"Better Man" by Taylor Swift (performed by Little Big Town)

This song has been heavy on my "On Repeat" list in recent weeks. I found it at the beginning of July, when it played in the mix I was listening to, which was heavy on country and southern gothic tunes. I bought these things called Belly Buds to pipe music into my stomach for the baby to listen to. Unlike Ronin, who went crazy any time he heard Guns N' Roses' "Paradise City," this next kid has more refined tastes. He prefers classical music and folk rock (which I like to refer to as "country music for liberals"). As such, I've ventured pretty deeply into those genres lately.

Whenever I think I've heard everything by Taylor Swift and know all her best songs, something new pops up that sets me in awe of her talent all over again. "Better Man" was written for her 2012 album, "Red," which is a brilliant album and even more impressive given the fact that these were songs she wrote when she was fucking 22 years old! Girl has some major life experience points going on. Some of my favorites are on that album, including "Everything Has Changed" and "Begin Again." I'm going to stop myself before I go into a full-on fangirl spiral. Anyway, "Red" marked the start of Swift's transition from country to a more pop sound. "Better Man" definitely falls closer to the country end of that spectrum - perhaps more country than her producers were aiming for on that album - so it was scrapped from the final release. But it's too amazing a song to just be thrown in a drawer and forgotten by the annals of music history. She decided to pass it on to another country band, Little Big Town, which was a good choice. I didn't notice the name on the artist, only that the song art had Taylor's picture on it, so for the first dozen listens, I thought she was the one who was singing. The singer for Little Big Town does sound a lot like Taylor but after a close listen, Swift sings this song in a slightly higher register and she's more emotive with her performance. Little Big Town's interpretation is a lot smoother.

What hooked me was the lyrics to the first verse of the song:

I know I’m probably better off on my own

Than lovin' a man who didn’t know

What he had when he had it

And I see the permanent damage you did to me

Never again, I just wish I could forget when it was magic

I wish it wasn’t 4am, standing in the mirror

Saying to myself, you know you had to do it

I know the bravest thing I ever did was run

The last line struck me, because I completely understand it. I have a hard time leaving people behind, especially when I really care about them. I'm one of those people who gives a million chances, will stay no matter how bad things get. Often it's because I think "running" is giving up and - even worse - the cowardly thing to do. However, when you're used to sacrificing your own needs for the others, running away is the harder choice. The scarier choice. The more painful choice. Because the reason you play the martyr is because you don't want to hurt anyone, so you choose to hurt yourself instead - martyrdom has become the "comfort zone," as twisted as that sounds. The second verse is kind of unique to Taylor, as she has a penchant for douchy assholes, but the sentiment is sincere. Especially when you're a hopeless romantic type, your vision of love is often tied up in being able to withstand the hard times. Unfortunately, societal norms have warped "withstanding the hard times" with tolerating poor treatment. I find it ironic because people will look at survivors of domestic violence and ask "why did he/she stay so long" but then turn around and judge people who get divorced from a functioning but otherwise unhappy and unfulfilling situation. As if it's obvious from the start (it usually isn't - people jump into things with their whole hearts at first). Society is batshit crazy, which is why I think there has been such a massive return to relying on intuition. The rules of the matrix are fucked, so we have to return to organic systems, to nature. Which leads me into today's real rant.

