"Addicted to Love" by Robert Palmer (as covered by Florence + the Machine)

I'm going to try to keep this short because I'm exhausted but I wanted to fit one more song into January. This song is also a good transition into February's theme and, besides....did you really think I'd let this month end without a dose of Florence Welch? Never!

The original song is by Robert Palmer, an English rock singer from the 80s. Due to its popularity, "Addicted to Love" became his claim to fame - he wasn't exactly a one-hit-wonder but pretty close to it. It was also supposed to be a duet with Chaka Khan, but that never happened due to contractual constraints. There are several cover versions of this song but this version is my favorite. If you listen to the original, it is the quintessential 80s song - from the electric guitar and keyboards to the twang in Robert Palmer's voice. It's easy to imagine it playing as the backdrop to John Hughes movie - in fact, I would be surprised if I did some research and discovered it on the soundtrack for multiple 80s teen romances. It's also an extremely long song - the album version is slightly over 6 minutes long, which was frowned upon in the 80s and nearly unheard of for pop music of the time. The single version they cut down to 4 minutes - mostly getting rid of the unnecessary instrumental breaks and the bulk of the end where he's repeating the chorus. "Might as well face it, you're addicted to love." You know....it's catchy but after 4 minutes of that, you get pretty fucking bored and you're pretty much begging for the fadeout by the end. Florence + the Machine cuts it even further to just under 3 1/2 minutes, only leaving room for the essentials. And that's the important thing about any type of art - you gotta leave them wanting more. Give your audience just enough and they'll keep coming back. I just made that up but it feels pretty true some I'm just going to say it is and call it a day.

You see the signs, but you can't read

You're running at a different speed

Your heart beats in double time

Another kiss and you'll be mine, a one track mind

You can't be saved

Oblivion is all you crave

If there's some left for you

You don't mind if you do

Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah

It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough

You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to love

Moving on, I'm not sure the emotion/feeling the song is describing is love, per say. It sounds more like infatuation - that all encompassing need at the beginning of a relationship to be with someone all the time. The obsessive thoughts. The pull that keeps you coming back for more. That "addicted" feeling fades eventually, but what you have remaining - should you choose to continue (and sometimes even if you don't) - is love. Infatuation (and Lust) is what's explosive like that; Love is much more subtle. Unfortunately, it's the fluttery, energetic pulse of the former that gets all the glory. The peaceful calm of unconditional love - well, that gets it's own songs, too, but they're not the ones you expect. They're usually the ones acknowledging that we're only human and things happen. Acknowledging that we are flawed but, at least for a moment, that didn't matter.

Just FYI: While working on this post, I discovered that there is a movie named "Addicted to Love." A Meg Ryan movie, in fact, and one that I haven't seen. Shocking, I know. It's a romantic comedy (naturally) where two people (Meg Ryan and Matthew Broderick) are trying to break up a couple (his cheating girlfriend and her ex-fiance) but fall in love in the process. It looks delightful, even though it sounds like the main characters sound like they start off as assholes in the beginning. And it came out in 1997, which was peak Meg Ryan and peak Matthew Broderick (a powerful combination, I'm sure). To be honest, I've been trying to cut down my screen time, so I probably won't be watching this any time soon. But if you're looking for a 90s romantic comedy to break through a bout of existentialism, this one's probably about as good as any you'll find.

Side Note: Another revelation - the official video for Robert Palmer's version of "Addicted to Love" is the music video that Bill Nighy's character in "Love Actually" is parodying. Love. It.

Florence + the Machine Version

Robert Palmer Version

"Come On Eileen" by Dexy's Midnight Runners (as covered by Save Ferris)

This version of "Come On Eileen" in a nutshell: It's a New Wave classic turned into a ska anthem - who could ask for more? In either version, the beat is hoppy and light and you can't help but shake your ass to it. And that is my professional opinion. There's a lot of things I like about this song. Mostly because it reminds me of happier, simpler times.

