"Hole In My Heart" by Cowboy Mouth

Sunday night was the New Moon in Pisces. We're also in the midst of Mercury Retrograde in Pisces. Pisces, as a sign, is one that I find fascinating because it's one that brings together the extremes. It's traditional ruler is Jupiter, which has a tendency to make the qualities it touches bigger and even more extreme. Where its other rulership, Sagittarius, becomes obsessed with seeking intellectual truth and knowledge, this obsession becomes one of emotional and spiritual wholeness. As such, Pisces season has produced some of the best people in humanity....and some of the worst. At its best, Pisces understands the connection between all things and seeks to teach the importance of this connection and its virtues to others, traits personified in Fred Rogers and Steve Irwin. At its worst, it seeks to control the reality and perception of others for its own gain and pleasure. A surprising number of serial killers are Pisces - in particular, the ones who were most successful at evading capture by building a reputation as a community leader (Dennis Rader, John Wayne Gacy) - as well as Harvey Weinstein. Of course, there are many stops on that spectrum - Justin Bieber, Steve Jobs, Dr. Seuss, and Alexander McQueen were also born under a Pisces sun. But you can sort of get a picture of that energy just with those few names - these were people who created some alternate version of reality where they could reign supreme, often rising from humble beginnings. It's a powerful ability, but one that can easily be used for the wrong purposes.

How am I feeling with all this Pisces energy going on? Emotional confusion, in its simplest terms. Acutely aware that I'm not as happy as I should be, all things considered, and trying to swim through this thick soup of vague malaise and discontent. I've been feeling like I've been walking around in a dream, that the things I know are true are somehow not real. Or that they'll fall apart if I make one wrong move. And when I don't feel like that, I feel empty and I find myself reaching for distractions constantly. I've been wandering around for the past week, feeling like I've lost something. Now I know what that was - hope. One of the astrologers I watch mentioned that we have to be cognizant of when we're using hope as a crutch. I guess I always have been. I've said it before - that's how I get through things. It's how I get through reality. Hope, as it's defined, is a feeling of expectation or desire for a certain thing to happen. When you're hoping for the impossible, disappointment becomes par for the course.

I was first introduced to Cowboy Mouth by showing up at a country-western bar, knowing there was going to be a show but not knowing who the band was. Basically the best way to discover something - by showing up some place with no expectations. They played this song that night and I fell in love with it. Cowboy Mouth is from New Orleans and you can kind of hear that in their music. It all sounds kind of bluesy, with just a touch of that darkness that is emblematic of the genre. At the time, they were promoting the album they had just released, "Voodoo Shoppe." Unfortunately, that is the one Cowboy Mouth album that is not on Spotify. In fact, it was difficult to find a clean recording of the album version anywhere, which is why the video I'm using for this post has a random photo of the band. Still, when I felt myself going down this emotional road, this is the song that came to mind. I also thought it fitting to feature a New Orleans band on Mardi Gras.

Bringin' me down to the Mississippi bed

Bury my body and cover up my head

I don't wanna believe in the stars up above

Or the rising of the dead

I don't wanna believe

I don't wanna believe

I don't wanna, wanna, wanna

But I do

I'm done with the tears

Done with the crying

Get busy living

Or get busy dying

That last line in the bridge has always echoed in my head. "Get busy living or get busy dying." It's the choice you have to make when you've lost everything you've been looking forward to. When the rest of your life is essentially a waiting room, until you get another shot. Assuming you get one. If you believe in reincarnation (and, some days, I do), they say the things you leave unfinished in this life will have to be completed in the next. At this point, I know I have at least one thing I'm going to need to complete in my next life. And I feel like I missed out on some key things that I've just plain run out of time for. I think my biggest regret is I haven't lived my life more intentionally. Yes, there's a charm to going with the flow and letting things happen as they may, but I think I would've been happier about where I am if I had planned them out better. It's like living in one of those "Choose your own Adventure" novels except when you make some arbitrary choice that leads to an unsatisfactory outcome, you can't flip back to page where you made the first bad decision. You have to play it through until the end. Of course, if you could do that, go back to a place where you think it could make a difference, there's no guarantee you'd get the outcome you'd want anyway. Maybe it's not in your control at all.

The bridge gets to the heart of it. It's a place of surrender. Especially if you believe that there is something bigger out there - that there is a Plan - this is how it is right now. Stop crying, because tears can't make it better. You're standing at a crossroads with two paths in front of you. You can either get busy living - which I can only assume means that you're trying to live life in a more intentional way, a more joyful way. In a way that's more aligned with your greater Destiny. Or get busy dying, which I would assume is letting things fall apart completely. I imagine it's making a more purposeful choice to die - for example, going all in on your addictions until they actually kill you. Or living in a way that is reckless and disregards the gift that life is. Or maybe it's just choosing not to do anything with your time in the waiting room except complain that you're bored when you're not staring at your phone. I don't know. There are many ways to die. Most people will choose the way that best suits them and then try to drag everyone else with them for good measure.

