"The Horror of Our Love" by Ludo

A friend introduced me to Ludo a while ago and I'm slowly discovering their music. I love the imagery they use - it's graphic and dramatic. Visceral in a disturbing, yet satisfying way. I found this song a few months ago on YouTube and, though I liked it, I forgot about it for a bit. But about a month ago, I woke up with it stuck in my head. I had to find it again and the entire day, I played it on repeat. I do that with songs I really like. I was obsessed. I'm still fairly obsessed with this song. It's already made it into the Top 10 Favorites. Heck, I think it might even be a member of the Unskippables now, and that's saying something. I even skip "Bohemian Rhapsody" if I'm not feeling it. Don't judge me. It's even in that special place reserved for other favorites, like "Iris" and "Everything", where if I hear the end of the song approaching, I will preemptively hit the repeat button. Because I don't want it to end.

There's this guy I follow on Twitter - Doth the Doth - who tweets random goth stuff. Things like "It's a perfect night to slip into something more comfortable, like the coffin." Or, "Maybe she's born with it or maybe she has eaten all the hearts of those who have wronged her." I think he may be a literature professor at Harvard. He puts a spin on modern trends and sayings using the tropes found in gothic and classic horror novels/poetry. As a huge geek for both of these genres, his tweets are always a welcome sight in my feed. As a writer whose style is slowly growing comfortable with these themes, it always helps to have some extra inspiration. I bring up Doth because Ludo has done something similar with the lyrics and it helps to have a reference point.

The lyrics for "The Horror of Our Love" reminds me of the following scene from "The Addams Family":

I feel like everyone and their mom is goth nowadays, claiming to want a romance like Morticia and Gomez, but the truth is....most girls scare too easy. A boy writes them a short, two-paragraph love letter in his own blood and all of a sudden he's "weird" and "creepy" and "not their type." Seriously....What did you think you were getting into when you started dating a guy who wears all black and hangs out in cemeteries? There's a similar meme about dating goth girls: "Everybody wants a goth bitch but when it's time to dick her down in a pool of goat's blood while surrounded by sacrificial pagan flames so she can summon Baphomet, you want to complain. SMH." I know this paragraph took a hard left turn but the point is some people think that level of intensity is...romantic. In a dark, dramatic way. I'm one of these people I speak of. Perhaps not the goat's blood - that sounds a little unsanitary - but the rest of it, sure. But I'm also a hopeless romantic. There is absolutely no difference in how I react to Morticia & Gomez and people in romantic comedies. I squeal for everything. Maybe I just like seeing people happy and in love. But I also believe every Gomez has a Morticia, which - after having a discussion with my coworker - is perhaps a little naive. But I don't want to be cynical yet. I'm too young.

Perhaps this is more Scorpio Moon bullshit, but I believe sexuality is sacred. The act of sex itself - regardless of who you're doing it with or how frequently - is always special and powerful. So the metaphors and imagery in this song's lyrics resonate with me on a deep level. Yes, I think it's romantic and stimulating. And Neptune falls in my 8th House, so I have a very active imagination when it comes to this stuff (and by "this stuff," apparently I mean sex and death - the 8th House is nicknamed the House of Sex, Death, and Taxes....I'm good at thinking about money, too). If you listen to the lyrics, it's pretty obvious he's describing a sexual encounter, but he hides it in gore and mystery, heightening the occult importance of sex. Given this foundational knowledge, the verses can be broken into three acts - the Hunt (i.e., the lust and desire leading up to the act, the thinking of which is essential to foreplay), the Great Rite itself, and then after-care....and possibly Round Two.

I wake in terror, blackbirds screaming

Dark cathedrals spilling midnight on their altars

I'm your servant, my immortal

Pale and perfect, such unholy heaving

The statues close their eyes, the room is changing

Break my skin and drain me

Ancient language, speak through fingers

The awful edges where you end and I begin

Inside your mouth I cannot see

There's catastrophe in everything I'm touching

As I sweat and crush you

And I hold your beating chambers until they beat no more

You die like angels sing...

