Something about this song has been haunting me for the last week, i.e., it's been stuck in my head almost non-stop. I added it to one of my Spotify playlists based on song recommendations that I found on some random website when I searched for "sexy dance music." I'm not sure it really fits the description, but I like it. I've been listening to that particular playlist a lot because Spotify added a shit ton of U2 to my favorite playlist for some reason. I wanted to add one song and Spotify was like "Here! You obviously like U2 so you should have all three of their latest albums on this playlist!" I'm still mad about it, if you couldn't tell. Anyway, I've been listening to a lot of Halsey lately and I'm gradually falling in love with her debut album, "Badlands." Expect more Halsey songs in the future.
"Ghost" has bouncy moments but the general vibe is kind of heartbreaking and wistful. Halsey is longing for something that was lost - someone who seems lost, someone who she feels like she lost. Just so you're up on all the slang the young'uns have been using, "ghosting" is when you're dating a person and they just disappear on you instead of saying they'd rather not anymore. It's a cowardly thing to do, really. It doesn't seem like the guy in the song actually "ghosted" Halsey, because he floats in and out of her life when he wants. Which, obviously, tears her up inside but she lets him, because at least it's something. I suppose that's why he says that he's no good for her (he's right....he's a fucking asshole) - so maybe he cares for her a little bit if he realizes that what he does hurts her. But she's always "tugging at his sleeve," meaning she's always trying to get his attention (and he's giving it to her). He's also a ghost because, at least from Halsey's perspective, he's changed dramatically since she's known him. Maybe that's it. He's not the same person, but she still loves him and that's what haunts her.
I don't like them innocent
I don't want no face fresh
Want them wearing leather
Begging, let me be your taste test
I like the sad eyes, bad guys
Mouth full of white lies
Kiss me in the corridor
But quick to tell me goodbye
You say that you're no good for me
'Cause I'm always tugging at your sleeve
And I swear I hate you when you leave
I like it anyway
At least in my interpretation of the song (which could be wrong but lines up with the discussion boards), he's sleeping around a lot and, to deal with it, Halsey turns to various "Mr. Wrongs" as well. To some extent, she's being even worse, because she's telling whoever she's sleeping with that she loves them, even though she has no intention to stay with them. I think she's hoping to find whatever feelings she has for her "ghost" with these other guys. But, as she repeats, she's "searching for something [she] can't reach."
The video shows Halsey in Japan, having a fun weekend with a pretty Japanese girl. Halsey is very open about her bisexuality, so even though the song hints that she's yearning for a guy, the video depicts the object of her affection as this girl. After their fling ends and she sends the girl off in a cab, Halsey just wanders around Tokyo, looking sad, wishing the girl was still there. Just from an analytical point of view, that's the whole video - the sexy parts are her memories. All those beautiful moments just exist in her head now and she's wishing it was still happening. The translation of the Japanese at the beginning of the video is as follows - "Looking back to the past with her, she may have disappeared. It may have disappeared. Perhaps it did not even exist."
I was going to save this one for October because it reminds me of vampires but - fuck it! - today's a Pretty Reckless kind of day and there are more than enough awesome songs about vampires to fill up October. I'm just so over today right now. By the end of work, I found myself wanting to yell at people "stop draining me, you vampire!" I have nothing left to give - what do you want from me? So, True Story - I bought this book on raising my positive vibrations, because I'm trying to embrace this really weird journey I'm on. And today's affirmation was something super hippie - I think it was "feelings are messages from your intuition." Well, today, my intuition was fucking telling me to punch people in the face - and some of those people I actually really like. Obviously, I have more self-control than that, so I didn't. But I was probably more snippy and interrupt-y than I usually am. Perhaps a couple of f-bombs slipped, which I try to refrain from while at work. I'm so over it. It's just exhausting - I meditate and I'll get to feeling like I'm in this super good place and then this madness bubbles up from nowhere and I'm back to square one. I thought I was fucking past all this rage but - nope - still there. Side note: Fucking shadow work is a bitch. Simple fact - do with it what you wish.
When I hear "Make Me Wanna Die," I imagine this girl who is a perfectly good, reasonable, smart girl. And then she meets this guy, this vampire - and fucking nothing else matters. She's ready to up and become a vampire, too. Without consideration for what she'd be giving up, not even considering the curse that immortality can be and how she'll never be able to escape this connection to her Maker. But she's ready to do it, give him everything, if only he thought she was worthy of the Dark Gift (Anne Rice's term, not mine). For a long time, I've considered writing a TV script for the "Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter" series. In my fantasy where it actually gets picked up and I get to be creatively involved in the production, "Make Me Wanna Die" would've been the opening credits song. In my head, it would've been similar to "True Blood," which I loved as a show until they started getting all weird and added magical bullshit that didn't really fit in the plotline. I liked Anita Blake because the heroine is half-Mexican short girl with an affinity for the occult, like myself. In fact, the physical description of Anita sounds a lot like me (except for the long black ringlets - I've never had curly hair) - as you've heard, representation matters. The only thing I really don't like about the Anita Blake books is the presumption that you have to be Christian in order to be good. It was really heavy in the first few books and tapered off later, but it was something that rubbed me the wrong way when I first read it.
Taste me, drink my soul
Show me all the things that I shouldn't know
When there's a blue moon on the rise
I had everything
Opportunities for eternity
And I could belong to the night
Then your eyes
Your eyes
I can see in your eyes
Your eyes
Everything in your eyes
Your eyes
The Pretty Reckless is an American rock band fronted by Gossip Girl alumni, Taylor Momsen. In her teen years, Momsen was this pretty blonde girl and then, randomly, she decided to go goth. Not a big deal - a lot of girls did this in high school (the best ones did, anyway) but not as many formed a kickass band.
Before and After
One more, 'cause she's hot....
"Make Me Wanna Die" is probably their most well-known song (and it's honestly not that well-known) but the Pretty Reckless's entire first album, "Light Me Up," is great. One of the best purchases I ever made, most definitely. They've got some post-grunge influences, a little southern rock thrown in for good measure. I love Momsen's voice - it's a little grizzly, a little sweet, which makes it hella sexy. And she's not too bad looking either - she can definitely pull off the sexy/scary look. Kind of jealous. Fair warning - in the video, she's basically stripping down to her skivvies while walking to a cemetery that's on fire. That is so fucking metal.
