"Too Much" by The Spice Girls

When this post is published - because I'm scheduling this one to publish at the exact time of the New Moon just to be extra - it will mark the Sun's ingress into Cancer and a total annular solar eclipse at 0° Cancer, which just happens to be exactly on my natal Venus. Fun times. No seriously - this is my season and, as far as I'm concerned, Cancer season is the best season. I chose "Too Much" by The Spice Girls because Cancerians can get a little nostalgic and what's more nostalgic than 1997? There's also a lot of crazy astrological stuff going on in the second half of 2020. I've been listening to professional astrologers' forecast and - whoo, boy! - if you thought the first half of 2020 sucked, I've got some bad news for you. And it all kicks off with this eclipse here. I'll go into why I chose this particular Spice Girls song later on - although it is my favorite Spice Girls song, it does legit address some of the major themes the eclipse this morning highlights and questions/concerns that we'll be further underscored throughout the rest of the year. As I said, there's a lot going on just within this first month of the second half of 2020 so I'll just jump into it. Quick forewarning - while I'm writing this, I've already plugged in some skeleton notes and, needless to say, this is going to be a long post. Buckle up.

Love is blind, as far as the eye can see

Deep and meaningless, words to me

Easy lover, I need a friend

Road to nowhere, twist and turns but will this never end

Well my dear you'll know that he pleases me (eases me)

But short term solution ain't no resolution

There ain't no release for me

First, let's just address the elephant in the room - Mercury went retrograde in Cancer on Thursday. Personally - and I say this as someone who has natal Mercury Retrograde in Cancer - this is the least of our worries. It might actually be a good thing. The themes of this retrograde, especially since it partially overlaps the Venus Retrograde and joins a bunch of other planets in retrograde motion, are very heart-based. The big question we're being asked is "Am I living authentically from my heart?" What does that mean? Well, there's a lot that goes into that question but it deals mostly with living with integrity. Are we acting in accordance with our core principles? Are we being honest with ourselves and others about how we feel? Especially when it comes to patterns and relationships that seem like they're on repeat. Cancer energy tends to be nostalgic, focusing on the good things, while ignoring the bad. It tends to make people with Cancer placements very loyal to those they love. But this can often be to their detriment, especially when they're in situation where the majority of the time, they feel unappreciated and unloved. They allow the positives of the past override the reality of the present. Cancer placements also have tendency to want to be giving but have difficulty receiving and thus, may not voice their needs and boundaries. As a result, resentment can build but the other person will have no idea. Mercury Retrograde is here to give us the push we need to identify what needs aren't being met and re-evaluate if they can be met given the current situation. I've been struck by the first line in MCR's "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)" - "Well, if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say." If you want honesty, you have to give it to yourself first.

Cancer has a reputation of being the sign of emotions. As a result, Cancer natives get branded as too sensitive, cry-babies, irrational, and various other things. But being in tune with our emotions can give us powerful insight to drive us forward in our lives. Emotions - yes, negative ones, too - are telling us something important about how our body is processing an experience. Anger is telling us we feel our needs, desires, and boundaries are being dishonored and disregarded by another's actions. Resentment is signaling that we are doing things to please someone else, not because we wanted to do it. That we said "yes" because we feared the potential consequences of saying "no," and by doing so, we ignored our own boundaries. Sadness and depression are often signs that we don't have ownership over our lives or we aren't on our desired life path. It's a sign we might need to make a difficult change, not just in the physical world but in our mental and emotional world as well.

