"The Serpent" by Myrkur

Again, I found Myrkur on one of my excursions into the lesser known parts of Spotify. This particular area has a lot of Scandinavian Dark Metal - there was one really killer playlist called "Northern Lights" that had various pagan/metal/goth artists from Iceland, Sweden, Norway, and the like. Although the artist, Amalie Bruun, is Danish, the word myrkur is an Icelandic word meaning "darkness" in English.

For the budding Master of the Dark Arts, you have to get familiar with symbols. It's called the occult for a reason - everything is hidden. Lessons are everywhere, hiding in plain sight. Now, the tricky thing with symbols, correspondences, and a lot of other magical trappings is that - while there are common meanings for everything - the meaning for many things is often at the discretion of the spellcaster. Basil is a common herb for love but, depending on your own personal experience or needs, you might use it for protection or good luck. Amethyst could be worn for protection or psychic enhancement (or both). And the glyphs and methods used to create sigils should be as unique as the witch/wizard creating them.

I chose "The Serpent" because I've been seeing snakes everywhere. My whole life, I've been terrified of them. I would have terrible dreams about being trapped in a room filled with snakes, where I'd wake up in a cold sweat and wouldn't be able to fall asleep unless the light was on. Given this information, you can imagine my surprise when I envisioned myself with a snake tattoo. And now I have one permanently on my body. The tattoo is not quite finished - after 4 1/2 hours, my arm felt so beat up that I had to stop. Even now, a few days later, it feels like I put my arm in a meat grinder. I could sense the artist was disappointed and, in hindsight, I wish I had just powered through that extra hour or so. Can't change it now, though, so I'm trying not to stress over it because it'll be finished in a few weeks. Anyway, this idea of a tattoo came to me and it was of an ouroboros surrounded by my favorite flowers. That particular symbol has been coming up for me a lot lately - in books, in movies, even in random conversations with coworkers. For those who don't know, an ouroboros is a snake eating its own tail. It's a reminder of the wheel of life, the constant cycles of death, transformation, and rebirth that we go through on our journey on Earth. Like a snake shedding its skin, we must leave behind all that is false in order to move forward through existence. Our soul is infinite, growing with each new incarnation.

You’ll always always feel it

Down your spine

Try me and suffer

Impure from holy wood

Where angels fall

Cause I put a spell on you

And I broke your book of rules

I put a spell on you

And I am the truth

Back to the whole snake thing - I had a revelation that maybe my fear of snakes was telling me something. As I look back, there have been pivotal moments in my life when a snake has shown up.

1. One of my earliest memories is one where I'm walking with my sister home from school through the woods in Ft. Meade when we found an injured snake lying on the path. Someone went to get their dad to move it out of harm's way. A few weeks later, my mom moved us to New Mexico, literally leaving in the middle of the night.
2. The summer before I was about to graduate from college, I was walking with a friend to Whataburger at night. I'm talking to him, only vaguely paying attention to my surroundings, when I see out of the corner of my eye what I think is a plastic bag by my feet. My friend jerks me away and I look up to see a sidewinder slinking in the moonlight across the street and into the ditch next to us. Yes, my stupid ass would've stepped on a rattlesnake if my friend hadn't been paying attention. Probably would've died. Probably should've died a dozen times by now, for various reasons, so this is just another failed attempt to take me out.
3. Finally, when I was living at my parents' house after college, I saw the bones of a little rattlesnake in the street while I was out for a run. I passed the skeleton on my daily run for the next week. At the time, I was starting to get really serious about witchcraft and it occurred to me that I should pick up the bones for my alter, but the next time I went running, it was gone. Weirdly enough, this is one of my biggest regrets. Anyway, about a month after this, I quit my job and moved to San Antonio, with only the vaguest of plans in my head.

As I said, I've been terrified of snakes all my life - up until this year. For some reason, the fear has up and left. I've run into garden snakes in my yard, pet a huge albino boa at the aquarium, and even the random pictures that would pop up on my Instagram and Twitter feeds don't startle me anymore. I still have dreams about snakes but they're not scary and I don't wake up in a panic. They're more confusing than anything, to be honest. And what I've taken from this is that our spirit guides don't always come in a form we want them to be. Not the friendly or mysterious creatures that we hope are our guides, like wolves or butterflies. Sometimes, they're the ones that terrify us, are harmful or whom we think cause mischief, like snakes, spiders, and opossums. That's the hardest part, is understanding the language of the spirit world, because it is so unfamiliar and unexpected. A good thing to remember, though, is that they always make themselves known when you're on the right path....which is why, when my husband found a baby snake the day after I got my tattoo, I took it for what it was. A good sign.

