I admit, this song is a little ridiculous but, given the topics I plan to write about during the rest of this month, I think some levity is in order. My husband and I have been watching "Community" for one of our shows to watch through (we usually pick one 20-30 minute show, one hour-long show, and a couple throw-aways *cough*Start Trek*cough* for when I'm feeling tired). We've been getting through it quick because we can't watch "Supernatural" when my son wants to hang out with us - he's scared of the transition music which, to be fair, is pretty loud. I'm a hardcore Jeff-and-Annie shipper and it has been painfully slow to get to this point in the show (where Jeff realizes he actually has real feelings for Annie, not the superficial attraction he's had for other women throughout the show). Although "Community" is an ensemble cast and each character generally gets similar amounts of screentime and shenanigans, Jeff has been set up from the start as sort of the "main protagonist" amidst a show designed with multiple protagonists. His character arc is the most extreme in terms of personal growth and many of the Jeff-centric episodes focus on him dealing with hidden psychological issues or the inner conflict he feels between doing what he's always done (be selfish) and being a good friend to someone else in the group. To his credit, he often chooses the latter option but in the episodes where his selfish-ness wins, it often results in hilarious, unintended consequences. For instance, in the episode where "Kiss from a Rose" is featured, he has claimed he is sick to get out of helping Annie move. While he's at the mall, enjoying his "sick" day, he runs into Dean Pelton, who blackmails Jeff into spending the day with him to prevent him from ratting Jeff out to the group.
There used to be a greying tower alone on the sea
You became the light on the dark side of me
Love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill
But did you know that when it snows
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen?
In "Community," Jeff has been consistently presented with a choice between two potential love interests. Britta represents Jeff's old life and what he was able to get out of it. Britta is pretty, which is what draws him in, but there's not much substance or chemistry between them. They spend a lot of time bickering or making passive-aggressive barbs at each other. She's judgmental and looks down on him for being selfish but when looked at closely, her zest for activism is a front and it's more of a persona for her than a solid system of beliefs and principles. Given the timing of Community's run, this was when "white feminism" - i.e., feminists who believe their way of feminism is the best (only) way and doesn't account for issues that predominantly affect women of color or the LGBT community - started being seen for what it was. Another way to police the choices and beliefs of women through societal pressure. In an ironic twist, in terms of behavior, Britta is probably the least feminist female character of the main ensemble. Contrast that to Annie, who is the more classically feminine (at least in wardrobe) character who prides herself on being the best student and is just a touch naive when we first meet her. It's often these competing interpretations of femininity that drives the more Annie-and-Britta-centered episodes.
Annie is our "pure of heart" character. Annie represents what Jeff was missing from the beginning - innocent enthusiasm, ambition tempered with integrity, and confidence in her intelligence and ability to make things happen. She's also imaginative, creative, resourceful, and - due to a stint in rehab - wiser than her age would suggest. Annie's not without her shortcomings, though. She can be intensely competitive, uptight about following rules, neurotic, and childish when she's upset - but she's working through those issues. Strangely enough, despite being the youngest character in the main ensemble, Annie's tendency to stand by her principles and lean into difficult but necessary life choices makes her one of the most adult characters on the show. While Britta is still struggling to uncover the root of her identity issues in Season 6 (and has been relegated to the role of comedic relief vs love interest), Annie has evolved into a heroine in her life and the lives of her friends. In short, Annie is authentically herself, something that both baffles and attracts Jeff in the beginning. As he works through his various psychological issues, her authenticity only becomes more attractive. It's also the thing that causes him to stay at arm's length - because he's afraid he's not good enough and if he fucks it up, he'll end up ruining the light inside her. That's Jeff's motivation as a character - in becoming a better person (or, at least, less selfish and cynical), he also is in the process of learning he deserves to be happy, too. We'll see what happens but if Season 6 doesn't wrap up this situation, I might throw a slipper at the TV.
I've been reading a lot about writing and building up relationship dynamics for a story I'm constructing. Essentially, the key to a good romance is avoiding taking the plunge into a love story too soon - you've got to build the attraction and tension first, so the reader makes the "ship" association before you even think about putting your characters into a romantic entanglement together. Both characters must have a good foundation on their own and the relationship must satisfy something in both their stories. Here's what I think happened with "Community" - in the first episode, the catalyst that gets the whole ensemble together is Jeff creating a fake study group so he could have a chance to convince Britta to have sex with him. But as the series went forward, it was clear there was more romantic chemistry between Jeff and Annie (despite the cringy age difference - canonically, by Season 5, Jeff is 40 and Annie is 23). Throughout the show, the writers keep trying to make a Jeff and Britta work as a couple but it's clear their chemistry is more brother/sister, despite them both being attractive people who - in theory - are a more logical (and age-appropriate) pair than Jeff and Annie. There is a writing fear that if you promise something in the beginning, it will be delivered by the final act. Jeff and Britta growing together was supposed to be the light at the end of the tunnel. During the series, it did eventually happen but it was boring, unsatisfying, and didn't really work out. That's how life is, sometimes.
