Fantasies and Frivolities ("Crush" by Ethel Cain)

I have a lot on my mind. It seems the theme of this year has been chaos, which is unfortunate because my words for the year were supposed to be "creation" and "transformation." I don't feel like getting into politics now - we all know we've got a front row seat to the shitshow. And while there's a lot I could say, I'm pretty sure a lot of it has already been said and it's falling on deaf ears. I can scream into the void with the best of them, but why waste the energy. Especially when this blog is supposed to be about music and - by extension - the emotions and memories and associations it stirs up from the abyss of my subconscious. So instead, I'm going to tell you about the songs (and other things) getting me through these shenanigans. Thanks for joining me on the ride.

His window's already passed, so he's shooting at the glass

Keeping guns in his locker, and he denies it

Like it's actually important, but he lied 'cause I sure did watch him

Showing up wearing black, and he knows that

Like much of my favorite music nowadays, I discovered Ethel Cain via an Instagram scroll. I follow a lot of miniaturists and there's this one miniaturist in particular that does a lot of Southern Gothic and horror inspired artwork. She was showing off this miniature church sign she made. The white paint was faded and nicked, the back papered with Missing posters, and the message in block letters proclaiming, "God Loves You, But Not Enough to Save You." I think about those words more often than I care to admit. The song featured on the post was "Sun-Bleached Flies" by Ethel Cain, which is where the the lyric comes from. It hints at disillusionment, with God, with love, with life. The artist (@southerngothicdollhouse on IG) sells a kit for people to make a similar sign themselves. I kind of want to buy it but it's $150 and I don't think I can justify it. To be clear, she provides all the pieces including the paints, so there's value in it - I'm not saying it's not worth the money. But I have a quarter-finished book nook that's calling my name and I really need to learn how to finish the things I start before buying more hobby paraphernalia. 

His daddy's on death row, but he'll say it with his chest, though

His friends move dope, he hasn't tried coke

But he's always had a problem saying no

His older brother bagged the valedictorian

His mother, steady, screaming he should be more like him

Anyway, back to this Ethel Cain song - another slow burn obsession for me, it's been popping up in pole class and it's an easy go-to for freestyling at home. Ethel Cain's music reminds me a lot of the early-mid 90s shoegaze-type rock. Dreamy, experimental, a little grungy, beautiful nigh haunting vocals. Honestly, it's the kind of vibe I prefer to bring to the table - to pole class or to work....or to really anywhere. I've heard of Ethel Cain's music being grouped in with country and, I'll admit, there is a Southern Gothic tint to her aesthetic. However, listening to the lyrics, it conjures up the imagery of being in a small Midwest town. Where you know everyone in your senior class because there's barely enough teenagers around to justify a high school. The crush in question is probably not the best guy to be running around with. Hides guns in his locker, wears all black, has stoner friends. I was a teenager during the early 2000s - I'm no stranger to being intrigued by the weird, quiet Goth kid. But I know being the weird Goth kid in a rural town somewhere in the Bible Belt carries a heavier weight than where I went to high school. 

Can you read my mind? I've been watching you

(You know it, you know it, you know it's true)

Couldn't fight to save your life, but you look so cool

Camo' jacket, robbing corner stores

Hard odds to beat when you're on all fours

Good men die too, oh, I'd rather be with you, you, you

I've added "Crush" to my Unskippables playlist....I'm past the obsessive listening phase, which usually ends in wanting to not hear a song again for at least a couple of months. I could listen this basically any time now. The point of "The Unskippables" is that they're songs I keep coming back to, that I love hearing over and over and over. Songs I'd put in every playlist, if I didn't have any self respect or mix tape skillz. I've been trying to pinpoint why certain songs capture my devotion and the closest explanation I've gotten to is that they elicit a particular emotion in me. A vision, a place in time, a story that I have playing in my brain. For "Iris," I am both the singer and the person being sung about. With "Desert Song," I am lost in the torment of both my deepest hopes and darkest fears. And with "Crush," I'm taken back to being a boy-crazy teenaged girl, who had a thing for weirdos and nerds and outcasts...

