"Through Glass" by Stone Sour

I feel like this song embodies that emptiness I was rambling about yesterday. I can already tell I've got some ranting to do today, so there's your warning. I've always wondered who he was singing to in the lyrics. It's not a love song....it's actually quite bitter, despite the prettiness of it. Listening to the lyrics, it's clear that it's his inner monologue talking to himself. His soul, if you will. I keep coming back to that god damned concept. I don't know why, but I've been thinking about souls a lot lately, for whatever reason. When I was younger, I didn't think I had one - because of that emptiness, I suppose. It's easier to be angry and broken when you don't think there's anything else out there. And I was an incredibly angry, broken teenager....I can admit that now. Took years of therapy and self-reflection, but I got through it.

But now, here I am, wondering what comes next. I put a fair bit of thought into this when I was younger, especially around the time I decided to fully leave the Church. I knew I didn't believe in their version of Heaven and Hell, but I was never quite comfortable with the total opposite view either. That we're just bones and blood and electrical impulses that exist until we die, and then we decompose. I've always felt like more than that. Sometimes, I'm certain I'm more than that. But it's a shaky belief - like I'm afraid I'm wrong. I probably spend more time than most people telling myself everything will be okay in the end. I'm extremely good at self-soothing. When things got scary or overwhelming in my life (which was often), I would hide in my closet. Sometimes alone, sometimes with my little sister or my dog. Sometimes for a few minutes (long enough for a good cry), sometimes for a whole night. I still do, even as 31-year-old woman, though not as much. I was going somewhere with this.....oh yeah....so I just keep telling myself there's a plan. It's my plan, and it'll work out. I know that sounds like some "law of attraction" bullshit but it has worked out so far.

That rant was only tangentially related to the song. The lead singer, Corey Taylor, wrote "Through Glass" to express his disillusionment with the music industry. He was angry with how fake everything coming out at the time seemed - and it was the early 2000s, so I understand where he's coming from. A lot of music from around then did seem disingenuous. Needlessly stupid and pointless, in some cases. I think we were trying to pretend we were okay, that things were still the same after 9/11, which was always a lie. I could go on a tirade about 9/11's effect on popular culture but that's better left for another day. The point is that we didn't become obsessed with singing competitions until after it happened. Pop music, in general, got out of control. Everyone expected the music scene to be reflective of the darkness that enveloped the country but it didn't happen. We just kind of numbed ourselves with sugar-y sweetness for a little while.

Consider the following verse:

How much is real? So much to question

An epidemic of the mannequins

Contaminating everything

When thought came from the heart

It never did right from the start

Just listen to the noises

(No more sad voices)

Before you tell yourself

It's just a different scene

Remember it's just different from what you've seen

I'll stop there. Listening to this song is making me depressed listening to it on repeat. Video below.

"Through Glass" Video