When The Husband and I first started dating, he'd take me to a lot of ska shows. And yes, I joined skanking circles because it was fun and nobody cared that they looked like idiots. I was one of those idiots. Ska has a big place in the Southwest musical scene, where most of my friends and family live - partially because of the Spanish influence in third wave ska (aka ska punk). Even though most of the big names come from Southern California, there's still quite a considerable scene in Arizona, New Mexico, and West Texas. For example, we saw Authority Zero (from Mesa, AZ) more than once. El Paso had a lot of local ska bands, too, like Liquid Cheese, the Casual Fridays, and Fixed Idea. Aside from one fairly traumatizing experience, I enjoyed most of these shows. You usually saw the same people and it was a community of sorts. At some point, though, we stopped going and I kind of miss that.

The other thing this song reminds me of is "Ferris Bueller's Day Off," because that's where Save Ferris gets their band name. The first time I saw that movie, we were staying overnight at my Uncle Danny's - he was giving my grandparents a break from hanging out with my sister and I. Usually, we'd watch him and my Aunt Viv play softball. Afterwards, we'd stay the night and watch movies. I have a lot of good memories of my Uncle Danny and I miss him a lot some days. Anyway, before I go down that rabbit hole, I have to admit it's been kind of an emotional day for me. And, though I may have seemed fine, it was the most anxious I've been in a long while. It's weird - I'll be perfectly fine for weeks at a time and then, suddenly, I'm hyperventilating and my heart is racing and I've got these intrusive thoughts that won't go away. Which is why I wanted to bring up Ferris Bueller, and specifically, a film theory centered around "Ferris Bueller's Day Off."

These people 'round here

Wear beat down eyes sunk in smoke dried faces

They're resigned to what their fate is

But not us, (no never) no not us (no never)

We are far to young and clever

Remember

Too ra loo ra too ra loo rye aye

And you'l hum this tune forever

For those not familiar with the movie, I'll briefly summarize - golden boy Ferris Bueller decides to play hookie. Throughout the movie, he drags his best friend, Cameron, and his girlfriend, Sloane, all over Chicago on outrageous - and nigh unbelievable - adventures. All the while, his envious sister and suspicious principal are trying to prove that he's not really sick. However, there's a theory that Ferris Bueller is just Cameron's alter ego - a projection he uses to cope with his bleak reality. Sort of like Tyler Durden in "Fight Club" (also one of my favorite movies). Ferris Bueller has loving parents, a beautiful girlfriend, and everyone in the school loves him. Conversely, it's pretty clear that Cameron's father is neglectful (if not downright abusive), he's constantly depressed, and everyone else pretends he's invisible. There are two sides to this theory - Side A is that Ferris Bueller's Day Off didn't actually happen and it's just a fantasy in Cameron's head. I don't buy that. Side B is the Fight Club theory - Cameron is Ferris. No one sees Cameron because whenever he's around people, Ferris comes out. When he's Ferris, he's cool and funny and has no limits. Some people assume the climax of the movie is when Ferris is racing to get back to his bedroom before his mom comes home. But really, that's all denouement - what needs to happen to wrap up all the loose ends. The real climax is when Cameron destroys his father's car. At this point, he realizes he has no choice except to face reality. At the same time he has to accept responsibility for his actions, he also needs to stand up to his dad and set boundaries. Surprisingly, this isn't as easy as it sounds in real life and it's telling that we don't actually see that happen in the movie. John Hughes just leaves us to assume Cameron faced his demons but the movie ends with Ferris still getting away with his same old shenanigans.

Someone recommended that I read "Your Illustrated Guide to Becoming One with the Universe" by Yumi Sakugawa. The book is exactly what it sounds like - a lot of pictures with some sound advice on living life. One of the suggestions is to sit down and have tea with your demons. Give them personalities. A wardrobe. Decide what kind of tea and treats they prefer. And then talk to them, to get down to what your core wounds are, why you have them, and how to cope. Rejection. Control. Et cetera. The point is to get comfortable with them so that when you're triggered (and start having a panic attack or a fit of rage), you recognize them and won't react to them in negative, self-sabotaging ways. Ferris's demon name is Attention-seeking. He wears the biggest smile and acts like the coolest guy to hide the fact that he doesn't really like himself and needs external validation to build up his self-worth. Best not to have cake or tea around - he might throw it in your face to get a laugh. Anyway, I thought it was a cool idea and thought I'd share it. Having tea with your demons is a lot easier than going into a dissociative fugue state and starting an illegal fight club or singing "Danke Schoen" on a parade float.