"The Serpent" Video

"Which Witch" by Florence + the Machine

We've already established that Florence Welch is a witch. Not only in self-identification but in the power she portrays through her music and her performances. Even watching her performances via video recordings holds a special type of magic. As I've said before, the "Ceremonials" album touched something in my heart that transformed my life utterly. And so it is with almost all her music for me - it just rings true, bringing out parts of my spirit I'd forgotten were there. With "How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful," she transmutes some deeply painful parts of her past, including bouts of self-hatred, loneliness, and relationships (one in particular) that wrenched her heart from her chest. All emotions and experiences we've all dealt with, myself included. In case you were concerned, today is the New Moon in Scorpio, which is supposed to herald an inner transformation that will carry us into 2020, bringing in a new adventure. If only we're brave enough to let go of the past. "Which Witch" speaks of the inner battle to do just that. To let go of old habits, to stop crawling back to people and situations that drain us, that leave us feeling unworthy. More than anything, Scorpio season challenges us to embrace our own intensity. Like the other Mars-rule sign, Aries, Scorpio dares us to speak our truth with our whole chest. That's one of my favorite new sayings - Say it with your whole chest. I've noticed that a lot of people don't, though. They're scared - and I understand that. I am too. And I must admit, this month's moon return has been difficult for me. My North Node is in Aries - in evolutionary astrology, my destiny to embrace individuality and independence. I was considering this, taking in my whole life story from this perspective. I've struggled with a desire to stand out and be noticed but having a talent (even an instinct, at times) for blending in. I suppose that's what it means to have a Libra South Node - wanting so desperately for everyone to feel comfortable, loved, and fairly treated, I often ignore my own needs. In trying to be everything for everybody, it's easy to lose yourself.

Who's a heretic now?

Am I making sense?

How can you make it stick?

Waiting 'til the beat comes out

Who's a heretic, child?

Can you make it stick, now?

And I'm on trial

Waiting 'til the beat comes out

To understand "Which Witch," you have to recognize that Florence is trapped in a cycle. She's in a relationship where she's trying to exert her own needs, individuality, and independence. In other songs (like "Moderation"), we've seen that her intensity has been overwhelming to others. In this song, she asserts this is just how she is - "And it's my whole heart/While tried and tested, it's mine." She acts from her heart and she's tired of keeping it behind bars just to make someone else comfortable. However, for this one person, she keeps going back and repeating the same mistakes, even though she knows it weighs on her. Make no mistake, though - she is entirely aware of the choice she's making. She feels tied to this other person and even though she tries to move on, she ends up going back, even when she shouldn't. The lesson is never learned. She says her heart can keep taking the knocks, but does she believe it? It ends with her singing notes in a ghostly scale, vaguely reminding me of Catholic Mass, which I suppose is appropriate. The title was inspired by the Inquisition, in which people were stuck in a hopeless situation where they would be tortured regardless of what they did. Whether they denied they were witches and heretics, or not. And maybe she's stuck in her own hopeless situation. It's painful to stay in the relationship and painful to go - so what does she do?

As you may have guessed, I looked to Florence's chart for answers. Like me, she has her North Node in Aries. It also surprised me that she's only a year older than me - I always thought she was at least my older sister's age. Maybe it's just because she has an old soul - of course, I get told that all the time, too. I don't really know what that even means. To be honest, I'm really bad at guessing people's ages - I always think people are younger than they are. Perhaps that's a good thing - like I have a talent for seeing people's inner child or something. Anyway, in situations like this, I've found that most spiritual teachings say to follow your heart. To chase the most authentic version of yourself. From the song lyrics, it seems like she recognizes this but it's an answer she doesn't want to accept - that she should leave the relationship and not look back. This is usually the case - the choice that takes you out of your comfort zone - that asks you to have faith in your own strength and believe that everything will fall in place after whatever trials and tribulations you have to undergo are done - is often the right choice.