That's the second verse, which is my favorite verse. I mentioned the Great Rite, so I'll go into a little back story, since not everyone has been steeped in weird occult rituals and symbolism like a fine tea. The Great Rite is a pagan ritual that involves symbolic (or actual) sexual intercourse, symbolizing the powerful connection created upon the union of masculine and feminine energy. Yeah - most of the early Wiccan leaders were dirty old men. That being said, there is something incredibly powerful about the ritual. In Feri tradition - if the information portrayed in Alex Mars' "Witches of America" is accurate - after their initiation, when they find out the true names of the Gods, they have sex (with a partner of their choice) in service of the God and Goddess. It's more than that. It's more like they invite the God and Goddess into themselves and the body of their partner to perform this sacred act. It's essentially using the sexual energy to activate the power of the ritual. To truly understand the alchemy. To go physically go through rebirth into a new person. A mystical person. Maybe I'm weird (and I know I am) but something about that perspective - when I read (or rather, listened - it was an audiobook) to the description, it sounded incredibly appealing to me. And the lyrics of this song make me think he's making love as if he's worshiping the Goddess, embodied in this delicate creature. It's as if he thinks himself unworthy, but he feels compelled. Like it's a desperate hunger. The love-making starts gentle and then, by the end, he's no longer in control.

On a more academic note, I'm going to go through the various lyrics and my interpretation describing how I reached this conclusion. I've taken both multiple Human Sexuality and English Literature courses so - trust me - I'm a professional and (generally) know what I'm talking about.

• "Hold you down and tear you open, live inside you" - He's craving some rather rough action. This is about the moment I start daydreaming. 
• "I will eat you slowly..." - I think this one is fairly self-evident. Again, more daydreaming.
• "Break my skin and drain me" - Who doesn't like the feeling of fingernails down their back? And I think we know what he wants drained, if ya know what I mean. **hint hint wink wink**
• "And I hold your beating chambers until they beat no more" - During the female orgasm, the vaginal muscles will contract rhythmically. The movement is obvious if you're paying attention (which, admittedly, most people wouldn't be). The more powerful and longer-lasting the contractions, the more powerful the orgasm. It's science. They've measured it - you can thank Masters and Johnson for doing this vital work. Essentially, he's saying he stays put until she's finished...which is appreciated.
• "You die like angels sing..." - The moans a woman makes when she comes are literally music to his ears (as they should be). The French phrase for an orgasm is le petit mort, which translates to "the little death." Sex as a transformative experience, as a living death. This is classic Scorpio placement bullshit. True Story: I learned about the french translation for orgasm from "The Bride of Chucky," which is - in fact - the best of the Child's Play series, simply because Jennifer Tilly is awesome and uncompromisingly sexy in that film. Even as a doll.

Similar to "Iris," instead of the typical lyrical bridge that connects Verse 2 to Verse 3 (and, subsequently, the end of the song), "The Horror of Our Love" uses a musical interlude. I love musical interludes, because it's just wave upon wave of notes that you lose yourself in until it hits a crescendo. And this musical interlude is a flamenco guitar solo (flamenco guitars are - in fact - the best kind of guitar). It's honestly my favorite part of the song and I'm usually not big on instrumentals.

As I've mentioned before, I tend to get a lot of my inspiration for stories from the music I listen to. This song has inspired me to write a story about a Magician and his Assistant. It's basically a Beauty and the Beast story. But with more sex and blood....because Beauty and the Beast was really missing those elements. I'm letting the story form in my head right now - the brain storming stage. When I imagine a scene in my head, I will send myself a text with as many details as I see in my vision, so I can remember. Assuming I'm not in a position to begin writing what I see (which is usually the case). So far, the system works. I've been getting a lot of inspiration lately - but I'm trying this new thing where I focus on one project until I finish it before I move on to the next thing. I know. It's been a weird change - but highly effective.

Whew. I know that was a roller coaster of a blog post but I think I've written down all my (super insightful) thoughts. Now, I'm off to take a cold shower.