I've been thinking a lot, so if you'll indulge Philosophical Jess just one more time, let's go through the dark turns and noise of this wicked little town. I've been digging down the Google clickhole of woo and found myself in all sorts of murky nonsense - divine timing, detachment, Fate. I got stuck on the idea of detaching from the outcome, because that's kind of hard to do. How do you forget that you want something? Oddly enough, I found myself talking to a coworker about this today. She's Buddhist (or very into Buddhist philosophy - I can't tell which and I'm not going to outright ask her) and she was saying that, after practicing it for some time, it just comes naturally. I guess that's the point of all that meditation - to detach yourself from being so invested in one ideal life that you forget to live. I'm trying to take that to heart lately. No matter what happens, I'll be alright, so I just have to keep following the path before me. I've never had much faith but I feel like believing that is the closest thing to Truth I'll ever get.
I chose "Wicked Little Town" for today because that's just the sort of mindspace I get into when I start ruminating on this stuff. I always identified with Hedwig - she went with her heart and it took her on this whirlwind path. It changed her - physically and spiritually - but she was always herself. I think that's the big lesson from "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" - you'll go through hard times, people will come into and out of your life, but the one constant is you. Don't lose yourself.
You think that Luck
Has left you there
But maybe there's nothing
Up in the sky but air
And there's no mystical design
No cosmic lover preassigned
There's nothing you can find
That can not be found
Cos with all the changes
You've been through
It seems the stranger's always you
Alone again in some new
Wicked little town
"Wicked Little Town" is Hedwig's theme song, if you remember my rant on the structure of musicals. There's two versions, both of which are wonderful in their own way. When we're first introduced to "Wicked Little Town," Hedwig is doing a small-time gig at what looks to be a food court. She's performing with her band (comprised of foreign military wives, like herself) and she's telling her audience that it's going to be a big hit (but in kind of a sarcastic way). Towards the end of the song, she starts directing her singing to a boy hiding in the back. This, we later learn, will be the future Tommy Gnosis. Hedwig falls in love with Tommy but he leaves her and steals her songs to become a famous rockstar. The entire film is about Hedwig following the Tommy Gnosis tour to discredit him as a thief. In a way, she was right - "Wicked Little Town" does become a big hit....she's just not the one singing it. The ultimate lesson - be careful what you wish for.
I prefer the Tommy Gnosis version, which is the reprise. Another reminder - the reprise is usually when the main character realizes something about themselves and is empowered again. The realization for Hedwig was that she didn't need Tommy to be whole - she was whole completely on her own. This makes more sense when you hear the big ballad from the musical - "The Origin of Love" - which is brilliant and thus, is being saved for another day. Honestly, this movie is just fucking amazing and everyone needs to see it. Every song - as weird and trippy as the lyrics are - blows my mind every time I hear them. Now that I think of it, I'm really disappointed in myself that I don't own that movie. Excuse me while I go and rectify that situation.
After the emotional/physical/mental/spiritual roller coaster that was the last 4-6 months, my body finally gave out on me. I have a tendency to do this to myself - I will work myself to death for weeks or months on a project - sleeping little, eating less - and once I've achieved what I needed to do, I get really sick for like a day and a half. I used to spend 12 hours a day at school when I was a teenager - starting with 0 period and ending with either choir or theatre practice (sometimes both). Now, I realize I was spending so much time at school as a way to escape a less than ideal home life, but back then, I just thought I was dedicated to my craft. And without fail, after the big performance was over, I'd collapse and I'd find myself alone with my thoughts. Again. This time, while I was delicately calculating exactly how much acetaminophen I could ingest before my liver failed, I had an epiphany. I need to let go of any semblance of control I have and just ride this out. Faith is believing in something without proof it exists. You can't have faith if you're trying to control the outcome. I know logically I'm not going to die of this cold but do I really believe that? It's really scary to know you don't have any control over some things, like how quickly your body recovers from the latest disease your toddler brought home. But it's also kind of freeing at the same time.
As Zen as all these musings are, in my NyQuil induced haze, I still wished for a small dose of comfort. I wanted someone to hug me or stroke my hair. You know...."mom" stuff. The Husband isn't good at that sort of thing. On the rare occasion I'm desperate enough to ask, he always complains and then he doesn't do it right, even when I give him specific instructions. I forget sometimes that this - nurturing, reaching out and caring for someone when they aren't feeling their best - is a skill. And it's a skill that I find most people struggle with. I feel like I've been a "mom" since I was 8 years old, so maybe I just learned it earlier than most people. And don't get me wrong, I like being able to make people feel a little better, but I struggle with being resentful when they can't do the same for me. I came to the realization a couple of weeks ago that I give far more than I get back. And I sat back and asked myself how that makes me feel. Do I feel used? Do I feel resentful? Do I feel like holding back as punishment? After some thought, I decided that I don't feel any of that because that's just who I am. I give everything and it would be silly to expect the same in return because some people just don't have the same capacity as I do.
But still, in my low moments, I want something comforting. So I look to myself - and usually I find that something comforting in music. Especially in "Across the Universe." The Beatles wrote "Across the Universe" after the initial madness of the British Invasion, when they found the materialism and hedonism too overwhelming. During this time, John Lennon got really into Transcendental Meditation and Eastern philosophy. Transcendental Meditation usually involves sitting and repeating a mantra in your head for about 15-20 minutes. John put one of his mantras into the song as part of the chorus. "Jai guru deva om" which, literally translated, means "Glory to the shining remover of the darkness." Even more roughly translated, you could interpret it to mean "Glory to God" or something similar. But in many of these traditions that emphasize meditation, God is nothing more than the energy that holds the universe together, which is how I have come to understand it. I try to let that idea permeate my life. When I feel angry or disappointed with someone, I remind myself that we're all connected and I let that feeling go. Sometimes I hold on for a little bit, maybe longer than I should, but ultimately, I release it because it doesn't serve me.
Sounds of laughter, shades of earth are ringing
Through my open ears inciting and inviting me.
Limitless, undying love, which shines around me like a million suns,
And calls me on and on across the universe.
If you've tried meditating, the point is not to keep your mind completely empty, but to acknowledge the thoughts and let them pass as you focus on a singular point. Like a mantra or your breathing. John Lennon is essentially narrating his experience as he meditates. Thoughts drift in and out of his mind. Feelings bubble up and then simmer down. Light and darkness come and flow away into nothingness. But he's there, in that moment, and nothing is going to change his world.