I'm miles away, he's on my mind

I'm getting tired of crawling all the way

And I've had enough, it's obvious

And I'm getting tired of crawling all the way

When you first decide to get started in witchcraft, you will find that every book on witchcraft - from beginner grimoires to advanced ceremonial magic - tells you to begin a meditation practice. For young aspiring witches/wizards/sorcerers/what-have-you, this can be extremely frustrating. Because you're eager to get start making changes in your external world. However, what many young people don't understand is that, in order to make changes in the external world, you need to make changes in your internal world. As above, so below; as within, so without. In order to do that, you must embrace the stillness, the solitude. You must make peace with your mind and your soul. You must become comfortable with being alone, with only your own thoughts to guide you. Depending on your life experiences, this can be scary. The mind keeps many demons in its shadows, and walking through there alone can bring out all sorts of monsters you didn't know were hiding. There are so many distractions out there, people can spend whole lifetimes avoiding the intensity of their own Truth. For those looking to experience the mysterious and magical, you have to avoid the tendency to give in to the unrelenting and often pointless "busy-ness" of mundane life. Constant mindfulness. Even I - after a decade of self-identifying - have only really understood this part and gotten serious about having a meditation practice. It teaches focus and discipline, helps you recognize your thought patterns, and - most importantly - it makes you intimately familiar with how your body feels when you have an intuitive insight. All of this is the foundation of real magic. And, lucky you, the New Moon in Scorpio is the perfect time to begin a meditation practice.

"Which Witch" Video

"Change" by Lana Del Rey

You knew Lana Del Rey was going to show up eventually. Lana Del Rey is one of the artists that is actually open about being a witch and, thus, she's an icon in the pagan community. Earlier this year, she discovered her true birth time and confirmed that she is not, in fact, a Gemini but actually the most Cancer-iest Cancer ever. As if we didn't already know. She's also a Scorpio Rising - I feel like that's obvious, too. Anyway, you can tell she's a Cancer because her aesthetic is old-fashioned romance. I feel like that vibe is present in anyone with Cancer in their big three - examples I'm pulling from are Taylor Swift (moon), Liv Tyler (sun and rising), Jennifer Garner (rising), Juliette Binoche (rising), Jason Schwartzman (sun), and Aubrey Plaza (sun). Again, my new favorite hobby - analyzing the natal charts of celebrities. The Scorpio gives an unexpectedly dark tinge to any chart, especially when combined with Cancer. You're just like - she's so beautiful and talented so why do all her songs sound so fucking sad? Who knows. You can never know the depths of one's heart.

I've been annoying myself lately. Ugh. Nothing seems to fit anymore and it feels like I need to be planning for something, but I don't know what. I feel uninspired yet having really weird fucking dreams that I can't make sense of even when I write them down. I've gone from wanting to be around people all the time to feeling like being alone for the rest of my life wouldn't be so bad. It feels like there's a change coming but everything is just static right now. It hangs in the air, like an electric charge. I have this feeling that, if everything is going to fall apart, I'd prefer for the Universe to just get it over with. But no. I'm at it's mercy until it reaches a tipping point - and then who knows what's going to happen. Or maybe I'm just paranoid. Yes, I'm aware that I've used some version of the verb "to feel" at least five times in the last two paragraphs. That annoys me, too. I hate being so stereotypical but, apparently, my chart is showing. Always with the fucking charts.

There's something in the wind

I can feel it blowing in

It's coming in softly

On the wings of a bomb

There's something in the wind

I can feel it blowing in

It's coming in hotly

And it's coming in strong

That's what I think this song is about, though. Instead of resisting change, we can choose to summon the strength to embrace it, even though we're anxious about it. There are some things I've been meaning to do that, when I think of them, I get really scared and I have to think myself through it. Why am I afraid? What do I think is going to happen? The weird thing is my intuition is telling me to take these leaps of faith, which I guess is why they call 'em "leaps of faith" - because you're fucking terrified of what happens once you take action. I'm trying to calm my mind, reminding myself that everything will be okay in the end (because I honestly believe it will). Change is the only constant and, usually, change is good. Even when it doesn't seem like it. I'm rambling again, mostly because I felt I needed to post something today but didn't have a plan. That's one of the reasons I'm going to switch things up in 2020 - need a new format that challenges me to think, rather than just word vomiting all over the Internet. The theme idea, while fun and challenging, has gotten stale in my mind. Almost restrictive. I'll tell you a secret - sometimes the song of the day is NOT what I post on here. It kills me - I'll find something amazing or hear a song I forgot about and I won't share it because it doesn't fit the theme. It goes in the vault for when I can use it or I'll post the most poignant lyrics on Twitter. Oh well - a year was a good run and it kept me writing somewhat regularly. I'm going to pat myself on the back and call that "progress."

"Change" Video

"Gravedigger's Chant" by Zeal & Ardor

I found Zeal & Ardor on one of my more recent pagan/witch music binges, which is where I pick an artist that I know on Spotify and go through all the artists on the "Fans Also Like" pages. Usually takes me somewhere interesting. For example, today's selection is blues/gospel mixed with black metal. I really like blues, especially those heavily influenced by black spiritual music, like Zeal & Ardor. Z&A was started by Swiss-American musician Manuel Gagneux, who was looking to create a new sound by blending genres that you wouldn't think mix well. I personally think he succeeded. From the Z&A Spotify page, the sound is driven by an idea of an alternate history - what if the African slaves that were brought to America had rebelled against their masters by rejecting Christianity and embracing the polar opposite? The music produced by Z&A seeks to answer the question "what would satanic spirituals sound like?"

