"Serotonin" by Call Me Karizma

I'm super tired today so I chose something I don't have much to rant about. More "white boy rap." No story behind this - it showed up on my son's playlist and I thought it was catchy.

Break the fuckin' mirror 'cause I hate the image

Every single tear I cry is wasted liquid

I fucked too many girls to count, I ain't committed

I guess being an asshole was a bad decision

Thanks haters I love

You, no one above

You, I lost a thousand friends the past, like where's the undo?

Tweetin' like I ain't affected by the hate directed every second

Maybe I should take the weapon, pow

The song is about Karizma's struggles with anxiety and depression. It's a criticism of society's dependence on medication to make people happy. I was watching something recently about how in clinical trials, the placebo was as effective as anti-depressants in 80% of the patients.  The conclusion researchers came to is that your mindset when taking the treatment is just as (or more) important than the treatment itself. It took the placebo group about 6-8 weeks to reach the "happy" state, which is how long it usually takes anti-psychotic/anti-depressant medication to reach a stable state in the human system. Because it was a double-blind study, the mindset of the all the patients going in was that "it's going to get better." It doesn't matter why they think it's going to get better - the important thing is that they believed it would. You believe that long enough and eventually, your brain starts working to bring up your serotonin and dopamine to a normal level in most cases. No chemical assistance necessary.

I strongly believe in treating mental illness on multiple fronts - medication, therapy, and strong community support. That last one is key. Some people genuinely have different brain chemistry and they do need medication. I know from experience that lithium is a true miracle drug. However, there comes a point when you realize that all the medication in the world won't fix the parts of your life that you hate. That's where the therapy and the will to make better life choices comes in. And a good therapist will encourage you to be an active participant in your life. If you're lonely, take some steps to meet new people. If you're bored, take a class and learn something. A lot of unhappiness comes from being misaligned with what you want out of life. In order to stop being misaligned, you have to stop comparing yourself to other people and you have to stop chasing the next big thing - the next job, the next relationship, the next trip, the next purchase, the next whatever. Unfortunately, we currently live in a society where competing with other people for the "most impressive life" has become the norm. And that bar keeps moving - so much so that most people will never be able to keep up. But we're so jaded, we haven't even asked ourselves if that "perfect" life is worth keeping up with. Society is sick. And in a society that's sick, the most revolutionary act is refusing to succumb to the sickness. There's my deep thought for the day. Boom.

"Serotonin" Video

"The Horror of Our Love" by Ludo

A friend introduced me to Ludo a while ago and I'm slowly discovering their music. I love the imagery they use - it's graphic and dramatic. Visceral in a disturbing, yet satisfying way. I found this song a few months ago on YouTube and, though I liked it, I forgot about it for a bit. But about a month ago, I woke up with it stuck in my head. I had to find it again and the entire day, I played it on repeat. I do that with songs I really like. I was obsessed. I'm still fairly obsessed with this song. It's already made it into the Top 10 Favorites. Heck, I think it might even be a member of the Unskippables now, and that's saying something. I even skip "Bohemian Rhapsody" if I'm not feeling it. Don't judge me. It's even in that special place reserved for other favorites, like "Iris" and "Everything", where if I hear the end of the song approaching, I will preemptively hit the repeat button. Because I don't want it to end.

There's this guy I follow on Twitter - Doth the Doth - who tweets random goth stuff. Things like "It's a perfect night to slip into something more comfortable, like the coffin." Or, "Maybe she's born with it or maybe she has eaten all the hearts of those who have wronged her." I think he may be a literature professor at Harvard. He puts a spin on modern trends and sayings using the tropes found in gothic and classic horror novels/poetry. As a huge geek for both of these genres, his tweets are always a welcome sight in my feed. As a writer whose style is slowly growing comfortable with these themes, it always helps to have some extra inspiration. I bring up Doth because Ludo has done something similar with the lyrics and it helps to have a reference point.