"Hole in My Heart" Video

"Blue" by Joni Mitchell

Ranking: #30

Original Release Date: 22 June 1971

Genre: Folk Rock

"Blue" was the fourth studio album released by Joni Mitchell. Mitchell has a couple albums on the Top 100, if I remember correctly, but "Blue" in particular is considered one of the greatest albums made by a female artist and it's sound marks a turning point in music. Listening to the album, it hearkens back to images of flower children, Woodstock, and the beginning search for freedom that defined the early 70s. As light as the songs on the album feel, they were born out of a rocky period in Mitchell's life. In January 1970, after the success of first three albums, she decided to take a hiatus from performing. Instead, she chose to take an extended vacation in Europe. During this trip, she ended her long-term relationship with Graham Nash and soon started a passionate relationship with James Taylor. Her experiences with these relationships - as well as her adventures through Europe - served as much of the inspiration for "Blue."

Whenever I hear Joni Mitchell, it reminds me of my favorite psychology professor when I was attending university, Dr. Tim Ketelaar. I had several evolutionary psychology classes with him, one of the most fascinating perspectives on psychology in my opinion, and it always struck me how chill he was as a person. He had spent time teaching at better schools than the state university I went to and I always wondered what made him come to New Mexico. Once you've lived in New Mexico, though, you understand. When you get it, you get it. All the stars, too much fresh air, nice weather, and a pace of life that allows people to actually live. Anyway, Dr. Ketelaar has amazing taste in music and I remember one day, during the lesson, he made us listen to "California" by Joni Mitchell. I don't remember what the lesson was that day, but I do remember Joni Mitchell's high, pure voice and the raw power of the lyrics. Mitchell's voice pinpoints the allure of folk music - no tricks, no belting, just straight singing against an earnest backdrop.

Sitting in a park in Paris, France

Reading the news and it sure looks bad

They won't give peace a chance

That was just a dream some of us had

Still a lot of lands to see

But I wouldn't stay here

It's too old and cold and settled in its ways here

As we've established, "Blue" was a turning point in the musical DNA of the time. The early 70s was a hotbed of folk rock, especially the kind that borrowed inspiration from mythology and literature. In June 1971, the United States was still in the thick of the Vietnam War and protest culture was in full swing by this time. This was further exacerbated by The New York Times' publication of "The Pentagon Papers," classified documentation on the United States operations in Vietnam. The Beatles had broken up and the English Invasion was slowly receding. "The Ed Sullivan Show" aired for the final time on CBS and the Fillmore East in New York City closed its doors. Southwest Airlines began their inaugural flights between San Antonio, Dallas, and Houston, giving Americans a more budget-conscious way to fly the friendly skies in Texas. Among other things to happen during this month, Elon Musk, intrepid entrepreneur and architect of the future (however you may feel about that), was born. Yes, he's a Cancer, just like this album. With that, let's get into the astrology.

With Sun and Mercury in Cancer, this album is full of emotion. Not unsurprisingly, Joni Mitchell is a Cancer Rising, so with the Sun entering her first house, there was something deeply personal about this album for her and the lyrics she wrote were heart-centered. Later in her career, when she was reflecting on the album, she said "...there's hardly a dishonest note in the vocals. At that period of my life, I had no personal defenses. I felt like a cellophane wrapper on a pack of cigarettes. I felt like I had absolutely no secrets from the world and I couldn't pretend in my life to be strong. Or to be happy. But the advantage of it in the music was that there were no defenses there either." That's what life is like being a fucking Cancer anything. Sun, Moon, Rising....it doesn't fucking matter. Moving on, with Venus in Gemini, this album has a way of making even sad subjects seem a little lighter. Jupiter also falls in the 3rd House for this chart, the House of Communication. During this year, Jupiter was ruled by Scorpio, the sign of deep transformation. Joni is a Scorpio (in fact, she and The Husband are birthday buddies), meaning that the Sun was in a very harmonious trine to her natal Sun when it was released. Unfortunately, Venus in Gemini would've been square her natal Venus in Virgo - an indicator of the romantic turmoil that this album developed in. And not long before this album was released, her relationship with James Taylor ended quite abruptly. Venus in Gemini was conjunct her natal Uranus in Gemini, indicating unexpected direction changes in love and relationships. And fortunes. Finally, one last thing of note - Joni's Moon in Pisces is conjunct her Midheaven. Success in her career comes through emotional honesty, through sharing the deepest parts of herself. That certainly was the case when she released "Blue."

Then I'm going home to California

California, I'm coming home

Oh, will you take me as I am

Strung out on another man

California, I'm coming home

The featured song for this album is - if you couldn't have already guessed - "California." It's a lot more chipper than some of the other songs on this album. And it really does remind me of California.