Manual Gagneux is very direct in how he approaches the question. Like the traditional spirituals and blues we're familiar with, the subject matter is very dark. It captures the horrors of slavery and the resulting chaotic aftermath of the Jim Crow era. "Gravedigger's Chant" was the first single off of the most recent album, "Stranger Fruit," a play on Billie Holiday's "Strange Fruit," which dealt with the prevalence of lynching in the South, even as recently as the late 1960s. Some would argue we still have lynchings today, they've just taken on a different form.

Bring the dead body down to the graveyard now

Bring the dead down low, down low

Bring the dead body down to the graveyard, sir

Bring the dead down low, down low

I've been blessed to have grown up and live in a time where there are many open witches of color, who are proud of their heritage, whether it be Native American, African, Latinx, Middle Eastern, or Asian. The issue that is coming to the forefront now is recognizing how much of pagan/new age culture was appropriated from minority practices. Some are obvious - like calling any smoke cleansing "smudging" (it's important to note that the act of smoke cleansing itself is not appropriative, but "smudging" refers to a specific Native American ritual). Others are more subtle, like using symbols for logos that have significant meanings to certain minority groups. Particularly, as a Latina, I find more and more people are calling themselves a bruja (that's the popular thing to do) without understanding the culture that brujeria evolved in or even practicing elements of brujeria. And I'm not certain how I feel about what Dia de los Muertos is evolving into, because what I'm increasingly seeing that people view it purely as an aesthetic, without knowing the cultural/religious meaning behind it. It's a weird feeling - I believe it's a beautiful tradition and I'm happy to explain the significance/let others join in, but it should also be given respect. As a result, I'm also seeing a disturbing trend in people screaming "cultural appropriation" even when it's not. So let's talk definitions - Cultural Appropriation is when someone adopts elements from a culture that is not their own. Going even further, it's usually in an exploitative way that also manages to exclude people from the culture they're taking from and without their permission.

For example, one of the most well-known instances of cultural appropriation is one most people won't recognize - Rock 'n' Roll. Rock actually developed out of the blues and jazz culture, which was generally a space for black people. It didn't become popular until Elvis Presley adopted the style and brought it to the masses. A modern equivalent would be rap and hip-hop, forms of which have been exported all over the world. Ironically, these styles have become popular in countries where the general populace harbors somewhat racist views on black people. Another somewhat controversial example would be the commercialization of yoga. It's important to note that many South Asian teachers in the 1960s actively pursued bringing yogic practices and teachings to America. However, the problems start when yoga becomes divorced from its spiritual relevance, cultural significance (the British tried to ban yogic practice during their occupation of India precisely because it separated Indians from something that united them- their cultural and spiritual identity), and the yogic spaces/benefits begin to exclude South Asians and other minorities (i.e., the American view of a yoga practitioner is a middle-aged white woman trying to stay fit). As an avid practitioner of yoga, I'm not saying stop doing yoga - I'm saying ensure you're doing it in a way that is not culturally appropriative. This article has some general guidelines to follow.

I know this rant has gone long but there's one final issue to bring up and that is the issue of "black magic." Don't call it that. There's no such thing as black magic or white magic, and that terminology  has racist/colorist roots. This has wider impact on the minority pagan population. For example, practices and beliefs from Black and (increasingly) Latinx cultures, such as Hoodoo, Vodun, Brujeria, Santeria, and Candomble have the common perception that they are "evil." This is a popular trope in horror films, where the protagonist has to combat an evil entity that was called forth from one of these belief systems. The real world consequences is that practicing elements of these cultures has been banned in some communities. Additionally, the terminology is based on the concept that black = bad/white = good, which is the entire justification for racism. When it comes to magic, practices aren't good or bad, it's the intentions behind them. Darkness isn't inherently bad and light isn't inherently good - it's how you use these elements within your practice that makes the difference. If you're interested in understanding more, there's some great perspective in this article. Unfortunately, on the opposite end of this dynamic, you have white supremacists co-opting pagan beliefs that have European roots, such as Celtic, Druidic, Heathen, and Nordic traditions. For those non-racist practitioners, this can have the highly undesirable side-effect of people assuming they hold white supremacist views simply for displaying symbols of their faith. The Atlantic published a fantastic piece on this issue a few years ago.