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I can feel you again

But I just miss you, and I just wish you were a better man

And I know why we had to say goodbye

Like the back of my hand

And I just miss you, and I just wish you were a better man

A better man

Tonight is the Full Moon in Pisces, opposite the Sun in Virgo. In general, this is supposed to be an uplifting Full Moon because the Moon is comfortable in Pisces, but it comes with a mixed bag of aspects and other less pleasant planetary interactions. This Full Moon falls on the Virgo-Pisces axis, which can best be described as Order vs Chaos. But remember - opposite signs are trying to do similar things, just using different methodologies. Virgo is the sign of Service - specifically, Service to Others. Virgo energy wants to be useful and helpful, and often pursues these desires through very Earth-centric and Mercurial traits - being organized, detail-oriented, risk-averse, dependable, communicative, and practical. Pisces is about Service, too, but a very different kind of service - Pisces is about fulfilling our divine purpose and uncovering the hidden mysteries of life. In order to be successful in that sort of service, Virgo methods will undoubtedly fall short in some ways. Pisces relies heavily on intuition, following the flow, and listening to the signs the Universe sends us, as well as our hearts, which guide us toward that divine purpose. Yes, Pisces gets a reputation as being kind of the space cadet of the zodiac, but they also tend to understand the deeper meaning in our dreams and secret desires. Both signs have a tendency to become self-sacrificing if they are out of balance. Keeping that in mind, the modern ruler of this Full Moon, Neptune, is making a loose T-square to the North (Gemini) and South (Sagittarius) Nodes. This aspect causes tension and the tension between this placements is that we're stuck trying to figure out if our dreams can be manifested by staying in the Past (old habits/behaviors/situations) or taking a leap of faith into the Future (new habits/behaviors/opportunities). We look to other aspects and planets to find out what we're being guided to in regards to this lunation. In particular, Uranus - planet of change - is making some really beneficial aspects, being sextile the Moon and trine the Sun, which favors going in a different direction, especially if your old methods have lost their effectiveness.

That was the good part of this Full Moon, but there's difficult aspects that may indicate where trouble may be looming. Venus is opposite Saturn and square Mars. And Mars is coming off an exact square with Saturn. These are challenging aspects for love, relationships, passion, and finances - lots of restrictions and, with Mars beginning to station retrograde, a huge slow down to any progress being made in these areas. The one bright spot here is that Mercury is in one of its domiciles - Virgo. Communication might be the key to unlocking - or, at least, surviving - these difficult transits. Regardless, we're processing some grief at this time. The Full Moon eases this tension somewhat with a spotlight on our favorite spiritual enigma - Surrender. Pisces, being the sign of spirituality, reminds us to let go of what we cannot control. And, unfortunately, we cannot control the future or even the outcomes of our actions. We can do as much as we can to point the arrow in the right direction but once it's released, Spirit controls its path. Que Sera Sera. Whatever will be will be. And whatever comes next will hopefully be good. Doubtful as we head into what The Astrology Podcast nicknamed "Super Serious September" but I'm open to it. That's a benefit to having a lot of water and fire energy in your chart, especially when combined with influential placements in a mutable modality. Works well with chaos and uncertainty - I should put that on my resume. Even with astrology, it's often a game of hindsight is 20/20 and even when we account for all the variables - and there's numerous variables that I haven't even discovered yet - a certain amount of guessing is needed for disciplines like predictive and electional astrology. And when doing natal chart readings, it helps to do them face-to-face because things you never considered before when looking at the data will pop out when you encounter the living, breathing representation of a moment in divine creation. That's what makes it so fascinating - life is the proverbial "box of chocolates," although you can usually figure out what you're going to get if you fucking read the chart on the inside of the lid. Just an observation.

COVID-19 Update: Trying to get enough rest lately has been a challenge. Between work, planning for the baby, racing thoughts, and being in a constant state of discomfort, insomnia is pretty much inevitable, no matter how much I meditate. I'm taking a page from Sarah Bernhardt's book and trying to get 10-15 minutes of sleep when fatigue hits me. That usually does the trick. My older sister is throwing me a virtual baby shower. She's trying to get my younger sister involved but that's not the easiest task - please be aware that being a Virgo does not automatically mean you're organized and efficient. It is a mutable placement, after all, which can have a very unfocused energy when not harnessed correctly. I'm sure it's no picnic for her either. Can you imagine being a Mutable sign with two Cardinal sisters? So much bossiness! And Cancer and Libra are considered the "softer" Cardinal signs? Yeah, there's no such thing - we just have better people skills.

Little Big Town had an official video for this song, so I'm sharing that as well as Taylor Swift's performance at the Bluebird Cafe. A little vocal compare and contrast - and Swift is so endearing and genuine, it makes me smile when she performs for her fans. As is custom, I'm scheduling this post to publish at the exact time of the Full Moon. Happy September!