The lyrics for "The Horror of Our Love" reminds me of the following scene from "The Addams Family":

I feel like everyone and their mom is goth nowadays, claiming to want a romance like Morticia and Gomez, but the truth is....most girls scare too easy. A boy writes them a short, two-paragraph love letter in his own blood and all of a sudden he's "weird" and "creepy" and "not their type." Seriously....What did you think you were getting into when you started dating a guy who wears all black and hangs out in cemeteries? There's a similar meme about dating goth girls: "Everybody wants a goth bitch but when it's time to dick her down in a pool of goat's blood while surrounded by sacrificial pagan flames so she can summon Baphomet, you want to complain. SMH." I know this paragraph took a hard left turn but the point is some people think that level of intensity is...romantic. In a dark, dramatic way. I'm one of these people I speak of. Perhaps not the goat's blood - that sounds a little unsanitary - but the rest of it, sure. But I'm also a hopeless romantic. There is absolutely no difference in how I react to Morticia & Gomez and people in romantic comedies. I squeal for everything. Maybe I just like seeing people happy and in love. But I also believe every Gomez has a Morticia, which - after having a discussion with my coworker - is perhaps a little naive. But I don't want to be cynical yet. I'm too young.

Perhaps this is more Scorpio Moon bullshit, but I believe sexuality is sacred. The act of sex itself - regardless of who you're doing it with or how frequently - is always special and powerful. So the metaphors and imagery in this song's lyrics resonate with me on a deep level. Yes, I think it's romantic and stimulating. And Neptune falls in my 8th House, so I have a very active imagination when it comes to this stuff (and by "this stuff," apparently I mean sex and death - the 8th House is nicknamed the House of Sex, Death, and Taxes....I'm good at thinking about money, too). If you listen to the lyrics, it's pretty obvious he's describing a sexual encounter, but he hides it in gore and mystery, heightening the occult importance of sex. Given this foundational knowledge, the verses can be broken into three acts - the Hunt (i.e., the lust and desire leading up to the act, the thinking of which is essential to foreplay), the Great Rite itself, and then after-care....and possibly Round Two.

I wake in terror, blackbirds screaming

Dark cathedrals spilling midnight on their altars

I'm your servant, my immortal

Pale and perfect, such unholy heaving

The statues close their eyes, the room is changing

Break my skin and drain me

Ancient language, speak through fingers

The awful edges where you end and I begin

Inside your mouth I cannot see

There's catastrophe in everything I'm touching

As I sweat and crush you

And I hold your beating chambers until they beat no more

You die like angels sing...

That's the second verse, which is my favorite verse. I mentioned the Great Rite, so I'll go into a little back story, since not everyone has been steeped in weird occult rituals and symbolism like a fine tea. The Great Rite is a pagan ritual that involves symbolic (or actual) sexual intercourse, symbolizing the powerful connection created upon the union of masculine and feminine energy. Yeah - most of the early Wiccan leaders were dirty old men. That being said, there is something incredibly powerful about the ritual. In Feri tradition - if the information portrayed in Alex Mars' "Witches of America" is accurate - after their initiation, when they find out the true names of the Gods, they have sex (with a partner of their choice) in service of the God and Goddess. It's more than that. It's more like they invite the God and Goddess into themselves and the body of their partner to perform this sacred act. It's essentially using the sexual energy to activate the power of the ritual. To truly understand the alchemy. To go physically go through rebirth into a new person. A mystical person. Maybe I'm weird (and I know I am) but something about that perspective - when I read (or rather, listened - it was an audiobook) to the description, it sounded incredibly appealing to me. And the lyrics of this song make me think he's making love as if he's worshiping the Goddess, embodied in this delicate creature. It's as if he thinks himself unworthy, but he feels compelled. Like it's a desperate hunger. The love-making starts gentle and then, by the end, he's no longer in control.

On a more academic note, I'm going to go through the various lyrics and my interpretation describing how I reached this conclusion. I've taken both multiple Human Sexuality and English Literature courses so - trust me - I'm a professional and (generally) know what I'm talking about.