The Mercury Retrograde - in conjunction with Venus in Gemini - is calling our attention to what Julia Cameron calls "crazymakers" in "The Artist's Way." What is a crazymaker? Simply put, it's a person who forcefully makes themselves the center of our attention, even when you need to prioritize yourself. Especially when you need to prioritize yourself. They have a tendency to drag us into their drama or make us feel guilty about our accomplishments, as if our success takes away from them somehow. Everything you do - good or bad - is always a reflection on them. And thus, trying to voice your needs or boundaries is an affront to them, which results in them devising ways of trying to keep you from your goals. Things that may seem innocuous at first, like demanding you something for them even though you set aside the time to work on a personal project (these are usually things that can wait until you're finished, not emergencies). In short, they are effective at making us feel like we're "crazy" or even worse, that we're a bad person if we don't immediately give in to them. The big question to ask yourself is, "how does this person make me feel?"  This question will force us to really compare whether someone is living in integrity. Do their words match their actions and do their actions match their emotions? Mercury Retrograde in Cancer is here to remind you that you're not being too sensitive. Your needs are your needs and if you make the effort to communicate what they are and someone still disregards them, that's your sign something is wrong with your relationship with this person. Inconsistency in how someone treats you should always be a red flag.

Unwrap yourself from around my finger

Hold me too tight or left to linger

Something fine built to last

Slipped up there I guess we're running out of time too fast

Yes my dear you know he soothes me (moves me)

There's no complication there's no explanation

It's just a groove in me

Let's move onto the eclipse, which I'm going to interpret from a more personal perspective, as a demonstration of how to use transits as an analytical tool. It's exactly conjunct with my natal Venus (at 0° Cancer), which also happens to fall on my Ascendant-Descendant axis. Right away, I can tell that the themes this eclipse will awaken (for me) has to do with how I approach the way I relate to others and the effect on how I view myself. Since Venus is currently in Gemini, also hopping around my Ascendant-Descendant axis, my needs in relationships (both with others and myself) are even further underscored. Hence why I chose "Too Much." This song is about a woman (or five) who is moving from relationship to relationship but not ever exactly getting what she needs. But she doesn't want to be single, so she often finds herself settling. One guy is great in bed but she doesn't enjoy hanging out with him otherwise. Another guy is inconsistent in how he treats her - first he's clingy, now he's distant. The harsh truth is she doesn't know what she wants so she doesn't really know what she's looking for when she's dating. She allows things to progress into a full relationship even when she knows something is missing. She wants the full package but she's not willing to stay single until she finds it. So what is the full package? Well, I don't think it's that hard. Amazing sex, even better conversation, dependability, and someone who can stand on their own. Cancer placements are nurturers, but there's a big difference between nurturing and mothering. Someone who mothers you does things for others because they don't think they're capable of doing it for themselves; someone who nurtures you does things for others because they want to, because taking care of a person is how they show care (Acts of Service, if you know about Love Languages). They know you can do something yourself, they just want to make life a little easier for you. Yes, I'm a big Acts of Service person, but Touch and Quality Time are tied in a close second and third. I could care less about Gifts or Words - if you're not holding me (among other things), spending time with me, or trying to help me with the zillion things I'm embroiled in, your words and gifts don't mean jack. I can buy my own shit and I talk to myself almost constantly so....that's that on that.

What part of no don't you understand (understand, understand)

I want a man, not a boy who thinks he can

Boy who thinks he can

Finally, Mars will be moving into Aries and will be hanging out there due to a retrograde until early 2021. I haven't talked about Aries much but there's a lot of things to love about this sign. It's the sign of creativity, independence, courage, and passion. It's big stand up for yourself energy. It's also big stand up for others and what you believe in energy. Mars is at home (i.e., in domicile) in Aries and when a planet is in its home sign, you can expect that the subjects of that planet to be amplified. For Mars, this means War, Anger, Sexuality, Protection/Defense, and Goals. All of the things that we've been ruminating on and reviewing during the Mercury and Venus Retrogrades - and the major shifts we experienced collectively with the Saturn-Pluto conjunction - will come to the forefront while Mars is in Aries. And we'll finally have the energy and courage to do something about it! It's also important to note that Mars will be making some harsh squares against the conjunctions in Capricorn and this tends to manifest as a shakeup to the foundations of institutions. And I mean ALL institutions. Big Government. Big Pharma. Big Finance. Big Geology. The Military-Industrial Complex. The Church. Marriage. With Uranus in Taurus, which will be the biggest influence ruling over the 2020 decade, anything with shaky foundations may crumble. On a personal note, Mars in Aries will be loosely conjunct with the asteroids Chiron, Eris, and Lilith. These have a reputation as troublemakers. Eris is the Goddess of Discord (another one of my favorites) and she brings a lot of righteous anger to the table and buried resentments may come to head during these next six months. Lilith is about the ways we feel repressed and unappreciated, especially sexually - if needs and desires aren't being acknowledged, Mars will ignite these slights in explosive ways. And finally, Chiron represents our inner wounding - in Aries, this wound manifests as feeling as if we are not allowed to be ourselves. If you haven't been living in integrity and authenticity, it's really going to get under your skin for the rest of this year - until you do something about it. Just to sum up, all the shit we've been repressing and resenting - sometimes for years, decades even - is going to come up in a big way. 