Little Big Town "Better Man" Video

Bluebird Cafe Performance

"If I Die Young" by The Band Perry

This is a somewhat overdramatic look at how far my anxiety can go if left unchecked. At my last prenatal appointment, I asked for information about doing a Trial of Labor after Cesarean (TOLAC). They gave me a list of the risks, complications, and statistics for attempting a TOLAC vs electing to have a repeat C-section. I didn't have a full on panic attack but for a minute, I did think I was going to faint so I had to get up and move while take deep breaths. Considering I was waiting to get my blood drawn for the glucose test, it would've been embarrassing for the phlebotomist to find me passed out on the floor. Once I got out of the building and regained my composure (the smell of fresh Indian food helps), the internal analysis began.

Why such a dramatic reaction to a fairly standard explanation of the risks, most of which I already knew about from my own research? I think, in that moment, the decision and the potential consequences of my decision became real. It wasn't just a list of facts, it was the possible outcomes of my future - it was what could happen to me and my baby if things go wrong, how it might affect my ability to have another child (because I'm not 100% sure that I'm done with having kids after this one), and what happens to my family if the worst of the worst-case-scenarios happens. This shouldn't have to be said but pregnancy isn't all sunshine and rainbows. The United States has one of the worst maternal mortality rates in the developed world, especially among women of color, a fact evidenced by the increase of articles on the subject in recent years (one of the main reasons stepping away from Twitter has been really helpful for me these past couple weeks - with the influx of COVID cases, articles about women dying during or shortly after childbirth have become more frequent).

If I die young bury me in satin

Lay me down on a bed of roses

Sink me in the river at dawn

Send me away with the words of a love song

To be clear, I've had time to consider both options. Both have their benefits and risks and one is not inherently more dangerous than the other based on the research. And since this pregnancy is considered low-risk (I had gestational diabetes with my first born), I'm probably a good candidate for attempting a TOLAC, depending on what my doctor can tell me about my first C-section. But then I have these other worries going on in the background - like the fact that scheduling a repeat C-section can guarantee my parents will be in town to take care of my son and I won't risk having to give birth alone. This has been one of my greatest concerns during this whole COVID business and it has felt like I've had to deal with everything on my own this time because of the restrictions. With my first, my husband went with me to almost every appointment up until the third trimester, when they became too frequent for him to reasonably take time off from work. This time, he wasn't even able to go to the 20-week ultrasound, which is the one thing most husbands go to. Which brings up another concern - on one hand, I want the option that gets me out of the hospital quickest to avoid potential COVID infection for me and my newborn. On the other hand, I don't want to be put in a situation that may require emergency surgery, when hospital staffing is already stressed.

And there are the additional factors to take into account. It's 2020, which I wouldn't say is anybody's lucky year. It certainly hasn't been mine. Even if I go with what I think is the "safer choice," I still might die, despite the low probability. And the astrology around my due date is the shittiest we'll see all year. I'm due the day Mercury goes retrograde, Venus will be in Virgo (where it's in its Fall), Mars will be retrograde, Saturn is in Capricorn conjunct Pluto and Jupiter, and in a loose square to Mars. All the astrological thugs are in the mix (and Jupiter serves as the Great Instigator). And both Saturn and Mars will be in their domiciles, where their effects are strongest, so a square is like a cage-fight where no one wins. When he's born, this poor kid will probably have most chaotic birth chart I've ever seen. Maybe it's silly to consider the astrology but the more I learn about it, the more things make sense. The only bright spot and hopeful sign I've gotten is that when I asked the tarot what the outcome would be, I got the Queen of Wands, which I interpreted as I'm capable of manifesting a successful outcome, even in the worst of conditions, if I set my mind to it. This has always been my philosophy and it helped to remind me that, even if I'm not the luckiest person, I'm also far from being the unluckiest person. In fact, I've always felt the Universe was on my side most of the time and the time's when I felt it wasn't, things worked out in the end. However, there's still an internal struggle I'm working through to combat my fears.

