"Hotter Than Hell" by Dua Lipa

The last couple of posts were super serious, so I wanted to choose something more fun and upbeat for today. This is quickly becoming one of my favorite songs when I go running...or when I'm practicing some S-Factor moves alone in my room. As I said in an earlier post, Latina women are kind of having a moment, especially in music, and that was very evident at the Grammy's this year, with Dua Lipa winning Best New Artist and Best Dance Recording; Cardi B winning Best Rap Album (on top of being nominated for 7 awards); and Ariana Grande winning Best Pop Vocal album in a category that included stiff competition like Taylor Swift and P!nk. Camila Cabello had two nominations and, although she didn't win anything, her performance of "Havana" was on fire.

Dua Lipa wrote this song after a toxic relationship, where the guy basically used her for sex and misused her emotions. By the end of it, she felt like she was worthless. This relationship is featured in many of her songs, one of which I plan to use for another post later this month. Instead of focusing on how she was used, she wrote this song to twist around the situation so that she was in control. Again, another artist transmuting her dark experiences into something magical. In the song, she's the one who has the power, like he's the one being used for her pleasure. A temptress. He can try but he can't get away. The lyrics are quite aggressive, which is one of the things that makes it a great "song to strip to" (yes, I have a whole list of these that I'll eventually write down, don't worry). I can understand the sentiment. I have a tendency to be "aggressive" in relationships....and I'm going to be honest, that's never worked out for me. Mr. Nice Guy said I "kissed too passionately." The Moviestar was - I don't know - not interested in being chased....so I didn't. I'm a once bitten, twice shy kind of girl - you only get one chance and it's gone if you don't take it. And honestly, the only times things sort of worked out is when they chased me, so the lesson I learned here is that if he's not chasing, he's not interested. Yes, I know some guys are too shy or scared to chase. That's too bad - I don't fuck with cowards. Not anymore. Not ever again.

(SLANG NOTE: By "I don't fuck with cowards," I mean I don't bother with them, I don't waste my time, not the literal meaning of "fuck" - although it does, technically, mean that too. I know I have a lot of international readers who aren't familiar with American Millennial Twitterisms, so I thought a clarification might be in order.)

You're my manna from heaven

We all gotta get fed

Can't let me know I'm wanted

Can't let me in your head

I'm not here to make you kneel

But it's praise that I'll get

You ain't gonna walk free boy

Not finished with you yet, no

The "I don't fuck with cowards thing" also goes for my own life as well. (I am a Gryffindor, after all...) I decided to re-read "Eat, Pray, Love" again, after recently reading a piece by the author, Elizabeth Gilbert. This book made a major impact on my life and, re-reading it, it's astonishing how much of my current inner guidance is reflected within its pages. Gilbert always struck me as so brave, to choose to blow up her life in order to be happy. I've found a kindred spirit in Gilbert and not only because she is also a Cancer Sun with Gemini Rising (although I found that an amusing coincidence....the first time I read the book, I probably didn't care, but with my newfound hobby as an amateur astrologist, I understand a lot of the similarities between me and her, which may be why I resonated with her story so much, even as a teenager). I am now the same age as she was when her story - the journey she describes in the book - initially began and, in many ways, I find myself facing the same questions. What do I really want? For her, in the aftermath of a messy divorce, that question was answered at first with a desire to learn Italian and visit her Guru's ashram. I also desperately want to learn Italian and have decided that now is as good a time as any to start discovering one of my ancestral languages. Especially after reading her passionate words about the language and saying some of her favorite words out loud, I feel like it's time to try it out. She thought learning Italian was kind of a random desire, especially for a WASP girl from Connecticut, but she still followed it. It was one that had eaten at her for years, which got me thinking...What is a desire that has eaten at me for years?

When I run, it's kind of a meditative action for me. A time to let my mind and imagination run free. Sometimes, I imagine I am a superhero. Or spy in training. And those fantasies are fun, I'll admit. But my favorite fantasy, lately, has been imagining myself as a Burlesque performer. For a long time, when I heard songs, I would construct whole Burlesque routines around them. And not just the dance routines, but the costumes, the lighting, the props, the scenery.....everything. Everything that goes into a performance. But I've never put it into action and lately, I've been asking myself "Why not?" I'll go through Instagram and see posts from the Suicide Girls' BlackHeart Burlesque, and think, "I could do that....I could do that well." And again, that infuriatingly calm, insistent voice - "Why don't you?" And I think there's a lot of shame and fear behind it, because when I've expressed interest in the Burlesque world in the past, the reaction I've gotten from people was, "Really? That's kind of out of character for you, isn't it?" Now, I'm realizing...no, it isn't out of character for me. It's out of character for the idea people had/have of me, which is the bookish, quiet type. A lot of people don't know I'm a natural performer but I am, always have been, since I was a little girl. In high school, my best friend's mom told me I glowed when I was on stage. And I do. I really do. Anyway, there's something in me who wants to explore this and the interest hasn't gone away after 15+ years, so maybe it's time to take action. Take a class or two. Even if I just perform for myself or my partner, I know it's something I want to do, a skill I want to learn, and that's probably not going to change.

Let's talk about the video. Dua Lipa does dance music, essentially, so it's what you'd expect a dance music video to be like. Dancing seductively in a warehouse with a bunch of other young, gorgeous people. For the record, I find Dua Lipa extremely beautiful. I'm finding that I'm attracted to all my spiritual guides, musical or otherwise, because of their beauty. And it's not that I'm attracted to women - honestly not interested in sex with women at all - I'm just very drawn to feminine beauty. I guess I have a latent desire to embody it, so I seek out people that I see that in. Figure I can learn something from them, you know? I understand that's a weird perspective - to see beautiful women as teachers and allies, not competition. Because, fundamentally, I don't believe their beauty detracts from mine, because it's something wholly separate and unique and worthy of admiration. It's not a threat, it's a gift. Personally, I think this is a good perspective, and it's certainly been healthier for my self-esteem. I'll probably be exploring this more next month, but you know....I love a good prologue.

"Hotter Than Hell" Video