On the bright side, Mars in Aries will be activating my North Node and Jupiter in my 11th House. It's a nudge to embrace the creative, independent, courageous free-spirit I'm meant to be. That's been gradually coming out in the past few years, especially since my Saturn Return, and that pull is only going to get stronger as I approach my nodal return (which happens when we're approximately 36-38). Mars in Aries will (hopefully, theoretically) give me a push to start working and building on some of the recent revelations I've had about my life purpose and direction in life. I've been flooded with a bunch of inspirational insights so I've been trying to manage them as best I can, even with the overwhelming amount of information coming in from the outside world. If the astrology forecasts are to be believed, it's only going to get more crazy as we move forward, so now's the time to put plans in place for how to manage it. If you know you have inner work to do, it's best to do it now before it's too late. It's also a good time to start living from an authentic place. The cards I pulled from my Threads of Fate: Shadow Edition deck for June were "Speak Truth" and "Manifest." You can't do one without the other.

Thank you for reading my crazy rant on the astrology of 2020. As a reward, please enjoy this ridiculously hodge-podge Spice Girls video. Fun facts - Geri is my favorite Spice Girl and my favorite part of the song is the bridge. "I want a man, not a boy who thinks he can." It's such a simple sentence but it has so much power. It also brings up some real deep questions about masculinity and how that's interpreted in the context of (heterosexual) relationships. But that's clearly a conversation for another day.

"Too Much" Video

"Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?" by Bryan Adams

I woke up last Thursday with this song stuck in my head. And, I was like, "Really, Jess? Are we really going to do this today?" That being said, I'm a sucker for cheesy 90s love songs and this one has to be the cheesiest. And, yet again, there's that goddamn flamenco guitar. I really do have a type when it comes to music, don't I? I read somewhere that Venus (or was it Mercury?) in Cancer has an amazing emotional memory when it comes to music. I have both placements, so maybe it's a double whammy? I don't know - I'm still an amateur. This song was recorded as the theme for the film, "Don Juan DeMarco" and - while I love me some Johnny Depp - I have not seen the movie. I've added it to my list, because it sounds like a movie I would like. It's a romantic comedy about a man who believes he's Don Juan, the greatest lover in the world. When he goes to get psychiatric treatment, hilarity ensues (I'm assuming) and his psychiatrist learns something about love. Sounds ridiculous. But I'm ridiculous, so it fits. As sappy as it was, "Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?" was nominated for Best Original Song at the 1996 Academy Awards, but lost to "Colors of the Wind" from "Pocahontas" (a worthy opponent). Also, can you believe the gall of Wikipedia in categorizing this song as "latin rock"?! You can't just put shit in that category because it sounds vaguely Spanish! Yes, I am shaking my head furiously.