I owe you a black eye and two kisses

Tell me when you wanna come and get 'em

I only want him if he says it first to me

I wanna, uh, him in the back of his mom's Mercury

He looks like he works with his hands, and smells like Marlboro Reds

It makes me so, uh, and I can't get enough of it

I remember those times vividly - having a crush was fun. The adrenaline of running into them unexpectedly in the hallway. Spying them out in the wild, hanging out in their natural habitat (the mall). Or praying very loudly in your head not to be paired with them for a class assignment and then, of course, being paired up with them because God needed some entertainment that week. This has happened to me - multiple times. One of several real-world reasons why I think there's something to manifestation. There's this theory in manifestation circles that the Universe doesn't interpret negatives, so if you're praying for something not to happen, it will happen because you're still thinking about it happening. Don't think too hard about that, you'll get paranoid. Anyway, the B-plot in a story/series I'm writing is somewhat of a love story. The characters are younger - not teenaged, because that's over-done, but pre-to-mid Saturn Return - so I'm trying to put myself in that mindset. The intrigue, the hopefulness of meeting a person who you intensely vibe with and looking forward to the possibility of seeing them randomly (or not so randomly) during the course of your day. Does it end badly? It might. Statistically, it probably will - but it'll be an adventure.

Low slung bad bitch, baby, come and get you some

I haven't written here in a bit. Pushing this out into the void, as a sort of kick in the pants. Work is draining, it's hard to find motivation or will to write but the thoughts are still there. Besides, these little "my favorite thing right now" posts are easy, even if they're mostly fluff. Have a good week, dear reader.

Crush - Official Music Video

"Bad Things" by Jace Everett

I meant to feature this song during September, during the "Where have I heard that before?" theme but I ran out of month. This song is played during the title sequence of "True Blood." Before Netflix got really popular and added the "Skip Intro" option, the most recent Golden Age of TV also went hand-in-hand with the Golden Age of Opening Sequences. The best shows of the early 2000s - "True Blood," "Mad Men," and "Grey's Anatomy" - had iconic title sequences to start off the show and set the tone. Netflix has been trying to bring that back - all of the Marvel shows had pretty brilliant title sequences, as do many of its other shows, but - let's face it - people don't feel like that's worth their time anymore. Which is a shame, in a way, because I know someone works really hard on those intros who I'm sure is super proud of what they created. As I was saying, the "True Blood" title sequence was wonderful, partially because of this song and partially because of the imagery used in the sequence. First off, this song is indelibly sexy, which is perfect for a show where the sexual undertones were a key factor for both its popular appeal and subject matter. All paranormal romance - no matter how "wholesome" the author tries to make it seem (lookin' at you, Stephanie Meyer and "Twilight") - is about society's uncomfortable relationship with sex. Particularly the "wrong" kind of sex, which is usually outside the confines of marriage and with people it shouldn't be with. Vampires and werewolves have an especially torrid subtext, which is why they are featured most often in these types of stories. Vampires often have powers of mind control and hypnosis - in a psychological context, seduction (even the non-paranormal kind) is about using sexuality to influence the behavior of another for your own benefit. Vampires do this prolifically, often with horrifying consequences for the victim. Werewolves, on the other hand, get at the animalistic side of human lust and the fear of not being able to control our urges for another. Again, the underlying context is that carnal lust leads to extreme pain, shame, and heartbreak for both the object of lust and the person trying to control it within themselves. The lyrics to "Bad Things" combines both of these concepts perfectly into one badass country song.