• "Hold you down and tear you open, live inside you" - He's craving some rather rough action. This is about the moment I start daydreaming. 
• "I will eat you slowly..." - I think this one is fairly self-evident. Again, more daydreaming.
• "Break my skin and drain me" - Who doesn't like the feeling of fingernails down their back? And I think we know what he wants drained, if ya know what I mean. **hint hint wink wink**
• "And I hold your beating chambers until they beat no more" - During the female orgasm, the vaginal muscles will contract rhythmically. The movement is obvious if you're paying attention (which, admittedly, most people wouldn't be). The more powerful and longer-lasting the contractions, the more powerful the orgasm. It's science. They've measured it - you can thank Masters and Johnson for doing this vital work. Essentially, he's saying he stays put until she's finished...which is appreciated.
• "You die like angels sing..." - The moans a woman makes when she comes are literally music to his ears (as they should be). The French phrase for an orgasm is le petit mort, which translates to "the little death." Sex as a transformative experience, as a living death. This is classic Scorpio placement bullshit. True Story: I learned about the french translation for orgasm from "The Bride of Chucky," which is - in fact - the best of the Child's Play series, simply because Jennifer Tilly is awesome and uncompromisingly sexy in that film. Even as a doll.

Similar to "Iris," instead of the typical lyrical bridge that connects Verse 2 to Verse 3 (and, subsequently, the end of the song), "The Horror of Our Love" uses a musical interlude. I love musical interludes, because it's just wave upon wave of notes that you lose yourself in until it hits a crescendo. And this musical interlude is a flamenco guitar solo (flamenco guitars are - in fact - the best kind of guitar). It's honestly my favorite part of the song and I'm usually not big on instrumentals.

As I've mentioned before, I tend to get a lot of my inspiration for stories from the music I listen to. This song has inspired me to write a story about a Magician and his Assistant. It's basically a Beauty and the Beast story. But with more sex and blood....because Beauty and the Beast was really missing those elements. I'm letting the story form in my head right now - the brain storming stage. When I imagine a scene in my head, I will send myself a text with as many details as I see in my vision, so I can remember. Assuming I'm not in a position to begin writing what I see (which is usually the case). So far, the system works. I've been getting a lot of inspiration lately - but I'm trying this new thing where I focus on one project until I finish it before I move on to the next thing. I know. It's been a weird change - but highly effective.

Whew. I know that was a roller coaster of a blog post but I think I've written down all my (super insightful) thoughts. Now, I'm off to take a cold shower.

"The Horror of Our Love" Video

"Just Another Girl" by The Killers

I started drafting a rant for another song but then the sheer amount of stuff I need to do between today and tomorrow became real for me all of a sudden. I just baked approximately 50 cupcakes that will need to be frosted at some point, my backseat is filled with sticks we spray-painted silver (it's best not to ask), I haven't packed yet for our hotel stay, and when I get to the hotel tomorrow morning, there's 250+ balloons waiting to be blown up. Oh Joy. More Gemini Rising bullshit. My advice - don't do this to yourself. I'm a highly seasoned professional with years of experience volunteering to do labor-intensive nonsense for fun and profit. Just kidding - I've never profited from this stuff, not by any reasonable measure. I should probably remedy that, somehow. Suffice it to say, there won't be a post tomorrow. But Sunday's rant will hopefully be better because I won't be feeling rushed or stressed over party planning shenanigans. For the last month, I've seriously considered putting up the following sign:

I still might put it up - pot luck season isn't over yet.