"California" Video

"The Doors" by The Doors

Ranking: #42

Original Release Date: 4 January 1967

Genre: Psychedelic Rock

"The Doors" was the self-titled debut album by - you guessed it - The Doors. Jim Morrison and Ray Manzarek formed the band in 1965, with Manzarek's brothers. After Manzarek's brothers left the band, they brought on Robby Krieger for guitar and John Densmore on drums. Thus, the Doors lineup was finalized. Jim Morrison was inspired by philosophers and poets, and wrote poetry himself when he was younger, which later influenced the lyrics he wrote for The Doors. He was an intense teenager, having moved a lot as a military brat, and he found solace in the beat poets and French existentialist writings of the time. Through these interests, Morrison and the rest of the band got caught up in the 60s drug culture and Eastern philosophy craze that permeated the Western United States. The band's name is taken from Aldous Huxley's "The Doors of Perception," which is about opening the mind's ability to perceive reality through psychedelic drug use (but mostly, it's just Huxley raving about how good the music tastes). Huxley's book title was inspired by a line in William Blake's "The Marriage of Heaven and Hell," which I'm sure Morrison also read because Blake would be very on brand for him. French existentialism, William Blake fan, a penchant for reading Renaissance-era tomes on demonology - the Lizard King sure was an interesting guy. Of course, I have no room to talk - Morrison sounds like me, if I had been born decades earlier as a man. Holy shit. Maybe I'm Jim Morrison reincarnated! Unlikely, but still an exciting prospect. I did do a chart for his death date (because I'm morbid) - 3 July 1971 - which had the Sun in Cancer and Moon in Scorpio. Suspiciously familiar placements - I won't rule out the possibility at this point. Anyway, the first single on this album, "Break On Through (To The Other Side" did not do too well initially. It wasn't until "Light My Fire" was released in April that The Doors really started to get traction.

Let's take a look at January 1967. An eventful month for the United States. The social program, Medicaid, which provides healthcare to low income disabled Americans, went into effect. Operation Cedar Falls takes place, injecting 30,000 American troops into the Vietnam War in an attempt to drive the Viet Cong out of the Iron Triangle. The Human Be-In occurred in the Haight-Ashbury district of San Francisco, kicking off the "hippie movement" in America and the precursor to what would be called the "Summer of Love" (much of which was fueled by The Doors' music). The first Superbowl would take place, with the Green Bay Packers beating the Kansas City Chiefs in a landslide victory. The Boston Strangler, Albert DeSalvo, was convicted of numerous crimes and sentenced to life in prison. In general, 1967 was a crazy year and a year of a lot of major beginnings and endings. It would set the stage for a lot of the liberation we associate with the next decade. There would be shift in what the nuclear family looked like and the lives that young people imagined for themselves. Women were seeking more opportunities in the workplace, everyone was looking for a less rigid class hierarchy, and the sentiment was growing steadily more anti-authoritarian. This would snap back in the opposite direction in the early 1980s, when materialism became King once more. But for a brief respite in the late 60s and through the 70s, Americans were trying to imagine a freer, more creative society.

The time to hesitate is through

No time to wallow in the mire

Try now we can only lose

And our love become a funeral pyre

Come on baby, light my fire

Come on baby, light my fire

Try to set the night on fire

Moving on to the astrological circumstances of this album and the band's enigmatic lead singer. When the album was released, the Sun was in Capricorn and the Moon was in Libra, so already a lot of cardinal energy in the chart. If we work in the ascendant (using noon as the "birth time," which is the standard when you don't have an official birth time), the ascendant was in Aries and almost directly opposite the Moon. To add to that, most of the inner planets and the Midheaven fall in Capricorn. As I said - a lot of Cardinal energy, which is indicative of a lot of forward momentum. As we've seen with previous artists, they often have to release several albums before they get that "big break." That was not the case for the Doors - they basically took off like a rocket once their debut album was released and it didn't stop until Morrison died. That's the power of strong cardinal influence in an election chart, especially when it's Capricorn energy - the energy of hard work, determination, and bringing powerful ideas into the physical. Surprisingly, even though he was born in December, Jim Morrison only has one Capricorn placement - Mercury. As a poet, this brings weight and gravity to his words. When he spoke, there was always a seriousness about him. Combined with his Venus in Scorpio, this added to the intensity of his lyrics and he always had an attraction to dark subjects and art. Also thanks to Venus in Scorpio, he was known as having a very sexual energy to him and he was infamous for bedding the women who came to his shows. He had a magnetic way about him. Scorpio energy, in general, usually has a "faithful" component and although he wasn't sexually faithful to her, he had a strong emotional bond with Pamela Courson, whom people called his "other half." Although he did marry Patricia Kennealy in a somewhat official ceremony, it was Pamela who he went back to in the end and who found him when he died. To be fair, he had Sun in Sagittarius and those placements have a reputation to be kind of commitment-averse in relationships. He had a strong desire for freedom, but it manifested as erratic, hot-and-cold behavior to those who were closest to him. At the time the album was released, the Moon (at 29°50' Libra) was conjunct his Venus (0°22' Scorpio), enhancing the emotional influence of the music he created. Both charts had the Trine aspect as the most common aspect, indicating that fulfilling the potential of those placements came naturally. Finally, Jim Morrison was an Aquarius rising - like a similar musical legend with the same placement (David Bowie), Morrison had a different way of looking at the world. In contract to Bowie, it was darker and more serious, but no less influential.

