"Dream On" by Aerosmith

My plans for writing these past few days were thrown out the window when I had an unexpected family visit. Although I had a lot of other songs I wanted to write about this month, I only have one night left. And I had to make it count.

As I've said before, this year has been something else. I won't call it bad, because it wasn't. But it was...different. I've never felt more delusional and crazy at times during 2019. And, yet, I've also felt freer and more myself than I have in the past 30 years of my life. I'm a lot closer to something akin to balance than I have ever been and for that, I am grateful. There was a period, earlier this year, when things were extra tough and all my efforts seemed so futile. Then, one morning, "Dream On" came on the radio....and it was the first time I had actually really heard the song. Mind you, I grew up on Aerosmith. They are part of my musical DNA, on par with the likes of Stevie Nicks, David Bowie, Queen, Cher, the Beatles, the Stones, the Doors, and Elton John. However, you can hear a song every single day and still not understand it. Then, all of a sudden, the lyrics take on this weight and meaning that they didn't have the day before. And you can't un-hear it, because it's in your soul now. That's basically what happened to me that day and I couldn't think of a better song to encapsulate my mentality going into 2020.

Every time when I look in the mirror

All these lines on my face getting clearer

The past is gone

It went by, like dusk to dawn

Isn't that the way

Everybody's got the dues in life to pay

I know nobody knows

Where it comes and where it goes

I know it's everybody sin

You got to lose to know how to win

"Dream On," much like "Carry On Wayward Son," captures a specific moment in the Hero's Journey that is absolutely essential in the creation of a legend and the plot of a story. It's the point where the Hero has wandered into the Abyss, unsure of how to get back. S/he has faced a crushing defeat and has to question everything s/he's believed up until that point. Every choice, every wrong turn, every decision made is called up for review. In many ways, it is the lowest point in the journey and what the Hero does next determines who they become. Assuming they choose to embrace their destiny (to be the Hero), that's when s/he realizes....there were no wrong turns, only lessons that helped them become the person they needed to be in that moment. To conquer the next challenge. To overcome the biggest obstacle in the Hero's Journey, which is always self-doubt and fear. It's when the fire returns and they go on to conquer these fears and redeem themselves for their past mistakes. After the Tower has collapsed, the Star comes out. Whether or not you choose to follow it is always your choice. And don't worry - there's plenty of Stars and it's never to late (or too early) to start following one.

I've been having a lot of weird dreams lately. Most recently, I had a dream that I had to fill up a pool with salt water using a wooden bucket. Even in the dream, it was understood that this was a lesson in character building. I mean, the pool did need to be filled for some reason but there was probably an easier way to do it. However, I knew intuitively that the point wasn't to get the water to the pool, it was to grow stronger and more patient in the process. I've been pondering this, as well as some thoughts I heard on a podcast regarding Jupiter in Capricorn. Jupiter is a benefic planet, meaning that - when it's well placed (as it was in 2019, when it was in Sagittarius, a sign it rules) - it lends an expansive, lucky energy to everything it influences. However, in Capricorn, Jupiter is in its Fall. Now, bear with me because I'm just now starting to understand the essential dignities of each planet, but what that means is that Jupiter's influence is severely handicapped. The luck is more in seeing the lesson for what it is, not that you'll get anything tangible out of the experiences you have. The astrologer went on to say that, in 2020, the skies are kind of against us. So if we want a happy ending, you have to be willing to work for it. There ain't no magical transits coming to save us in 2020. Fortune will favor those who are willing to dig in and create their own magic. Who can see the Abyss in front of them and are willing to walk into it anyway. Even if their compass is sorta broken and they traded their last candle to a traveling bard for a really cool looking grimoire. The way I've read the energy for 2020 - astrologically and empathically - is that we're all headed for a major course correction in some way. Regardless of how that plays out for each of us, what matters is who we choose to be every day. If you're not working to be who you want to be every single day, 2020 (and every year after) is going to fucking suck for you. And you'll have no one to blame but yourself.

However, if you are trying to embody your Destiny and your Highest Self - by trying to bring your thoughts, words, and deeds into alignment - I have just one message for you in the last moments of 2019....

Dream on, my dear Hero.

"Dream On" Video

"Oh Lord" by In This Moment

The video for this song is more creepy than the music is, but it fits in with our "demons" theme. I've been pretty exhausted this week, hence not much writing. Between work, housewifing, and mom duties, I'm pretty wiped and I haven't been able to quiet my mind very effectively. Sometimes it's racing thoughts, but mostly, it's this niggling something at the back of my brain that I can't seem to stop thinking about. Demons come in many forms - I know this well. Let's explore.

Today, we think of demons as malevolent spirits, usually originating from Hell or whatever Underworld you believe in, that possess people to do bad(ish) things. But the original Greek daimon/daemon wasn't negative at all. It was a just a spirit or divine power that existed alongside humans. Much like a genius, daimons sometimes attached themselves to specific humans and motivated them to take certain actions. For geniuses, that was often to create; for daimons, it seems to be that they caused people to do things that they were otherwise too afraid to do (geniuses and daimons references often overlap, since the Romans borrowed most of their shit from the Greeks). Kind of like alcohol, but in spirit form. (That was a joke, if you didn't catch it.) Demons are able to be conjured and controlled for the conjurer's purposes. Want to be rich? Call a demon. Want to be beautiful? Demons can totally help with that. Need to be free of your wife/husband? Get Azazel on speed dial. Demons are super useful - everyone should keep a few in their cupboard.