Step out into the Indian dust

I can feel the cracks in my spirit

They're starting to bust

Drive by your house, nobody's home

I'm trying to tell myself that I'm better off alone

All of my friends say I should move on

She's just another girl, don't let her stick it to your heart so hard

And all of my friends say it wasn't meant to be

And it's a great big world, she's just another girl

YouTube has been pushing the music video for this song a lot lately. Because the algorithm knows my comfort zone....which is apparently early 2010s indie alternative rock. Predictable. But they got me, so clearly it's accurate. I liked it so it's been added to the appropriate playlists and I am sharing it today. It's about the stereotypical words of encouragement people say when your heart's broken that aren't as helpful as they think they are. After only having heard this song like last week, I already have a theory for the video. In the video, there's a pretty blonde girl who is lip-synching the lyrics. I think she was in "Glee" but I'm not sure because I was never into that show (which is weird, because I was all about choir in high school). I'm pretty sure the blonde is supposed to be the girl in question. Essentially, she's pretending to be the lead singer (by wearing his clothes and doing the things he'd normally be doing) because she took a part of him with her. Or maybe it means he doesn't believe she is "just another girl" because he feels she was the mirror image of himself - his metaphorical other half. Or maybe it was just a good reason to put Dianna Agron (I looked her up) in a bunch of awesome outfits. And her hair is amazing in the video - I'm not sure I could pull it off. I think I'd have to get bangs and I'd rather not. Fun fact: Dianna Agron's brother actually is named Jason so the song could be about her (but I suspect it's just a common name he picked to protect the innocent - the names in songs hardly ever point directly to an actual person). And after watching the video a few times, the replication of the looks from other Killers' music videos is made very intentional. Anyway, at the end of the video, Agron just walks away and she's not really part of the final scene. The lead singer is back to being himself, which makes me think that maybe she's not just another girl because she (or rather, the heartbreak she caused) inspired him to channel his intensity into his music. Everyone needs a muse.

"Just Another Girl" Video

"Raising Hell" by Kesha feat. Big Freedia

I started today with this song. Kesha dropped this single just a few weeks ago and it has the sort of optimistic message I can get behind. In the lyrics, Kesha acknowledges that - yes, she's a mess - but she's survived the hard shit and she's happy now. And she intends to stay happy. (Same, girl. Same.) This is exactly the kind of song you listen to when you're getting ready for a Girls Night (if you're lucky enough to do such things). In fact, most of Kesha's music is like that - one of the reasons why I originally liked her style. Needless to say, I started this day off feeling pretty damn good and then was promptly reminded that I'm quite a mess myself. Which then led to me being reminded about how many people care about me. So, even if I'm a klutz sometimes, I'm also a pretty lucky bitch. I'll spare the details but I will say the situation was super embarrassing (but the witnesses got a good story to tell their friends!). And I may or may not be wearing a compression bandage to care for one of the various injuries I sustained. Good thing I don't take myself that seriously.

It's been a few days so let's get into our weekly dose of exploring my chart. Uranus is currently tearing up my 12th House, the House of Secrets and Hidden Things. Of the Unconscious, Self-undoing, and Imprisonment. It's associated with psychology, intuition/psychic ability, and dreams. It's also the House most closely linked to karma, our past lives, and our Destiny. I've been contemplating this lately and who I've become in the last year or so since Uranus entered Taurus. I used to keep a lot of things to myself - I am a very secretive and private person by nature, but it was also that I was kind of ashamed of a lot of things. Ashamed of the psychological issues that plagued myself and my family. Ashamed of the things that interested me - interests that a "smart girl" shouldn't even consider. Afraid that people would find out too much about me and not like me. Or worse....feel sorry for me. In the last year, though, I've become a lot more open with people - not just family and close friends, but also coworkers I consider part of my circle of trust. You know what I've found? The more honest and open I am, the more people seem to like me. It's weird. I used to really worry about bringing up topics that I'm deeply interested in - like the occult, sexuality, serial killers, horror/paranormal stuff, transhumanism, burlesque/pinup culture, fashion, etc - because I was worried what others would think if they found out I knew so much about this stuff. Slowly, though, all my fucks keeping falling away and I feel lighter for it. And I have good conversations pretty much every day. For example, one of my coworkers watched this Ted talk about evaluating the Psychopath Test and he thought about me. Not because I'm a psychopath but because he knew it's something I would enjoy, so he shared it. And that's the crux of it. Genuine connection grows in an environment where all parties feel free to be themselves. In a way, choosing authenticity for yourself encourages others to also be authentic. It's a good thing.

