"Movements in the Sky" by Church of the Cosmic Skull

I heard this song on a recent "Down at the Crossroads" episode and I really liked it. It reminds me of the 70s....and how I really was born in the wrong era. Or maybe not. Maybe I'm lucky, because all of the great music that came before has culminated in what I believe is a new Golden Age of Music. I heard that recently - that we're coming out of a Dark Age and that's why everything feels so chaotic right now. Like we don't know where to turn or who to trust, so we're having to build a new world from the pieces that are left. That sounds like a nicer proposition than the alternative - we're all fucked. But at least we're together. For what it's worth.

I was ruminating on a lot of things, witchy and otherwise. There's a strain of neo-pagan spiritual elitism that says in order to be a witch, you have a) have witch ancestry or b) be initiated into a tradition. I heartily disagree with both of these requirements. I believe that if you believe you're a witch, you're a witch. Initiations and having a teacher in your own family is a luxury very few witches actually had. The current average witch learned everything they know from his/her friends, the library, and the Internet. The ones who actually had a coven nearby to learn from were eithervery lucky or heartlessly exploited by spiritual "teachers" who preyed on young people looking for an identity. I've heard horror stories - more than the community would like to admit - about the sexual and financial abuse of spiritual seekers. Like any other belief system, we can't discount these experiences and say "oh, it's not like that." Because it invalidates the experiences of those who have suffered. Instead, we must listen and learn from these stories, and make a promise that we'll be better as we move forward.

Hear the stars

Speaking in a metaphor

Oh, as above so below

Look at the man

Searching for a semaphore

To feed into his mind

Hear your soul

Yearning for something

It found in the woods long ago

I've been thinking a lot lately about generational trauma, family sins/curses, and the effect that this has on our identity. I'm of mixed ancestry - one half Mexican, one half Italian/Sicilian. It's been complicated, especially when you're the one that "passes," which means being the one with white privilege. That's something a lot of people don't understand - Colorism, which is essentially being prejudiced against people with a different skin color even though they share your same ethnic heritage. It's prevalent in a lot of minority cultures, but most are probably aware of how it has shaped Asian culture, with the proliferation of whitening creams and the like coming out of that region. For me, being lighter meant I was automatically considered smarter and more well-behaved than my darker-skinned little sister. But it also meant feeling like I didn't fit in with the Mexican side of my family. Which is weird, because the Mexican side of my family was fairly Americanized before even my dad was born. It's a common thing with 4th and 5th (or nth) generation Hispanics - we carry the name and the genes, but we have more in common with WASPs than with the new immigrants coming in now. Which is why it doesn't surprise me that a fair number of older Hispanic people voted for Trump - they don't believe he's referring to them when he spews his vitriol. It's a hollow feeling, this weak tether to the past that you can't ignore. It's a void I feel like I'm often trying to make up for, especially in my cultural consumption. I went through a period where I was only reading Spanish and Latinx writers, like Arturo Perez-Riverte, Carlos Ruiz Zafon, and Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Or watching Hispanic comedians and watching telenovelas, even though I needed the English subtitles to understand. Even so, I also feel just as much disconnect from my Italian roots, which manifested in a desire to learn as much about Stregheria (Italian folk magic) as Brujeria (Mexican folk magic) and, to be honest, they're not that much different from each other. I also find myself longing to visit Italy and I'm prone to episodes where I'll only listen to opera or re-watch "La Dolce Vita" for the umpteenth time. As you may have noticed, I'm still struggling to reconcile these two sides of myself into a cohesive identity. Like everything, it's a work in progress. It's starting to look more like a Picasso.

I'm also taking a real hard look at the bad parts of my ancestry. For example, tomorrow is Columbus Day, which the Italian-American community (at least on the East coast) really plays up (because Columbus was Italian, obviously, even though he was commissioned by Spain for his voyage). However, there is that pesky issue where he exploited the native population when he arrived in America and murdered a number of them because - you know - exploration. But that destruction hardly rivals my Spanish ancestors, who conquered and destroyed a whole civilization in their quest for natural resources. And I won't even mention my family's participation in the creation of The Bomb. At least I can say an ancestor fought for the Union during the Civil War....but only because they were the side that was paying wages to soldiers at the time. See! Questionable choices at every turn in my family history. And it all weighs on me a little. So how do you honor ancestors who were problematic? How can you have pride in where you came from without glossing over the destruction that was left in its wake? I'm not sure - I'm still thinking about it because I'm still trying to work out the answers to those questions. It feels even more pressing now, with Dia de los Muertos around the corner. Simultaneously, it feels like a spotlight is being put on my own habits and idiosyncrasies, and the negative consequences I've chosen to be ignorant of purely because it was convenient. It's the question posited by "The Good Place" - how does one be good in a world where it is increasingly difficult to make ethical choices? It calls to mind a dream I had a while ago, where a friend asked me, "How do you know you're doing good when you don't even know what good is?" It's a question that both haunts and guides me. It reminds me to question my intentions. It cautions me to be present when I make choices.

Movements in the sky

Changing you and I

Movements in the sky

Changing my mind

This ended up being a pretty deep rant that could honestly go deeper if I just continued typing. But I'm tired. Unfortunately, actual spirituality does that to you. It overturns rocks that haven't been lifted ever and forces you to deal with what you find. It's all goodness, though, even if it's a little uncomfortable. That's where the growth is - in the moments that aren't comfortable, in the moments where you have to force yourself to be brave, in the moments where you're unsure of yourself and are making it up as you go along. Witchcraft is not the path for people who want to stay in their comfort zone.

In summation, this rant had fuck all to do with the song. The song is about astrology and the subtle influence of celestial bodies on our lives. Even if you think astrology is a bunch of bullshit, you can't deny the effect that the sun and the moon have on humans. We wouldn't be here without them and the realization of our own insignificance often causes us to turn outward in our search for meaning before turning inward in self-reflection. Rough translation but that's the gist of what I get out of the lyrics.

"Movements in the Sky" Video