That rant is over but just a few notes on the song - it's basically about this guy trying to fuck a younger girl that he grew up with. Sorry to say it's not much deeper than that. But it is catchy as hell. You're welcome.

Save Ferris Version

Dexy's Midnight Runners Version

"Creep" by Radiohead (as performed by Scala & Kolacny Brothers)

I'm kind of writing this later than I had planned. It turned out to be a crazy, exhausting weekend. Blame it on the eclipse. Or the Super Blood Wolf Moon, or whatever the fuck they were calling it on social media. Radiohead - and specifically Thom Yorke - hate "Creep." They get tired of playing it, which I can understand. Ironically, though, it's the song that will prove to make them immortal. That's the secret to immortality, guys. Make something beautiful. I figured that out in my early 20s. I'm pretty sure I have a ranty journal entry on it somewhere....or perhaps I waxed poetic about it in my Medieval Philosophy notes, which I kept because I had some pretty fantastic doodles illustrating philosophical concepts. And I'm pretty sure, on one of those college-ruled pages, will be the lyrics to "Creep" in my very careful cursive writing. Because I love this song. It's up there with "Iris." My favorite version is the Postmodern Jukebox cover with Haley Reinhart's vocals, but that's because she has an amazing voice and I'm a sucker for Big Band music. This particular cover was featured in the trailer for "The Social Network." I guess to underscore how unique and special Mark Zuckerberg feels like he is. But that's a soapbox lecture for another day.

I think why I - and so many others - identify with "Creep" is that it gets to the core wound of humanity. We all feel so damned unlovable. That's what this whole song is about. He could be singing about anyone on the street. And although the band admits the lyrics are about a girl that Thom Yorke followed around while she was at college, it doesn't necessarily have to be about an object of romantic interest. Because it's about feeling like a stranger even when amongst your closest friends, or feeling indescribably lonely even when you're in a crowd of people. A feeling I am well acquainted with. To feel both weird but also insanely ordinary at the same time....it's maddening. What makes it worse is that I'm so good at playing it cool, most of the time. Most people thought I was quiet because I was a snob in high school. More than once, people have described me as cold and unemotional. Except that I'm not. In some ways, I feel like I'm more emotional than other people. I'm empathic, or otherwise incredibly adept at picking up other people's emotions. I had to be while I was growing up - most children from abusive and neglectful homes are. It's a survival tactic. And I'm also good at knowing when people are lying to me...but it turns out everyone is lying about something. Which leads to me feeling like I'm being gaslighted all the time. So either I'm insane or everybody else is....which is better? I just don't care anymore.

I don't care if it hurts

I want to have control

I want a perfect body

I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice

When I'm not around

You're so fuckin' special

I wish I was special

That's my favorite verse. I don't know why but it resonates. I know it's all about control. I spent years trying to attain the "perfect body" but eating was just something I could control in my very chaotic world. Now I wonder if I'm using the chase for a "perfect soul" to do the same thing now. Lately, when I get deep into my feels and end up in a personal pity party, I keep finding a random ladybug. Symbolically, ladybugs signify good fortune ahead and that your wishes are manifesting. So I don't know if the Universe is trying to tell me to keep having faith....or if the Universe is just taunting me. Go ahead....keep believing in those impossible things. Hope is a dangerous thing. That was the moral of the last "Flash" episode I watched. Of course, that episode had a happy ending for the person Barry was trying to help, because that's the point of "Flash." He had a pretty shitty childhood, arguably shittier than Batman because he wasn't even born a billionaire, but the Flash is still optimistic, still believes that people are fundamentally good. That people deserve to be loved, even at their worst, even when they don't believe they deserve it. Of course, I believe that, too.