I'm ready for October. First, it's hotter than Satan's testicles out here in Texas and I wish it would cool off just a smidgen so I don't get all sweaty after going on my daily constitutional. And second, I'm looking forward to Halloween. I'm planning a whole month of my favorite spooky, haunted, and just downright creepy songs. It ain't gonna be shit like "Monster Mash" and "Thriller" - although those are classics, everyone knows them and one of the goals of this blog is to share stuff most people don't listen to. So get ready for a lot of horrorbilly, dark swing, and southern gothic - which are the best genres to get in the Samhain Spirit. But, for today, just a taste of the morbid should suffice.
I was lucky enough to catch all of "Hotel California" this morning on my ride to work. Another one of my favorite songs - in fact, I'm pretty sure it makes the Top 3 (don't quote me - that shit changes on the daily). Now, when asked about its meaning, Don Henley said it was about the excess and hedonism in America that characterized the 60s, 70s, and 80s. I can see that....but I prefer to imagine it as a ghost story. Like the Hotel Cortez, from "American Horror Story." If I really think about it, though, that was the central theme of "AHS: Hotel" - that those shallow pleasures are fleeting. You can try to get as much out of it as you can, but it's all temporary. And afterwards, all you're left with is emptiness, so you keep trying to get more and more and more. But you can never fill the void. We are all just prisoners here of our own device. I don't know if it's just how Don Henley sings it or the inherent poetry in the words, but that lyric in particular haunts me. Like "The Matrix" - we could all break free from this existence...if we really wanted to. But we don't. That's scary and it's safe here, with our alcohol and sex and other assorted numbing agents. Note: I have been drinking tonight and if you like to mix your poisons, there are worse things than Bombay Sapphire gin and Diet Coke.
I also heard a theory that "Hotel California" was about the Manson Family murders. They stab it with their steely knives but they just can't kill the beast. That's them killing Sharon Tate, about 8 months pregnant at the time. They were on so many drugs, the Family didn't even see those poor people as humans anymore, just monsters. Wealthy monsters. Charles Manson got the most severe sentence, and he didn't even kill anyone. Charisma is a deadly weapon in a monster's hands. Unfortunately, that's something most serial killers have in spades - otherwise, they wouldn't be near as successful. When I was studying psychology, that was my favorite concentration - forensic psychology. But after you study a few serial killers, you have a basic understanding of them all and it comes down to one thing. They feel nothing but emptiness most of the time, but killing gives them pleasure, at least for a little while. And if something ends the emptiness, wouldn't you do it?
Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes bends
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys, that she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget
We went down a dark road there so let's climb back up - one of the most commonly googled questions is "Is there a real Hotel California?" Well, no, there's not just one - because the people who are googling that question are really just looking for a haunted hotel that the song is based on. In fact, there are several that have been proposed as the "real" Hotel California. The first I'll mention is the Hotel Cecil (now Stay on Main), which the Hotel Cortez from "AHS" was based on. Like in the show, the hotel hosted such infamous guests as the Night Stalker, Richard Ramirez, and another serial killer named Jack Unterweger. The hotel has also been plagued by an unusual string of suicides and suspicious deaths, making it the perfect place to base a horror story on. Another haunted hotel that could be a contender as the notorious "Hotel California" is the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel. This hotel is famed for being the place where a lot of Golden Age actors stayed when they were starting out their careers, including Marilyn Monroe. There have been rumors of hauntings in the Roosevelt, some of which are these famous actors, such as Marilyn and Errol Flynn. Wouldn't that be exciting, to meet Clark Gable's ghost unexpectedly in the stairwell? I think so. But I'm the type of person who wants to stay in a haunted hotel. Finally, the last potentially haunted hotel I'll mention is the Millennium Biltmore Hotel, which is where Elizabeth Short (the Black Dahlia) was last seen alive. Hotel staff say that, after her death, Ms. Short took up permanent residence in the Biltmore's upper floors. She had good taste - there are shabbier places to spend the afterlife than the Biltmore.
The video is footage and stills from a performance of The Eagles playing in Largo, MD. Enjoy!
Today is my mom's birthday so I decided to do a song that reminds me of her. Now, I could've picked plenty of songs. For example, I could've chosen the song "I Can't Get No (Satisfaction)" by the Rolling Stones - because my mom loves the Stones and she is never satisfied (well...that used to be the case...she's a lot more easy-going now). Or I could've chosen "Mamma Mia" by Abba, because she was a disco bunny back in the late 70s (according to my dad....who also likes Abba and has seen "Saturday Night Fever" way too many times). Or perhaps something by Cher - because my family fucking loves Cher. (Don't Judge Us!!!) But no....I chose a Queen song, because my family also fucking loves Queen. This is my dad's song for my mom. Because she's his best friend....which I find interesting, because I never thought of my mom as someone who is easy to get along with. But if a best friend is someone you want to share your adventures with and the first person you want to tell when you have good news (or bad news), I guess she would be his best friend. I told you - I'm lucky enough to believe in true love because of my parents.
Funny Vee story....When I was about 12, we went to my cousin Brian's first wedding. The Bride's mother had a life partner (because gay marriage wasn't legal yet), which of course confused 10-year-old Vee. My dad explained it that she just wanted to be with her best friend for the rest of her life, like he and mom did. "So that means I can marry my best friend?!" Vee exclaimed. "Yes," my dad told her. "I can't wait to tell Nancy," was what Vee responded. Nancy was her best friend at the time - it was naive and cute and my parents took it as such. Didn't discourage her or tell it was wrong, just said that she could if she wanted.
You're the first one
When things turn out bad
You know I'll never be lonely
You're my only one
And I love the things
I really love the things that you do
Ooh you're my best friend
Most people aren't lucky enough to marry their best friend. Most people just find someone that they don't mind hanging around that much....until they get bored. But my parents don't seem bored and they just had their 32nd anniversary. When I lived at home, they rarely did things separately when my dad came home from work - usually, they just watched TV together. Well...usually, my dad would read some history book while my mom watched "Keeping Up with the Kardashians." After my mom got treatment, things got a lot better and now, they just generally like being around each other. They like to plan evil things together, like telling my sister and I we were going to the Grand Canyon when really we were going to an outlet mall in California. Yes - this really happened and I'm never going to fucking let them forget about it because I haven't seen the Grand Canyon to this day, except for a glimpse when we went over Hoover Dam on the way to Vegas. They also still go do fun stuff together, some of which they were nice enough to let me tag along. They went to go see Elton John (which was A-MAZING!!!!) and they visit Las Vegas all the time (without us). And my dad always lets my mom have a taste of his food when they go out to eat. If that ain't a fucking best friend, I don't know what is.
