"Lullaby" by The Spill Canvas

My insomnia is back with a vengeance, which is why I'm up at 3am writing. Better than laying in bed thinking, although I'm not sure keeping a public record of my half-baked thoughts is always wise. I also end up spending even more time looking for songs that are sweet and slow and do nothing to help me fall asleep. This is one of those songs. It doesn't help me sleep because I want to hear every word - I like to pretend he's singing to me. Ironically, it's named "Lullaby" but it fails as one.

As I've said before, I have too many favorite songs but I think this one might be top 10. If I had to rank my favorites, which I'd be loathe to do. I discovered The Spill Canvas during my heavy emo days, mostly because they have a lot of good "she left me for a Chad" songs. I'm pretty sure all their songs are about the same girl who broke the lead singer's heart. This is one of the few where he's like "she's an angel and I'm going to be with her forever." Poor guy. For the longest time, I thought this girl must be really beautiful and amazing (she "puts the sun to shame" in the lyrics) if he wrote a song like this about her. Now, I'm starting to realize that she's probably just an ordinary girl that he thinks is absolutely perfect.

I remember one time I was in Hastings (which is closed now....it was the only bookstore in my "home town" and now they really are dependent on Amazon for books and other good stuff) and there was this couple who were canoodling in the Horror/Sci-Fi/Fantasy section (which was my haunting ground, because it was also near the New Age/Witchcraft books). The girl was on the heavier side and I didn't think she was particularly pretty, but I thought her boyfriend was pretty attractive. I said something snarky to my dad - probably like, "how did she get a guy like that?" You know what my dad told me? It's not all about looks, Jess. That day, I realized two things - 1) I was an incredibly shallow person and, 2) I was obsessed with looks because I was insecure about myself. And when you're insecure about yourself, you have a tendency to not see the beauty in other people, because it makes you feel inferior. I don't do that anymore. If I see a couple, my first reaction now is "aww! how cute!" - not "man, that bitch looks fat in that dress." This switch in mindset also coincided with me not hating on myself as much. I think I'm happier for it.

My favorite part of this song is the bridge:

While you were sleeping, I figured out everything

I was constructed for you and you were molded for me.

Now I feel your name coursin' through my veins.

You shine so bright, it's insane, you put the sun to shame.

That's an intense amount of feelings to have about a person. It reminds me of a quote from the movie "Juno":  "...the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you - the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass." This is the advice Juno's dad gives her and it's pretty sound. And, whoever Nick Thomas is singing about, it's pretty clear he thinks the sun shines out her ass and then some. How sweet. 

"Lullaby" Video