And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom

I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger

I've never known the lovin' of a man

But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand

There's a boy here in town says he'll love me forever

Who would have thought forever could be severed by

The sharp knife of a short life,

Well I've had just enough time

I've made my peace with Death but that doesn't mean I'm ready to go or that I want to. I've got a lot of things I have to finish, the most important of which is raising my son(s). My oldest is the best thing in my life. I fall in love with him every morning, even when he's being stubborn or bossy or moody (which is at least half my fault, especially the bossy part). He's always doing something unexpectedly smart or sweet. For example, he has a little vTech phone my dad got him for his birthday and he has a recording app on it. I recently realized that, when he's not recording himself doing funny voices or screaming, his favorite thing to record is my voice. He's recorded dozens of files of me laughing or talking. And the other day, I was singing while cooking dinner and he ran to get his phone so he could make recordings of me singing showtunes and early 90s ballads. It was sweet but, afterwards, it made me sad because I started thinking, "What happens if I die and these become his only memories of me?" I know it's morbid and I'm trying not to ruminate on it so much, but I've been really scared and in a dark place since the beginning of this pregnancy.

On the plus side, I looked through my benefits and realized I do have a small amount of life insurance, so my husband won't be completely fucked if I die. He'll be able to manage long enough to sell the house and get on his feet, especially with my parents added help. Again, morbid but comforting. One less thing I have to worry about. After doing my own research - reading a couple books and scientific articles as well as watching/reading other women's stories - and talking to my husband about our options, I'm feeling a lot more confident now about my plan (and backup plan). It helps I got some added encouragement from my dad and older sister saying I'll make the best the best choice for my family. I've always had a strong internal locus of control and I'm not very easy to sway once I've decide on something, usually, although new information will give me pause for consideration. I'm not unreasonable and when a decision does have high risk and affects anyone other than myself, that's when inner fears start to creep in. It's very easy to get lost in self-doubt when you don't have a supportive group of friends and family. Or worse, if you have friends and family who actively cause you to doubt yourself and your choices (in which case, you should probably be questioning their place in your life). But, ultimately, I'm the one who has to decide, so I have about 10 weeks to get my fears in order.

A penny for my thoughts, oh no I'll sell them for a dollar

They're worth so much more after I'm a goner

And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'

Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'

I chose this song because I think it's sweet. I love the singer's voice - she sounds so young but the lyrics are so wise. "If I Die Young" is about living while you're alive, because that's all you get. The best gift you can give another is your presence, which has been another benefit of deleting Instagram and Twitter - I've spent a lot more time paying attention to my son and my husband. And myself. One thing this song does remind me of, though, is the movie trope of The Dying Girl. She lives in the same realm as The Beautiful Sad Girl and the Manic-Pixie-Dream Girl. When she shows up, her purpose is to give the flawed male protagonist perspective on life, so that he appreciates it more and her death serves to help him reach self-actualization. Yes, it's bullshit but it's a real writing cliche that's grown popular in recent years. My favorite example is "A Walk to Remember" - for a moment, we get to believe Mandy Moore is going to live and marry the man she's changed for the better. But, no, her leukemia comes out of remission and she only lives for a short time after she gets married. And while I know it happens - people marry their dying lovers all the time and it's treated as this beautiful, romantic occasion - it takes a level of strength I don't think most people have. To go into a romance, knowing it's doomed, and when it's over, you'll be left with all this pain, trauma, and a broken heart but not much else other than a few happy memories. Not even the hope you'll be together again in this life because this life ended for them. And that's where I'll stop, because this post was already too depressing when I chose this song.

"If I Die Young" Video

"You should be sad" by Halsey

Halsey released this song recently and it has been stuck in my head for the past few days. I guess it's catchy. The opening hook has a country twang to it. Not real country, but what a girl from New Jersey imagines all country songs sound like. The same Jersey girl who might depict line-dancing bars as cowboy sex parties in her music video. Wishful thinking! I like it, though.