In summation, as paganism and witchcraft become more popular (and I foresee this wave continuing for a while, based on what I've seen of the younger generations), there's still some kinks to work out. As you may have guessed, the remedy for a lot of these questions is more research, understanding, and openness. Especially when it comes to the occult, it's always best to learn as much as you can before jumping into things.

"Gravedigger's Chant" Video

"Movements in the Sky" by Church of the Cosmic Skull

I heard this song on a recent "Down at the Crossroads" episode and I really liked it. It reminds me of the 70s....and how I really was born in the wrong era. Or maybe not. Maybe I'm lucky, because all of the great music that came before has culminated in what I believe is a new Golden Age of Music. I heard that recently - that we're coming out of a Dark Age and that's why everything feels so chaotic right now. Like we don't know where to turn or who to trust, so we're having to build a new world from the pieces that are left. That sounds like a nicer proposition than the alternative - we're all fucked. But at least we're together. For what it's worth.

I was ruminating on a lot of things, witchy and otherwise. There's a strain of neo-pagan spiritual elitism that says in order to be a witch, you have a) have witch ancestry or b) be initiated into a tradition. I heartily disagree with both of these requirements. I believe that if you believe you're a witch, you're a witch. Initiations and having a teacher in your own family is a luxury very few witches actually had. The current average witch learned everything they know from his/her friends, the library, and the Internet. The ones who actually had a coven nearby to learn from were eithervery lucky or heartlessly exploited by spiritual "teachers" who preyed on young people looking for an identity. I've heard horror stories - more than the community would like to admit - about the sexual and financial abuse of spiritual seekers. Like any other belief system, we can't discount these experiences and say "oh, it's not like that." Because it invalidates the experiences of those who have suffered. Instead, we must listen and learn from these stories, and make a promise that we'll be better as we move forward.

Hear the stars

Speaking in a metaphor

Oh, as above so below

Look at the man

Searching for a semaphore

To feed into his mind

Hear your soul

Yearning for something

It found in the woods long ago

I've been thinking a lot lately about generational trauma, family sins/curses, and the effect that this has on our identity. I'm of mixed ancestry - one half Mexican, one half Italian/Sicilian. It's been complicated, especially when you're the one that "passes," which means being the one with white privilege. That's something a lot of people don't understand - Colorism, which is essentially being prejudiced against people with a different skin color even though they share your same ethnic heritage. It's prevalent in a lot of minority cultures, but most are probably aware of how it has shaped Asian culture, with the proliferation of whitening creams and the like coming out of that region. For me, being lighter meant I was automatically considered smarter and more well-behaved than my darker-skinned little sister. But it also meant feeling like I didn't fit in with the Mexican side of my family. Which is weird, because the Mexican side of my family was fairly Americanized before even my dad was born. It's a common thing with 4th and 5th (or nth) generation Hispanics - we carry the name and the genes, but we have more in common with WASPs than with the new immigrants coming in now. Which is why it doesn't surprise me that a fair number of older Hispanic people voted for Trump - they don't believe he's referring to them when he spews his vitriol. It's a hollow feeling, this weak tether to the past that you can't ignore. It's a void I feel like I'm often trying to make up for, especially in my cultural consumption. I went through a period where I was only reading Spanish and Latinx writers, like Arturo Perez-Riverte, Carlos Ruiz Zafon, and Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Or watching Hispanic comedians and watching telenovelas, even though I needed the English subtitles to understand. Even so, I also feel just as much disconnect from my Italian roots, which manifested in a desire to learn as much about Stregheria (Italian folk magic) as Brujeria (Mexican folk magic) and, to be honest, they're not that much different from each other. I also find myself longing to visit Italy and I'm prone to episodes where I'll only listen to opera or re-watch "La Dolce Vita" for the umpteenth time. As you may have noticed, I'm still struggling to reconcile these two sides of myself into a cohesive identity. Like everything, it's a work in progress. It's starting to look more like a Picasso.