The second reason the "True Blood" intro is awesome is the imagery. As I've mentioned, I love the Southern Gothic aesthetic and the title sequence plays the song against a series of images that sum up the underlying contradictions of this style. The wholesome, hospitable image of the American South contrasted starkly against the unsavory underbelly of its history and culture, along with the heavy occult themes that give the region its distinctive flavor. "True Blood" takes place in a small town in Louisiana, deep in the bayou, where the locals seem normal enough until you get to know them. For every church, there's a seedy strip club or bar. For every welcoming face, there's a hidden viper pit of contempt and suspicion. The cinematographer very cleverly inserts an image of a Baptist church with a sign that says "God Hates Fangs," a play on the vampire underworld the story brings to the surface and the very real bigotry towards the LGBT community that exists in the South. Bigotry and standing up against it is a central theme in the Sookie Stackhouse series that Charlaine Harris used her writing to draw attention to. The diversity of characters in the world that Harris has built is definitely something to emulate as a writer. This dedication to showcasing the range of personalities within Bon Temps carries over into the show. The show does not really follow the books and, weirdly enough, it's one of the few instances where that doesn't bother me. The screenwriters took the idea - what if the invention of synthetic blood allowed vampires (and other supernatural creatures) to live out in the open? - and ran with it. Although the plot points changed a lot, they were true to the material and to the message of the story.

When you came in, the air went out

And every shadow filled up with doubt

I don't know who you think you are

But before the night is through

I wanna do bad things with you

I'm the kind to sit up in his room

Heart sick and eyes filled up with blue

I don't know what you've done to me

But I know this much is true

I wanna do bad things with you, okay

The lyrics are fairly straightforward. A man is hanging out in a bar or wherever....I don't think the lyrics mention a bar specifically, but I like to picture a dive bar with wooden accents, pool tables, and dirty glasses. And possibly a pay phone. Yes, there is definitely an old-school pay phone for some reason, even in 2019. Anyway, there's a man - probably wearing jeans, a leather jacket, and cowboy boots - sitting in a bar, minding his own business. Then, a woman walks in. He doesn't know who she is, all he knows is she's beautiful. And she has dark hair, because all femme fatales have dark hair. It's a weird theatre trope that everyone follows - ingenues (good girls) have blonde hair, femme fatales (sexy troublemakers) have dark hair, and redheads are wild cards - and when you know about it, you see it everywhere. Look at any movie with Megan Fox, Angelina Jolie, or Eva Green - all excellent "femme fatale" type actresses. Moving on, she walks in and he's just consumed by her presence. He can't think of anything but bending her over one of the tables, lifting up her skirt, and just going for it. But he writes a song about it instead of talking to her. Because he's lame, in spite of his sexy voice. Obviously, I've pictured this scene a lot. It's a good scene.

And, thus, I reveal the guiltiest of my guilty pleasures. I read a surprising amount of paranormal/fantasy romance novels. I call them "junk food" books but the truth is, after reading a classic by Jane Austen or Victor Hugo, your brain needs a break. I can read these novels quickly (usually within a weekend, if I have enough free time) and they're always fun to read. Also - and I'm just now realizing it - but this is basically my genre. It's what I feel most comfortable and skilled at when writing. As much as I'd like to be super literary and write the Great American Novel™, I enjoy writing about horror, magic, fictional monsters, and sex. And the best advice I've ever heard on writing is you should write what you know and what you would enjoy reading. Write for yourself. And so I do.

"Bad Things" Video

"True Blood" Title Sequence

"In Hell I'll Be Good Company" by The Dead South

Another one of my son's favorite songs. He insisted on watching this video on YouTube one day - turns out this band is awesome. And my three-year-old's music street cred has been solidified. I'm a big fan of the Southern Gothic genre in general, but the music has this haunting quality that you can't get anywhere else. I don't know if it's the banjo or the honky-tonk piano (or the "jankily" piano, as I like to call it) but there is something about the genre that is extra spooky. Like you're going to meet the devil at the crossroads while carrying a six-string on your back. Or you'll run into a bar full of ghosts in that small town where your pickup truck breaks down. I love it so much.

Dead Love couldn't go no further

Proud of and disgusted by her

Push shove, a little bruised and battered

Oh Lord I ain't coming home with you

My life's a bit more colder

Dead wife is what I told her

Brass knife sinks into my shoulder

Oh babe don't know what I'm gonna do

I was thinking this week about the phrase "American Gothic," which is a misnomer. The truth is that there are so many sub-genres of what we call American Gothic, that it is necessary to differentiate. I ran across a tweet a while ago which sort of enumerated on the distinctions between the sub-genres. I've taken it a step further in my head and added some categories of my own. The United States, in comparison to other countries, is huge in terms of land. It encompasses multiple climate types and geographic layouts, so boiling all if it down into only one specific type of spooky is nigh impossible. You add the distinctive cultural make-up of each region in the US, and it gets even more complicated. I've attempted to identify the most obvious sub-types of American Gothic, as a helpful reference for myself and other writers everywhere.