The featured song is "Light My Fire," the song that catapulted The Doors to the height of American Rock Glory. From the lyrics, it's clear what that phrase means. The singer is trying to convince the listener to have sex. We only have the present moment - resistance is futile and we're already feeling it, so why not? That is my loose interpretation of the lyrics. I believe it is fairly accurate. I chose the official music video/performance. The sound isn't as clean as the album version but watching Jim Morrison perform is an experience. The way he moves is uniquely awkward, but it's still mysterious and sexy.

"Light My Fire" Video

"Bad Things" by Machine Gun Kelly feat. Camila Cabello

Just my latest musical obsession, this time because it has a good strong beat to run to. And it also has rather explicit sexual undertones and I figured that's absolutely the mood I want to set for Lupercalia. No, I'm not calling it Valentine's Day - I much prefer Roman fertility rituals and feasts than greeting card holidays. That being said, I'm a hopeless romantic in the worst way and would absolutely fall for a Grand Romantic Gesture, like in the movies. I recently watched "When Harry Met Sally" in its entirety (because that's the kind of lame thing I do on a Saturday night). On the surface, it has to be the most boring romantic comedy ever. It is literally just two people being friends for like a decade before realizing they want to be together. What makes the movie is Nora Ephron's dialogue. Harry and Sally are both uniquely ridiculous people....but their ridiculousness complements each other in a way that is absolute magic. Their conversations - if overheard by a curious bystander - probably sound insane. Of course they do - that's what makes them entertaining. And that kind of chemistry is rare. In fact, I'm sure most people think that only exists in the movies, which is why the world is full of cynical people. But I believe in it. At the very least, it's an ideal to strive for. And I'm always being accused of being an idealist (accusations which aren't exactly unfounded but that's irrelevant).

Am I out of my head?

Am I out of my mind?

If you only knew the bad things I like

Don't think that I can explain it

What can I say, it's complicated

Don't matter what you say

Don't matter what you do

I only wanna do bad things to you

So good, that you can't explain it

What can I say, it's complicated

My favorite musical duet combination is perfected in this song - rap music combined with beautiful lyrical interludes sung by a female voice. And I love Camila Cabello's voice - she has such a pure soprano, but she has a special ability to make it sound soulful. If the melody sounds familiar, it's because it is - Machine Gun Kelly sampled the melody Fastball's "Out of My Head" and the lyrics of the original song feed into the chorus. As you may be able to extrapolate from the lyrics, but it's about being into BDSM-influenced sex. Rough sex, in general. There's very much a "there's pleasure in pain" undertone to the words. But the good kind of pain. Pain that sparks memories when you see a familiar bruise on your thigh. Or the enjoyable excitement of having your hands tied behind your back, not being able to control the movement. Before I take this too far, let's talk about the video. Not surprisingly, the director went with a Bonnie & Clyde motif. MGK and Cabello are running from the cops for some unknown crime. The video is interspersed with their love story, which has some rough moments but overall, it's played to emphasize how much they like each other. They are friends first, and that carries them through the hard stuff. Then, at the end of the video, it looks like they attempt to pull a Thelma & Louise. Because - frab nabbit- there's no such thing as a happy love story apparently. Especially not in the music industry.

"Bad Things" Video

"Yellow" by Coldplay

Last night, I was feeling sad. So I watched a movie, which always does one of two things - it distracts me or, more likely, it gives me an acceptable reason to cry. The movie I chose was "Crazy Rich Asians," so it ended up being the latter situation. The sadness carried throughout the movie, even the funny parts, until I reached the end. During the ending scenes - we call this the denouement in plot structure, when the loose threads get tied into the pretty bow of a happy ending - a version of "Yellow" was playing. And even though it was being sung in Chinese (couldn't tell you which dialect), I knew the melody and, therefore, the words...

