"A Whiter Shade of Pale" by Procol Harum

This is one of those songs you've definitely heard before but never knew who sang it. It's one of those dream-like songs from the late 60s that you're not sure really existed outside your mind, until you hear it in the background of a show or movie. Every couple of years, this song pops into my head, which eventually gets me yearning to watch "The 10th Kingdom." "The 10th Kingdom" is one of my favorite mini-series of all time. Weird favorite to have but it's definitely up there with "Gormenghast" (it's okay if you've never heard of this one, because it's rather obscure....my sister and I discovered it on PBS and were obsessed momentarily) and "Pride & Prejudice" (the one with Colin Firth....which is the only acceptable adaptation of P&P in existence). "The 10th Kingdom" is your typical quest story, with a female protagonist named Virginia. As you may have guessed, it's a twisted fairytale, where the fantasy world is just as fantastic as one would hope but still weirder than anyone could imagine. This is the point in my rant where I point out that I had a celebrity crush on one of the lead characters - yes, Virginia's love interest was exactly my type. Wolf, played by Scott Cohen, is a roguish werewolf with shaggy hair, piercing eyes, and a perpetual five o'clock shadow. Throughout the mini-series, he struggles with taming his animalistic instincts (which is mostly just being sex-crazed and overtly aggressive in his romantic pursuit of Virginia) because it always seems to get him (or Virginia) into trouble. He's also torn because he has inadvertently fallen in love with Virginia, but he's pledged allegiance and loyalty to the Evil Queen (more on that later). Overall, Wolf is a surprisingly complex character because, as the story progresses, his narrative reveals why he is the way he is. Because the viewer sees this development, it becomes understandable and even desirable for him to get his happy ending, too, in spite of the "bad" choices he makes in the beginning of the series.

Scott Cohen as "Wolf" in "The 10th Kingdom"

As much fun as Wolf adds to the plot, we mustn't forget that "The 10th Kingdom" is ultimately about Virginia's story. When we first meet Virginia, she's a responsible waitress living a predictable and lonely life in New York City. We learn that, at some point, her mother abandoned her and that she's spent the majority of her childhood looking after a lovable but somewhat foolish father. She's not really interested in doing much of anything, including dating. Thus, the stage is set - our Hero, who believes in nothing but the mundane world she knows, will now be met with Destiny and be called to adventure. That adventure turns up in the form of a golden retriever, who is actually a prince from a fantasy realm you can only get to via mirror portal. Of course, she thinks it's just a dog at first, until weird shit starts happening, including the arrival of a handsome stranger who keeps threatening/joking that he's going to eat her (you can read into that as much as you want...I'm not going to spell it out for you). Long story short, she ends up in a quest to the 9th Kingdom (in case you were wondering, the 10th Kingdom is NYC) to return the Prince to his rightful form and function.

As I've mentioned before, in The Hero's Journey, there comes a point where the Hero must address long-standing issues and underlying pain with one or both of their parents - The Atonement of the Father. In the Heroine's Journey, this is often in the form of Reconciliation with the Mother. In Virginia's case - although she is hesitant to admit it - her mother's abandonment has left a deep wound. She blames herself for her mother leaving and, thus, has been avoiding happiness and intimacy. Eventually, we discover that the Evil Queen is Virginia's mother, who ran away to the 9th Kingdom after having a mental breakdown and nearly drowning Virginia. The audience learns that Christine married Virginia's father, but subsequently fell out of love and became disillusioned with her life. Instead of facing that reality, she chose to escape to a fantasy world instead. Towards the end of the series, Virginia has an opportunity to confront her mother for having abandoned her. I can't remember the details exactly, but it wasn't a pleasant conversation. Unfortunately, in some stories, the protagonist's fears are confirmed. Their mother really didn't love them or their father is disappointed in them and will never be proud. This is just another trial the Hero must see through 'til the end. At the end of Virginia's quest, the Evil Queen is still intent on continuing her plot for world domination and will stop at nothing to make it happen. Virginia ends up killing her mother in self-defense, which saves the 9 Kingdoms, but will certainly add tons more in therapy costs when she returns to New York.