• Southern Gothic - This genre comprises all the spooky parts of the South. Common themes/tropes include Civil War ghosts, haunted/cursed plantations, and Voodoo. The terrain is either the bayou or plantation fields - either way, it's very green. A lot of Southern Gothic revolves around New Orleans and Louisiana, because of it's rich, diverse culture, but it does extend into Eastern Texas and across to the Atlantic Ocean (below the Mason-Dixon Line, of course).
• Midwest Gothic - This genre subverts the wholesome image of the American farmland. Think empty cornfields and creepy scarecrows. Rusty farm equipment and creaky barn doors. Locals who keep to themselves and are hiding dark secrets behind their polite smiles.
• Southwest Gothic - This genre uses the typical Western landscape. Ghost towns in the desert with nothing for miles except Russian thistle (aka tumbleweeds) and bleached cow bones. Characters are the beautiful saloon girl ghost with the tragic back story and the gunslinger who failed to save her. Common themes/tropes include hanging corpses in the town square encircled by buzzards, Native American chants being heard mysteriously on the wind, and Brujeria.
• Appalachian Gothic - This is very similar to Southern Gothic but it takes place in the area encompassed by the Appalachian Mountains, which is most of the Northeast. The forest is thicker and greener, the terrain is more mountainous. I always think of the Hatfields and the McCoys - an American Romeo & Juliet story. So naturally, a trope would be young romances that ended tragically - ghostly young women in white wandering through the forest to meet their lover, dark shadows everywhere among the trees. The folk magic used (Pow-wow) is more based in Native American lore and old German customs, rather from the mishmash of Catholicism and Voodoo that is synonymous with Southern Gothic.
• Key West Gothic - This genre infuses paradise with dark history. The setting is white beaches and hidden caves filled with blue water (and possibly sea monsters). Common themes/tropes include dead pirates, cursed buried treasure, sunken ships, bloody slave revolts, and hoodoo. It's the beautiful young bride standing on the Widow's Walk as she looks out to sea for her missing husband. We'll throw abandoned lighthouses in this category, too, but it depends on the setting.
• Urban Gothic - This is a catch-all category for spooky American cityscapes. Think abandoned malls, dark alleys, drug-addled parties where there is just something off about the people you meet.
• Hollywood Gothic (aka L.A. Noire) - There's a specific category for this because of the tragic history surrounding L.A. and the development of the movie industry. It was a price paid in the blood of young girls with big dreams and mobsters with no limits. The setting is an abandoned Art Deco hotel well past its heyday. It's haunted by moviestars, aspiring actors, and their admirers. It's a waft of expensive perfume a waitress smells as she closes up a restaurant for the night. It's the Black Dahlia, bisected and with a fresh Glasgow Smile, being found on a crisp morning as the sun rises over California. It's a juxtaposition of opposites - glamour with gore, ugly scaffolding hidden beneath velvet fabric, fake smiles while a knife slowly goes into someone's back. Common tropes/themes are secret affairs, haunted hotels with ghostly parties, and cursed movie sets.
• Northern Gothic - This genre capitalizes on the desolation of the frozen North. The landscape is blindingly white, there's so much snow. Bodies get preserved in ice. And blood on snow makes quite an impact. And there's absolutely no one around to save you when you fall through the ice while ice fishing.
• Pacific Northwest Gothic - The genre involves thick forest full of unknown creatures. It's always misty here. Common themes include grizzly bear skeletons, glimpses of Sasquatch, and sparkly vampires (just kidding....) The Pacific Northwest is basically the American response to the Scottish Moors. Think packs of roving werewolves and camping trips that go horribly wrong. Rocky beaches with abandoned lighthouses (this genre also gets lighthouses).

I'm sure that's not everything. Perhaps I'll expand on this more later but I think this is good for now.

"In Hell I'll Be Good Company" Video