I'm all fucked up in my Sunday best

No walk-of-shame 'cause I love this dress

Hungover, heart of gold, holy mess

Doin' my best, bitch, I'm blessed

Oh, if you couldn't tell

We can always find the trouble, we don't need no help

Singing oh, mama raised me well

But I don't wanna go to Heaven without raising hell

It seems like all the podcasts I'm listening to keep bringing up Taurus for some reason, probably the Uranus transit. It's fun to listen to because my son's a Taurus - and he's turning out to be a very stereotypical one, too. All the information continues to color in the bigger picture. Anyway, Uranus is in Taurus until 2026, so what sort of craziness is in store for me? Well, the 12th House is the House of Imprisonment and Uranus is the planet that wants to shake things free. I foresee a lot more reliance on my intuition, possibly discovering and expanding on any natural psychic abilities (or maybe just trusting them, for once). Perhaps a renewed interest in psychology. Obviously, my 12th House is ruled by Taurus so it might have a lot to do with striving to embody the good qualities of that sign - like sensuality, determination, generosity, and abundance. Especially embodying a more grounded form of spirituality. It might involve trying to balance my karma or resolving issues from past lives (because I do believe in those things). There's lot to unpack in the 12th House. We'll have to see what unfolds over the next 6 years.

I've also been hearing more about embodiment therapy and somatic psychology. Both of these have to do with attuning to our senses and reconnecting to our body as part of the healing process. It's about literally "feeling" your feelings. Which makes sense - repressed emotions can lead to various health problems. The most obvious are addictions, but others can surface as gastrointestinal issues, breathing problems, body aches, a low immune system - I could go on but as I was listing things, I realized that I'm just going to list everything. Because the body is a holistic system - if one thing is off, it starts a cascade that slowly breaks down the whole chain. That's why stress management is so important. I know I'm rambling at this point but I can't help but hear the clicks starting to connect in my brain as a picture begins to form. More to come.

"Raising Hell" Video

"Novocaine" by The Unlikely Candidates

I'm phoning it in today. I ain't ashamed. I basically almost fell asleep during my daily meditation right now so clearly, I probably need to go to bed. Today's song popped up during one of my son's music video playlists (yes, his taste has developed enough to have playlists on YouTube....I believe it was a "things similar to K.Flay" list). Thought it had a good rhythm. Turns out it's also a good running song, precisely because it has good rhythm.

Wonder why the party's over soon as I arrive

Must've done something in a former life

And I don't really wanna change

Change!

I am what I am, I know what I know

I'll let you down if you let me too close

I am what I am, I know what I know

You catch me running away then you'll know

This song is about someone who makes shitty life decisions, complains about their life, but doesn't do the things they need to do to make their life better because "this is just who I am." I'm in the camp that believes you get to choose who you want to be and you make that choice every moment. A lot of people have no clue who they are or who they want to be. They're on autopilot most of the time and when something difficult comes up, they revert back to the same behavior they've always done and are surprised when the outcome is the same as before. It's insanity, but if you try to point it out to people, they get really angry and suddenly you're the asshole.

Novocaine is a local anesthetic....a numbing agent. In the song, I think it's a metaphor for the things we do in order to avoid feeling our feelings. And not feeling our feelings causes all sorts of problems in unforeseen ways. Which is why I've tried to be more aware of the things I use as "numbing agents" this year. Pretty aware of those at this point - alcohol, sex, overspending (on books, in particular), YouTube videos, and scrolling through Twitter. I know - fairly tame. Sorry to disappoint but I'm not shooting heroine between my toes or anything. I've been on this kick lately about trying not to be distracted in my life - not using alcohol to be social, not using sex when what I want is intimacy and connection, and not using social media to avoid being alone with myself (or to procrastinate when I really should be working on my goals). Notice that I specify the intent behind these actions because the intention is everything. The "why" we do things is always more important than the "what" we're doing. All of the things I listed aren't particularly harmful when used in a healthy way, but they can become harmful if you're doing them to excess or for unhealthy reasons. Yes, I may be spending way too much time reading psychology articles and self-help books. I've always been one of those people who was into self-improvement - why else would I get into magic and psychology? Because I thought both these things would make my life better and fix whatever was broken with me. And they did - by helping me realize I'm not broken, I just kind of forgot who I was for a minute.

