"Crazy in Love - Remix" by Beyonce

 For Valentine's Day, I thought I'd share one of my favorite songs from my "Sexy Dancing with Myself" playlist (Did you get the reference?), which is the playlist I like to use when I'm practicing my S-factor moves. From a book, since taking an in-person class is still pretty risky right now. As you may have guessed, today's post is a Song du Jour entry, so I'll be rambling about whatever the fuck I want. And today, my friends, that's the insanity being sparked by the stellium in Aquarius squaring Uranus in Taurus. 

A lot has been said about what Uranus in Taurus will bring. As an Earth sign, Taurus is all about stability. Being a Venus-ruled sign, it's related to a lot of things - finances, luxury, self-love, beauty. But, when I think of Earth signs, it brings to mind sensuality. The element of Earth is all about the physical world. Our Earth sign friends are often considered unsexy - they are usually stubborn, often cold, and are considered calculating and critical. However - for the right person - Earth placements are can be incredibly sensual and sexual. Like Water placements, they are a feminine/receptive duality - yin energy is associated with wildness and pleasure, and Earth is closely associated with what happens when the emotional becomes physical. As such, Earth signs, when deep in love, often take on the more watery aspects of their opposing sign. Analytical Virgo can be as imaginative and playful as a Pisces when they've fallen for someone; Independent Taurus has near Scorpionic devotion to their partner; and Chilly Capricorn takes on downright Cancerian qualities of hopeless romanticism and affection when they've found their soulmate. Beyonce herself is a Virgo Queen and that's what this song is about. A girl who had it all figured out feels out of control once she finds her match. She is "Crazy in Love." 

I look and stare so deep in your eyes

I touch on you more and more every time

But that is not what this post is about, my friends. This post is about what happens when Uranus is causing havoc in a Venus-ruled sign, especially when that sign is Taurus. Venus-ruled Libra is the intellectual side of love - deep conversations, friendship, quality time - as well as the more traditional aspects of Victorian Romanticism (roses, hearts, etc.). Taurus, on the other hand, is about the more physically grounded aspects of Venus - combining assets and finances, buying things together, cooking and eating together, and sex/physical intimacy. When Uranus charts its path through Taurus, these are the things that are going to be shaken up. I always picture Earth signs as being very honest and direct and -especially with Taurus - authenticity is key for surviving this transit. I'm going to lay it out there with my predictions and say that one of the big things we're in for, especially with all these rough transits, is another sexual revolution. One thing I've noticed being purged from the collective unconscious in recent years is shame and dishonesty surrounding sexuality. People are more openly considering nontraditional partnership situations, like polyamory and swinging, as well as experimenting more in the bedroom.

When you leave, I'm begging you not to go

Call your name two, three times in a row

It's not all fun and games, though. We're also taking a deep look at what "consent" means and cracking down on gendered harassment. There's been an increase in reversed gender roles at home, with more women identifying as the breadwinner for their family as well as an increase in the number of men calling themselves "house-husbands" (which includes my own situation). Uranus transiting through a Venus-ruled sign was usually accompanied by changes in women's roles. During Uranus in Libra (1968-1975), we had the official "Sexual Revolution," which was marked by the landmark Roe v Wade decision and the rise of Second-Wave Feminism. The last time Uranus was in Taurus (1934-1942), women entered the workforce in droves to fill in for men during WWII. During this time, women also had opportunities to make their mark on science, academic, and military progress. It is important to note that Hedy Lamarr - at the time, the Most Beautiful Woman Alive - invented the frequency-hopping spread spectrum technology that would later serve as the basis for Bluetooth. If it seems like the women in your life have a lot going on, it's because they do.

Such a funny thing for me to try to explain

How I'm feeling and my pride is the one to blame

On a more personal note regarding Uranus in Taurus, I've found myself returning to things I've always been interested in, but it always felt like it was inappropriate to mention. Like pin-up art and burlesque performance, sex magick, tantra, witchcraft, and a preference for embracing my femininity and feminine beauty. Taurus rules my 12th House, which rules over what's hidden - these happen to be things I've always kept to myself. Those things are needed now to bring balance. A lot of those topics have been demonized and repressed into the collective shadow - it's only natural that they're popping back up to be reintegrated. Again, the solution is balance. The collective - and the individuals within the collective - need to embrace both healthy femininity and a healthy masculinity in order to thrive. End rant.

'Cause I know I don't understand

Just how your love can do what no one else can

I chose this song because I think it sounds sexy. There's a reason it's one of the themes for the "Fifty Shades of Grey" films. I know it says "remix" but I actually would consider it more of an "alternate version" as Beyonce completely rerecorded "Crazy in Love" for the film to create a darker, more sensual sounding song (the movie is a soft-core BDSM romance, after all). The original version borrows the hook from classic 70s soul and is a lot bouncier and more upbeat. Personally, I prefer the "Remix" as I think the sound fits my interpretation of the lyrics, which is that - for that one person - you kind of lose your mind a little bit. You act completely out of character and it makes no sense, but you're just.....carried away and consumed by waves of desire. The slowed-down version sounds a bit more tortured, more hesitant, more unsure of the outcome. Yes, we know she marries Jay-Z in the end but, for a moment there, Queen Bey was all over the place. 