She said, 'There is no reason'

And the truth is plain to see

But I wandered through my playing cards

And would not let her be

One of sixteen vestal virgins

Who were leaving for the coast

And although my eyes were open

They might have just as well've been closed

Joseph Campbell asserts wholeheartedly that we are able to apply the Hero's Journey in our own lives, so what can we take away from Virginia's story? I think it's a lot about facing uncomfortable truths, especially those about our parents. This is hard. For children, their parents seem like mythological figures, particularly in the first few years. It's not until we're disappointed by our parents that we begin to realize that they are mere mortals, like us. That they had/have their own dreams and aspirations, their own pain, and definitely their own insecurities. As a parent, I know I myself feel the pressure to maintain that facade of being the all-knowing, all-wonderful Mom, but that's not reality. And I've always believed that honesty is the best policy when it comes to children, because the thing that makes children feel the most insecure is when they aren't given the opportunity to understand what's going on. Obviously, children don't need to know everything about a situation - no one does - but they at least need know enough to recognize that it's not their fault. I am lucky that, in recent years, I've received more clarity about my childhood. That's allowed me to not only to show compassion and forgiveness towards my parents, but also towards myself. That's part of the Hero's Journey, too. To not only recognize your faults, but to embrace them, because they will help you understand what you need to continue with the journey.

"A Whiter Shade of Pale" Video

"While My Guitar Gently Weeps" by The Beatles (as covered by Girl in a Coma)

George Harrison wrote "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" after The Beatles became immersed in Transcendental Meditation (TM). After months of trying to get in touch with your inner One-ness and becoming infinitely more wise in the process, there's a moment when you become despondent that others don't understand what you understand. In the moment, in feels like it was so easy to get to this point. You've forgotten that - in reality - it wasn't. It was full of a lot of pain and before that moment, your life was an endless string of struggles. That's where Harrison was when he wrote this song. He felt so at peace with himself, but walking through the world, all he saw was people in immense amounts of pain. Suffering that was usually caused by their own inner demons - low self-worth, anxiety, competition with everyone in the world. Lacking in authenticity, not knowing that who they were was more than good enough.

I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping

While my guitar gently weeps

I look at the floor and I see it needs sweeping

Still my guitar gently weeps.

I don't know why nobody told you

How to unfold your love

I don't know how someone controlled you

They bought and sold you.

You've got to understand - in 1968, when The Beatles really got into the TM movement, they had spent several years under the influence of fame and excess. Lost in that world, they became jaded, as anyone would in that situation. They all felt as if they lost their passion for music and, in some ways, their passion for living. So, they went searching for something, like we all do eventually. Well, those who are awake, anyway. The Beatles decided to visit India and study TM under Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. His time there marked a profound change in Harrison and, afterwards, began a period of prolific songwriting. When he came back, he started to read the I Ching and embraced the idea of relativism - that everything is in relation to everything else. Nothing is coincidental. Nothing is an accident. He made a decision to write a song based on the first words he saw when he opened a book, which were "gently weeps." Similar to how Stevie Nicks used bibliomancy to write "Rhiannon." In the lyrics, he laments the universal love for humankind that is dormant in all people but remains unrealized. It was his profound wish that everyone would see and embrace this capability. If Love conquers all, why hasn't it yet? I don't know, George....I don't know.

I look at the world and I notice it's turning

While my guitar gently weeps

With every mistake we must surely be learning

Still my guitar gently weeps.

I don't know how you were diverted

You were perverted too

I don't know how you were inverted

No one alerted you.

A few words about Transcendental Meditation - it's simple to do yet, for some reason, you have to go to a teacher to learn it. Like everything worth doing, the world commodified and commercialized it. The Beatles were partially responsible for that - their very public endorsement as the biggest celebrities of the time created a surge of interest....and, simultaneously, hordes of customers desperate to emulate The Beatles. And once people realize you can make money off something, they'll do it. But, as I said, it's simple to do. You sit in silence, repeating a mantra in your head, for about 15-20 minutes twice a day. Supposedly (and please be aware that I have never taken a paid TM class in my life), the TM instructor gives you the mantras to work with and that's what you're paying for, really. Ancient wisdom. But, my friends, that's what the Internet is for....you can look up mantras and the TM technique yourself. You can decide if it's worth the money to get private TM instruction. But I believe the search for inner peace doesn't have to cost money and I'd be wary of anyone who says otherwise.

I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping

While my guitar gently weeps

Look at you all

Still my guitar gently weeps.

This version of "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" comes from Girl in a Coma's "Adventures in Coverland" album, which is exactly what you think it is - an album consisting solely of covers. As I've mentioned, I love Nina Diaz's voice, and GiaC's general style is highly influenced by rockabilly and surf rock. While Harrison's original recordings of the song were more folk music-inspired and the final version that made it to the White album had hints of progressive rock, the twangy guitar in GiaC's version hearkens back to the classic rock that influenced the young George, Paul, John, and Ringo. Additionally, I think Diaz's soulful crooning gives the lyrics more weight, somehow. You can really feel the worldly despair at the end.