I don't really have much to say about the song, except it's a good song. But it's Queen, so you already knew that. Happy Tuesday!
Spotify likes to recommend playlists based on what I add to my playlists and favorite when I'm listening to random stuff. Sometimes, the algorithm gets it really right and I add the entire playlist to my favorites list. Usually, it's a bunch of random crap with a few good things. This song came off a playlist called "Songs Taylor [Swift] Loves," which I think is only half the playlist's name. It should've been "Songs Taylor Loves To Have Sex To," because that was the general vibe of the entire mix. Anyway, I've been hearing "Mine" on the radio a lot and it's been stuck in my head all day.
You have to wonder what to expect when the first lines of the song are some guy saying, in a nutshell, "I'm drunk, I'm just going to tell you how I feel." The feelings in the song are pretty sweet. It sounds like he's singing to his girlfriends or maybe some girl he's hoping will be his girlfriend. Possibly "The One," if you believe that stuff. I maybe...kinda...sorta...sometimes do - us hopeless romantics are really the worst kind of people. Kind of sad and pathetic, mostly because we listen to songs like "Mine" and watch "When Harry Met Sally" and then squeal when they finally fucking get together, after going through such unbelievable bullshit together. But I'm ranting again. Because I'm tired and the filter is dented.
For such a short song, Bazzi packs a lot into those few verses. First of all, the song is called "Mine," and he's telling the girl that she's his. Now, this would be possessive and creepy but I imagine that, when you're that deep in love, you kind of feel like you do belong to someone/someone belongs to you and it's not gross - it's comforting, I guess would be the word. Moving on - it also sounds like this is the first time they're going to have sex and he "doesn't want to waste no time." It also doesn't seem like it's super important if they have sex at all, because he just wants to spend time with her. Even if it's just for one night....so maybe she has a plane to catch in the morning? Or maybe it's one of those "Serendipity" things, where they met in Bloomingdale's while she was on vacation and they're never going to see each other again. There are seriously way to many movies with that particular situation - girl meets boy, girl disappears into the ether, boy spends years searching for her without much to go on but hope, then they meet again in a Circle K. Or vice versa. I've seen way too many of these movies.
You so fuckin' precious when you smile
Hit it from the back and drive you wild
Girl, I lose myself up in those eyes
I just had to let you know you're mine
Hands on your body, I don't wanna waste no time
Feels like forever even if forever's tonight
Just lay with me, waste this night away with me
You're mine, I can't look away, I just gotta say
I do want to call out the one lyric that seems out of place - You on fire, you a star just like Mariah. Mariah Carey hasn't been a star in like 20 years. What is this guy fucking talking about? I'm not sure any girl under the age of 29 would be impressed with a compliment like that. Bazzi, you're gonna have to do better.
The video is trippy. Bazzi is floating in the air in Generic Inner City Backdrop #12 in some parts. The rest is interspersed with clips from science videos showing sperm penetrating eggs (really subtle, dude) and pretty girls trying to look pretty in spite of all the video effects they're using. In all honesty, it's a really crappy video but I guess you can't really do much with only two minutes of song.
I feel like I've been choosing too many contemporary pop songs lately, so we're going a little rock today. My son is a big fan of Theory of a Deadman (I know....my two-year-old is way cooler than any of us will be in this lifetime) and "Straight Jacket" is one of his favorite songs to "sing" along to. The "sing" is in quotes because he's not fully talking yet but he definitely knows the "bad, bad, bad" part, which are the ending lyrics of this tune. My son also appears to have perfect pitch and an abnormally advanced sense of rhythm for a kid his age (he can dance like nobody's business...better than most people I've met, in fact). I'm not saying he's a musical prodigy - because that's a lot to live up to, even if it's true - but we are gently encouraging him to explore these interests by doing extra music/dance time at home and letting him play with different instruments. I even want to get him a drum kit - although I think that's more because I wish I had learned to play the drums. I feel like it's worth the headaches for him to have musical experience, because musicians have more connections in their corpus callosum, which makes them better problem solvers and more emotionally intelligent.
"Straight Jacket" is about the singer being in a relationship with a fucking crazy bitch (Anyone can see we're a perfect match, An innocent boy and a psychopath). This woman sounds like just the worst. She moves the relationship too fast (A week's worth of dating and you talk about moving in) and then proceeds to make his life miserable by breaking down his self-esteem. She breaks it down so much that he doesn't even feel like he's strong enough to leave (Go from weak in the knees to be too weak I can't leave). It's clear from the transitions (I just wanna sleep my life away) that he's depressed. Like very depressed. Like "he can't see the end of this, thinking about suicide, full on fight-or-flight panic mode" depressed. Seriously - I feel bad for this guy. But that's how abusive relationships are - they break you down until you don't feel like it's worth fighting for yourself.
Because that's what this song is about - an abusive relationship. People may not see it as an abusive relationship, because it's the female that's the abuser (and we're still stuck in ridiculous, gendered paradigms like this), but it is. If your significant other doesn't let you hang out with your friends, accuses of you of cheating constantly (without proof), starts fights for no reason, and generally makes you feel like shit when you're around them - Surprise! - you may be in an abusive relationship.
On the flip side of things, society - for some unknown reason - makes it seem okay for girls to treat their boyfriends like this. "Crazy girls are hot!" or "Crazy girls are the best in bed!" You've heard this nonsense before. Newsflash: Not true. Not true at all. True story - I used to act like this early in my relationship with The Husband. In my defense, my mom was not the best role model for relationships - my parents fought all the time when I was young and I got it in my head that if you weren't yelling at each other all the time, you just didn't care anymore. This is also not true. You don't have to yell and scream to solve conflicts in your relationship. And you don't have to be controlling either - in fact, trust is the foundation of a relationship and if you can't trust someone, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship with them. Now, I've gotten much better - we hardly ever argue anymore and if we do argue, it doesn't become a screaming match. But, to be honest, The Husband (The Boyfriend at the time) should've left me back then - because I was a crazy fucking bitch.