I'm also taking a real hard look at the bad parts of my ancestry. For example, tomorrow is Columbus Day, which the Italian-American community (at least on the East coast) really plays up (because Columbus was Italian, obviously, even though he was commissioned by Spain for his voyage). However, there is that pesky issue where he exploited the native population when he arrived in America and murdered a number of them because - you know - exploration. But that destruction hardly rivals my Spanish ancestors, who conquered and destroyed a whole civilization in their quest for natural resources. And I won't even mention my family's participation in the creation of The Bomb. At least I can say an ancestor fought for the Union during the Civil War....but only because they were the side that was paying wages to soldiers at the time. See! Questionable choices at every turn in my family history. And it all weighs on me a little. So how do you honor ancestors who were problematic? How can you have pride in where you came from without glossing over the destruction that was left in its wake? I'm not sure - I'm still thinking about it because I'm still trying to work out the answers to those questions. It feels even more pressing now, with Dia de los Muertos around the corner. Simultaneously, it feels like a spotlight is being put on my own habits and idiosyncrasies, and the negative consequences I've chosen to be ignorant of purely because it was convenient. It's the question posited by "The Good Place" - how does one be good in a world where it is increasingly difficult to make ethical choices? It calls to mind a dream I had a while ago, where a friend asked me, "How do you know you're doing good when you don't even know what good is?" It's a question that both haunts and guides me. It reminds me to question my intentions. It cautions me to be present when I make choices.

Movements in the sky

Changing you and I

Movements in the sky

Changing my mind

This ended up being a pretty deep rant that could honestly go deeper if I just continued typing. But I'm tired. Unfortunately, actual spirituality does that to you. It overturns rocks that haven't been lifted ever and forces you to deal with what you find. It's all goodness, though, even if it's a little uncomfortable. That's where the growth is - in the moments that aren't comfortable, in the moments where you have to force yourself to be brave, in the moments where you're unsure of yourself and are making it up as you go along. Witchcraft is not the path for people who want to stay in their comfort zone.

In summation, this rant had fuck all to do with the song. The song is about astrology and the subtle influence of celestial bodies on our lives. Even if you think astrology is a bunch of bullshit, you can't deny the effect that the sun and the moon have on humans. We wouldn't be here without them and the realization of our own insignificance often causes us to turn outward in our search for meaning before turning inward in self-reflection. Rough translation but that's the gist of what I get out of the lyrics.

"Movements in the Sky" Video

"Goddess" by Jaira Burns

I'm stretching it a little in that I'm not exactly sure if Jaira Burns is a pagan/witch. She could be - she seems the type. One of those secret witches who drops hints in her songs - like Taylor Swift and Ariana Grande. No, what it comes down to is I heard this on my new Spotify mix today and it fit the current astrological climate beautifully. Venus moved into the sign of Scorpio this week, moving from a sign where she is in her rulership (Libra) to a sign where she is in her detriment. Everything is a little darker, a little bit more mysterious, and a lot more secretive. Venus in Scorpio believes we never really understand the depths of our hearts. Sometimes, we keep things locked away - quiet, secret, safe - to protect ourselves. Venus in Scorpio - much like Moon in Scorpio - believes very much in soul mates. And more than anything, she wants love to be intense, passionate, and - maybe, just maybe - a little bit painful. In a good way. On the 13th, the night of the Full Moon in Aries, we'll also be hitting up against a hard opposition to Uranus. When that happens, it may manifest in various ways. Fights in normally harmonious partnerships. Secrets being revealed. A desire to change up your appearance in a drastic way. And, not least of all, perhaps some less-than-vanilla sex. Venus is in Scorpio, after all.

'Cause I'm a goddess, I'm fuckin' flawless, let's not be modest

'Cause if you fuck with me, I might just change your life

'Cause I'm a goddess, make you a promise

That if you fuck with me, I might just change your life

As I've mentioned, I'm reading "The Red Goddess" by Peter Grey, which is all about how the Sacred Courtesan became debased in modern society. It goes through the history of all the early fertility goddesses and how they were gradually demonized by the subsequent ascent of Abrahamic faiths (i.e., Judaism, Christianity, and Islam). For example, Lilith - whom I have a personal affinity for - began as one of the handmaidens of the Sumerian goddess, Inanna (who was later incarnated as Ishtar in Babylon). However, in Judaism, she has been transformed into the Mother of Demons, simply because she refused to be subservient to Adam. Ironically, in the latest season of "The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina," Lilith the Demon has inhabited the body of a woman engaged to a man name Adam. Despite her reservations, she falls in love with him, because he vows to treat her as an equal (which is a better deal than when she married Lucifer). It's a long story but it's one of the reasons CAOS is one of my favorite shows. It uses it's campiness to shed light on some real societal issues that we apparently still haven't come to terms with, even in the Age of Information. Moving on, Peter Grey posits that sex - as well as other pleasures like wine and psychotropic drugs - were demonized by the Church because these had been the ways that ancient humans communed with the gods. And, specifically, it was the chief method of experiencing the Goddess. Being a prostitute was a sacred act - even the origin of the word prostitute meant to "stand on behalf of [the Goddess]." Herodotus, the Greek historian, remarked on a strange custom of the Babylonians, where women would sit on the steps of the Temple to be selected to sacrifice their virginity to the first man who dropped a coin in their lap. It was a sacred tradition to be of service to the Goddess in this way. It seems strange to read historical accounts like this and then turn around to see how much femininity and sexuality are viewed as shameful in the modern world.