There is so much a man can tell you, so much he can say
You remain my power, my pleasure, my pain
Baby, to me, you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny
Won't you tell me, is that healthy, baby?
But did you know that when it snows
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen?
Let's move on to the song. I've never understood what the lyrics meant. I knew it was some trite, romantic, poetic shit but what "a kiss from a rose on the grey" actually means? No clue. Yes, my friends, I looked it up. Spoiler alert: It's a drug reference. What?! Seal - father to Heidi Klum's four kids - is writing a song about drugs?! Well, sort of. Essentially, he's comparing the subject of the song (Heidi?) to taking amphetamines when you're depressed. If you were listening during DARE time in grade school, you should be aware that different categories of drugs have different effects on the Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS). Depressants, like alcohol, slow it down and, among other things, make it difficult to concentrate, think, or function without a delayed reaction time. Hallucinogens have a psychotropic effect (they make you see and hear things that may not exist or may not be a reflection of reality). And stimulants, like amphetamines, speed up the SNS, resulting in symptoms such as hyper-focus, overconfidence, and racing thoughts. Stimulants result in the release of a lot of dopamine and norepinephrine, so the effects are not unlike how you feel during the "honeymoon" phase of a relationship - hence, the comparison may be quite an accurate one. Taking a stimulant when you're depressed, probably feels like being on a rocket - but I also imagine the crash is equally impactful. As we've discussed, the "honeymoon" period only lasts about 6 months on average and we're less and less likely to feel this "high" feeling as time goes on. It is extremely unusual to feel it after a year and at this point in a relationship, you're probably running more on oxytocin and attachment fears. Dopamine is still released but the amount is more manageable and you can generally focus on other things, in addition to your relationship. Seal might be talking about this brief period in a relationship but - as indicated by the lyric, "the more I get of you, the stranger it feels" - it could mean he's used to being let down by relationships and that's not happening in this situation. Things just keep getting better and he's still feeling that "high" whenever he is with this person. This is usually when people freak out and sabotage themselves, which is something people with a history of depression often do. Especially if they're taking drugs.
You may recall that "Kiss from a Rose" was released as a single from the "Batman Forever" soundtrack. True story: "Batman Forever" was the first movie I ever stood in line to see on opening day. I was a big fan of Batman when I was a kid, because my favorite animal was a bat. The nocturnal exhibit at the zoo is still my favorite - it's cool, it's dark, and there's usually no one in there. Besides that, I have reason to believe that this movie played a huge role in the creation of my Love Map, which is the template we use for relationships and other things in life. Nicole Kidman as Dr. Chase Meridian, psychologist and badass, is basically my aesthetic. She combined the noir archetype and style of the Femme Fatale with being the hyper-intelligent, independent woman that was en vogue for action movie love interests during the mid-90s. As a character, she showed a woman could have a thriving psychology practice, kickbox in her free time, AND wear pencil skirts on the daily. As for Val Kilmer, I would say he's my favorite Batman out of the late 20th century options (the others being Michael Keaton and George Clooney) - he definitely fits my "type" physically, especially when he's wearing (totally unnecessary) glasses and he played the "dark and brooding" version of the Batman character convincingly. There's a lot of good things about this movie which keep it from being the worst Batman movie. It leaned into its inherent campiness and, as a purely cinematic experience, it's a fun movie to watch.
Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey
Ooh, the more I get of you, the stranger it feels, yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom
A light hits the gloom on the grey
COVID-19 Update: I've been taking a social media break for my anxiety. I deleted most social media apps except for YouTube and Pinterest, which I don't even count as social media. It has helped immensely, especially getting away from Twitter - the COVID updates combined with the usual political outrage wheel and Spiritual Twitter drama was becoming a huge energy vacuum for me. I meant to only do the break for one week but it's been two so far and I don't hate it. I might extend it another week or two, because I honestly don't miss it. Sure, I don't know what the exact COVID numbers are for the local area anymore but I get enough information to know that the numbers are still bad, the curve isn't "flattened," and isolation is probably going to continue for at least another month, if not more. Without all that scrolling, though, I have a surprising amount of free time on my hands. I've used it to catch up on my reading. I'm reading everything - pregnancy books, psychology books, witchcraft books, and a couple fiction books, too, for good measure. I've made a goal to finish at least four of the books I've been reading in August. I've also spent a lot of time writing - outside of this blog. I do have things planned for August, but they may not be as frequent, especially since I'm trying to navigate the new Blogger interface. Expect a COVID update on most posts - I'm documenting little tidbits of modern life during this time for posterity. As I mentioned, some weirdo in the future might be interested in how I - a teleworking mother with novel-writing aspirations - chose to spend her time in isolation. Not going to lie - I spend a lot of it watching "Schitt's Creek" on Netflix.
"Kiss from a Rose" Video
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