I'm freaking out, I'm panic attacking
Yeah, I mentally had it, now my living room's padded
I'm a sadist, I'm addicted to this heroin
You're Tonya Harding and I'm your Nancy Kerrigan
Like Lloyd Braun, I just wanted serenity
But you had to go testing me, gave me suicide tendencies
Your little games, your little, little games
You tricked me into staying, your playing is getting lame
From touching your sweet things to tracking your calls
Go from smacking your ass to punching holes in the walls
Go from sending me fire news to eyeing up other dudes
From picking a favorite song to playlisting breaking tunes
Started so high, now I can hardly breathe
Go from weak in the knees to be too weak I can't leave
You called it, it's all my fault, this I know
Guess I'm better off dead inside than being alone
Down from my soap box now. The video is pretty hilarious - I won't go through all the little things that make it funny - because it's better if you find them yourself - but I'll give you the plot in a nutshell. The band is in an insane asylum and they start a revolt. By the end, the head nurse and all the orderlies are all tied up and all the patients are escaping. It makes you think that there's a happy ending to the song - but, in reality, it's not clear whether or not the singer escapes his hellish relationship. In fact, judging by the lyrics in the last verse, it's almost certain that he probably won't. But hey, at least the video is funny.
One of my favorite movies is "Practical Magic," for many reasons - I'll just name a few. One, it's about witches and I love everything about witches. And two, although there are many love stories within the plot, the chief love story is about the bond between sisters - Sally (Sandra Bullock) and Gillian (Nicole Kidman). Being the middle of a trio of sisters, I know that bond well - there are no other people in this world that understand better what I went through during my childhood because they went through it, too. Anyway, this song - "Crystal" by Stevie Nicks - starts playing during my favorite scene. Sally, who had just seen a desperate woman kill a dove because she wanted a man to love her again, performs a love spell called Amas Veritas to draw her true love to her. She makes the specifications very specific and almost unlikely, such as having two different eye colors (heterochromia iridum). When Gillian remarks, "I thought you never wanted to fall in love?" Sally replies, "That's the point. The guy I dreamed of doesn't exist. If he doesn't exist, I won't die of a broken heart." Oh dear...I remember when I used to be that young and cynical.
I did a spell like this when I was a teenager. When I was younger, I knew that the man I was supposed to marry was tall and thin, with dark hair, glasses, and facial hair. I added hazel green eyes later but, in general, that's what I looked for. My best friend in high school used to make fun of me for having such a specific "type," but that's what I saw when I envisioned the hypothetical groom at my wedding. Everything else was fuzzy (I wasn't the type to plan my own wedding as a kid) but I knew those things for certain. And I did end up marrying a guy who was tall and thin, with dark hair, glasses, and a beard. No hazel green eyes, but I have a soft spot for brown eyes, too. It wasn't all physical - there were personality traits, like Sally had in her spell. Like being ambitious but also understanding how important family is. Letting me taste his food if we got different things at a restaurant (the Husband actually hates this so I've stopped asking). Being able to laugh at himself. Being an avid reader (not the Husband). Intrigued by creepy/paranormal/metaphysical nonsense (also not the Husband, an avowed Atheist). Et cetera, et cetera. I can't remember everything - the list was pretty long. I was a fucking teenager - I had pretty high standards, most of which ended up not being deal-breakers if a guy didn't meet them. Because Dream Men/Women are hard to find, so you have to make exceptions if you don't want to spend the rest of your life alone.
I got a lot of other crazy ideas from this movie, besides the whole "true love" spell thing. Of course, I would love to be the town witch who lives in a creepy but beautiful house by the sea - attached greenhouse/solarium included. Then, there was this idea that someone could fall in love with me just by reading something I wrote. In fact, the hypothetical Dream Man mentioned above wanted to read everything I wrote - including that re-imagined Snow White screenplay I wrote when I was 14 (which wasn't as good as I thought it was). This scenario happens in the movie. Sally writes a letter to Gillian that ends up in the hands of a US Marshall hunting down Gillian's ex-boyfriend, Jimmy Angelo. Coincidentally, the US Marshall - Gary Hallett - also fits the description exactly of the man in the love spell Sally did when she was 12 years old, which she had completely forgotten at this point because she was living her life, like a normal person would. But that's what happens sometimes. You're going about your life, perfectly fine in your own little world and then - Bam! - the Universe throws a curveball (like your sister's undead ex-boyfriend) at you. But it all works out in the end. Well, at least in the movies, it does.
As for the song - Stevie asks us if we trust what our heart is telling us. I mean really trust it? Like you know what it's telling you is true without any proof. And if we do know that it's true, do we listen and follow what it's telling us? Stevie wrote "Crystal" as she began yearning for more independence and searching for growth in her life. It also speaks of the loyalty her former partner/lover, Lindsey Buckingham, had for her early in their music career. Eventually, they broke up - one of the "most passionate breakups" in musical history, by all accounts. Anyway, long story short, Stevie Nicks listened to what her heart was saying, followed where it led, and it opened her up to a world of possibilities.
Do you always trust your first initial feeling
Special knowledge holds truth bears believing
I turned around
And the water was closing all around
Like a glove
Like the love that had finally, finally found me
Then I knew
In the crystalline knowledge of you
Drove me through the mountains
Through the crystal-like clear water fountain
Drove me like a magnet
To the sea
So....Do I always trust my intuition? Yes, usually - but I don't always follow it. Sometimes you just can't, even though you want to. Sure, you can affect change by making different choices and I'm a big proponent of being Masters of our own Fate. But I learned a long time ago that you can't force things, especially if it's the wrong time. For example, my husband and I had been criss-crossing paths for a long time before we met. I used to feel sad that we could've met earlier and we didn't. I don't now. We met when we were supposed to meet and I accept that's how the Universe works. Other times, I've acted on my intuition impulsively, with almost reckless regard for the consequences, and things worked out, like when I quit my job and moved to San Antonio. I'm almost certain that intuition can't steer you wrong, that it will tell you when it's right to act on that feeling. You just have to listen. I've instinctively believed all this hippie-dippy bullshit from a young age, but it isn't until recently that I accepted and trusted it. Life does that to you. Some people figure it out earlier than others and some never do. I wonder what might've happened if I had come to this conclusion earlier but that's a dangerous road to walk down. However, I've learned that all roads seem to lead to Rome - so even if you don't follow your intuition now, somehow, you'll get to where it's trying to lead you. Okay, I'm done with the "woo-woo" for today.