'Cause my body is a temple

And it needs some extra detail right here, right now

And my name is monumental

Say it for me, for me, for me

No discussion of the Goddess would be complete without mentioning sex magick. It sounds really exciting and all, but what it comes down to is focusing on your intent (easier said than done) and trying to harness sexual release (i.e., orgasms) toward that intent. Obviously, the theory goes it's much more powerful with two participants, if that's possible. That being said, even some of the Big Name Pagans I follow on Twitter/Instagram are wary of just going out and asking a potential sexual partner, "Hey, do you want to perform some sex magic with me?" At best, they agree to sex but don't take the magic part seriously. And, at worst, they think you're a weirdo and you scare them off. Needless to say, most witches take it into their own hands (literally) and I'm sure things work out just fine. Maybe better, because you don't have to shoo anyone out of your house afterwards. Gaby Herstik, one of those BNPs I was talking about, is working on a book that supposedly focuses solely on sex magick, which I'm probably going to buy simply because I love her work (not the only reason, of course, but a big reason).

That was a fun rant. Probably more about this in the future because Mars is about to enter Scorpio to, which means that planet is going to be very powerful because it will be in the sign of its rulership (think war, anger, and more sex). Late October and November are going to be pretty intense, astrologically. Only time will tell if that reflects in real life. I'll end with the following random words of wisdom, because based on what I'm reading on Twitter, people really fucking don't understand some things and need some clarification. Being tied up doesn't make you submissive. Being on the bottom doesn't make you submissive. It's who's making the demands that matters - are you making the rules or just doing what you're told? Food for thought....my mind gets so low in the gutter lately, but it seems to be comfortable there. 😈

"Goddess" Video

"Ravens in the Library" by SJ Tucker

I first heard this one on one of my favorite podcasts, "Down at the Crossroads," which I discovered right after I had my son. I remember fondly listening DatC while taking him on walks in his stroller. "Ravens in the Library" calls to my mind a nursery rhyme, and I like to think of it as such. That's one of things I miss most about being Catholic - the music and the hymns. My favorite part of mass was singing, especially around Christmas. Since striking out on this alternate spiritual path, that's been a big part of my search - finding something to fill that musical gap. As you may have guessed, music is an essential part of my practice. I find incredible wisdom and solace in the notes and words of my favorites songs. I believe music is an ancient magic. One that most people understand deep at their core.

Words within our grasp--do we let go?

Do we fly heavily with the weight of what we know?

This song is about knowledge and the importance of books, especially in regards to the spread of the Craft. A lot of the pagan/witchy podcasts I listen to often ask their guests how they became a witch or astrologer or tarot reader (take your pick). It's comforting how similar the stories are to mine - becoming disenchanted with the religion of their youth, finding meaning in legends and stories they read in books, and cobbling together a faith of their own from snippets they found on the Internet. So many hours in the library and on random Angelsites pages. That's an important point about choosing to be a witch though - there's a lot of research involved. And good, well-researched information was so hard to find in the late 90s/early 2000s. It's much better now. Some may lament that everyone and their cat is a witch now, but I lament that I can't buy every occult book I find (and I want to read them all). I wonder, sometimes, if that's one of the reasons why I'm so drawn to the esoteric. It's a field I never tire of exploring - and, lately, my appetite is insatiable. I've had to put a moratorium on buying occult/witchcraft books until I finish a few I already have in my own personal library. I'm trying to be more structured in my studies, so I might actually accomplish this goal before the New Year. I love it, though - I love copying correspondence tables and trying to replicate botanical drawings in my notes. I love the endless intricacies of learning astrology. I even love waking up early to practice yoga and meditation (despite my night owl instinct protesting loudly).

I also enjoy the different winding roads learning about the occult takes me down. For example, reading a treatise comparative mythology (i.e., "The Hero with a Thousand Faces" by Joseph Cambell) alongside the myths and legends themselves. I'm reading Neil Gaiman's "Norse Mythology" to my son for bedtime stories and the thing I enjoy the most is pronouncing (or attempting to pronounce) the Old Norse words, which underscores the bits of Icelandic I'm picking up from an app I use to study the language on my phone. Then there's the Epic of Gilgamesh, which I picked out from my dad's library the last time I visited my parents - a central reference point in "The Red Goddess," an occult book I bought for my birthday that outlines the history and evolution of the Sacred Courtesan. That's always the best part for me - seeing the threads connect and then lead off in an entirely new direction. I have this increasing feeling that - if I can just read enough, study enough, learn enough - I'll understand everything. I'll see how it all works out. The weight I feel just drives me on, to the next book, to the next spiritual practice, the next thread. I know that sounds crazy. During these last few months, I've had to settle into the acceptance that I won't understand until I understand. And that will probably be when I die, which (hopefully) is a long time from now. Until then, it's okay to enjoy getting lost in the research - just don't take anything too seriously.