To really love a woman

To understand her you gotta know her deep inside

Hear every thought see every dream

And give her wings when she wants to fly

Then when you find yourself lyin' helpless in her arms

You know ya really love a woman

I didn't have much of a rant for this song, beyond that it popped into my head out of nowhere, but that happens quite frequently. A song I haven't heard in several years will suddenly become an earwig for me and it gets reincorporated into the repertoire. Occasionally, I'll consider it a sign but sometimes, it might be just nostalgia. For a moment long forgotten....or one that should be. While we're on the topic of signs, I've been considering some of the other ones I've been getting lately. In particular, I've been called toward Persephone, Goddess of Spring and Queen of the Underworld. This was my favorite Greek myth when I was younger. I used to read it over and over in "D'Aulaire's Greek Mythology," which I highly recommend for children who are interested in mythology. First, I've been seeing a lot of posts on Pinterest featuring pomegranates and poems about Persephone. Then, she keeps being mentioned in podcasts. And she was mentioned in a particular podcast I was listening to about sacred sexuality, regarding the Pluto/Hades-Persephone archetype. The podcast host was talking about the desire to be claimed. I thought the discussion around it was intriguing. For those unfamiliar with Greek mythology, Persephone was kidnapped by Hades and taken to the Underworld to be his Queen. This was a deal that Zeus had made with Hades in secret, because he thought her mother, Demeter, wouldn't allow it. While in the Underworld, Persephone ate six pomegranate arils (seeds). Demeter searched the whole world for her daughter and when she found her, she tried to bring her back. But because Persephone ate food of the Underworld, he would only allow her to return for 6 months out of every year - one month for every seed she ate. And that is why, according to the Greeks, we have seasons.

To really love a woman

Let her hold you

'Til ya know how she needs to be touched

You've gotta breathe her, really taste her

'Til you can feel her in your blood

And when you can see your unborn children in her eyes

The typical interpretation of this story is Persephone was taken by force and tricked by Hades into eating the pomegranate seeds. However, modern witchcraft and Dark Goddess worshippers have a different interpretation. Persephone made a choice. Out of all the nymphs, Hades chose to claim Persephone, because he could see her greatness. He knew she would be a great and just Queen. Her mother would have Summer all year long but he knew Persephone was wiser than that. She knew that the world needs time to rest and recoup, to process, understand, and appreciate the gifts of Summer. And so, she chose to give the world a yearly reprieve from her mother's Endless Summer and shaped her own path to her Destiny. Persephone is the also considered a Goddess of Rebirth. She encourages us to embrace the darkness and shadows, because when we emerge, we've become stronger and more luminous than before. In addition to Lilith, I've always considered her a personal guide for me. Listening to that podcast helped something click, and I've been spending a lot of time exploring those revelations in the past week. 

Just some light Saturday thoughts. I'm super good at those. 

"Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?" Video

"Where is My Mind?" by The Pixies

As Mercury Retrograde slipped back into Cancer yesterday, I woke up with a song in my head. Not just any song. Honestly, just a specific voice. A voice from my past. I tried to fight it but I gave into nostalgia and watched the YouTube video it came from and, as my punishment, I was haunted by it all day. No matter how I tried to distract myself, no matter how many other songs I listened to, no matter how many people I talked to, the song came back. It carried on until a little bit ago when, during my mantra meditation, it was replaced by this song. And I let it go. Sometimes, there's a reason why the past should stay in the past - you just have to remind yourself. That's the lesson of Mercury Retrograde.

With your feet in the air and your head on the ground

Try this trick and spin it, yeah

Your head will collapse

But there's nothing in it

And you'll ask yourself

In spiritual circles, they talk a lot about surrender, which is a difficult concept to explain. Every time I think I understand - when I think I've actually felt like I've surrendered - I hit a patch of resistance that drives me to darkness. But when I get through it, there's an even deeper level to surrender to. It feels like a slow state of becoming. That's the only way I can describe it. I'm no longer interested in being someone I'm not. I'm not worried about what people think of me. I don't want to force myself to do things I don't want to do because I'm supposed to. I'm trying to listen to that tiny voice that helps me decipher what I actually want. For example, I was browsing Twitter and someone was talking about a writer's retreat that they went on recently. And I thought, "Wow. I really want to do a writer's retreat one day." "Why don't you?" the tiny voice asked. "Oh, I haven't written anything worthy of disappearing for two weeks to work on. And now isn't a good time." "Some day will be, so you better keep working."

