after writing all those good intentions, I found out I was pregnant. Saturn strikes again...but that's okay, because I've always wanted kids. And maternity leave was like having a built-in writing vacation because, instead of sleeping when the baby slept, I decided to use that time to write (in hindsight, this probably wasn't the best idea....I was always so exhausted). In those 3 years, I had a baby, I got married, I bought a house, received a series of promotions that have gotten me to where my career is today, wrote more than ever, and a few other less pleasant things that I'd rather not mention (but, nonetheless, had a profound impact on me). In spite of some missteps (or perhaps because of them), I feel like I became more myself, which is what is supposed to happen during a Saturn Return. You're supposed to be set on the path you're meant to follow. Not everyone embraces it, though. Sometimes, the opportunity to leave a situation that doesn't reflect your core self presents itself and you don't take it out of some misguided belief of what you should do, rather than what you really want for yourself. Luckily, most people will have another Saturn Return but resisting that first one may cause you to stay in an unhappy situation for longer than you otherwise would have out of fear of facing the unknown. It's important to remember one key piece of guidance when facing a Saturn Return (or any Return or Retrograde, for that matter): Chaos is another name for Opportunity. Embrace the chaos. Saturn knows better than most that, in order to put thing right, you might have to tear everything apart first. Stepping back and seeing the method in the madness is what will ultimately make you a Believer.

"Believer" Video

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming....

With a song from an artist my work bro introduced me to on this trip. His name is Jon Bellion and he does a sort of experimental hip hop. A lot of sampling and liberal use of an MPC, which gives his music a unique sound. However, it's the lyrics that got me. My friend played "Woke the F*ck Up" and I was hooked. This guy gets it. Coincidentally, this song is from his debut album, appropriately titled "The Human Condition." Most of his songs fit that theme accurately. There's something meaningful in the mundane, and Bellion captures that.

Take your clothes and rip 'em, rip 'em off

Call these hoes and tip 'em, tip 'em off

You can tell them you are mine

I'm sick of, sick of games

No more time, you lit the, lit the flame, yeah

We live in an age where everything is staged

Where all we do is fake our feelings

I've been scared to put myself so out there

Time is running out, yeah

Need to let you know that

Last night I woke the fuck up

I realized I need you here, as desperate as that sounds, yeah-eh

Last night I woke the fuck up

I realized I need you here, as desperate as that sounds, yeah-eh

We decided not to go out to eat tonight. We both had leftovers and, quite frankly, I think we're both a little bored of hanging out together after four days. That's normal. It's normal to get tired of hanging out with someone all day. It's normal to struggle for things to talk about, even if you're good friends with someone. And yet again, that tiny, goddamned voice....

"You never wanted normal."

During the course of the day, when there's lulls in the constant activity, my mind wanders. I was thinking about the story I'm writing. I've been struggling to identify what I want to convey. But I realized it's simply this....To expose the blood and bone and sinew that gets to the heart of human existence. I want to write something raw and desperate like that, something that reminds people that's real. They're not imagining it. What we're experiencing is real and not real at the same time. I've gotten to the point in this trip where everything seems a little surreal. I was getting breakfast and I was acutely aware of how sticky the floor was. A sticky floor in a rather high-end looking hotel. I hate sticky floors, but I'm also kind of high maintenance. This realization - of sticky floors and not-quite-right scrambled eggs - is part of my effort to stay present. I take a moment and try to really understand the details of where I am, everything I'm sensing through my physical presence, and my thoughts about those things. For example, I was looking at all the people I was sharing this small conference room with, trying to memorize their faces. And I came to the conclusion that I have no clue what "attractive" means anymore, because everyone's face seemed pleasant to me. By pleasant, I meant I didn't mind looking at them but it didn't bother me if I wasn't looking at them. I guess neutral, is a better word. I've become neutral.

When I was 18, I read Jean-Paul Sartre's "Nausea." I know that sounds pretentious, to say I've read Jean-Paul Sartre, but I have because that's just who I am. I don't mention that a lot because most people have no idea who he is or what existentialism even really means. People just think it sounds cool to say, but it's a fairly profound philosophical concept. Existentialism is the idea that each individual is responsible for giving their own life meaning. We begin in a state of dread - that life is inherently meaningless. This feeling, as described by Sartre, is akin to nausea. It's disorienting and disquieting, and leaves you with a pit in your stomach. Another way I'd describe it would be emptiness and an existential crisis, indeed, leaves you feeling like you're being sucked into a black void, of which you can never crawl out of, which some would call the Dark Night of the Soul. This is usually the start of the Hero's Journey. Something happens that turns his/her whole world inside out, to the point where he can't cope. Some people (possibly most people) live at the edge of this void for the majority of their lives. However, the only way out of it is to struggle through, dragging yourself through your own personal hell. Eventually, you reach the point of no return - some call this seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, but in truth, you have to realize you had the light the whole time. This is the arc of a good character-driven story and, as it turns out, a good concept album as well. "The Human Condition" follows essentially Jon Bellion's Hero's Journey. I'm trying to keep these ideas in mind as I write my own character-driven plot. One final thought before I end this rant - the following sentence came to me today and I feel strongly that I'm meant to share it, because I find it comforting:

The [human] experience is not unique, our perception of it is.

"Woke the F*ck Up" Video