After 12 hours in airports and on airplanes, I'm finally home. Colorado Springs was nice and maybe I'll visit again someday but right now, I'm glad to be back. But I tell you, I made a point to have some adventures. Even though I was on my own - and it's weird having adventures by yourself. You start thinking about who you wish you could be sharing them with. You spend a lot of time in your head....but, honestly, I needed that alone time. Cue "Good Old Days" on the radio....
This song is about being grateful for what you have now and enjoying where you are now. Looking back on on the memories and being happy they happened. And taking time while you're young to realize how lucky you are. How lucky I am. I've been trying to do that more - to be present in the moment and not worry that I don't have more because I have so much already. Being appreciative for the people in my life and the time I get to spend with them, even though it doesn't seem to be enough sometimes. And most of all, being good to myself and not worrying so much about life. I'm trying to not have so many goddamn existentialist crises, as fun as they are. When I started getting lonely on this trip, I heard this song and remembered that it was the Universe telling me to stop being so melancholic and to do something fun. Speaking of which, those adventures in Colorado Springs....
I'm pretty sure I almost died. I had made a plan to go see the Broadmoor Seven Falls on what was supposed to be my last day in Colorado. Well, it started off alright. Google Maps took me to the base of the mountains, in a pretty nice area. This part of Colorado Springs is very similar to Old Town Bisbee - narrow, winding roads interspersed with rich people's houses. That's when things went a little sideways. As you may be aware, Google Maps does not do well when you go off the beaten trail - which is where I had to go....or thought I had to go. I came to this dirt road that went up the mountain and I figured that's where I needed to be. Dear friends, this became the second most terrifying drive that I've ever done. This dirt road was barely one car wide in some places - and, yes, there were people coming down while I was going up. And on most of the way up, there was a sheer vertical drop on one side. Just for reference, I was in a Nissan Rogue, which is not a small, agile car. About a mile in, I was thinking that I definitely was not in the right place but there was no place to turn around. But I made a decision - I was going to follow this road wherever it led. Because I wanted an adventure and I was granted one.
I drove up this road for like 30 minutes, or approximately 9 miles. It was fun and really scary at the same time, but I knew I'd be okay because I'm a good driver and I've done steep mountain roads before. Sure, I went a little slow sometimes, which really annoyed the 12-passenger van behind me. Eventually they passed me when the road got wide enough. Finally, I found a place to park and thought I'd just walk around and see if there were any trails. It was beautiful, though - it smelled like pine, spruce, dirt, and fresh air. It smelled green, which is one of my favorite smells.
I started walking up the road, enjoying nature. And then I started thinking. I'm a small woman walking alone in the - capital W - Wilderness. I'm not exactly an outdoorsy girl but I knew enough from Girl Scouts that this probably wasn't the smartest idea I've ever had. That's when I heard what I thought was the growling of a mountain lion. It's the Colorado mountains - of course there's mountain lions, bears, and all sorts of other critters. I decided to cut my "hike" short and go back to my car.
When I got back, there was this lady looking at the scenery. We got to talking (she was from Odessa, TX...small world!) and she told me that the Seven Falls closed at 2pm that day. I didn't even leave my hotel until 2pm because I was finishing up with the conference. Clearly, the Seven Falls wasn't happening this trip, but she suggested going to Garden of the Gods which was open until 7pm. The ride down the mountain was a lot more enjoyable - I even did over the speed limit in some places. Trying to make up for lost time. Anyway, I got to Garden of the Gods and I had two trails I could follow. One was paved and circled the park without going through any brush, and the other was a dirt trail that went into the heart of a wooded area and was marked with a "Beware of Rattlesnakes" sign. Hmm, which to choose?
Well, I wanted to take the one that would take me into the Great Unknown, which was - unfortunately - the one marked with the "Beware of Rattlesnakes" sign. To quote Indiana Jones, I hate snakes. But I didn't see any on the trail and I was not disappointed with my choice. Garden of the Gods was magnificent and served as an excellent backdrop for me to do some intense journaling. I spent about an hour and a half in the park, just wandering around and taking pictures, before I was too tired to keep walking. And I slept pretty good that night until I got the text from American Airlines saying my flight was cancelled.
Moral of the story: Don't be afraid to do things by yourself. Even if people look at you weird while you scribble furiously in a notebook in the middle of the woods.
Never thought we'd get old, maybe we're still young
Maybe we always look back and think it was better than it was
Maybe these are the moments
Maybe I've been missing what it's about
Been scared of the future, thinking about the past
While missing out on now
We've come so far, I guess I'm proud
And I ain't worried about the wrinkles around my smile
I've got some scars, I've been around
I've felt some pain, I've seen some things, but I'm here now
Those good old days
You don't know, what you've got
Till it goes, till it's gone
You don't know, what you've got
Till it goes, till it's gone
The "Good Old Days" video was shot to make parts of it look like old 70s home movies, which is one of my favorite aesthetics. It follows Kesha and Macklemore meeting up with friends during a camping trip. In the middle of the woods, by a lake. It looks very similar to where I got lost in Colorado but maybe all woods look the same, especially if you have no clue where you are. Anyway, seems like a fun party to be at. I would like to do that some time - just a big old camping trip with some friends. It's been a long time since I've been camping but I do like being out in nature. That's why I prefer to run outside. It makes the pain easier to endure when you're running into a gorgeous sunset or looking at the stars. Anyway, I've ranted at you enough about my exploits. Happy Sunday! Now go have an adventure.
You know that meme where you must be super lame if you like Nickelback? I feel like that meme should've been about Maroon 5. I judge you if you're a big fan of Maroon 5. Heck, I'm judging myself for liking a handful of their songs. For a long time, I wanted to stab my eyes out every time I heard "Moves Like Jagger." But I still sang along every time it came on the radio because - God Damn It! - it's fucking catchy as hell. Note - Catchy does not equal good. Commercial jingles are catchy but that doesn't mean you should be singing them at a karaoke bar. Well, you could but people would be really confused. Anyway, I'm still stuck in Colorado due to a late night flight cancellation so I'm writing this on my phone using an app and then publishing in the business center. Because I have no shame that would inhibit me from blogging on a strange computer. Besides, I'd just be sitting around talking/singing to myself and the hotel staff already thinks I'm weird.