Liz Gilbert talks about this in "Eat, Pray, Love" - about how the tiny voice will tell you that you want things that seem silly and out of character. But out of character for who? That's when you realize you get to choose the person you want to be. I want to be a person who meditates and does yoga. Done! I want to be a practicing witch. Done! I want to live more sustainably. Great! I want to read these kind of books. Well, read them! I want to be fluent in French, Italian, and Icelandic. That sounds like a lot but have at it! It's not that complicated, but we make it out to be and then we make fun of people who are actually living their lives authentically. That's not who I want to be. I also don't want to be the person who is too afraid to follow where their heart takes them because they cling to a rigid of idea of who they're supposed to be. Yes, I did just reference the previous Song du Jour in this post. I've awarded myself double points.

There's this quote from "The Alchemist" that comes to mind when I get these feelings where I want something that's seemingly impossible at the moment. "When you want something, the whole Universe conspires to help you." By help, Paulo Coelho says that it shows you signs or gives you opportunities that bring you closer to your dreams. No matter what you do, everything brings you closer. And if you're seeing signs, that's what it's meant to do - to remind you of your destiny and gently bring you back to where you need to be. Or to let you know that you're on the right path. Sometimes, the signs can be overwhelming, especially when you've told yourself repeatedly that you're not supposed to want what you want. Eventually, your only choice is to surrender - accept that the signs are there and they are, in fact, bringing your mind back to this impossible, unreasonable desire. Fighting it is resistance, allowing it is surrender. As long as you're paying attention, the only thing you need to do is allow it and keep working your way forward, as usual.

A few notes on the song. It's from the Pixies' iconic album, "Surfer Rosa." One of the first vinyls I bought. My best friend in college, Ana, had the album cover (which is the above picture) on her wall in her room. And I always wondered what her parents thought. The answer is "Who cares? That image is amazing." The singer said the song was inspired by a scuba diving session he went on. I've interpreted it as you have to control your thoughts or they'll control you. It's fitting that this song plays at the end of "Fight Club," as Jack and Marla watch the buildings collapse in front of them. Throughout the whole movie, he's let his shadow run amok and the sanest moment for him in the whole movie is watching his world crumble around him. "You met me at a very strange time in my life."

"Where is My Mind?" Video

"Lost Without Each Other" by Hanson

Beats Per Minute: 175
Perfect for: A fast, steady run, especially if you're feeling nostalgic or looking for something upbeat

Lost a little momentum for this month because I opted to leave my personal laptop at home on my work trip. That and I've been feeling sick all week (the long plane rides that bookended my work week didn't help), so it's highly doubtful I would've had the energy to do much writing, even if I had. Not to say I didn't do any writing - in fact, I've been in planning mode and I'm still going to try to work in some good stuff before April ends. Moving on, I hate to humble brag but I've been to a number of great concerts. I have seen legends perform. Legends, I tell ya....LEGENDS! That being said, my favorite memories are the three times I've seen Hanson perform. You read that right - I have seen Hanson not just once, but three times. Think what you will but I'm still a fan after nearly two decades. And it should be noted that they are still making music, performing live, and drawing crowds after two decades, which is more than can be said about most 90s bands. There's several reasons for that - they're extremely talented musicians, they're dedicated to their craft, and their music has evolved with the times. If you know anything about what gives an artist staying power in the industry, those three things are key - natural (but still constantly developing) talent, dedication and love for the art (and the work that is required), and the ability to change with times but stay true to their core style.

I've been feeling a bit nostalgic so I'm going to take this opportunity to share my adventures from those three Hanson shows. The first one was on 22 October 2000 - I remember the date exactly because it was Zac's birthday and the audience was prompted to sing "Happy Birthday" to him. I remember lamenting at the time that it was too bad he was a Libra and not a Scorpio (even with my rudimentary pre-teen astrological knowledge, I knew Cancers-Scorpios were very compatible romantically but Cancers-Libras were not - yes, the Husband is, in fact, a Scorpio). With a two year age gap (he was born in 1985 - so really only like a year and a half), I was also convinced he was way too old for me (geez, I was so young and stupid). This, however, did not stop me from having a huge celebrity crush on him, because he is kind of a funny, goofy guy and I love that in people. And he's the drummer - I like drummers, to the point where I'm still toying with the idea of getting my own drum kit and learning how to play. Going to this concert was lucky for me - I had only barely started being friends with the girl who had the tickets and when someone else turned down the offer, she asked if I wanted to join. Of course, concerts are great bonding experiences and I was good friends with the whole group that went after that. It was also the first time I remember going to a concert without much parental supervision. My friend's parents went, of course, but they had tickets in the stands, not on the floor like we did (on the floor! that was also very exciting). This was during the "This Time Around" tour and probably an extremely formative event in my musical history.