The lyrics struck a chord. They're written like a letter. Some of the lyrics aren't pretty - they aren't the sort of things you say in a song. The words don't exactly rhyme - some rhyme in an incidental, unconventional way. Or the rhymes are too obvious, i.e., rhyming "sad" and "mad." You'll notice the title is just a statement. You should be sad. The operative word being "should." Implying that the person she's singing to isn't sad. Probably doesn't even think what they did was hurtful. And that really tells you everything about this situation. I remember someone asking on Facebook once about what pagans thought happened to bad people if they didn't believe in the concept of Hell as a place where people are punished for their misdeeds. I think my response was something along the lines of "we hope justice gets dealt in the end but we're aware that it might not...and we make peace with that fact." It's not comforting. But I'm pretty sure it's the closest I can get to the Truth. I spend a lot of time thinking about karma, even though I know karma doesn't work the way most people think it does. Honestly - and this is what I've struggled to grasp for the past three decades - is that most of the time, even when you tell someone that they've hurt you, their first reaction isn't to feel guilty. Their first reaction is usually to justify it. To invalidate how you feel because "they didn't intend to." And that's when you realize that you aren't looking for an apology, you just wish they felt a little bad about it. Knowing this and seeing this ugly shadow rise up in my misdeeds, I've tried to cultivate the art of a sincere apology. Of understanding the pain I've caused before I even say the words. Even though I'm not sure I've ever received a genuine apology myself. There have been times I've been tempted to write a letter that says much of the same things Halsey put into her lyrics. But I have doubts about how much good it would do. No matter how impactful the letter I wrote would be, there's no guarantee that the person reading it would even comprehend what they were reading. Sometimes, I wonder if the guy Halsey is writing these songs about knows they're about him. But then I remember - even if he does, the words are falling on deaf ears.

I'm gonna start this out by saying (By saying)

I really meant well from the start

Take a broken man right in my hands

And then put back all his parts

But you're not half the man you think that you are

And you can't fill the hole inside of you with money, girls, and cars

I'm so glad I never ever had a baby with you

'Cause you can't love nothing unless there's something in it for you

One of my latest hobbies as I dive deeper into astrology (among other things witchcrafty and spiritual) is watching a few of my favorite astrologers give the forecast for the changing cosmos. It's part of self-learning. I watch each of them, compare notes, see if what they're saying matches what the others are saying. There's variation in interpretation but there shouldn't be glaring inconsistencies. Usually, I'm listening to the same forecast two or three times - which I consider a good thing. Sometimes, the way one astrologer frames their ideas resonates more. Makes things click into place faster. Lately, I've been thinking I should also write down how the energy feels and my impressions of the current state of affairs before watching these videos. Because - usually - the forecast matches what I've been feeling build up in my own body, in my own mind. I'll notice if I feel more sluggish or if I'm having trouble focusing - and I'd like to correlate that data to what's happening in the biweekly astrological forecast. Use myself as an occult test subject, if you will. Anyway, we just had the Aquarius New Moon on Friday and all the astrologers said the same thing. A shift has definitely happened - everyone can feel it. But the inability to see it in the physical is causing frustration and impatience. There's also an uncomfortable square between Mars in Sagittarius and Venus/Neptune in Pisces. It's a feeling like there should be more happening right now than what is. We should be seeing more change in our world but everything is still static. Infuriatingly static. And we're getting frustrated because - even internally - we feel like we should've made more progress. We should've broken these old patterns already. We made the decision that things were going to be different in 2020 - Why is everything still the same?! But, I was watching another favorite tarot reader and she stated the uncomfortable truth about times like these - when it seems like nothing is changing, everything is. It's the calm before the storm. So, if you feel like a rubber band about to snap, take a breath - that's normal and everyone is feeling it. Uranus only went direct a couple weeks ago - he hasn't had a chance to get up to speed yet. Be patient.

Fun fact: A couple years ago, Halsey tweeted that she wanted to date Evan Peters. Guess who she's dating now? Yep....Evan Peters. That's some hella good manifestation magic. I wonder if that would work for me. Hey Universe, I want to be married to ...... who? Sebastian Stan? Henry Cavill? I don't even know if those guys are into sex magick....suppose it doesn't matter, since I'm not single anyway. Although, it is kind of surprising/disappointing that my celebrity crushes are actually somewhat close to my age now. Like everyone, I still feel very much like a teenager and, thus, I assume all my celebrity crushes are too old for me. Time is strange magic.