Look at the stars

Look how they shine for you

And everything you do

Yeah they were all yellow

This song has a calming effect on me. You can't hear it and not want to believe everything will be okay. I find it magical that music can do that, transform emotions and transcend reality, even when presented in an unfamiliar form. Of course, that's why sound mixing is so essential in movies. If you don't get the music just right, you fuck up the emotional flow of the entire scene. The movie differs from the book slightly, in that they wrap up everything within a single movie. In the book, the ending was a bit more ambivalent, partially because it's the first in a series, but also because real life isn't so clean cut. The movie simplified a subplot - unfortunately, it's one of the more interesting subplots in the book but I understand why they did it. A major theme of both the movie and the book is the illusion of perfection, and the choice between validation and authenticity. The movie makes really excellent use of the impact of social media. More importantly, it leans into the idea that social media creates the fantasy real life can never be. Authenticity is in short supply on the Internet, nothing happens without filters and carefully picked moments. The real stuff happens outside the painstakingly curated pictures and videos. The truth of people is in what they hide. And why they hide it. Most people only reveal what they want others to see and, thus, can escape the pain of vulnerability, the terror of real intimacy. And, in fact, in "Crazy Rich Asians," it's the main character's refusal to be inauthentic and choosing to claim her heritage - as degrading and ill-bred as it is to the people whose approval she wanted so badly - that drives the climax of the movie.

I saw a tweet this morning with the following sentiment: "What makes a star shine so brightly? A shit load of darkness." I was reflecting on this in conjunction with the Full Moon in Leo, which occurred earlier today. I only just made the connection between Aquarius and Leo, as opposite signs. The Star is the tarot card for Aquarius and Leo's ruling "planet" is the Sun, the most important star to humanity's existence. Aquarius placements have a reputation for marching to their own beat, regardless of what others think, whereas Leo placements are seen as needing attention and approval from everyone. But what both signs need is validation - Validation that they are unique and special, whether that means being weird or dramatic, mysterious or picture perfect. Aquarius is about following the Star and Leo is about realizing the Star is - and always has been - ourselves. Stars don't need others to see them to shine, because it doesn't matter. That sparkle is who they are. And there will be stargazers out there who just can't look away.

The sadness has given way to extreme thoughtfulness and a rare peace. There's a lot happening in the sky right now, astrology-wise. It's normal to be encountering huge swings between hopelessness and renewed faith. I find it's just best to ride it out. The world is inundated with illusions at the moment - nothing seems real. That's why strengthening your inner compass is so important right now. It makes it easier to pass through liminal spaces. The video for "Yellow" is a classic. It's so simple. It's just Chris Martin walking on the beach on a cloudy day. The camera stays close except during the musical interludes, where the cameraman backs off a bit. And Martin has this sheepish grin, as if he's confessing something to you (i.e., the person he's singing to, that he's written this song for) he hadn't said before. Maybe he is. And even if he's a bit embarrassed, he's happy. He maintains full eye contact with the camera as he sings, increasing the feeling that you're sharing an intimate moment with him. The imagery seems meaningful, even though it's simple. And it's the ability to find the meaning in moments - moments that aren't marked as special, moments that could even be called routine, moments that can be downright shitty - that's essential because if you can't find happiness in those moments, you're in trouble. Because the present moment is all we ever have.

"Yellow" Video

"Senorita" by Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello

After workplace festivities today, I'm in the Valentine's Day mood. I can neither confirm nor deny what that mood entails. This song has been growing on me and it's been stuck in my head this week. Since last Friday, to be exact, when the harpist (yes, harpist...he was awesome!) played a lovely rendition at the Mexican restaurant my coworkers and I went to for happy hour. This is embarrassing for me to admit because - I'm just going to call out the uncomfortable truth - this song is horribly racist. The implication is that he calls her "senorita" as a playful tease because she's a Latina. The twist is she likes it....because it's him. Speaking from experience, if she didn't want to fuck him, he would be dangerously close getting decked in the nose. It is super annoying when guys use the only Spanish words they know to flirt with me. This is true for most Hispanic/Latina girls I've spoken to. Shawn Mendes gets a slight pass, because he's of Portugese decent (and super hot), but to be honest, Hispanic/Latino guys are the worst about this bullshit. I calls it like I sees it. I'll get off my soap box now. Just remember - unless you know a girl is really into you, she probably ain't going to put up with this nonsense.

Locked in the hotel

There's just some things that never change

You say we're just friends

But friends don't know the way you taste, la la la

'Cause you know it's been a long time coming

Don't you let me fall

Ooh, when your lips undress me

Hooked on your tongue

Ooh love, your kiss is deadly

Don't stop

There's nothing complicated about the meaning of this song. Boy sees girl for the first time and feels drawn to her. Girl reciprocates and they start a situationship, based on the lyrics. They want it to continue, but it can't because he's just in Miami for a trip. Probably Spring Break. That sounds very much like what's happening here - frat boy falls for a local girl over Spring Break. It's not sustainable but it's incredibly stimulating while it's going. This song was written to evoke thoughts of sex on the beach (the act, not the drink) and mysterious, dark-haired girls in bikinis. Because those are the best kind. (Or maybe I just have a dirty mind lately.) Obviously, it was tailor-made to be a Summer hit and it was pretty popular in late Summer 2019, but it's just now getting a lot of airplay on the local radio. For a big city, San Antonio is surprisingly slow with the music trends. Yes, that is as disappointing as it sounds. Anyway, you'll be surprised to know Camila Cabello and Shawn Mendes are still a couple. Everyone thought they were only pretending to date because they released this song together. Nope. Still going strong. But she's a Pisces and he's a Leo. Poor girl is going to get her heart broken. (Pisces is the only water sign whose symbol is not a shelled animal, representing ultimate emotional vulnerability. And Leos have a tendency to be arrogant jerks, especially when they're young.) The video is pretty hot, though, if you like boys in Havana shirts and leather jackets. But damn him if he doesn't remind me of somebody....