Fast forward to the following summer, my two best friends (which included the girl who invited me to the aforementioned concert) planned a Hanson-themed adventure to Tulsa, OK, to attend the first annual Riverfest, headlined by - as you may have guessed - Hanson. There were other bands there - really good ones, too, and I honestly wish I could remember their names. Anyway, because it was an outdoor fest with general seating, we got to the venue before the sun came up so that, when the gates opened, we could run to the main stage and get good spots. And we did! We ended up being in the front row and I was able to get quite a few good pictures of them playing. Afterwards, we slept for basically a whole day of our trip because outdoor music festivals are exhausting (that may seem obvious, but at 13-14 years old, we didn't know that). Then, we went around doing things that we thought the band would do - like eating at Taco Bueno, playing laser tag, and hunting down houses with three car garages. We're pretty sure we found their actual home but - for obvious reasons - we did not actually confirm that. But teen stalker antics aside, it was a fun trip.

The third show happened a decade later, after I had graduated university and moved back to Arizona. I was working in a call center while looking for better career opportunities (it was during the worst of the Great Recession, so it was hard goings). Hanson was playing in a dive bar as part of a radio station promo in between albums. It was being marketed as 90s nostalgia and, yes, most of the people who showed up were women around my age. I dragged my sister and her boyfriend with me, mostly because I didn't want to drive to Tucson alone at night, and bought them each a beer as a thank you. The bar smelled like tacos - we learned later that there was a taco bar on the second floor that was included in the cover charge. That taco bar haunts me because, well, I totally would've partaken in some shady bar tacos if I had known. The show was amazing, as it always is. They played acoustic and, even though I wasn't in the front row, the place was so small that I was even closer to the stage than I had been at Riverfest. My sister's boyfriend, who is over 6 feet tall, kindly took a few blurry pictures and videos for me - I'd share them but they're not as good as I remember and way too dark to even make out that it's Hanson. As silly as I felt at the time, I'm really glad I went. My inner child was/is very glad I went, because I know not going because I felt like it was childish would've been something I regretted. Take that as a lesson - go ahead, buy those tickets to the Backstreet Boys reunion tour. It may never happen again!

I can tell you one thing 

We're not better on our own 

I'm tired of running from my feelings 

Are you listening?

Okay, enough about my foolishness, let's talk about the song. The lyrics are pretty straightforward - the singer (i.e., Taylor Hanson) has been acting like a jackass and his girlfriend has walked out. Not only that, but it sounds like it she's not coming back this time - 12 nights is a long time to not have any contact with someone you intend to get back with. I'm always interested to hear the other side of the story with these songs. For example, this lyric: Well, I can tell you there's no room to play this game. What if she's not playing a game? What if she's just tired of your bullshit, Taylor Hanson - did you ever consider that? Maybe walking away isn't just some manipulative ploy to get you act different, but a way to save herself from an unhappy situation. Newsflash: Not all women are manipulative psycho bitches who do things like that. From the lyrics, we can gather that he was starting fights and breaking promises. And she totally doesn't have to deal with that nonsense. If she's going to take you back, Tay, there needs to be some serious change. And not superficial changes, where you go back to your old habits when you think she's forgotten about everything, but a clear choice to do better going forward.

