"How Soon is Now" by The Smiths (as covered by Love Spit Love)

::WARNING:: This post contains frank discussion about religion, philosophy, and Jesus, in particular. It's gonna get weird. ::END::

I'm a big fan of The Smiths. Yes, even now that Morrissey has proven himself to be an absolute wanker. I read an Amazon review once for "The Queen is Dead" (which is the first vinyl I ever purchased) that said "everyone goes through a Smiths phase...some of us just never leave it." That is definitely true about me. It's why Flaca is my favorite in "Orange is the New Black"...she reminds me of me. A Latina who loves the Smiths and guys in black eyeliner. Not that those are rare - my closest girlfriend is one of these types, which is one of the reasons we're friends - but it's rare to see it on a TV show.

I've started re-watching "Charmed." Partially to get ready for the reboot, partially because I was never fully invested in watching it when it was on TV. I've seen a fair few episodes but it wasn't in order and I don't really know what the story is. Somewhere during the show (I'm not at that point yet), the opening credits song became Love Spit Love's version of "How Soon is Now." Buckle up, because I'm about to get hella philosophical....I don't mean to offend, so please don't be offended.

I've always envisioned that it was Jesus singing this song. Just a disclaimer: I have doubts that Jesus existed as a real, historical person. I can buy that he's an amalgamation of multiple historical people and that the Catholic Church combined them to make their belief system easy to digest. However, let's assume for a minute that he was a real person. I've thought about this a lot and I've come to the conclusion that....he wasn't God who became Man or Man who became God, but just a man who realized he was a god all along. That's why he was so dangerous. I came to this epiphany while reading "Stranger in a Strange Land." In the book, Valentine Michael Smith (the "Martian") interprets the concept of "God" as a verb. "He is god, She is god, Thou art god." That phrase - "Thou Art God" - became my mantra for many years. Still is, some days. 

I know some people are reading this and thinking it's blasphemy, but it's the only thing that ever made sense to me. I remember the homily a visiting priest gave at Easter Mass one year. He said that Jesus came down from "Heaven" to understand what it was like to be human. If that's true, then when he was being crucified, he had a choice - he could've totally burned the world down. Or, he understood that being human is hard - extremely hard - and could forgive us for being really fucked up. Personally, I feel like he made the wrong choice some days. And if he ever came back (if you believe in that stuff, which I don't) he would probably rectify the situation. As you can guess, I wasn't a very good Catholic. That's probably not the point the priest was trying to make at all.

Anyway, to see why I think it's being sung from the perspective of Jesus, look no further than the opening lyrics:

I am the son

And the heir

Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar

I am the son and heir

Of nothing in particular

You shut your mouth

How can you say

I go about things the wrong way

I am human and I need to be loved

Just like everybody else does

It's despondent, like he is not content with his Fate (I am the son and the heir/Of nothing in particular) but then incredulous that people would question how he's going about his life (How can you say I go about things the wrong way?). Finally, he's just frustrated that people treat him like he's different, even though he has needs like everyone else (I am human and I need to be loved/Just like everybody else does). Personally, I buy into the "Jesus Christ, Superstar" version of events, which mirror what can be found in those lost Gospels people are always talking about. Mary Magdalene was his wife/girlfriend/closest confidante and he told Judas to turn him in to the authorities so he can set his plan for ascension in motion because he was fucking tired of waiting for something to happen. Another disclaimer - I haven't read those gospels in full, but I'd like to - because that version of events is more realistic than a 33-year-old virgin taking it on the chin for a bunch of ungrateful zealots because that's what he's supposed to do (which is the Catholic version of events).

In the spirit of research, I looked up the actual meaning of this song. It's about some guy with social anxiety having trouble finding a lover. It's about loneliness, essentially, and the struggle to overcome your faults in order to not be lonely anymore. Yep. Totally missed that. I'll still imagine Jesus singing it, though, because I think he'd understand that struggle. Probably more than most. Including both the Smiths version and the Love Spit Love version.  Just a heads up - The Smiths version is about 2 minutes longer.

Love Spit Love Version

The Smiths Version