"Flavor of the Weak" by American Hi-Fi

My pre-teen self was all about this song. American Hi-Fi was one of the various CDs I flirted with buying before I realized Napster was a thing. It was the early 2000s - it was a crazy time for everyone! I'm just going to do a short post today, because I'm still trying too wrap up a project, but I hate going to long without posting on here.

As you may have noticed, the title is a play on words. Instead of "week," they use the word "weak" instead. I've had mixed feelings about this for -well - obviously at least two decades. It implies that the girl is weak because she's pouring all her love into a schmuck who doesn't appreciate it. As someone who loves too hard myself, I don't think of that as weak. In fact, I think people who refuse to let themselves love that hard are weak, because it means they don't have the courage to be vulnerable. They don't have the strength to have their heart broken multiple times and still be able to put it back together at the end of the day. You know how much inner strength it takes to not become completely cold and build a wall around you after you've been hurt? Most people don't have the mental, spiritual, or emotional fortitude for it. I've found that the kindest people I've ever met have had some of the hardest lives, went through some of the most shit circumstances I've ever heard of in my life - and, yet, they get up every day with the intention of being giving and kind, no matter what happens.

We could go with the alternate theory, which is implied at the end of the song with the final lyric of "she makes me weak." That she's exactly the kind of girl the singer is looking for but he sees himself as weak because of how she makes him feel. And he has kind of a point - it sounds like he's constantly pointing out the ways her boyfriend misses the mark but has never told her how he feels. He friend-zoned himself, basically, by trying to be the shoulder to cry on. Lame. That being said....he's not wrong. Her boyfriend does treat her like she's disposable and not good enough. So you have to wonder....why doesn't she already see it?

It's Friday night and she's all alone

He's a million miles away

She's dressed to kill, but the TV's on

He's connected to the sound

And he's got pictures on the wall

Of all the girls he's loved before

And she knows all his favorite songs

Validation, my dear friends. In a lot of relationships (and especially bad ones), people stay because they are receiving desperately needed validation (however small the amount) that they are worthy. Here's how the story in our heads goes - if I can get this impossible to please person who is constantly pointing out my faults to love me, I'm worthy of love. If I can just look the way they want, act the way they want, talk the way they want - they have to love me, right? How could they not? And, thus, a vicious cycle begins. Meanwhile, the other person is secretly craving validation, too, because they also feel unlovable. However, because it was easy to get validation from the other person, there must be something wrong with them because who could ever truly love a beast like me? And so s/he goes out looking for validation from a different source. Often, neither of these people truly understands what they want from a relationship and/or has unrealistic expectations of what love should look like, which is ultimately a recipe for disappointment and dissatisfaction. What usually ends up happening is we assume "this is how relationships are supposed to be" and people select partners who are unable to meet their needs/desires. They call it "compromise" but, in reality, it's self-betrayal. Your needs are your needs and, eventually, people become resentful when those needs aren't met. How long it takes to get to that point is largely based on a person's self-esteem - if you don't think you are worthy to be loved in the way you want, you'll put up with a lot more bullshit than someone with a healthy sense of self-worth. Also, we're usually replaying a story that we saw in our home life growing up. Think of all those tropes in sitcoms. The obedient but unhappy wife. The hen-pecked husband. The bitter divorcee. Or the hot, smart wife with the dumb, schlubby husband (and vice versa....I've never seen vice versa on TV, but I'm sure it could be done). Honestly, probably the healthiest dynamic I've seen in a sitcom (aside from "The Addams Family," which was purposely trying to up-end TV tropes) was the show, "Reba." And even that level of emotional/psychological sanity given the circumstances is pretty unrealistic.

How does this play out in the official video? Aside from placing the back story in the 1980s, the video storyline plays it pretty straight. It starts out with a journalist asking some metalheads, "What is your philosophy on life?", at which point, the loudest guy in the frame goes into a rant about how metal is better than punk (not even), avoiding the question entirely. The video is filmed to be a parody of the documentary, "Heavy Metal Parking Lot," which is an actual thing that exists and that anyone reading this can watch if they feel called to do something like that. I'm almost certain it's absolutely ridiculous and might be worth watching for the lulz. Moving on - we see the couple in question is waiting around for a concert to start. The girl tries to get affectionate but the guy seems utterly disinterested. He walks off with his friends, leaving her to fend for herself. While he walks around the parking lot, we see him run into various girls, giving them attention, while his actual girlfriend is walking around looking for him. Finally, he runs into a redhead trying to pull a Tawny Kitaen on his car. Of course, he goes after her and they start making out. At which point, the girlfriend sees them and realizes he's a scumbag. She's not the type to cause a scene so she runs off to be mopey somewhere. Of course, she is super pretty herself so other guys are instantly trying to get in her pants at the end of the video. Just from my own personal experience, this happens a lot. Typical.

Her boyfriend, he don't know

Anything about her

He's too stoned, he's too stoned

He's too stoned, he's too stoned

If this video continued on - for perhaps the length of a documentary? - eventually, the girl dancing on the car would become the sad girlfriend, too. Or maybe she has enough self-esteem to not put up with it and would leave first. It's not that she's prettier or sexier or better than his current (now, hopefully, former) girlfriend - he just has a vacuum where his heart should be. And he really should probably take care of that before getting in another relationship with anyone. Otherwise, the cycle continues. Gotta love those toxic spirals.

"Flavor of the Weak" Video

"Hotter Than Hell" by Dua Lipa

The last couple of posts were super serious, so I wanted to choose something more fun and upbeat for today. This is quickly becoming one of my favorite songs when I go running...or when I'm practicing some S-Factor moves alone in my room. As I said in an earlier post, Latina women are kind of having a moment, especially in music, and that was very evident at the Grammy's this year, with Dua Lipa winning Best New Artist and Best Dance Recording; Cardi B winning Best Rap Album (on top of being nominated for 7 awards); and Ariana Grande winning Best Pop Vocal album in a category that included stiff competition like Taylor Swift and P!nk. Camila Cabello had two nominations and, although she didn't win anything, her performance of "Havana" was on fire.