I've heard "Girls Like You" constantly while I've been in Colorado Springs so it's permanently stuck in my head now. That's not a bad thing. The lyrics are from the point of view of this guy who keeps coming back to this girl he can't get out of his head. Maybe they're off-again-on-again, but you can tell they're friends when they aren't together. But I get the feeling that he doesn't think he's good enough for her. He's trying to be, though, and sometimes he succeeds. (When I come through, I need a girl like you.) It sounds like the girl in the song doesn't care that he fucked up, though, because she's still around, still forgiving him, still driving his drunk ass home in the morning. And that's the point - she wants effort, not perfection. If you want to be good enough, fucking try and don't make excuses. If you want to spend more time with her, fucking tell her (I need more hours with you). If you need to take a red eye to be with her, do it (I spent last night on the last flight to you). Do what you have to. You might fall short but at least she knows you cared enough to try. That you're willing to do the hard stuff to be together.
The "I'm not good enough" excuse infuriates me, though. If someone says you're good enough, believe them. Otherwise, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy, doesn't it? I disappointed you in the past, erego I'll always disappoint you. Or I don't think I should be attractive to you because other people have always said I'm unattractive, therefore, I'll do things that make me seem unattractive, even if it pushes you away. It sounds crazy but people do it all the time and they sabotage their lives because of it. They ruin relationships, careers, opportunities because they have a predetermined image of who they are - and it's usually a negative version of themselves that emphasizes the flaws and ignores all the good. But I can tell you, that's not what other people see. Most of the time, people are too wrapped up in themselves to even notice you. But if they do notice you - even if it's just for a second - you'll find that they only see the good in you. I usually do, or try to with everyone I meet. And that's definitely the case with a girl/boy who wants to stick around no matter how lame you are (or think you are) and no matter how many times you fuck up (or think you do). So get over your bad self.
Side tangent, since we went down this path - I've toyed with the idea of being a life coach in the past. I decided I'd probably end up screaming at each of my clients because you can't get better unless you want to be better. And a lot of people don't want to do the work. It's uncomfortable and it's scary. I know because I've done it myself. I'm still doing the work because I know my childhood left me feeling like I wasn't good enough to be someone's first priority, not even my own. It's a never-ending battle but it's worth it. Believe me - staying who you think you are is safer, but you'll never get to the place where you want to be. Anyway, on a related note, this is also why I didn't continue my education to become a psychologist. I care too much and watching people choose to stay stuck every day would be disheartening.
Moving on, I enjoy Cardi B's rap break during the bridge. It gives you a chance to get the girl's perspective, which is basically "I'm awesome - in fact, I'm the best thing in your life right now, better than all those girls you thought you loved - and if you don't want to lose me, do something about it." I may have embellished a bit but my interpretation is pretty close (well...except for the dirty part...I forgot about that):
Not too long ago, I was dancing for dollars (eeoow)
Know it's really real if I let you meet my mama (eeoow)
You don't want a girl like me, I'm too crazy
But every other girl you meet is fugazi (okurrrt)
I'm sure them other girls were nice enough
But you need someone to spice it up
So who you gonna call? Bardi, Cardi
Come and rev it up like a Harley, Harley
Why is the best fruit always forbidden?
I'm coming to you now doin' 20 over the limit
The red light, red light stop, stop (skrrt)
I don't play when it comes to my heart, let's get it though
I don't really want a white horse and a carriage
I'm thinkin' more of white Porsches and karats
I need you right here 'cause every time you call
I play with this kitty like you play wit' your guitar (ah)
The video is simple but kind of cool. I love it when bands do videos with cameos of a bunch of celebrities. "Rockstar" by Nickelback is a great example of this. It shows how small the Hollywood/music scene community is, that they can easily get 15-20 celebs to do a video. The video features Ellen, Sarah Silverman, and Wonder Woman herself (Gal Gadot), just to name a few. And then it ends with Adam Levine hugging his family. Aww!
I had something more special planned for today since I can't post for a couple days but it turns out that needs more time to cook. Instead, I'm gonna share a song that's been growing on me all summer. In fact, I think it's this year's Song of Summer, even though it was technically released at the end of 2017. I've been hearing it a lot on the radio this summer, anyway, so that - in my mind - categorizes it as a "summer song." It's also got that chill, sunny vibe going on. That's the best way I can describe it. I also thought the switch to something a little more country would be a nice break from all the punk/rock/indie stuff I've been posting.
It's coded as a love song - the girl is trying to force something but the guy is just like "we don't have to go so fast....lets enjoy the ride." But I think this message can flow into other parts of your life, too. For example, in the video, it's not really about Bebe trying to get with one of the guys from Florida Georgia Line. It's about her trying to make her singing career happen. In it, she's hitchhiking and ends up a waitress somewhere outside Albuquerque - because isn't that where we all end up eventually? During a lull in her shift, she starts fantasizing about being pulled on stage at a local show, which evolves into her touring with the band. Kind of an unrealistic fantasy, if you think about it, but - you know - if it's meant to be. In many things, there comes a point where you've done all you can and you just have to leave the outcome to the Universe (or God/the Gods, depending on what you believe). It takes a leap of faith. (Side note - my card this morning was "The Wanderer," one of the meanings for which is needing to take a leap of faith.) When it gets to this point, all you can do is keep working towards your goals, be the best person you can be, and enjoy life for yourself. Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
Baby, lay on back and relax, kick your pretty feet up on my dash
No need to go nowhere fast, let's enjoy right here where we at
Who knows where this road is supposed to lead
We got nothing but time
As long as you're right here next to me, everything's gonna be alright
Some fashion notes - I am loving the two dresses Bebe wears in this video. I think the black gingham number she wears as a waitress is probably a bit too racy to be an actual uniform. That being said....I need to have it. Same with the red polka dot dress. I'm pretty sure I'd look good in both because they look good on Bebe Rexha and we have a similar body type, for the most part. I've also decided I need a necklace that says "Jess." I know those are old-school and kind of tacky, but Rexha makes it work. Maybe once in awhile, it's okay to wear something like that, if you have the right attitude and don't take it so seriously. Although, Jess isn't as cool a name as Bebe, so it might not look as good. I don't know, I'll have to do some intense googling to find the right necklace.
I've been thinking about Lily Potter and Severus Snape. Because that's what I do. I think deeply about Harry Potter stuff and then rant about it. Sometimes my thoughts and insights are clever, but usually they're just overwhelmingly intense considering that it's fiction. I've been thinking about the book and its characters even more since I began listening to the "Harry Potter & the Sacred Text" podcast - a fantastic listen and I would highly recommend it to any HP fans out there. Listening to Vanessa and Casper is comforting to me and usually, their conversations get me thinking philosophically about how the themes affect my own life. About how my own struggles are reflected in the lives of the characters. For example, the loneliness and isolation Harry felt at the Dursley's and the peace and belonging he felt when he was at Hogwarts, that's similar to how I felt my first day at college. It felt like the first night at school was the best night's sleep I had gotten in my whole life. Because I felt free. I felt safe. And I don't think I realized until I was a couple years older that this wasn't normal, that maybe my childhood wasn't normal.
