"Downtown" by Majical Cloudz

I've probably mentioned this before but my favorite Major Arcana in tarot is "The Star." It comes immediately after "The Tower" and there's a reason for that. The only way to survive the Tower crumbling and falling apart is having faith that you can rebuild whatever was destroyed. Not only rebuild, but make it greater than it ever was. With that in mind, I found myself ruminating on the difference between faith and hope. I've decided that hope is more uncertain and comes with expectations. Because it comes with expectations, we're always looking for confirmation, because ultimately, hope is built on shaky foundations. We don't really believe the implausible can happen, even though we really really want it to. Faith, on the other hand, is a deep knowing that something is true - regardless of what reality presents itself as. Some may call this delusion. And, in our darkest moments, faith does feel like delusion - so much so, that most abandon it. To continue believing, in spite of everything you see, you have to keep trusting that little voice inside that keeps telling you what is true. Because faith shatters your expectations altogether. Given this, I struggle with the balance between hope and faith. I wonder which one I really have.

I've been watching "The OA," which I highly recommend. There's been a recent fight to get Netflix to make more seasons, and I can understand why. It is good. So good. However, the premise requires an open mind. It addresses those questions of faith and hope and what happens after we die. Are we more than a brain trapped within the confines of a body? In order watch "The OA" and take in the message it has to offer, you have to be able to suspend what you know and have to be willing to accept that there's so much we don't know. In fact, that's the entire concept of the show, as far as I've watched. I'm going to try not to give away too much, but the show is about a woman (who calls herself The OA) who has escaped being held prisoner and she's trying to save the people she was imprisoned with. Including a man she loves dearly. In order to save them, she has to use her knowledge of the world beyond, which she gained during a series of Near Death Experiences (NDE). But her plan requires bringing others into the fold. Others who have already been jaded by life, even though most of them are so young. And she has to make them believe.

Faith is an essential component of The Hero's Journey because, inevitably, the Hero will face a tower moment where all their beliefs, hopes, dreams, and aspirations seem impossibly out of reach. It's usually after the first big battle of their journey. They've already gone through a major transformation for the better but they go into the battle arrogant. They've let their ego run the show and for that, they've faced a major defeat. Their perception of their identity has now been completely destroyed. They are nothing and no one once again. And they must answer those uncomfortable questions that have been looming since the beginning of their journey - questions only they can answer. Am I really on the side of good? Does magic exist or is it all in my head? Is True Love even real? Was it worth leaving the comfort of home? Do I have what it takes to accomplish my mission? They have been swallowed up by the void, consumed in total darkness. In order to get out, they have to believe that there will be a light if they keep going. Even though they can't see it, they have to know it's there. And in a situation where they could literally go any direction, the truth is that the only way you can go is forward. You can't erase past - honestly, the past might as well not exist. All that matters is what the Hero chooses to do in this moment. It might take a long time but the Hero eventually takes a leap of faith (his second on the journey) and puts one foot in front of the other.

There's one thing I'll do

If it ever goes wrong

I'll write you into my all of my songs

And if suddenly I die

I hope they will say

That he was obsessed and it was okay

'Cause we're going downtown

And we feel like running around

Is it really this fun when you're on my mind

Is it really this cool to be in your life

This song accompanied the climax of "The OA's" fifth episode. This episode was especially emotionally charged, for several reasons. Over the first few episodes, a connection between The OA and another prisoner (Homer) has been building. It's a weird type of intimacy because they begin as strangers. She can't even see him in the beginning, because she's blind. They have no privacy and, just because of the situation, they are forced to be vulnerable. They can't even touch each other but they become closer than most couples. They don't owe each other anything, they haven't promised each other anything, but the unspoken understanding is there. Unfortunately, in this episode, there comes a point where Homer seemingly betrays The OA, which is what their captor wanted. To break The OA's spirit, because her strength is keeping the other prisoners going. Until this point, it seems that OA derives her hope from Homer, so his betrayal hurts her deeply. Make no mistake - she has been broken. And she's forced to see through her hope, to recognize that he's just another human, and that they are in a truly impossible situation. The OA is finally met with her greatest failure, her most keenly felt weakness. At this point, she must decide if everything she's learned in her NDEs is a delusion or something more. It takes a moment but she continues working on her mission to escape. At first, it seems like she's going through the motions but then her passion rebuilds. Then, in a symbolic gesture of apology and to reassure her that she isn't crazy (that she's not the only one who fell in love), Homer joins her in working through the plan. And, at the end of the episode, they make a miracle happen. Together. The magic that they create inspires faith in the other prisoners that there is a way out of their prison.

The entire show is intensely metaphysical and I've derived some very beautiful lessons out of it thus far. Truths I very much needed to be reminded of. I find myself in the unenviable position of being deep in the wilderness. Deeper than I've ever been before, if that's possible. It's never been this hard for me to rustle up the purity of intention needed to power through the thicket before me. I will, though. It's just taking a minute. On the bright side, I did discover that "The 10th Kingdom" is available on Amazon Prime so I've taken a brief break from watching "The OA" to enjoy something a little lighter for a moment. 