"Senorita" Video

"The Joshua Tree" by U2

Ranking: #27

Original Release Date: 9 March 1987

Genre: Rock

"The Joshua Tree" is the fifth studio album released by U2. That seems to be a pattern so far with the albums on this list - it always seems to be the artist or band's fifth album that leads them to greatness. Their album prior to this one had a more experimental sound, but the band wanted to release something grittier that paid homage to their Irish roots while being influenced by American rock music at the time. The band - and Bono in particular - had a fascination with the "real" America and wanted the album to evoke the idea of America's vast landscape. The imagery for the album sleeve were artistic photographs of the American desert. Hence the title, "The Joshua Tree," a species of Yucca plant that only grows in California, Arizona, Utah, and Nevada. Having grown up in Arizona (with period visits to California), I'm quite familiar with the sight of Joshua Trees. They have a certain spiritual meaning to us desert-dwellers - they represent beauty and strength that grows out of dysfunction. People are always surprised by how much grows in the desert, how much natural beauty there is. There are plants and animals you can only see in the American Southwest, though, and I think that's one of the things that makes it special. And there's something spiritual in that special-ness - the kind of power that attracts rock bands from Ireland.

"The Joshua Tree" was release in 1987, a year I'm already quite familiar with since it's the year I was born (insert joke about it being a pretty good year here). During March 1987, one of my favorite musicals - "Les Miserables" - opened on Broadway to rave reviews. It was the "Hamilton" of its day, quite literally. John Gotti, a gangster from the Gambino crime family, was acquitted of criminal charges (including racketeering) - the first time. The FDA approved the sale of the AIDS drug, AZT. Not a month later, Freddie Mercury - Legend and Ascended Master - would be diagnosed with AIDS. The first National Coming Out Day - a now yearly celebration for the LGBT community - was organized in Washington D.C. during October, in conjunction with a National March for Gay Rights. During Wrestlemania III, Hulk Hogan won against Andre the Giant, successfully defending the heavyweight title. Later in 1987, Andre the Giant would also appear in the beloved film, "The Princess Bride." And the most popular names for newborns would be Jessica and Matthew. Yes, there were a lot of Jessicas born in 1987. And I've met approximately 50% of them - we seem to attract and then orbit each other. Like star clusters. As far as years in America go, 1987 actually was a pretty good year and March was a fairly decent month in general.

See the stone set in your eyes

See the thorn twist in your side

I'll wait for you

Sleight of hand and twist of fate

On a bed of nails she makes me wait

And I wait, without you

Moving on to the astrology of 9 March 1987, it should be noted that the Sun was in Pisces and that's all you really need to know. This album is all about the feels, drowning in the feels, as it includes multiple iconic love ballads. In fact, this album has multiple influential water placements, including the Moon in Cancer (the sign of her rulership) and Pluto in Scorpio (the sign of his rulership). Mercury in Pisces lends a sort of dreaminess to the sound of this album, but with Jupiter in Aries, there's a powerful expansiveness in the rhythms and riffs of the songs, too. The desire and calling for independence and freedom - a theme for this album, as identified by the band - is also a strong hallmark of Jupiter in Aries, which is further enhanced by North Node in Aries. Again, we have another album with Mercury on the Midheaven (in Pisces), which seems to be a beneficial placement for music. The energy of this album is conflicting - the Trine aspect (the most harmonious) and the Square aspect (the most challenging) appear an equal number of times. Venus is also in Aquarius, a placement indicative of detached emotions and a distancing in relationships. The theme is also very prevalent in the lyrics of the aforementioned love ballads. In "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For," the singer has done everything to gain the love of his person but there's still dissatisfaction. And in "With or Without You" - well, now is a good time to transition into our featured song from "The Joshua Tree."