"Crazy in Love - Remix" Video

"The Only Exception" by Paramour

This morning, I woke up about 30 minutes before my alarm was supposed to go off with one phrase being repeated over and over. "Be Love. The people who are meant to be in your life will rise up to meet you." I don't know why but it felt very profound. All day, I've been pondering what it means. And I think that it's this - allow yourself to love as if you've never been hurt before, as if you can't be hurt. Those who are meant for you will match your intensity, match that vibration. They will choose to change, because that is what love does. It changes everything. In fact, love - genuine, real, unconditional Love - is the only thing that ever really changed anything, when you think about it.

So what does it mean to be Love? Well, I'm not particularly religious but I do like that one Bible quote, because it always rang true. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away." I'll admit, it's hard to embody that - but most people don't even really try nowadays. They think they're justified in their outrage at little things - things that, in the grand scheme of things, don't particularly matter - that they forget that they're directing that anger and hatred at real people. It's easy to get stuck in your head, get mired down in your thoughts, your opinions, your desires, your dreams, your fears, your insecurities. But, after a very lonely childhood spent stuck in my own head, I figured out the hard way that happiness is found in the connections we have with other people, no matter how tenuous we think those threads are.

Last weekend, I binge watched "Russian Doll" on Netflix (which I highly recommend) and a lot of things kind of clicked in my head. There's one episode where the main character, Nadia, spends a whole night watching over a homeless man to prevent his shoes from being stolen, because she knows that without the shoes, he's going to freeze to death in one timeline. So, lesson number 1 - if you can, be someone's guardian angel. You may think a random act of kindness is small and meaningless, but it may not be. Next, Nadia had to face her inner child and the guilt she felt for choosing herself - her own well-being - by telling a social worker that she wanted to live with her mom's friend, and not her mom. This episode hit me kind of hard, because Nadia's relationship with her mother very closely resembled mine. She had to grow up a lot sooner than she should've had to, she had to take care of someone psychologically who should've been taking care of her, so it felt wrong and selfish to acknowledge what she wanted. Lesson number 3, forgive yourself for choosing yourself, especially in situations where things were out of your control. And lesson number 4, there is nothing you can do to make someone happy if they aren't choosing to be happy for themselves. You are not responsible for someone else's happiness. Ever. But that doesn't mean you can't take responsibility for helping them do what they need to do. Which leads to lesson number 5 - we are responsible for our own happiness, so do what you need to do. If you need to go to therapy, go to therapy. If you need to make a change in your life, make that change. Don't expect anyone else to make you happy, because they will always fail to meet your expectations, and that's not fair to put on them.

I liked the season finale because, in the last episode, the two main characters - Nadia and Alan - have to prove that they learned these lessons by being separated into two  timelines and make the choice they failed to make originally. Throughout the show, they keep trying to figure out how they're connected. Well, in the end, they discover they were meant to save each other and when they learn this, the timelines merge and they're back together again. This reminds me of the ending of one of my favorite movies, "Wristcutters: A Love Story." In it, a guy (Zia) is trapped in purgatory after he commits suicide. In purgatory, he's living out the same boring life he was living before he died, until he meets a girl (Mikal) who insists there's been a mistake and demands to speak to the People in Charge (PIC). So he goes on a journey to help her find the PIC and, of course, they fall in love. Mikal is given a chance to return to life but she tells Zia that she'll come back. He's left waiting, convinced he'll never see her again but happy that she got what she wanted. The PIC take pity on him and return him to life, too. Zia wakes up in a hospital bed and when he turns to the patient next to him, he realizes it's Mikal and they smile at each other. They smile because they know they'll never be alone again.

Maybe I know, somewhere

Deep in my soul

That love never lasts

And we've got to find other ways

To make it alone

But keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this

Keeping a comfortable, distance

And up until now

I had sworn to myself that I'm content

With loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk

I chose this song for Valentine's Day because I find something very honest in it. In the video, Haley Williams is lying in a pile of stereotypical Valentine's Day crap during some scenes, in kind of an ironic twist. I think the lyrics speak to something a lot of people can relate to - they go through life trying so hard to protect their heart, after years of disappointments and sadness. But when you fall in love - real love - you want to remove all those barriers. You want to get over all those fears of abandonment, rejection, loss, unworthiness, because you know that those don't allow you to be the best person you can be. And that's how love changes us - it should make us remember who we want to be, because that person is amazing. And if you love someone, you want to give them someone amazing and nothing less. And that requires taking some chances and doing something scary. It may require you to drop habits and behaviors and beliefs that you've had for decades. It should. I think we let ourselves get kind of cynical after a while. We become convinced that we're unlovable because we're not pretty enough, or smart enough, or fast enough or any number of "enoughs." Fill in the blank and you'll see what I mean. And then we use those lies as excuses to build a wall to keep love out, because we're afraid. Love doesn't exist. Love never lasts. Love is pain. Love is torture. Love is a trap. None of that is true, of course, but you'd never know that looking at society. And I'm tired of being cynical.

Sorry for the long rant. I think I had a lot more to say from when I was planning this in my head earlier, but it's late, I'm really tired, and I'm honestly surprised I even wrote this much. As far as visual interpretations go, I think video is worth watching. It's basically a psychologically analysis of how Williams' childhood shaped her approach to love. In the video, she meets this guy and he stays with her all night just talking after a love at first sight moment. In the beginning, the intensity makes her afraid and she's about to bail on him. But after looking at the things that make her want to run, she comes the conclusion that she'll regret it if she doesn't take this chance, so she returns to the original moment and makes a different choice.

"The Only Exception" Video