"Downtown" Video

"Rivers and Roads" by The Head and the Heart

This is a continuation of my Scorpio rant from the other day, because I forgot some stuff that I wanted to include. As I said, Scorpio's ruler is Pluto, the Roman God of Death. In the tarot deck, all the Major Arcana have astrological correspondences. The Death card corresponds with Scorpio and, just like the sign, it is often misunderstood. Everything comes in cycles. The days, the seasons, the years. Life in general. To be trite and quote Semisonic, "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." This is what the Death card symbolizes. We have to release something to be reborn. It's about transformation. The last full moon was an opportunity to release what is no longer serving you, letting go of what isn't meant for you, in order to fully embrace what's ahead. It's important to remember you're always changing - who you are right now is different from who you were a year ago, a week ago, even a minute ago. In order to move forward, sometimes you have to forgive and forget the past. You have to be willing to let go of who you were, to become who you're meant to be. We remain unfinished until the very end. Only then does the pattern fully appear.

Since we're already talking about moon magic, we're now in a waning cycle up until the next new moon, which is the best time to do shadow work. It's about uncovering the darkness and disappointments, the regrets and fear, and then letting them go in order to move onto the next stage. I picked "Rivers and Roads," because the song is ultimately about accepting and embracing change, even if it hurts a bit. Going back to our archetypes, we'll begin with my old standby, The Hero's Journey, with some tarot knowledge thrown in. Remember, the Hero is always thrown into his journey unsuspecting and - sometimes - unwilling to go forward. Until something gives him just a little push (because everybody needs that little push). He begins as the Fool, starting with a leap of faith into a new beginning. I won't go through all the Major Arcana, but the Hero goes through a few stages that can roughly be translated into the symbolism found in the tarot. He has to confront his own rigid ideas or make a choice to commit to something (The Hierophant); he will have to make choices - and the right choice will always be to follow what his heart (or intuition) is telling him; and eventually, he'll reach a point where he just has to stop and reassess (The Hermit). The Death card is right in the middle of Major Arcana, immediately preceded by The Hanged Man. The Hanged Man symbolizes a need to see something from a different point of view and often, this is what spurs the rebirth of the Hero. It is all leading up to the first major conflict, which always seems like a defeat (The Tower). But usually, that's just a "come to Jesus" moment, which is why The Star follows - trusting in Faith, Hope, and your own inner guidance. This is what will fortify him for the final battle and his ultimate triumph (Judgement). And finally, he can return home and rest until his next adventure begins (The World).

Nothing is as it has been

And I miss your face like Hell

And I guess it's just as well

But I miss your face like Hell

For today, let's talk about how we embrace change. It has a lot to do about how we handle past disappointments and regrets. Do we dwell on them? Do we consciously incorporate the lessons we learn as we go forward? Or do we let them color how we approach life?

• Think about your biggest regret. Why do is it a regret? Is it something you didn't do that you wanted to? Was it a mistake you wish you could take back? Whatever it is, only think about it for a moment....and then forgive yourself. Something that came to me while watching "Avenger's Endgame" was that we can't truly correct mistakes. Sometimes, we can try to put things back the way they were. But they still happened and thus, everything is changed anyway. Dwelling on the past won't un-do it. It just keeps us from enjoying the present.
• How do you approach your day? Negatively? Positively? Neutral? As an experiment, set an intention for a couple of days that you're going to enjoy your day, regardless of what happens. Record how you feel after the experiment is over. Our expectations color how we experience our life - so if you think it's going to be the same shit everyday, that's how it will be.
• Are you actively cultivating change within your own life? Such as trying new things, meeting new people, getting out of your comfort zone for a moment or two. Growth happens during the uncomfortable times - when life just keeps throwing you curve balls. If things have gotten a bit mundane, maybe it's time to force a small change, just to get the ball rolling.

While writing this, I've been contemplating the meaning of this song. It's about how time and distance doesn't always dull the pain associated with losing touch with the people we love in our lives. Some wounds just don't heal. You just get used to living with the dull ache. An example would be like our childhood friends whom we were once so close to have become strangers as life has taken us down different paths. I'm one of those people who wonders how people are doing, even if we haven't talked for years. Even decades. Growing up a military brat, goodbyes were something I feel like I got way too good at. I feel envious of people who can say they're still close with their childhood best friend. I've had many "best friends" over the years, but none of them were permanent, none of them were forever. Forever isn't a real thing, though. Permanence is an illusion, I've learned, so I've grown to accept that things change, relationships change, in spite of what we want. But I still think of them all fondly and hope their lives are going well.

“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.” - Paulo Coelho

"Rivers and Roads" Video