"Novocaine" Video

"Time" by NF

I first heard this song walking down the street in Boston. It was playing in one of the clothing shops near my sister's house. In my head, I thought "I like this song" even though I only heard a quick snippet. I do that - I can usually tell if I'll like a song by the first few bars. Sometimes, though, a song has to grow on me - certain pop songs are like this. I'm also good at recognizing a song within the first few notes. This memory of mine is both a curse and a blessing. Anyway, I heard a small part of the first verse in "Time," made a mental note - and kept it moving because I didn't want to be late for class. If I can, I'll usually Shazam a song on the go but there was so much background noise, it probably wouldn't have worked anyway. Fast forward to my run that evening and guess what pops up on my Spotify Discover Weekly mix? "Time" by NF.

The spiritual community would call that a "synchronicity." Or just a small way the Universe shows it's listening and responding to our energy. It's been happening a lot lately for me, especially with music. I'll want to hear a song or wake up with one stuck in my head, and it'll be the first song that comes on the radio. Or I'll engage in some shufflemancy and ask the Universe a question, already knowing what song it's gonna play and - lo and behold - the song I'm expecting is the one that's played. Maybe it's delusional but what's the alternative? That some master algorithm is listening to our thoughts so Instagram shows an ad for a specific item of clothing that you saw someone wear earlier? Or that Facebook really does know you're craving Jimmy John's for lunch? It's difficult to know where the locus of control is - does the Universe hear my thought and present what it finds in the moment? Or do I send my thought out into the ether and the closest approximation is drawn towards me? Unknown. Still working that out.

A little time to show you I'm worth it

I know that I can be a difficult person

I'm a stress case, drive you up the wall when I’m workin'

Actually, I'm probably worse when I'm not, you don't deserve it

Make you nervous 'cause you know I'ma break soon

Every time I do, I say somethin' that hurts you

Actin’ like I’m gone, but we both in the same room

I don't like to be wrong, which I know you relate to

And I know I make you feel like you’re at the end of your rope

That's when I look at you and tell you I'd be better alone

Just the pride talkin', isn’t it? 'Cause both of us know

I'm the definition of "wreck" if you look into my soul

Comes out the most when I feel I'm in a vulnerable place

Made a lot of mistakes I wish I knew how to erase

When I'm afraid, might get distant and I push you away

But no matter the case, I'ma do whatever it takes even if—

Lately, I've been drawn to a lot of what I'm going to call "white boy rap," even though I know that's horrifically politically incorrect. Especially NF. A lot of people call themselves "woke" but NF is clearly awake. You can hear it in his music. It's very rare for me to find an artist where I feel like practically every song speaks to me. Florence Welch is one. Gerard Way is another. Rilo Kiley started that list. And NF is the latest addition. Based on his music, he grew up in an abusive and neglectful home. As such, he gets to deal with all the fun baggage that goes along with that. Traumatized people tend to relive their parents stories - their childhood control dramas - because they don't know any other way. Healthy behavior seems wrong to them. Affection, care, and even love feels like a foreign thing. An unattainable ideal that they've read about in storybooks but doesn't actually exist in real life. They struggle with control and trust issues. And more often than not, they hurt the people they care about most to avoid abandonment and rejection. NF recognized he was in this pattern and wanted to end it, so he got help. And then he used the shit he learned in therapy to write music. Brilliant. The first step to fixing a problem is knowing you have one....people just don't want to take that first step. It's scary. The funny thing is, in this song, he says all he needs is time, like there's plenty of it. But it's the most precious commodity we have in the world - we only realize it when we're about to lose something. Or if we've already lost it. Eventually, it runs out. There's this quote from a book I read in college called "Exquisite Corpse" that has stuck with me - "There is a last time for meeting with and talking with everyone one knows, but one never knows when that last time will be." Although I know it's true, in some cases, it's just too sad to imagine.