Side tangent - While I was listening to this song (both out loud and in my head), I began to think about the idiom "heart of gold." Someone once said I had a heart of gold and I always thought that was a good thing. It sounds like a good thing, doesn't it? You would think it means that  I have a pure, good heart that is precious and valuable and needs to be protected. But then I was thinking that gold is one of the heaviest metals, atomically speaking. A gold bar is extremely heavy - you couldn't easily steal a bar of gold, because no one is that strong. So to be carrying around a heart of gold would be like always carrying this weight around in your chest. That's exactly what it feels like. If that's the case, I suppose it would be better to have a heart of stone. You don't have to carry around so much with you. You'd feel lighter. Oh, the places my mind goes when it's not doing anything....

As I write this, I feel strange. There was an eclipse today, the first New Moon of 2019. I don't know if that means something but an eerie calm has come over me. A sort of peace. A feeling that anything could happen - the world could end tomorrow - and I'd still know everything is going to be okay. And I'm ready for it. I can't describe it but I know it's true somehow. I don't really know what's happening to me. Anyway, I'm putting both the Beatles version and the GiaC version so you can hear the differences between the styles. Enjoy!

Girl in a Coma Version

The Beatles Version

"Come Sail Away" by Styx

Staying on this theme of The Hero's Journey for this week, there is also a feminine version called The Heroine's Journey. I've been digging into this, because it is such a central narrative (and I've been gradually falling in love with writing again). It's basically the same thing, except it's more focused on self-acceptance. It's more conscious in that way, because the Heroine understands that there is something she's missing from her life from the beginning. She's probably been searching for it all her life but she usually doesn't start the journey in earnest until the reader meets her. I'm going to talk about a specific version of the Heroine's Journey, that of Lindsay Weir from "Freaks and Geeks." Unfortunately, the show only lasted a season but it was pretty brilliant and it's on Netflix if you're interested.

Lindsay Weir is the Smart Girl, but she's not sure she wants to be. That's the narrative her parents chose for her. However, that's not the only thing she is and she knows that, so as a way to rebel, she befriends a group of stoners. Mostly because the head stoner - played by James Franco - is cute. Thus begins her adventures and the show follows her and her brother, Sam, as they navigate the awkwardness of high school. Like all coming of age stories, Lindsay makes some mistakes, meets new friends that give her a new perspective, confronts conflicts with her family, has her heart broken, and breaks a heart of her own.

The heart that she breaks - Nick (played by Jason Segel) - was likely supposed to evolve into a full True Love story arc, had the show continued. Nick immediately falls for Lindsay when she starts hanging out with the stoners and he comes on a little too strong. Insanely strong, in some cases. There's a scene in one of the later episodes where Nick serenades Lindsay with a ballad. Lindsay is super embarrassed and while it is a little cringeworthy, it's also incredibly sweet and it's hard not to fall in love with Nick. That's the first time I fell in love with Jason Segel - the 2nd time was when he's singing a song from his Dracula musical in "Forgetting Sarah Marshall," and the 3rd time was practically every single episode of "How I Met Your Mother." And I don't even think Jason Segel is that attractive - he's freakishly tall and has kind of an average face. But he's funny and sweet and sincere in every role that he's in, which is why he makes a good love interest in romantic comedies.

I look to the sea reflections in the waves spark my memory

Some happy some sad

I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had

We live happily forever so the story goes

But somehow we missed out on that pot of gold

But we'll try best that we can to carry on

I went on a little bit of a rant there, so let's bring it home. I like to think that I'm following the Heroine's Journey in my own life, especially when I run up against experiences that bring me to my knees and make me address my darker shadows. I try to ask myself, "What am I supposed to learn from this?" I hate to say that everything happens for a reason, because that's not exactly true. Sometimes bad things happen to you or you make mistakes that seemed unavoidable at the time - yes, elements might've been out of your control but it's what you make of it afterward that becomes who you are. I read somewhere (pretty sure it was "Eat, Pray, Love") that Heaven and Hell are the same place, you just take different paths to get there. On one path, you choose happiness and self-love; on the other, you choose sadness and self-hate. Either way, the choice is yours to make.

"Come Sail Away" plays at the end of the first episode of "Freaks and Geeks," at the Homecoming dance. Lindsay's punishment for the events that transpire during the first episode is that she has to man the punch bowl at the dance. At the beginning of the song, it's clear that Lindsay is annoyed that she's in this situation and even a bit embarrassed of how she got there. But when it gets to chorus, she decides to go on the dance floor and just dance. By herself, for herself, damn whoever is watching and how stupid she looks. It doesn't matter, because she's having fun. She makes the choice that, even though she's in a shitty situation because of her own actions, she's going to enjoy where she's at. If you listen to the lyrics of "Come Sail Away," I don't think there's a better song to play alongside Lindsay as she makes this fundamental choice for her story.