Dua Lipa wrote this song after a toxic relationship, where the guy basically used her for sex and misused her emotions. By the end of it, she felt like she was worthless. This relationship is featured in many of her songs, one of which I plan to use for another post later this month. Instead of focusing on how she was used, she wrote this song to twist around the situation so that she was in control. Again, another artist transmuting her dark experiences into something magical. In the song, she's the one who has the power, like he's the one being used for her pleasure. A temptress. He can try but he can't get away. The lyrics are quite aggressive, which is one of the things that makes it a great "song to strip to" (yes, I have a whole list of these that I'll eventually write down, don't worry). I can understand the sentiment. I have a tendency to be "aggressive" in relationships....and I'm going to be honest, that's never worked out for me. Mr. Nice Guy said I "kissed too passionately." The Moviestar was - I don't know - not interested in being chased....so I didn't. I'm a once bitten, twice shy kind of girl - you only get one chance and it's gone if you don't take it. And honestly, the only times things sort of worked out is when they chased me, so the lesson I learned here is that if he's not chasing, he's not interested. Yes, I know some guys are too shy or scared to chase. That's too bad - I don't fuck with cowards. Not anymore. Not ever again.

(SLANG NOTE: By "I don't fuck with cowards," I mean I don't bother with them, I don't waste my time, not the literal meaning of "fuck" - although it does, technically, mean that too. I know I have a lot of international readers who aren't familiar with American Millennial Twitterisms, so I thought a clarification might be in order.)

You're my manna from heaven

We all gotta get fed

Can't let me know I'm wanted

Can't let me in your head

I'm not here to make you kneel

But it's praise that I'll get

You ain't gonna walk free boy

Not finished with you yet, no

The "I don't fuck with cowards thing" also goes for my own life as well. (I am a Gryffindor, after all...) I decided to re-read "Eat, Pray, Love" again, after recently reading a piece by the author, Elizabeth Gilbert. This book made a major impact on my life and, re-reading it, it's astonishing how much of my current inner guidance is reflected within its pages. Gilbert always struck me as so brave, to choose to blow up her life in order to be happy. I've found a kindred spirit in Gilbert and not only because she is also a Cancer Sun with Gemini Rising (although I found that an amusing coincidence....the first time I read the book, I probably didn't care, but with my newfound hobby as an amateur astrologist, I understand a lot of the similarities between me and her, which may be why I resonated with her story so much, even as a teenager). I am now the same age as she was when her story - the journey she describes in the book - initially began and, in many ways, I find myself facing the same questions. What do I really want? For her, in the aftermath of a messy divorce, that question was answered at first with a desire to learn Italian and visit her Guru's ashram. I also desperately want to learn Italian and have decided that now is as good a time as any to start discovering one of my ancestral languages. Especially after reading her passionate words about the language and saying some of her favorite words out loud, I feel like it's time to try it out. She thought learning Italian was kind of a random desire, especially for a WASP girl from Connecticut, but she still followed it. It was one that had eaten at her for years, which got me thinking...What is a desire that has eaten at me for years?

When I run, it's kind of a meditative action for me. A time to let my mind and imagination run free. Sometimes, I imagine I am a superhero. Or spy in training. And those fantasies are fun, I'll admit. But my favorite fantasy, lately, has been imagining myself as a Burlesque performer. For a long time, when I heard songs, I would construct whole Burlesque routines around them. And not just the dance routines, but the costumes, the lighting, the props, the scenery.....everything. Everything that goes into a performance. But I've never put it into action and lately, I've been asking myself "Why not?" I'll go through Instagram and see posts from the Suicide Girls' BlackHeart Burlesque, and think, "I could do that....I could do that well." And again, that infuriatingly calm, insistent voice - "Why don't you?" And I think there's a lot of shame and fear behind it, because when I've expressed interest in the Burlesque world in the past, the reaction I've gotten from people was, "Really? That's kind of out of character for you, isn't it?" Now, I'm realizing...no, it isn't out of character for me. It's out of character for the idea people had/have of me, which is the bookish, quiet type. A lot of people don't know I'm a natural performer but I am, always have been, since I was a little girl. In high school, my best friend's mom told me I glowed when I was on stage. And I do. I really do. Anyway, there's something in me who wants to explore this and the interest hasn't gone away after 15+ years, so maybe it's time to take action. Take a class or two. Even if I just perform for myself or my partner, I know it's something I want to do, a skill I want to learn, and that's probably not going to change.

Let's talk about the video. Dua Lipa does dance music, essentially, so it's what you'd expect a dance music video to be like. Dancing seductively in a warehouse with a bunch of other young, gorgeous people. For the record, I find Dua Lipa extremely beautiful. I'm finding that I'm attracted to all my spiritual guides, musical or otherwise, because of their beauty. And it's not that I'm attracted to women - honestly not interested in sex with women at all - I'm just very drawn to feminine beauty. I guess I have a latent desire to embody it, so I seek out people that I see that in. Figure I can learn something from them, you know? I understand that's a weird perspective - to see beautiful women as teachers and allies, not competition. Because, fundamentally, I don't believe their beauty detracts from mine, because it's something wholly separate and unique and worthy of admiration. It's not a threat, it's a gift. Personally, I think this is a good perspective, and it's certainly been healthier for my self-esteem. I'll probably be exploring this more next month, but you know....I love a good prologue.

"Hotter Than Hell" Video