Seven reads about the gods,

chuckles to herself;

to the rest, she never lets on.

Try to catch a glimpse of them

bickering like mortal men-

feathers on the sidewalk.

If you heard a raven say such horrible words

as the ones you may have heard in your day to day,

would it make you choose your own more carefully

around the ones you love?

That brings me to the final part of my rant. Never take anything too seriously on the Search. I think that's where a lot of people get tripped up. They take everything so serious, they forget to enjoy things and get self-conscious. They get caught up in their own self-image or they take someone else's word as gospel without thinking for themselves. I've read so much nonsense in the past decade, it's like you're mining every time you find a new resource - got to dig through so much bullshit to find a few scraps of brilliance. The most important skill to develop is discernment, which is highly dependent on your ability to trust your intuition. It's that pull when someone tries to tell you how things are and it just feels wrong. Or when something - a phrase, a song, a desire, a vision - feels right in your heart, even though it doesn't make sense in the current context of your life. When it keeps coming to the forefront of your mind in your quiet moments. That's the important thing - intuition is quiet. Maybe that's why it's so easy to discount. It doesn't make a lot of noise. It's the voice in the back of your head telling you that something doesn't fit. Or where your mind goes when you're alone. Sometimes, these thoughts are just your ego trying to protect you. But, sometimes, it's your intuition trying to get your attention. The only way to figure it out is to sit with it. Meditate a minute. Ask yourself questions. Maybe write it down. Follow where it leads. And I guess that's the summation of this long-winded discussion of research and witchcraft and intuition. Follow where it leads.

"Ravens in the Library" Video

October Theme: "Something Wicked This Way Comes"

At the beginning of Act IV of the Scottish Play, three witches hover over a cauldron, brewing a potion that symbolizes their influence on the titular character. The Weird Sisters - a nod to the three Fates, Greek goddesses who managed the destiny of all, with only one eye between them - predict his ascent to the Scottish throne and then later, foretell of his downfall. In both situations, he overhears them and tragedy follows. That's the funny thing about predictions and prophesies - the more you know about them, the more likely they are to come true, often in disastrous ways. The Weird Sisters are an ominous force in the play, in spite of only appearing in a few scenes, because of the perceived power of the women. A few words - which Shakespeare uses trochaic tetrameter, a verse form he only uses for supernatural creatures, such as witches and fairies (mere mortals will use iambic pentameter) - result in so much death and destruction but, had they remain unheard, would have been just meaningless chanting by three crazy old ladies.

The theme for October is Witchcraft, in all its vagaries and forms (but music in particular). I'll be sharing some of my favorite songs performed by artists who identify as witches and/or pagans, as well as discussing/processing a little of what I've learned in the past decade in my search for meaning, which inexplicably always brings me back to the occult and esoteric. The field of pagan music is surprising diverse - it's not all heavy metal and folk music - and I hope to showcase that adequately. This particular genre of music tends to remain hidden until you go looking for it. I think that's appropriate, given that the content is often about the unspoken parts of reality that we pretend don't exist for society's sake. But that's the point of October and Halloween - we go looking to uncover things we've tried to forget about. Abandoned projects. Hidden desires. Losses we haven't yet grieved. Ancestors who've long since past. We begin October in Libra, which brings to light all the things we desire and all the ways we've become unbalanced. It starts with a drive for neatness and order, an almost obsessive need for everything to turn out "pretty," but eventually gives way to the chaotic energy of Scorpio season. And Scorpio is about all about the Transformation. It knows best that, in order to put things the way need to be to move forward, you might need to destroy the things that don't belong. Which may be things you didn't expect. One important thing to remember though - a little "Witch" wisdom, if you will - Chaos is not synonymous with random. Just because you can't see the pattern doesn't mean it isn't there. As someone who has struggled with control issues - everything has to happen right when I say it will, exactly how I say it should - it may come as a surprise that I find this truism exceedingly comforting. That's another thing about being, to quote Constantine, a "petty dabbler in the Dark Arts" - you have to learn to trust things you can't see and may only just barely understand. Leap and the net shall appear. I've been doing a lot of that lately. It's probably good for me. Happy October!