"Straight Jacket" by Theory of a Deadman

I feel like I've been choosing too many contemporary pop songs lately, so we're going a little rock today. My son is a big fan of Theory of a Deadman (I know....my two-year-old is way cooler than any of us will be in this lifetime) and "Straight Jacket" is one of his favorite songs to "sing" along to. The "sing" is in quotes because he's not fully talking yet but he definitely knows the "bad, bad, bad" part, which are the ending lyrics of this tune. My son also appears to have perfect pitch and an abnormally advanced sense of rhythm for a kid his age (he can dance like nobody's business...better than most people I've met, in fact). I'm not saying he's a musical prodigy - because that's a lot to live up to, even if it's true - but we are gently encouraging him to explore these interests by doing extra music/dance time at home and letting him play with different instruments. I even want to get him a drum kit - although I think that's more because I wish I had learned to play the drums. I feel like it's worth the headaches for him to have musical experience, because musicians have more connections in their corpus callosum, which makes them better problem solvers and more emotionally intelligent.

"Straight Jacket" is about the singer being in a relationship with a fucking crazy bitch (Anyone can see we're a perfect match, An innocent boy and a psychopath). This woman sounds like just the worst. She moves the relationship too fast (A week's worth of dating and you talk about moving in) and then proceeds to make his life miserable by breaking down his self-esteem. She breaks it down so much that he doesn't even feel like he's strong enough to leave (Go from weak in the knees to be too weak I can't leave). It's clear from the transitions (I just wanna sleep my life away) that he's depressed. Like very depressed. Like "he can't see the end of this, thinking about suicide, full on fight-or-flight panic mode" depressed. Seriously - I feel bad for this guy. But that's how abusive relationships are - they break you down until you don't feel like it's worth fighting for yourself.

Because that's what this song is about - an abusive relationship. People may not see it as an abusive relationship, because it's the female that's the abuser (and we're still stuck in ridiculous, gendered paradigms like this), but it is. If your significant other doesn't let you hang out with your friends, accuses of you of cheating constantly (without proof), starts fights for no reason, and generally makes you feel like shit when you're around them - Surprise! - you may be in an abusive relationship.

On the flip side of things, society - for some unknown reason - makes it seem okay for girls to treat their boyfriends like this. "Crazy girls are hot!" or "Crazy girls are the best in bed!" You've heard this nonsense before. Newsflash: Not true. Not true at all. True story - I used to act like this early in my relationship with The Husband. In my defense, my mom was not the best role model for relationships - my parents fought all the time when I was young and I got it in my head that if you weren't yelling at each other all the time, you just didn't care anymore. This is also not true. You don't have to yell and scream to solve conflicts in your relationship. And you don't have to be controlling either - in fact, trust is the foundation of a relationship and if you can't trust someone, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship with them. Now, I've gotten much better - we hardly ever argue anymore and if we do argue, it doesn't become a screaming match. But, to be honest, The Husband (The Boyfriend at the time) should've left me back then - because I was a crazy fucking bitch.

I'm freaking out, I'm panic attacking

Yeah, I mentally had it, now my living room's padded

I'm a sadist, I'm addicted to this heroin

You're Tonya Harding and I'm your Nancy Kerrigan

Like Lloyd Braun, I just wanted serenity

But you had to go testing me, gave me suicide tendencies

Your little games, your little, little games

You tricked me into staying, your playing is getting lame

From touching your sweet things to tracking your calls

Go from smacking your ass to punching holes in the walls

Go from sending me fire news to eyeing up other dudes

From picking a favorite song to playlisting breaking tunes

Started so high, now I can hardly breathe

Go from weak in the knees to be too weak I can't leave

You called it, it's all my fault, this I know

Guess I'm better off dead inside than being alone

Down from my soap box now. The video is pretty hilarious - I won't go through all the little things that make it funny - because it's better if you find them yourself - but I'll give you the plot in a nutshell. The band is in an insane asylum and they start a revolt. By the end, the head nurse and all the orderlies are all tied up and all the patients are escaping. It makes you think that there's a happy ending to the song - but, in reality, it's not clear whether or not the singer escapes his hellish relationship. In fact, judging by the lyrics in the last verse, it's almost certain that he probably won't. But hey, at least the video is funny.

"Straight Jacket" Video