I'm really tired and it's been a long day. I've been getting up early/staying up late to work on stuff. As I said, we only have so much time and I have a lot of writing to do. Because apparently, the only thing I can do now is write. Write it all down. 

"Time" Video

December Theme: My Favorite Things, Rapid-Fire Edition

I'm ready for this year to be over. As far as I'm concerned, 2020 started today, around the time Jupiter slid into Capricorn (which was at approximately 12:30pm EST, according to the Internet). I walked into work this morning and told my team that we're sprinting until the finish line, because I have a lot I'll be trying to build next year and I'm ready to get started. Jupiter will be transiting my 8th House, emphasizing the themes of major transformation, inheritance, and the occult. And I'll be turning 33, which we all know is a super important birthday and a 10th House profection year. And, if I really want to go down the rabbit hole into numerology, it's going to be an 8 year for me, which are usually good years for people. I've been irrationally optimistic about 2020, like if we could just end this decade, everything will be okay. Luckily, other people on Twitter have been feeling the same energy, so I feel a little less crazy. Still crazy, just not as much as usual.

I've been thinking back on how much I've changed this past year (this past decade, really), but it didn't hit me until the husband and I started re-watching "Parks & Rec." I don't usually re-watch anything but this is the third time I've watched "Parks & Rec." It's just that funny. The characters are also really likable, in spite of their very obvious flaws. I see a lot of myself in Leslie Knope - her desire to succeed and contagious unrelenting hopefulness that often borders on delusion. I also see myself in April Ludgate - trying hard to maintain her cool kid image even though she secretly loves her job and coworkers. But the character that has really hit me hard this time around has been Ann Perkins. It has been physically painful to watch her lately, especially during Season 1, because she's been mirroring an aspect I really don't like about myself. To some critics, Ann was a plot device, an unnecessary character, the best friend Leslie badly needed but who could've been filled by literally any other character. But part of the purpose of "Parks & Rec" was to show the range of femininity - in both men and women - and one of the more unfortunate aspects is who Ann was in the beginning of the show. She's an unfailingly kind and nurturing person but she interpreted these good qualities as being a doormat in the beginning. It seemed like she had given up on living a fulfilling life. Ann meeting Leslie was the spark that made them both want something better for their lives. Their development as people gets kickstarted and we watch them both grow as their friendship continues until they both get their happy endings. I love this show. And, in my opinion, that's the only reason to re-watch or re-read anything - because you haven't gotten all the lessons out of it yet. I still have some more lessons to learn from "Parks & Rec."

Last December, the theme was "A Few of My Favorite Things" - I've decided to keep up the tradition, because this year deserves a good wrap-up. Especially since we're making a switch next month to a new project for this blog. This month, I'll feature some of my favorite songs that helped me get through this year - songs I discovered, songs that came out this year, and definitely some songs I played on repeat way too much. You may have noticed I'm calling this a "rapid-fire" edition. That is because I will be challenging myself to post at least one song a day this month. I already know some days will be harder than others - this upcoming Saturday, for example (because "back on my bullshit" for me means getting too embroiled in event planning for my work) - so I'm going to set some expectations:

Not every day is going to be a rant.

I know. I know. It's very sad but I don't have that much writing time to spare. Don't fret - Some days will definitely have rants. Long, tortuous rants that incorporate every stray thought I've had all week. Other days (most days), I may just leave the music to speak for itself. Sometimes it's better that way.

I'm going to end with the following panel from "Heart & Brain." Something to remember while we push through this last month of the decade.