"You should be sad" Video

"Bad Things" by Jace Everett

I meant to feature this song during September, during the "Where have I heard that before?" theme but I ran out of month. This song is played during the title sequence of "True Blood." Before Netflix got really popular and added the "Skip Intro" option, the most recent Golden Age of TV also went hand-in-hand with the Golden Age of Opening Sequences. The best shows of the early 2000s - "True Blood," "Mad Men," and "Grey's Anatomy" - had iconic title sequences to start off the show and set the tone. Netflix has been trying to bring that back - all of the Marvel shows had pretty brilliant title sequences, as do many of its other shows, but - let's face it - people don't feel like that's worth their time anymore. Which is a shame, in a way, because I know someone works really hard on those intros who I'm sure is super proud of what they created. As I was saying, the "True Blood" title sequence was wonderful, partially because of this song and partially because of the imagery used in the sequence. First off, this song is indelibly sexy, which is perfect for a show where the sexual undertones were a key factor for both its popular appeal and subject matter. All paranormal romance - no matter how "wholesome" the author tries to make it seem (lookin' at you, Stephanie Meyer and "Twilight") - is about society's uncomfortable relationship with sex. Particularly the "wrong" kind of sex, which is usually outside the confines of marriage and with people it shouldn't be with. Vampires and werewolves have an especially torrid subtext, which is why they are featured most often in these types of stories. Vampires often have powers of mind control and hypnosis - in a psychological context, seduction (even the non-paranormal kind) is about using sexuality to influence the behavior of another for your own benefit. Vampires do this prolifically, often with horrifying consequences for the victim. Werewolves, on the other hand, get at the animalistic side of human lust and the fear of not being able to control our urges for another. Again, the underlying context is that carnal lust leads to extreme pain, shame, and heartbreak for both the object of lust and the person trying to control it within themselves. The lyrics to "Bad Things" combines both of these concepts perfectly into one badass country song.

The second reason the "True Blood" intro is awesome is the imagery. As I've mentioned, I love the Southern Gothic aesthetic and the title sequence plays the song against a series of images that sum up the underlying contradictions of this style. The wholesome, hospitable image of the American South contrasted starkly against the unsavory underbelly of its history and culture, along with the heavy occult themes that give the region its distinctive flavor. "True Blood" takes place in a small town in Louisiana, deep in the bayou, where the locals seem normal enough until you get to know them. For every church, there's a seedy strip club or bar. For every welcoming face, there's a hidden viper pit of contempt and suspicion. The cinematographer very cleverly inserts an image of a Baptist church with a sign that says "God Hates Fangs," a play on the vampire underworld the story brings to the surface and the very real bigotry towards the LGBT community that exists in the South. Bigotry and standing up against it is a central theme in the Sookie Stackhouse series that Charlaine Harris used her writing to draw attention to. The diversity of characters in the world that Harris has built is definitely something to emulate as a writer. This dedication to showcasing the range of personalities within Bon Temps carries over into the show. The show does not really follow the books and, weirdly enough, it's one of the few instances where that doesn't bother me. The screenwriters took the idea - what if the invention of synthetic blood allowed vampires (and other supernatural creatures) to live out in the open? - and ran with it. Although the plot points changed a lot, they were true to the material and to the message of the story.