"The Horror of Our Love" Video

"Goddess" by Jaira Burns

I'm stretching it a little in that I'm not exactly sure if Jaira Burns is a pagan/witch. She could be - she seems the type. One of those secret witches who drops hints in her songs - like Taylor Swift and Ariana Grande. No, what it comes down to is I heard this on my new Spotify mix today and it fit the current astrological climate beautifully. Venus moved into the sign of Scorpio this week, moving from a sign where she is in her rulership (Libra) to a sign where she is in her detriment. Everything is a little darker, a little bit more mysterious, and a lot more secretive. Venus in Scorpio believes we never really understand the depths of our hearts. Sometimes, we keep things locked away - quiet, secret, safe - to protect ourselves. Venus in Scorpio - much like Moon in Scorpio - believes very much in soul mates. And more than anything, she wants love to be intense, passionate, and - maybe, just maybe - a little bit painful. In a good way. On the 13th, the night of the Full Moon in Aries, we'll also be hitting up against a hard opposition to Uranus. When that happens, it may manifest in various ways. Fights in normally harmonious partnerships. Secrets being revealed. A desire to change up your appearance in a drastic way. And, not least of all, perhaps some less-than-vanilla sex. Venus is in Scorpio, after all.

'Cause I'm a goddess, I'm fuckin' flawless, let's not be modest

'Cause if you fuck with me, I might just change your life

'Cause I'm a goddess, make you a promise

That if you fuck with me, I might just change your life

As I've mentioned, I'm reading "The Red Goddess" by Peter Grey, which is all about how the Sacred Courtesan became debased in modern society. It goes through the history of all the early fertility goddesses and how they were gradually demonized by the subsequent ascent of Abrahamic faiths (i.e., Judaism, Christianity, and Islam). For example, Lilith - whom I have a personal affinity for - began as one of the handmaidens of the Sumerian goddess, Inanna (who was later incarnated as Ishtar in Babylon). However, in Judaism, she has been transformed into the Mother of Demons, simply because she refused to be subservient to Adam. Ironically, in the latest season of "The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina," Lilith the Demon has inhabited the body of a woman engaged to a man name Adam. Despite her reservations, she falls in love with him, because he vows to treat her as an equal (which is a better deal than when she married Lucifer). It's a long story but it's one of the reasons CAOS is one of my favorite shows. It uses it's campiness to shed light on some real societal issues that we apparently still haven't come to terms with, even in the Age of Information. Moving on, Peter Grey posits that sex - as well as other pleasures like wine and psychotropic drugs - were demonized by the Church because these had been the ways that ancient humans communed with the gods. And, specifically, it was the chief method of experiencing the Goddess. Being a prostitute was a sacred act - even the origin of the word prostitute meant to "stand on behalf of [the Goddess]." Herodotus, the Greek historian, remarked on a strange custom of the Babylonians, where women would sit on the steps of the Temple to be selected to sacrifice their virginity to the first man who dropped a coin in their lap. It was a sacred tradition to be of service to the Goddess in this way. It seems strange to read historical accounts like this and then turn around to see how much femininity and sexuality are viewed as shameful in the modern world.

'Cause my body is a temple

And it needs some extra detail right here, right now

And my name is monumental

Say it for me, for me, for me

No discussion of the Goddess would be complete without mentioning sex magick. It sounds really exciting and all, but what it comes down to is focusing on your intent (easier said than done) and trying to harness sexual release (i.e., orgasms) toward that intent. Obviously, the theory goes it's much more powerful with two participants, if that's possible. That being said, even some of the Big Name Pagans I follow on Twitter/Instagram are wary of just going out and asking a potential sexual partner, "Hey, do you want to perform some sex magic with me?" At best, they agree to sex but don't take the magic part seriously. And, at worst, they think you're a weirdo and you scare them off. Needless to say, most witches take it into their own hands (literally) and I'm sure things work out just fine. Maybe better, because you don't have to shoo anyone out of your house afterwards. Gaby Herstik, one of those BNPs I was talking about, is working on a book that supposedly focuses solely on sex magick, which I'm probably going to buy simply because I love her work (not the only reason, of course, but a big reason).

That was a fun rant. Probably more about this in the future because Mars is about to enter Scorpio to, which means that planet is going to be very powerful because it will be in the sign of its rulership (think war, anger, and more sex). Late October and November are going to be pretty intense, astrologically. Only time will tell if that reflects in real life. I'll end with the following random words of wisdom, because based on what I'm reading on Twitter, people really fucking don't understand some things and need some clarification. Being tied up doesn't make you submissive. Being on the bottom doesn't make you submissive. It's who's making the demands that matters - are you making the rules or just doing what you're told? Food for thought....my mind gets so low in the gutter lately, but it seems to be comfortable there. 😈

"Goddess" Video