If I had to choose, I would prefer to be put into one of those pods that they plant under a sapling so that my life continues as nourishment for a majestic tree. Some Italian company came up with the design and I heard they are still illegal in some places. Damn regulations and such. My backup option is to be turned into an LP. In steps And Vinyly....
For £3000, Vinyly - obviously, a UK based company - will press your loved ones (including pets!) into a two-sided vinyl record. The base price gets you a customized cover - with standard "Rest In Vinyl (R.I.V) artwork, fun name, and dates of death and birth - and 12 minutes of audio on each side. The audio must be supplied by the customer and Vinyly does not take responsibility for any copyrighted material that you include. They will print up to 30 discs for the base price and will print more for an additional price. They offer include add-ons, like spooky music tracks written and composed especially for you, a portrait done by James Hague or Paul Insect, distribution of your record to music stores around the world (I see this becoming a thing), and, for £10,000+, they'll even plan a unique funeral.
Clearly, this will take some planning. With 12 minutes a side (let's assume I'm not going to pay for extra time because I'm cheap....no, seriously, I am), that leaves room for either 8 three-minute songs or 6 four-minute songs. Realistically, there's only room for 5 songs and a brief personal message. Naturally, I got to thinking about the 5 songs I want my family and friends to remember me by. They can't just be some of my favorite songs - I love "Blank Space" but I don't necessarily want Taylor Swift to be my death knell. It had to be 5 songs that mean something to me and the people who love/know me best. Here's what I am up with.
Click for Side A
Side A
1. "Frankly, Mr. Shankly" by The Smiths (2:19)I once read in an Amazon review that "we all go through a 'Smiths' phase, but not everyone grows out of it." I am definitely one of those people that has yet to grow out of it. My best friend and brain twin, Anabel, can attest to this, as she has frequently seen me scrawl the following lyrics across many a shady bathroom wall: "Fame, fame, fatal fame/It can play curious tricks on the brain/But I'd rather be Famous/Than righteous or holy/Any day, Any day, Any day." Those lyrics, my friends, are from "Frankly, Mr. Shankly" and are still as true to me today as the day I first heard them. I think it's some kind of instinct for people to know who you are. And there's no other song I would choose to begin my descent into Hades.
2. "Killer Queen" by Queen (3:02)
"Killer Queen" is one of my favorite Queen songs. Some people may be thinking, "If you're going to include Queen, why not go with 'Bohemian Rhapsody.'" Don't get me wrong - "Bohemian Rhapsody" is a masterpiece and a classic. But when I needed to be pumped up before a play rehearsal, it was "Killer Queen" that I would have my dad play. I don't know what it was about that song, but it made me feel powerful and unstoppable. In my head, I imagined it was a song about a transvestite prostitute. I have no idea why or why teenage-Me would consider that a message of empowerment but I did. It also brings back happy memories of my dad - back from whatever deployment he'd been on - would drive me to choir practice or to theatre rehearsal or French club. Well, that and "Safety Dance," which - I shit you not - is going to played for the Father-Daughter dance at my wedding, assuming The Boyfriend ever proposes.
3. "Rhiannon" by Fleetwood Mac (live version) (6:41)
Another song that reminds me of long drives with my dad. He saw Fleetwood Mac perform this song live at New Mexico State University. Before she performed this song, Stevie Nicks would tell the audience that it was inspired by a story of Welsh witch. I feel this song deeply, not just because I identify as a witch, but because I want to be a woman that exists only "once in a million years." On "American Horror Story: Coven," Misty Day had Zoe listen to "Rhiannon," telling her that Stevie was the only witch before Zoe that she'd ever known. "Listen to the lyrics. This song was her anthem...doesn't it just penetrate your soul and tell the truth about everything you've ever felt in your whole life?" "Yeah, totally." Indeed. I'm not a witch because of this song, but that doesn't mean it didn't have an influence.
I chose the live version because we'd listen to "The Dance" on long drives to grandma's house or when he was driving me back to school (like my parents, I attended NMSU). The lyrics are slightly different from the "Greatest Hits" album version and I always get tripped up when singing along to that version. I prefer the lyrics from the live performance - Stevie Nicks gets so wrapped up in them - but both versions are pretty amazing.
Side A Total = 12:02 (a little over....hopefully, they don't charge for 2 seconds extra)
Flip for Side B
Side B
4. "Spectrum (Say My Name)" by Florence + the Machine (5:22)
I knew I had to include something from my favorite musician and it definitely had to be from the "Ceremonials" album, because every single song on that album felt like my anthem. Like that album was written especially for me. I cannot stress how much I love "Ceremonials." Now choosing a song from that album....well, that's a horse of a different color.
I didn't want to go with "Shake It Off," because that seemed sooooo predictable. I love "Seven Devils," and it's adequately witchy enough but it's kind of dark. I thought of "Breaking Down" but I didn't want to remind my family of our struggles with a deep family history of mental illness. I narrowed it down to "Leave My Body" and "Spectrum," both of which convey to me a sense of hope. I chose "Spectrum" because it seemed happier and felt it would liven up the mood after an intense song like "Rhiannon." It also represents the progression of growth I've tried to capture in my life - the deeper meaning of the song is that, when we're born, we're colorless and it's only by living and experiencing diversity that we gain the true vitality of the entire spectrum that the world has to offer. Woah, man. That's deep.
5. "Creep" by Radiohead (as performed by Postmodern Jukebox ft. Haley Reinhart) (4:55)
This song. Man, oh, man. Ending on a down beat, but doesn't it just say everything about how I feel everyday when I'm trying to interact with people. I want to reach out, but I'm so weird and they'll hate me and I'm trying so hard. Not only does it encapsulate the anguish of a string of unrequited crushes - not the least of which being The Muse, whom I have to remind myself is a fantasy that I reach for when things don't seem to be going right and who I will likely never be with in this life - but every person I met that I wanted to get to know but didn't because I was too afraid. Too wrapped up in myself. It wasn't you, beautiful people....it was very much me.
Why the PMJ version? Well, first, I love vintage style. My family will quickly associate the low-key, jazz swan song as a representation of me as I lived. And, second, Haley Reinhart's voice, I think, adequately captures the pain behind this song. But it's still alluring. By pouring out her soul, she bewitches you.
Side B Total = 10:17
Which leaves a little less than two minutes for a personal message. Basically, I would tell my family and friends that I love them and that, if I could change anything, I would love them more and cause them less pain. Oh, and I would've majored in Economics. Hindsight is 20/20.
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