I guess it's pretty obvious at this point that I didn't have a plan when I started writing this post. Just playing with free association until I get to some sort of Truth. I guess that Truth would be....we all feel like "creeps" once in awhile. If you're following a pretty girl around your college campus, you're probably taking it just a wee bit too far, but that doesn't make you a terrible person. I wish I could say it gets better but even after facing down my demons, I feel unlovable and unloved. I know it isn't true....at least, I don't think it is. I don't know. I've spent a lot of my quiet moments today thinking on the people I've known and the choices I've made that have led me up to this exact point in my life. And the truth is I don't know a damn thing. Except for music. I do have pretty good taste in music. Most of the time. Anyway, before I went off my tangent, I was talking about the song. Scala & Kolacny Brothers is a Belgian women's choir known for making covers of alternative rock music like Radiohead and Nirvana. Like all women's choral music, it sounds like angels are singing. Having been in several choirs, I know how difficult it is to translate contemporary music into the complex arrangement you hear in this version. But it's worth it. Including the original because - as I've mentioned - it's doomed to be an immortal classic.

Scala and Kolacny Brothers Version

Radiohead Version

"My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion (as covered by New Found Glory)

::SPOILER ALERT:: I am going to share some minor details about "Aquaman." And some major details about the movie "Titanic." Newsflash: The ship sinks and that movie is 20 years old - if you haven't seen it by now, you're probably never going to see it. Which is a shame, because it's one of the most definitive movies of the 90s. But it is a long movie - the movie takes more time to finish than it took for the actual Titanic to sink. But I digress. I'm going to weave these two movies together into a philosophical discussion on the nature of Fate and Free Will. And that's the real spoiler - your head is going to hurt something awful after reading this. ::END::

I'm going to share a controversial opinion - Jack was always meant to die in "Titanic." No matter what happened, even if Rose had moved her fat ass to make room on that door, he would've died. If somehow, he had made it to New York with Rose, he probably would've been instantly run over by a taxi or choked on a hot dog. That was his Destiny. Sorry folks. It's clear from the very beginning of the movie that the Universe was conspiring to get Jack onto that damned ship. First, those Norwegian guys bet their tickets to travel on the Titanic, which was a stupid idea to begin with and not something sane people would do considering the historical nature of Titanic's maiden voyage (it would've been historical, even if they had made it because the ship was so huge). Second, Jack actually won that poker game, which seems like good luck but we now know it wasn't. Third, while Jack and Fabrizio are celebrating and probably would've tried to sneak in another drink before heading to the ship, the bartender let's them know that they only have 5 minutes to get there - exactly the amount of time needed to get to the ship if they rushed. Then, somehow, they are able to get through the crowd and onto the gangway just before the doors closed. And finally, the doorman lets them in, knowing that they haven't gone through the hygiene check, just based on Jack's dubious claim that they're both Americans - a major breach of protocol considering how quickly disease spreads on a ship. Yep, Jack was just too lucky not to die a watery death on April 15, 1912.

The Universe was not unkind, though. It knew that, in order for Jack to meet his True Love, he had to be on that ship. Because, otherwise, Rose would've died. That was her Destiny if she didn't meet Jack. She would've succeeded in throwing herself off the stern or would've killed herself at some later date due to her unhappiness at being Cal's wife. Meeting Jack gave her a reason to live, even after he died, because she had to fulfill her promise of having a happy and full life, which she did. And I'm sure she thought of Jack every single day. I'm sure some days she was sad, but most days, she was probably grateful for their short time together. Grateful he existed. Because not everyone gets to meet their True Love within every lifetime. And if Jack had not gotten on the Titanic, he would've been one of those unlucky people. Sad but true.

Love can touch us one time

And last for a lifetime

And never let go till we're gone

Love was when I loved you

One true time I hold to

In my life we'll always go on

Near, far, wherever you are

I believe that the heart does go on

Once more you open the door

And you're here in my heart

And my heart will go on and on

"Aquaman" begins with a Jules Verne quote - "Put two ships on the ocean, without wind or tide, and they will meet....it is only a question of time." Then the movie launches into how Arthur Curry's parents met. And that's how all great romances start - two people are put into a situation where they cannot avoid meeting. And, when I think about it, there's never really a chase in these romances - both people just know that, whatever happens, they were supposed to meet. Anyway, due to the way "Aquaman" starts, it was pretty much tugging at my heartstrings the whole movie. During the movie, Tom Curry walks to the end of the pier every day at sunset, waiting for Atlanna to return. Even after Arthur tells him Atlanna was executed, he still waits, brushing it off as "old habits." But I don't think it was old habits - and not to give away too much, but I think his heart still pulls him to wait for 30 years because, deep inside, he doesn't believe she's dead. He has faith she'll come back, though everything up until that point has told him otherwise. Going back to "Titanic," I think about that sometimes - yes, Rose lived an amazing life, got married, had children, but when she dies, it's Jack who is waiting for her. Was she just waiting this whole time, faithfully knowing that he was going to be there in the end? I also wonder sometimes if we intuitively know that a person is supposed to be special to us. That we're supposed to meet them, even if it's just for a second. But, then, what happens if we don't follow that inner prompting?