I chose "With or Without You," not only because it's one of my favorite songs (I had planned to write about it in December but ran out of time) but it's also one of the most iconic love songs of the late 20th Century. In fact, when people hear it, I can bet it conjures to mind one couple in particular - Ross and Rachel of "Friends." For those who aren't familiar (Shame on You!), Ross and Rachel are the sitcom equivalent of star-crossed lovers. They are soulmates or, as Phoebe so eloquently put it, Ross is Rachel's lobster (because lobsters mate for life - just another thing I learned from TV!). Let's face it, their relationship is frustrating, because it's so obvious they belong with each other, even to them. But the writers always find some way to put a wrench in their plans. Throughout the course of the show, they get together multiple times and break up multiple times, but still remain friends. They also seem to decide they want to be with each other at the most inconvenient times - like right before Ross gets married to his second wife (he says Rachel's name instead of Emily's when reciting his vows). Or right after Ross leaves for China. There's a lot of unrequited (but not really unrequited, because they both feel it, they're just not saying it) energy. Ross had a crush on Rachel since high school but she didn't see him - probably because he was a dork and that's not the type of guy the Rachel Greens of the world are supposed to want. "With or Without You" became Ross & Rachel's anthem when it was played during two critical episodes of the show, when their relationship is under the most strain.

Through the storm we reach the shore

You give it all but I want more

And I'm waiting for you

With or without you

With or without you

I can't live

With or without you

Bono wrote "With or Without You" because he wanted to hear a love song that dealt with "real issues." He's said that it's about a tortuous relationship that one can't (or doesn't want to) escape. He has also said that it can represent any relationship where you love someone but can't be with them for some reason (such as distance or addictions or past hurts), which was relevant to his life. At the time he was writing it, his lifestyle as a musician kept him apart from his wife for much of the time. He was having conflicted feelings about it - on one hand, he wanted to be the responsible protector; on the other, he wanted to live the wild, exciting life of a rockstar. He eventually came to an understanding that this tension between his desires is what made him an artist and he found a balance. He learned how to integrate the shadow with the light. There have been many runs where I've pondered the deeper meaning of the lyrics, particularly the words "You give yourself away." I've come to interpret it as he sees the person he's singing to giving too much of themselves, to everyone, but especially to him. I base this assumption on a previous lyric - "You give it all but I want more." And it makes me wonder - he seems to be aware that he's taking a lot but what is he giving back? Is he able to "give it all" in return? And if he's not, is it really fair for him to want more? Deep questions, indeed. Not surprisingly, like me, Bono's Moon is in Scorpio. Additionally, the cusp of his 7th House is in Cancer. There's a lot of possessive instincts, but with his Venus and Sun in Taurus, he expects it to be one way. He needs his freedom but it scares him to give it to someone else. I have a feeling Bono would be fun to psychoanalyze - there's clearly a lot going on in that head of his.

"With or Without You" Video

"The Stranger" by Billy Joel

Ranking: #70

Original Release Date: 29 September1977

Genre: Rock

"The Stranger" was Billy Joel's fifth studio album. Prior to this album, he had been a modestly popular artist but interest was on the decline and Columbia Records was threatening to drop him if this album didn't succeed. Fortunately for him, it was a success, staying at the top of the charts for six weeks and winning Record of the Year at the 1978 Grammy Awards. It's considered Joel's breakthrough album, making him a beloved staple of radio stations and piano bars everywhere. Billy Joel is another artist I grew up with and his music is near and dear to my heart. I even saw the musical "Movin' Out," which puts all of Joel's greatest hits to a story that's told through dance. It was amazing. But I'm also a nerd who is entranced by anything even closely resembling a "rock opera," so my opinion may be a bit biased.

Slow down, you crazy child

You're so ambitious for a juvenile

But then if you're so smart, then tell me

Why are you still so afraid?

The album was released in September 1977. It turns out to be an exciting year for science and technology. The space shuttle Enterprise went on its maiden flight atop a Boeing 747 and the United States launched both Voyager 1 and Voyager 2. The first personal computer, the Commodore PET, made its debut at the Consumer Electronics Show. 1977 would also be the year Apple Computer is incorporated. Of course, there was some weird stuff going on, too. The United States Senate began hearings on MKULTRA, a CIA project that involved experiments on human subjects to test the viability of mind control techniques. These experiments were illegal and unethical due to the undue psychological stress the participants were subjected to. The program also tested the viability of using mind-altering substances in the elicitation of confessions and the erasure of memories. And citizens of Dover, MA, reported sightings of the Dover Demon, a creature with tendril-like fingers and glowing eyes. As far as I've seen, the Demon was only seen for two days in April 1977 and then never again.

Politically, 1977 was somewhat interesting. During 1977, President Jimmy Carter pardoned Vietnam War draft evaders. Anita Bryant's anti-gay Save the Children campaign resulted in a key gay rights ordinance being repealed in Floriday, sparking public demonstrations against the Christian pop star. On the other side of the country, Harvey Milk, the first openly gay politician, was elected to serve in San Francisco. Several countries signed a nuclear non-proliferation treaty, including the United States and the Soviet Union. But then there were several government shutdowns throughout Autumn 1977. You win some, you lose some, I guess. It was also a significant year in pop culture. Our last featured artist, Elvis - the King of Rock and Roll - died in his home, Graceland, at the age of 42. Led Zeppelin played their last concert in the United States. But, on the bright side, Fleetwood Mac released their album, "Rumours." And balance was restored in the music world. "Star Wars," "Annie Hall," "Saturday Night Fever," and "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" were released in theatres.

Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?

You'd better cool it off before you burn it out

You've got so much to do

And only so many hours in a day

Let's take a look at the chart for "The Stranger." A few things popped out at me in this chart. First, the Sun is in Libra and the Moon is in Taurus - both very good placements for artistic beauty. Coincidentally, this is almost exactly opposite his natal placements - Billy Joel has Sun in Taurus with Moon in Libra. The moon is exalted in Taurus, meaning that emotions are easily expressed, and at the time of the album release, the moon was conjunct with his natal Sun. Jupiter was in Cancer, the sign of its exaltation as well, indicating that luck was on his side for this release date. However, Venus was in Virgo, the sign of its Fall. Billy Joel has been rather unlucky in love (he's on his fourth wife) and the love songs on this album were written about his first wife. The story behind that isn't a pleasant one - he met his first wife, Elizabeth Weber Small, while she was married to his bandmate, Jon Small, and they started an affair. Joel was so conflicted about the relationship that he attempted suicide by drinking furniture polish. Ironically, it was Jon Small who ended up saving his life. Returning to the chart, Mars was in Cancer, also the sign of its Fall. Mars in Cancer is very passive aggressive energy - like being nice to a person's face but writing a song dragging all their bad qualities. For example, in "She's Always a Woman," he lists all the bad things he's heard about his wife from industry people - as his manager, Elizabeth Weber Small got rough treatment, and although this song was originally written as a tribute to her resilience, Joel eventually stopped singing it at concerts because he had lost his passion for it after their divorce. Finally, Mercury was in the sign of its rulership, Virgo, and it was also conjunct the Midheaven - which is directly opposite his natal Midheaven. Joel's natal mercury is in Gemini, mercury's second ruler. Mercury in Virgo or Gemini means words and ideas flow easily and with placements in both Libra and Taurus, they'll also tend to flow in a poetic or musical way.

But you know that when the truth is told

That you can get what you want or you get old

You're gonna kick off before you even

Get halfway through

When will you realize, Vienna waits for you

I had another song from "The Stranger" picked out to be featured - "She's Always a Woman," which is how I learned so much about Joel's first wife - but then I heard "Vienna" and it struck a chord (pun intended) with me. It called to mind a coming of age montage, one where the protagonist finally decides it's time to grow up. In truth, I was remembering the song being used for just such a purpose in one of my favorite romantic comedies, "13 Going on 30." It was one of those brilliant romantic comedies that came out in the late 90s and early 2000s that they just don't make anymore and it makes me a little bit sad. Everything coming out now has to be gritty or sardonic or cynical to be successful. There's nothing sweet and earnest anymore and I feel like the world is a little worse for it. Anyway, in "13 Going on 30," Jenna Rink (played by the always stunning and surprisingly lovable Jennifer Garner) is a teenager who wishes that she could grow up without going through all the awful, teenager stuff. She gets her wish but, as she learns about who she's become to get her dream life, she realizes it's taken her drastically off the path to what she wants. Including a heartbreaking scene where her childhood best friend, who has always loved her and whom she falls in love with during the movie, chooses to go through with marrying another woman. She gets a second chance to make different choices, of course. It's kind of like "It's a Wonderful Life." Towards the end of the movie, when all of the horrible choices she's made start causing her dream life to crumble, she goes to someplace familiar and comfortable - her childhood home. Her parents walk in while she's essentially having an emotional breakdown. They hug her and tuck her in. And for one night in her crazy world, she can be okay.

I've been reading "Inner Bonding" by Dr. Margaret Paul. In it, she talks about how to re-parent our Inner Child and make more loving choices, for ourselves and for others. Which is exactly why I wanted to get a degree in psychology in the first place - to fix myself and maybe help other people eventually. But, as I read and work through the book, it brings up stuff. The patterns I always knew were there but avoided changing because they made things easier to cope with. "Vienna" sounds like Billy Joel talking to his Inner Child. The song is about a young person who is so eager to grow up and accomplish greatness that they aren't even enjoying being young. And when I stop to think about it, that's the thing that makes me so angry about my childhood - is that I didn't get to have one. I had to grow up so fast out of necessity. It's why I still feel like I'm just pretending to be a grown-up, because I was never really taught by anyone. All of my knowledge about being a responsible, well-adjusted adult is cobbled together from bits of movies and books - I never had a consistent example. And I felt like I had to take care of everybody - a depressed mother, two sisters, I even had to comfort my dad a few times. I got stuck in this caretaker mode, so much so that I will forgo my own needs for others. And they let me. Of course they let me. And all I want is someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay if I slow down a bit. I'm going through some shit right now. I wish I could blame the astrology but the truth is it's been coming a long time. My heart really hurts this weekend. So I'm sorry if I disappear a little bit.

"Vienna" Video

Scene from "13 Going on 30"