There's a lot of parallels between characters as well. We recognize the obvious parallels between Harry and Voldemort, but it's not as obvious to see the parallel between Harry and Snape. Both of them grew up in homes where they felt unwanted and unloved. Unfortunately for Snape, he wasn't able to see Hogwarts as a refuge, the way Harry did. When he came to Hogwarts, he was bullied and teased. By Gryffindors, of all people, those who would naturally feel compelled to protect the underdogs and the outcasts. He had Lily, but she wasn't enough. She should've been, though - her friendship should've been enough. He was so mired down by all the pain he felt, that he couldn't see that she was reaching out to him. In fact, she tried to be there for him for six years, until he essentially called her a racial slur and she said - finally - I'm done....I'm done trying. He was consumed by darkness and all she wanted was to be his light. But Snape realized that too late. He lost everything and he had to live with that loss for the rest of his life. I was reading this chat transcript with JK Rowling where she said if Snape had just let Lily in and let go of his obsession with the darkness, she would have eventually grown to love him romantically. There are doubters, of course, but I personally believe this is true. You don't try to reach out to someone who is always pushing you away unless you love them in some capacity. However, if you push someone away long enough, eventually they'll get tired and let you alone, even if that's not what you really want.
Flirting with the idea of getting something
like this as a tattoo...
If I were Snape, seeing Harry every day would be extremely painful, because Harry is emblematic of everything he ruined. It was his selfishness - his feeling that he didn't deserve her kindness - that pushed Lily away, his obsession with the Dark Arts that led him to Voldemort, his eagerness to feel accepted that he let a sociopath use him to get the information that would ultimately be used to murder the love of his life. It's important that Harry has Lily's eyes because - I don't know - eyes are the window to the soul or some shit and when Snape was looking into Harry's eyes, it might've been like he was looking into Lily's soul. And it's unnerving looking into someone's soul. What if they're staring right back?
While I was thinking of Lily and Snape, "Everything" by Lifehouse came to mind. I love this song. Another one of those songs I consider one of the most romantic ever. Again, it's a simple song, not too many lyrics but even though there isn't that many words, every single word is meaningful. And then mid-way through, the music comes crashing down on you and you feel every note.
Find me here, and speak to me
I want to feel you, I need to hear you
You are the light that's leading me to the place
Where I find peace again
You are the strength that keeps me walking
You are the hope that keeps me trusting
You are the life to my soul
You are my purpose
You're everything
And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
I think it's important that the singer is not asking anything of the person this song is about. Just acknowledging the awesomeness of them and how much they mean to the singer. He doesn't want any more than to just be in their presence. Yes, this song is often interpreted as being directed towards God, which makes sense since Lifehouse started out as a Christian band. In fact, when I was younger and trying out different religious practices, I watched my friend in a skit set to this song at her Baptist church. Basically, angels were protecting this girl who was going through a rough time and Em was the demon trying to get past their protective circle around her. I've seen similar skits on YouTube - they're always moving, but I think that's because this song is moving. I don't see how anybody could listen to it and not get the feels, so listen to it sparingly. I should take my own advice - this song has been running through my head all day. The video is just the lyrics - there is no official video. I think that's how it's meant to be enjoyed - just pure sound, no visuals, nothing else needed.
Today's daily card pull was the Eight of Arrows, which stands for Struggle in the Wildwood Tarot. Based on the description (and I'm taking the descriptions very literally, as I am still early in my tarot edu-macation), I gathered that I would have to face some sort of challenge alone. And I did, at least for the first part of the day. I managed because I had to get it done - people were counting on me, so I did what I had to do. I came in early, hit the ground running, and....I'm not sure it made any difference. I hope it did, though. That was the other thing - hope. Don't lose hope. I may be extremely exhausted right now - and thus, my writing may be a bit incoherent - but I'm hopeful that we're going to be okay after this week. Maybe I contributed to that, maybe I didn't, but at least the sun is going to rise tomorrow. Thank my lucky stars!
The Protomen are probably one of the greatest bands Adam (yes...that Adam) has introduced me to. The first Protomen album is a rock opera based on Megaman. The second Protomen album is a rock opera based on the events leading up to Megaman, the rivalry between Light and Wily. They are both fantastic, but the first one was slightly better. "The Will of One" is the big ballad that Megaman sings on the first album. He's walking the streets, thinking about the world he lives in - an obvious dystopia that no one really seems inclined to fix. Protoman tried to save the city and the people stood and watched as he died. A fact that broke Dr. Light, which leads him to tell Megaman that he cannot change the world, that he will not stand by and lose another son to an ungrateful and uncaring Fate. But Megaman just can't stand by. People are starving, Wily's robots are oppressive and violent, death is everywhere. So he makes a choice that he will do whatever he can to save them, even if that means he has to do it alone.
Even here it is not safe
Even this grave has been defaced
Someone has written on this stone
In some angry hand
Hope rides alone.
Hope rides alone.
Hope rides alone.
Hope rides alone. One of the most profound lyrics/phrases I think I've ever heard. It reminds me of Pandora's box. After all of the world's evils and/or blessings (depending on the translation) escaped, only Hope was left when the box was able to be closed again. There are some academic interpretations that hope is just another evil. It "prolongs man's torment" is the argument there and that kind of hope is no use in this world. I do not agree. I think hope keeps us from giving up, from destroying ourselves. It spurs us on to do greater things, like Megaman tried to do. Hope gives us courage to face the darkness. Especially when the darkness has to be faced alone.
Wow. Philosophical Jess really makes a big showing when I'm tired. Too bad she wasn't around when I was taking Medieval Philosophy...I might've actually gave a shit about that class. Just a quick note about "The Will of One" - this is an amazing song to workout to. It makes me want to take on the world, it makes me want to save the world. Yes, little old me. I could probably do it, though, if this song was on repeat. Additionally, I love this guy's voice. He also sang the Dr. Wily part on the second album. There are very few male (or even female) singers who can a hold a note that high for that long, so he (I think it's Raul Panther but I'm not 100% sure) deserves all the props.