I read recently about a guy who had a love at first sight experience. A girl came into the subway car and sat down next to him. He talked to her - of course, because everything in his being was telling him to! - and finally, the subway car came to his stop. He hesitated a moment, but then got off the car. He didn't even give her his number! Based on the article I was reading, I don't think he ever ran into her again but he was still hoping he would. Because it's one of his greatest regrets, getting off that car, not even trying to leave himself a breadcrumb. It'll probably haunt him forever, because he might never get another opportunity. As I've said, the Universe hates when people aren't listening. After reading "The Alchemist," I feel like I finally understand something fundamental about the nature of Free Will - Free Will is simply the ability to choose NOT to take the path that God (or the Universe) has laid out before us. The Universe will keep trying to put us back on that path, certainly (if it's possible - sometimes, we just miss our chance), but we always have the choice to not follow it. While I'm rambling, I'm going to suggest some reading by Pico della Mirandola. In his "Oration on the dignity of the human being," Mirandola describes in beautiful detail the gift of Free Will and the responsibilities that accompany it. I learned a great many things in my Medieval History class, but Mirandola's speech was one of the things I actually remember. It actually figured greatly into my Medieval Philosophy paper on St. Thomas Aquinas' theories on Destiny. Because I've been wracking my brain on this nonsense for over two decades. I'd like to think I'm a centimeter closer to understanding now, but I'd be deceiving myself.

I know - the above rant (which I know is nowhere near coherent - merely an amalgamation of shower musings, to be honest) has absolutely nothing to do with music. "My Heart Will Go On" was one of the greatest ballads of the late 90s. And as much as I love Celine Dion, I like it when punk bands do covers of love songs like this. Something about the heightened tempo and harsher instrumentation contrasting against the romantic lyrics makes it magical to me. Perhaps it's the nostalgia for the music style of my childhood - I do have an unusually large soft spot for 90s alternative. Maybe it's that it takes the trite nature of "My Heart Will Go On" and makes it sound more rebellious. Because, if all these loves stories and fairy tales have taught us anything, it's that going after True Love is always rebellious. The characters always have to break down so many barriers and call upon so many miracles to achieve it, how could it not be? Just saying. Anyway, my brain hurts, so without much further ado, watch the video below to behold the genius of New Found Glory's "My Heart Will Go On."

New Found Glory Version

Celine Dion Version

"While My Guitar Gently Weeps" by The Beatles (as covered by Girl in a Coma)

George Harrison wrote "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" after The Beatles became immersed in Transcendental Meditation (TM). After months of trying to get in touch with your inner One-ness and becoming infinitely more wise in the process, there's a moment when you become despondent that others don't understand what you understand. In the moment, in feels like it was so easy to get to this point. You've forgotten that - in reality - it wasn't. It was full of a lot of pain and before that moment, your life was an endless string of struggles. That's where Harrison was when he wrote this song. He felt so at peace with himself, but walking through the world, all he saw was people in immense amounts of pain. Suffering that was usually caused by their own inner demons - low self-worth, anxiety, competition with everyone in the world. Lacking in authenticity, not knowing that who they were was more than good enough.

I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping

While my guitar gently weeps

I look at the floor and I see it needs sweeping

Still my guitar gently weeps.

I don't know why nobody told you

How to unfold your love

I don't know how someone controlled you

They bought and sold you.

