Music Slut: February 2018

Dolores O'Riordan

I've been struggling a bit since the death of Dolores O'Riordan on January 15. I know that everyone who defines themselves as a "90s kid" is saying this but The Cranberries shaped my musical identity. Do you know what it's like to be a pathetic little 7-year-old playing "No Need to Argue" on repeat? Well, I do. I loved O'Riordan's voice. Loved it. I wished it was mine. And it made me wish I was Irish instead of the American mish-mash of Hispanic and Italian that I was. It made me dream of visiting Ireland, even though I know now that Ireland was kind of a hellish place to be, even as recently as the 90s. As a kid, I enjoyed celtic rhythms and was obsessed with river-dancing and it all started with her. With her voice, high and pure like a crystal bell at times, so primal and full of pain at others.

Of course, the one song that will embody her legacy is "Zombie." I feel that's fitting. I'm a bit of a soft touch, so there are a lot of songs that will make me cry if the circumstances are right. "Zombie" always makes me cry, though. Always, and especially now that I understand the history of the IRA and the Irish Civil War. Because it's a story that's still playing out today - not in Ireland anymore, of course (Thank Brigid!) - but in many other countries. I can't listen to the lyrics anymore and not think of the children in Yemen or Syria, the Rohingya people, or about the refugees from South American cartels. I don't know how other people can hear "Zombie" and not find themselves torn over the state of the world today. And at the end, when O'Riordan is vocalizing - heaving animalistic cries that pierce into the very core of your soul - something inside me always breaks.

I think O'Riordan understood that. She wrote "Zombie" after IRA bombings in 1993 killed two children, because she couldn't look away. And I wonder if she still felt that pain even today, when she sang it or if she heard "Zombie" on the radio. I listen to that song and I feel so guilty about bringing my son into the world. For wanting to have more children in the future. Because I know that the world isn't any better than it was in 1993. In many ways, I'd say it was worse. And it's my son (and his hypothetical brothers and sisters) who will have to fix it because my generation and my parents generation failed.

A few days after Dolores O'Riordan died, my husband heard a cover of "Zombie" on Sirius XM. It's a really good cover and fairly true to the original except they changed a couple of the words, to tremendous impact. They add drones to the list of weapons used to keep the fight going. "With their tanks/and their bombs/and their bombs/and their drones." Then, they changed "It's the same old theme/Since 1916" - when the Irish Troubles started - to "It's the same old theme/In 2018" - because the violence never stopped, it just changed locations. As I said, it's a good cover and it will always be a song we need to hear. O'Riordan was supposed to record vocals on the Bad Wolves version of "Zombie" but she died before that happened.

The coroner's office hasn't released the cause of death for O'Riordan yet and we might not know until April. She was so young, only in her late 40s. I hope it wasn't suicide, which seems to be the main reason we've been losing some of our most beloved musicians nowadays - but if it was, I think I understand. Feeling so deeply about the world can be exhausting, which is why we have to find what lifts us up and hold onto them. Rest in power, Dolores.

Here's the video for the Bad Wolves version of "Zombie:"