Side note: I love Styx because I grew up with Styx. Yes, it's great music, but I was also a nut about Greek mythology when I was a kid. The River Styx is the border that separates the Underworld from Earth. The dead must cross Styx by paying the ferryman, Charon, and it was rumored that the waters could make one invulnerable. Achilles mother, a nereid, dipped him in the lake and he was invulnerable except for his left heel, which is what she held him by when she put him in the water. Obviously, there's a lot of meaning behind that name - rebirth, difficult journeys and - most of all - crossing over. One of my favorite writers, Elizabeth Gilbert of "Eat, Pray, Love" fame, has a favorite Italian word. It's attraversiamo, which means "let's cross over." I think there's a wise beauty in that choice.

"Come Sail Away" Video

Nick Serenades Lindsay

"Carry On Wayward Son" by Kansas

Yesterday felt like the longest day of my life. I'm pretty sure it was measurable - relativity was not on my side. Ten minutes seemed to last an hour and by the end of the day, I'm certain I aged at least eight months. Which is weird, because thinking back now, the last year seems like it moved with lightening speed. Can I hit rewind, please? Nope, can't, gotta keep moving forward, even if I feel a little lost. Honestly, I haven't felt this crazy since I was 19-years-old and - boy! - those were some crazy years. Fun years, true, but extremely turbulent. I don't have the luxury of going down that rabbit hole this time. I have people who are actually counting on me now.

Anyway, yesterday morning started off with "Carry On Wayward Son," which felt....appropriate. Because it is about moving forward, even as chaos closes in. For those who aren't familiar, "Wayward Son" is the theme for "Supernatural." They always play it during the season finale episode during a montage of all the madness the Winchester brothers encountered that season. I watched up to season 5, which is where the story arc the original writers imagined ended. After that, it seemed like the plot fell apart and they kept making episodes because it was successful, which is what most shows do. TV executives don't care that all stories need to end sometime, they just want to milk them as long as they can keep making money. I think "Supernatural" is still on TV, too. From my understanding, most of the people still watching it are doing so because the Winchester boys are hot. It's true. Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki might possibly be the two most handsome men on TV right now. In fact, I'm almost certain they are, because I have high standards. And, from what I've heard, they're also super nice - I have a friend who regularly goes to "Supernatural" fan conventions and has met the cast several times.

Once I rose above the noise and confusion

Just to get a glimpse beyond the illusion

I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high

Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man

Though my mind could think I still was a mad man

I hear the voices when I'm dreamin', I can hear them say

Let's delve into these lyrics, shall we? Now, all progressive rock song lyrics are a little out there. It was released in 1976 - I expect nothing less than trippy weirdness. But, rough allusions to Greek mythology and too long guitar breaks aside, the message is poignant. I was talking to my friend/coworker about The Hero's Journey, which is simultaneously a master plot archetype and the name of a book on said plot archetype. It begins with the hero being presented with a quest - a quest the hero initially rejects, because they're comfortable where they are in life. Still, they are curious. Then, something happens which makes setting off on the quest unavoidable for our hero. On the journey, the hero encounters conflict after conflict, experiences the full breadth of life they were missing - happiness, sadness, betrayal, victory, etc. - and, all the while, they are growing. By they end, they aren't the same character.  They realize that, though they have learned much, they know nothing ("You know nothing, Jon Snow." One of my favorite catch phrases in GoT). They have grown to love people they wouldn't have thought they would ever meet. They've developed their intuition, gained trust and confidence in their own abilities, in their own strength. They have gone from protagonist to fully-developed hero. And their reward is the resolution at the end - the turmoil dissolves into inner peace, they feel fulfilled, and they can finally rest. If you're looking for it, most great stories follow the Hero's Journey. Harry Potter. The Lord of the Rings. Jesus. "Supernatural" is no exception.

The Infamous Winchester Smolder

Sam Winchester was just like you or me at the beginning of the series. Sure, his childhood was weird and dysfunctional but he was trying to be normal. And then his god damned brother, Dean, shows up, claiming his father was kidnapped and demons/supernatural beings are real. Sam tells him to basically GTFO. Then, his girlfriend - the girl he was going to marry - is murdered by a demon right in front of him. It would've been pretty traumatic, now that I think of it. Anyway, he has to go with his brother and confront everything he's been afraid of - the mistakes he's made, his fucked up childhood, and his inner demon (literally). He also has to face the fact that maybe he doesn't know what Reality and Truth are because every day, a new monster pops up. Every day, he has to believe in something he didn't believe in before. Holy shit! That's terrifying! And exhausting! It's understandable why some people would not want to do that. But, they should take comfort that there is peace at the end - assuming you're not on a highly profitable TV show. Poor Sam Winchester - that kid ain't ever gonna get a break.

"Carry On Wayward Son" Audio