This understanding of demons changed when Christianity became the dominant religion. While pagans understood that these spirits were largely neutral and unconcerned with the affairs of humans, Christians saw the raw natural power as something evil and, thus, could not be of God. In Christianity, demons are corrupt spirits that exist to do Satan's dirty work. Most commonly, demons are thought of as fallen angels, but they could also be the ghosts of evil people or Nephilim, the offspring of angels and humans who wish to have a body again. I find the idea of Nephilim most intriguing. Anne Rice's novel, "Memnoch the Devil" (which profoundly affected my religious beliefs), combined the mythology of the Nephilim with the concept that Satan is still the most honored servant of God, his mission is just seen as evil by us mere mortals. That concept is also the centerpiece of Yazidi beliefs, which is why some Muslims refer to them as "devil-worshippers." But even in the Bible, there's hints that this is, in fact, the case. In the story of Job, God literally makes a bet with Satan that he can't tempt Job to lose his faith in God and gives him permission to make Job's life miserable. Needless to say, God is kind of an asshole.

Oh Lord won't you teach me

Teach me how to see

Oh Lord tell me you love me

Am I Lilith or am I Eve?

Oh God have mercy on me

Oh God have mercy on me

Hold me down under holy water

I fear I been laying with the devil

I been laying with the devil (save my soul)

"Oh Lord" is about Maria Brink's struggle with the evolution of her religious beliefs. Just because of how things were when she was growing up around pagan beliefs - the Great Satanic Panic of the 80s and 90s - she felt very conflicted with her interests in the occult. As a result, she had a lot of guilt and fear for a long time. If you look at her current body of work and the influences that she's incorporated into her music, though, it seems she's gotten over those emotions. Time and wisdom does that for you. It's very common for pagans from Christian backgrounds to feel guilty about being interested in witchcraft and ghosts and such. I struggled with it a lot back when I was trying to be a good Catholic, which I gave up trying to be around the time I turned 18. When I hear people with similar backgrounds on pagan/witch podcasts talk about it, they describe their spiritual evolution as a calling. Like they knew what they believed, they were just afraid of embracing it because of the pressures of their families and society. I kind of feel like that, too, just looking back at my life. You can't force something that doesn't feel natural.

As I said, the video is kind of creepy. Maria Brink is somewhere in Appalachia, in a dilapidated cabin, being beautifully weird. The video is rife with religious symbolism, from the rosary she holds in her hand to the ritual on the hillside. And, honestly, the ritual with the five women and the glowing orbs seems to be the least disturbing part of the video. It could be just projection, but I think Brink intended it to be that way.

"Oh Lord" Video

"The Sun and Moon" by Cursive

Many cultures have a "Why the Sun chases the Moon" mythos, so it's hard to trace where this story starts. Probably Ancient Sumaria....everything seems to start in Ancient Sumaria. But, to be fair, this story is also present in a lot of Native American and Mesoamerican cultures as well, so the story may be as old as humanity. Because that's what we did in the olden days - when it was dark and cold outside and we couldn't hunt, we told stories and made art.

The story of the Sun and Moon goes like this - The Moon loves the Sun so much that he chases her around the sky. That's it. Sometimes the Moon is the female and the Sun is male, but they follow each other, day in and day out. It's a magnetic attraction - one is pulling, one is pushing - but they can never be together. Because the Sun is like 8 light minutes away, which is probably like a zillion miles. I have no idea how far away the Sun is but I know the Moon is about 250,000 miles from Earth.

I did some research on the symbolism of the Sun and the Moon. The essential nature of the relationship between the Sun and Moon is that they are a balance of opposites, which also crosses cultures. However, at the core, there are similarities between them. To us, they appear the same size (because humans don't quite understand perspective), they share equal time in the sky throughout the year (because humans don't quite understand celestial orbits either), and they both provide light in some form. They're different but they're the same - which is Rule #1 of Romantic Comedies. Yin and yang in Chinese philosophy, dualism in Ancient Greece - you have to balance the elements that the Sun and Moon represent in order to reach inner peace/nirvana/Truth/True Love/whatever. Not to mention that the Sun and Moon is all over romantic literature, because it is the first romance. For example, Act II, Scene II of "Romeo and Juliet":

But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?

It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.

Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,

Who is already sick and pale with grief,

That thou her maid art far more fair than she

It's also common for the Sun to be used as a metaphor for love and be compared to someone you love (see "Lullaby" and "You are My Sunshine"). Hence today's song from Cursive. Essentially, he's saying that the person he's singing about completes him, but he's kind of resentful, because she's more amazing than he'll ever be, even though they are the same in some ways. Even though he knows all her darkness and the things that haunt her and the questionable choices she's made, she still shines. And he's stuck reflecting her glow, following her around. Near the end, he gets kind of childish and for a moment he's like, "Maybe I'm the one who's awesome," but then he's like..."No, you really are more amazing." The sad thing is...the Sun doesn't really need the Moon, but the Moon needs the Sun. The Sun can shine without him, but the Moon is just a hunk of cold rock without the Sun. There's your philosophy/astronomy lesson for today.

My flesh and blood? It can't be true

You're everything I could never be

I was no one, now I'm two

You're actually here acknowledging that I am the we that makes us complete

"The Sun and Moon" Video