"Going Through the Motions" as sung by Sarah Michelle Gellar

In one of the later seasons of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," they did an episode where a demon curses the cast so they are compelled to break into song to reveal unpleasant truths. It's a musical episode and I, personally, have a soft spot in my heart for musical episodes. It was one of the better Buffy episodes, in my opinion. Buffy was one of those shows that you'd think I was into just based on my interests, but I never really had time to watch. My best friend in high school was a big Buffy fan, though, so I did manage to see a few episodes. This one included.

At the end of Season 5, Buffy died sacrificing herself for her sister, Dawn. At the beginning of Season 6, Willow resurrects Buffy using magic. Unfortunately, Buffy was kind of happy being dead - she thought she was in heaven and she was at peace. Considering her life was killing vampires and having undead love triangles in between Slayer shenanigans, I can see why she wouldn't be thrilled to be brought back to life. "Once More, With Feeling" - the musical episode - opens with Buffy singing about how she doesn't have the same passion for her mission that she had before she died. And she's hoping nobody will notice and that eventually she'll get over it, but for right now, she's just going through the motions.

I was thinking about this episode the other day and this song, in particular. I don't want to say I've been going through the motions, lately, but in some things I have. I say things I'm not sure I mean just because they're expected. Or the reverse, I don't say things I want to say because I don't think they should be said. I smile because it's disarming....and I'm prettier when I smile. I do things that I don't particularly want to do because people aren't used to me saying "no." Because I'm supposed to. I don't know why. I know it's temporary - I've been through this before. This disappointment with real life. Heck, that was basically my whole childhood and I made it through that shit show. If I smile hard enough and play pretend really good, eventually things will be okay. In the meantime, I'm going to keep meditating and writing. And when that's not enough, I'll light a candle, maybe even cast a circle, and pray to whatever gods are listening. Video is below - the song is pretty short, the beginning minute or so is just the overture.

"Going Through the Motions" Video