Perfect For: Long distance runs after rough days
Today was a helluva day, my friends. And, after a helluva day, I get really introspective about things. On days like today, though, I remind myself that the Universe throws these curve balls at us for one reason - to teach us the lessons we need to learn. So what lesson did I learn today? I learned (or re-learned) a couple, actually. The first is that you can pray for and help people as much as you want, as hard as you can, but ultimately, you're never in control of how things in their life play out - they are. The second thing - and I feel like this is actually really important for me right now - is that there's a difference between hope and intuition. They both feel very different physically and I'm not sure if I realized that before. Hope is when you're expecting something to go your way because you desperately need it to. Intuition - as far as I've experienced it - feels like a knowing. Like you know how things are going to go, no matter what the reality currently looks like. For example, with my son, I knew I was pregnant before I took that first home test. I know it sounds kind woo-woo but, even though I didn't have any of the typical symptoms and it was still really early (almost too early to detect), I felt eerily calm when the possibility first came to mind. Intuition feels like something is inevitable, so you don't worry about it, whereas hope is all about worry. Worry about what happens next if things don't work out, so much so that you make up a hypothetical situation to assuage your fears. To sum up - intuition feels calm, hope feels like you're putting a positive spin on anxiety.
I've been reading a lot about hope, about how it's just another expectation, which just leads to disappointment. Hope is very future-based. Unfortunately, you have to be happy in the present. It's a vicious cycle - you hope for something, it doesn't happen, you become disappointed (and, thus, unhappier), so you reach for something in farther in the future. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. To break the cycle, you have to find the good in the present. What good came out of today? Well, next week, I'm going to have a lot more time to meditate, read, and sleep - I'm kind of looking forward to that. Things were starting to get a little boring at work and now, it looks like I'm probably going to be a lot busier. The workload is going to be a lot more balanced once the dust has settled. And it is definitely going to be imperative that I get a passport, just in case...so, a trip to Iceland within the next couple of years is a real possibility. Or maybe we could visit our friends in Italy? Yes, a lot of good things and everything is going to turn out fine. It always does.
Ask me no questions, I will tell you no lies
Careful what you wish for
We're looking for angels in the darkest of skies
Saying that we wanted more
I feel like I'm falling, but I'm trying to fly
Where does all the good go?
We're looking for answers in the highest of highs
But will we ever, ever know?
And I need you to know
I'm not asking for a miracle
But if love was enough, could you let it show?
If you feel it could you let me know?
"Miracle" was another one of those songs that YouTube recommended. It's starting to know my music tastes almost too well, kind of like how Facebook knows I just ate a sandwich. Chvrches album, "Love Is Dead," is loosely organized around faith and religion - or, more aptly, the feeling of separation when that sense of belonging and purpose is missing. "Miracle" is about the all too human search for acceptance. To be fully understood, accepted, and loved by someone. Anyone. Lauren Mayberry, in her explanation of the song, said that she doesn't "know if people really find that." Perhaps that's a little cynical, but can you blame her? Our society doesn't really value acceptance and understanding, we value time, attachment, and ownership. We're trying to change our ways, but we're not there yet. The title "Miracle" is a bit sarcastic - it doesn't seem like a lot to ask, but maybe it is. Of course, to find that level of unconditional love, you have to trust that love can really be unconditional. You have to believe that actually exists and that's way too scary for most people. Maybe scary isn't the right word - inconceivable. They can't wrap their head around it, which I suppose could feel scary, at times. I'm venturing to the philosophical again, which wasn't my intention. Even though I chose an unexpectedly philosophical song. I tend to do that. A lot. Regardless, this song helps me fill in the blanks when I'm too drained to think anymore. It's bouncy but the lyrics and tone are delightfully bitter. And the increased intensity during the chorus is perfect when I get the urge to sprint as fast as I can. I hate to brag but I'm blindingly fast....for like 20 seconds, and then I go back to my normal speed. Which is only slightly faster than the average 30-year-old woman. Like everything else, I'm working on it.
"Miracle" Video
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