I was thinking about the lyrics in the bridge, especially the part where he's "tired of running from [his] feelings," which sounds to me like he was trying to create distance because the amount of love he felt for her scared him. This is a classic symptom for people who fear abandonment - they push away people who they really care about because that means they have something to lose. Something they realize would be really painful to lose, so they'd rather do the damage themselves and end it to save themselves from the agony. They also have trouble trusting that someone could genuinely love them without expecting something in return. It's complicated. However, it reminds me of a girl I know who has encountered this situation multiple times. I will preface this with one thing you should know about the girl - she is the kindest, most loving person I know. However, she broke it off with her boyfriend of 10 years, which came as a surprise to everyone because we all thought they'd be together forever. When I talked to her about it, she told me that she didn't want to be with someone who didn't know how they felt about her, that was too afraid to love her. You may wonder why it took her 10 years to come to this conclusion but, sometimes, it takes people a while to learn their lessons. Especially when they're really hoping things will work out in the end. In her next relationship, she didn't wait near this long - she was starting to see signs of the same situation, acknowledged that it wasn't what she wanted, and walked away. She still holds space for them, of course - she did/does love them. But she also loves herself and part of loving yourself is choosing people who aren't afraid of loving you - who don't want to keep a distance between you, who don't push you away, who can be honest about their own feelings. It doesn't mean you can't love those people, it just means that you shouldn't put your life on hold for someone who may never be able to meet you on that level.

Those are just some of the deep thoughts that were keeping me occupied during my 8 hour layover yesterday. I was also pondering the difference between treating people as temporary versus treating people as if you wanted them to be permanent. I'm still kind of mulling it over, because my train of thought was very philosophical and I thought I was getting to something genuine at the heart of human interactions. I'm still working it out and hopefully, I'll have a place to share my thoughts next month. Yes, I already have a theme picked out for next month and I'm SUPER EXCITED about it! But we got to finish out this month first, so stay tuned :) and thanks for reading.

"Lost Without Each Other" Video

"Stacy's Mom" by Fountains of Wayne

YouTube is back in my youth again. That's partially my fault....you click on one Britney Spears video and suddenly, you're sent back 10 years in the timeline. Oh well. It's worth it because I like this song. I'm pretty sure everyone does, because it's funny. And it's funny because, apparently, it's true. According to all my guy friends, there was always at least one hot mom you had a crush on. Unfortunately for me, it happened to be....my mom. I am Stacy. Lovely.

Yes, it's true. I had to endure the awkward "your mom is hot" comments, but it's not like I didn't already know it. When I was growing up, I thought my mom was the most beautiful woman in the world. I still think so, sometimes, when looking at old pictures of her. People used to stop and tell me that she looked like a classic movie star. This wasn't a one time thing - this happened several times over the course of my life and I used to find it annoying. I always wished I looked like my mom - and lately, I've been noticing....I kind of do. My hair is still pretty dark (I don't remember my mom having anything beyond a deep auburn hair color) and my face is slightly less angular, but you can definitely see the resemblance more in me than in my sisters. So if I'm doing the math correctly, if my mom was the most beautiful woman in the world 20 years ago and I look like her now, therefore - by the Transitive Property of Equality - I must be the current most beautiful woman in the world? Does that compute? Haha, I doubt it. I'm sure that's some Victoria's Secret supermodel.....but I'll settle for a close second. Not that I want my son to have to endure the awkward comments from his friends but....well, I kind of do. But he's still young - I might look like the Crypt Keeper in 10 to 15 years. I mean, I don't plan on living that hard but who knows?

Of course, the video is hilariously awkward. Stacy's mom ain't no slouch. Sure, she probably got the house in the divorce but she's going on business trips and can afford for a masseuse to come to her house, so I'm pretty sure she's like an executive or something. However, I do think it's questionable for her to come out only wearing a towel when her daughter's friend is around. If my mom did that, I would've been mortified. I have a lot of questions about teenaged boys - mostly because I never was one. For example, is it normal to masturbate in someone else's house? Especially without locking the door first - that just sounds like bad planning. And if a pretty girl like Stacy was clearly into you, would you seriously be thinking about banging her mom? Wouldn't you be trying to get Stacy into bed? Again, sounds like bad planning. And poor prioritization. Hmmm. Yeah, sounds about right for teenaged boys. Everything about my high school years is starting to make sense now.....

"Stacy's Mom" Video