When you came in, the air went out

And every shadow filled up with doubt

I don't know who you think you are

But before the night is through

I wanna do bad things with you

I'm the kind to sit up in his room

Heart sick and eyes filled up with blue

I don't know what you've done to me

But I know this much is true

I wanna do bad things with you, okay

The lyrics are fairly straightforward. A man is hanging out in a bar or wherever....I don't think the lyrics mention a bar specifically, but I like to picture a dive bar with wooden accents, pool tables, and dirty glasses. And possibly a pay phone. Yes, there is definitely an old-school pay phone for some reason, even in 2019. Anyway, there's a man - probably wearing jeans, a leather jacket, and cowboy boots - sitting in a bar, minding his own business. Then, a woman walks in. He doesn't know who she is, all he knows is she's beautiful. And she has dark hair, because all femme fatales have dark hair. It's a weird theatre trope that everyone follows - ingenues (good girls) have blonde hair, femme fatales (sexy troublemakers) have dark hair, and redheads are wild cards - and when you know about it, you see it everywhere. Look at any movie with Megan Fox, Angelina Jolie, or Eva Green - all excellent "femme fatale" type actresses. Moving on, she walks in and he's just consumed by her presence. He can't think of anything but bending her over one of the tables, lifting up her skirt, and just going for it. But he writes a song about it instead of talking to her. Because he's lame, in spite of his sexy voice. Obviously, I've pictured this scene a lot. It's a good scene.

And, thus, I reveal the guiltiest of my guilty pleasures. I read a surprising amount of paranormal/fantasy romance novels. I call them "junk food" books but the truth is, after reading a classic by Jane Austen or Victor Hugo, your brain needs a break. I can read these novels quickly (usually within a weekend, if I have enough free time) and they're always fun to read. Also - and I'm just now realizing it - but this is basically my genre. It's what I feel most comfortable and skilled at when writing. As much as I'd like to be super literary and write the Great American Novel™, I enjoy writing about horror, magic, fictional monsters, and sex. And the best advice I've ever heard on writing is you should write what you know and what you would enjoy reading. Write for yourself. And so I do.

"Bad Things" Video

"True Blood" Title Sequence

"Meant To Be" by Bebe Rexha featuring Florida Georgia Line

I had something more special planned for today since I can't post for a couple days but it turns out that needs more time to cook. Instead, I'm gonna share a song that's been growing on me all summer. In fact, I think it's this year's Song of Summer, even though it was technically released at the end of 2017. I've been hearing it a lot on the radio this summer, anyway, so that - in my mind - categorizes it as a "summer song." It's also got that chill, sunny vibe going on. That's the best way I can describe it. I also thought the switch to something a little more country would be a nice break from all the punk/rock/indie stuff I've been posting.

It's coded as a love song - the girl is trying to force something but the guy is just like "we don't have to go so fast....lets enjoy the ride." But I think this message can flow into other parts of your life, too. For example, in the video, it's not really about Bebe trying to get with one of the guys from Florida Georgia Line. It's about her trying to make her singing career happen. In it, she's hitchhiking and ends up a waitress somewhere outside Albuquerque - because isn't that where we all end up eventually? During a lull in her shift, she starts fantasizing about being pulled on stage at a local show, which evolves into her touring with the band. Kind of an unrealistic fantasy, if you think about it, but - you know - if it's meant to be. In many things, there comes a point where you've done all you can and you just have to leave the outcome to the Universe (or God/the Gods, depending on what you believe). It takes a leap of faith. (Side note - my card this morning was "The Wanderer," one of the meanings for which is needing to take a leap of faith.) When it gets to this point, all you can do is keep working towards your goals, be the best person you can be, and enjoy life for yourself. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. 

Baby, lay on back and relax, kick your pretty feet up on my dash

No need to go​ nowhere fast, let's enjoy right here where we at

Who knows where this road is supposed to lead

We got nothing but time

As long as you're right here next to me, everything's gonna be alright

Some fashion notes - I am loving the two dresses Bebe wears in this video. I think the black gingham number she wears as a waitress is probably a bit too racy to be an actual uniform. That being said....I need to have it. Same with the red polka dot dress. I'm pretty sure I'd look good in both because they look good on Bebe Rexha and we have a similar body type, for the most part. I've also decided I need a necklace that says "Jess." I know those are old-school and kind of tacky, but Rexha makes it work. Maybe once in awhile, it's okay to wear something like that, if you have the right attitude and don't take it so seriously. Although, Jess isn't as cool a name as Bebe, so it might not look as good. I don't know, I'll have to do some intense googling to find the right necklace.

"Meant to Be" Video