You've got to understand - in 1968, when The Beatles really got into the TM movement, they had spent several years under the influence of fame and excess. Lost in that world, they became jaded, as anyone would in that situation. They all felt as if they lost their passion for music and, in some ways, their passion for living. So, they went searching for something, like we all do eventually. Well, those who are awake, anyway. The Beatles decided to visit India and study TM under Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. His time there marked a profound change in Harrison and, afterwards, began a period of prolific songwriting. When he came back, he started to read the I Ching and embraced the idea of relativism - that everything is in relation to everything else. Nothing is coincidental. Nothing is an accident. He made a decision to write a song based on the first words he saw when he opened a book, which were "gently weeps." Similar to how Stevie Nicks used bibliomancy to write "Rhiannon." In the lyrics, he laments the universal love for humankind that is dormant in all people but remains unrealized. It was his profound wish that everyone would see and embrace this capability. If Love conquers all, why hasn't it yet? I don't know, George....I don't know.

I look at the world and I notice it's turning

While my guitar gently weeps

With every mistake we must surely be learning

Still my guitar gently weeps.

I don't know how you were diverted

You were perverted too

I don't know how you were inverted

No one alerted you.

A few words about Transcendental Meditation - it's simple to do yet, for some reason, you have to go to a teacher to learn it. Like everything worth doing, the world commodified and commercialized it. The Beatles were partially responsible for that - their very public endorsement as the biggest celebrities of the time created a surge of interest....and, simultaneously, hordes of customers desperate to emulate The Beatles. And once people realize you can make money off something, they'll do it. But, as I said, it's simple to do. You sit in silence, repeating a mantra in your head, for about 15-20 minutes twice a day. Supposedly (and please be aware that I have never taken a paid TM class in my life), the TM instructor gives you the mantras to work with and that's what you're paying for, really. Ancient wisdom. But, my friends, that's what the Internet is for....you can look up mantras and the TM technique yourself. You can decide if it's worth the money to get private TM instruction. But I believe the search for inner peace doesn't have to cost money and I'd be wary of anyone who says otherwise.

I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping

While my guitar gently weeps

Look at you all

Still my guitar gently weeps.

This version of "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" comes from Girl in a Coma's "Adventures in Coverland" album, which is exactly what you think it is - an album consisting solely of covers. As I've mentioned, I love Nina Diaz's voice, and GiaC's general style is highly influenced by rockabilly and surf rock. While Harrison's original recordings of the song were more folk music-inspired and the final version that made it to the White album had hints of progressive rock, the twangy guitar in GiaC's version hearkens back to the classic rock that influenced the young George, Paul, John, and Ringo. Additionally, I think Diaz's soulful crooning gives the lyrics more weight, somehow. You can really feel the worldly despair at the end.

Side tangent - While I was listening to this song (both out loud and in my head), I began to think about the idiom "heart of gold." Someone once said I had a heart of gold and I always thought that was a good thing. It sounds like a good thing, doesn't it? You would think it means that  I have a pure, good heart that is precious and valuable and needs to be protected. But then I was thinking that gold is one of the heaviest metals, atomically speaking. A gold bar is extremely heavy - you couldn't easily steal a bar of gold, because no one is that strong. So to be carrying around a heart of gold would be like always carrying this weight around in your chest. That's exactly what it feels like. If that's the case, I suppose it would be better to have a heart of stone. You don't have to carry around so much with you. You'd feel lighter. Oh, the places my mind goes when it's not doing anything....

As I write this, I feel strange. There was an eclipse today, the first New Moon of 2019. I don't know if that means something but an eerie calm has come over me. A sort of peace. A feeling that anything could happen - the world could end tomorrow - and I'd still know everything is going to be okay. And I'm ready for it. I can't describe it but I know it's true somehow. I don't really know what's happening to me. Anyway, I'm putting both the Beatles version and the GiaC version so you can hear the differences between the styles. Enjoy!

Girl in a Coma Version

The Beatles Version

January Theme - "Under the Covers"

Just a short post for today - as you might've guessed, I'll be doing cover versions of songs for January. As I mentioned in the previous post, I'm trying to use my very limited amount of writing time more effectively so, during January, I'll be prioritizing some of my other writing projects. That doesn't mean I'm abandoning this blog entirely - I'll just be posting considerably less than I have been. But, since covers are a good way of exploring different genres and artists, I intend to pack a lot more musical history into this month than usual. Don't worry - I'll try to limit myself to one Beatles song....but I won't make any promises.

To be fair, they were all high as fuck while recording this album
so we can't really fault Ringo for writing "Octopus's Garden"