Whenever I think I've heard everything by Taylor Swift and know all her best songs, something new pops up that sets me in awe of her talent all over again. "Better Man" was written for her 2012 album, "Red," which is a brilliant album and even more impressive given the fact that these were songs she wrote when she was fucking 22 years old! Girl has some major life experience points going on. Some of my favorites are on that album, including "Everything Has Changed" and "Begin Again." I'm going to stop myself before I go into a full-on fangirl spiral. Anyway, "Red" marked the start of Swift's transition from country to a more pop sound. "Better Man" definitely falls closer to the country end of that spectrum - perhaps more country than her producers were aiming for on that album - so it was scrapped from the final release. But it's too amazing a song to just be thrown in a drawer and forgotten by the annals of music history. She decided to pass it on to another country band, Little Big Town, which was a good choice. I didn't notice the name on the artist, only that the song art had Taylor's picture on it, so for the first dozen listens, I thought she was the one who was singing. The singer for Little Big Town does sound a lot like Taylor but after a close listen, Swift sings this song in a slightly higher register and she's more emotive with her performance. Little Big Town's interpretation is a lot smoother.
What hooked me was the lyrics to the first verse of the song:
I know I’m probably better off on my own
Than lovin' a man who didn’t know
What he had when he had it
And I see the permanent damage you did to me
Never again, I just wish I could forget when it was magic
I wish it wasn’t 4am, standing in the mirror
Saying to myself, you know you had to do it
I know the bravest thing I ever did was run
The last line struck me, because I completely understand it. I have a hard time leaving people behind, especially when I really love them. I'm one of those people who gives a million chances, will stay no matter how bad things get. Often it's because I think "running" is giving up and - even worse - the cowardly thing to do. However, when you're used to sacrificing your own needs for the others, running away is the harder choice. The scarier choice. The more painful choice. Because the reason you play the martyr is because you don't want to hurt anyone, so you choose to hurt yourself instead - martyrdom has become the "comfort zone," as twisted as that sounds. The second verse is kind of unique to Taylor, as she has a penchant for douchy assholes, but the sentiment is sincere. Especially when you're a hopeless romantic type, your vision of love is often tied up in being able to withstand the hard times. Unfortunately, societal norms have warped "withstanding the hard times" with tolerating poor treatment. I find it ironic because people will look at survivors of domestic violence and ask "why did he/she stay so long" but then turn around and judge people who get divorced from a functioning but otherwise unhappy and unfulfilling situation. As if it's obvious from the start (it usually isn't - people jump into things with their whole hearts at first). Society is batshit crazy, which is why I think there has been such a massive return to relying on intuition. The rules of the matrix are fucked, so we have to return to organic systems, to nature. Which leads me into today's real rant.
Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I can feel you again
But I just miss you, and I just wish you were a better man
And I know why we had to say goodbye
Like the back of my hand
And I just miss you, and I just wish you were a better man
A better man
Tonight is the Full Moon in Pisces, opposite the Sun in Virgo. In general, this is supposed to be an uplifting Full Moon because the Moon is comfortable in Pisces, but it comes with a mixed bag of aspects and other less pleasant planetary interactions. This Full Moon falls on the Virgo-Pisces axis, which can best be described as Order vs Chaos. But remember - opposite signs are trying to do similar things, just using different methodologies. Virgo is the sign of Service - specifically, Service to Others. Virgo energy wants to be useful and helpful, and often pursues these desires through very Earth-centric and Mercurial traits - being organized, detail-oriented, risk-averse, dependable, communicative, and practical. Pisces is about Service, too, but a very different kind of service - Pisces is about fulfilling our divine purpose and uncovering the hidden mysteries of life. In order to be successful in that sort of service, Virgo methods will undoubtedly fall short in some ways. Pisces relies heavily on intuition, following the flow, and listening to the signs the Universe sends us, as well as our hearts, which guide us toward that divine purpose. Yes, Pisces gets a reputation as being kind of the space cadet of the zodiac, but they also tend to understand the deeper meaning in our dreams and secret desires. Both signs have a tendency to become self-sacrificing if they are out of balance. Keeping that in mind, the modern ruler of this Full Moon, Neptune, is making a loose T-square to the North (Gemini) and South (Sagittarius) Nodes. This aspect causes tension and the tension between this placements is that we're stuck trying to figure out if our dreams can be manifested by staying in the Past (old habits/behaviors/situations) or taking a leap of faith into the Future (new habits/behaviors/opportunities). We look to other aspects and planets to find out what we're being guided to in regards to this lunation. In particular, Uranus - planet of change - is making some really beneficial aspects, being sextile the Moon and trine the Sun, which favors going in a different direction, especially if your old methods have lost their effectiveness.
That was the good part of this Full Moon, but there's difficult aspects that may indicate where trouble may be looming. Venus is opposite Saturn and square Mars. And Mars is coming off an exact square with Saturn. These are challenging aspects for love, relationships, passion, and finances - lots of restrictions and, with Mars beginning to station retrograde, a huge slow down to any progress being made in these areas. The one bright spot here is that Mercury is in one of its domiciles - Virgo. Communication might be the key to unlocking - or, at least, surviving - these difficult transits. Regardless, we're processing some grief at this time. The Full Moon eases this tension somewhat with a spotlight on our favorite spiritual enigma - Surrender. Pisces, being the sign of spirituality, reminds us to let go of what we cannot control. And, unfortunately, we cannot control the future or even the outcomes of our actions. We can do as much as we can to point the arrow in the right direction but once it's released, Spirit controls its path. Que Sera Sera. Whatever will be will be. And whatever comes next will hopefully be good. Doubtful as we head into what The Astrology Podcast nicknamed "Super Serious September" but I'm open to it. That's a benefit to having a lot of water and fire energy in your chart, especially when combined with influential placements in a mutable modality. Works well with chaos and uncertainty - I should put that on my resume. Even with astrology, it's often a game of hindsight is 20/20 and even when we account for all the variables - and there's numerous variables that I haven't even discovered yet - a certain amount of guessing is needed for disciplines like predictive and electional astrology. And when doing natal chart readings, it helps to do them face-to-face because things you never considered before when looking at the data will pop out when you encounter the living, breathing representation of a moment in divine creation. That's what makes it so fascinating - life is the proverbial "box of chocolates," although you can usually figure out what you're going to get if you fucking read the chart on the inside of the lid. Just an observation.
COVID-19 Update: Trying to get enough rest lately has been a challenge. Between work, planning for the baby, racing thoughts, and being in a constant state of discomfort, insomnia is pretty much inevitable, no matter how much I meditate. I'm taking a page from Sarah Bernhardt's book and trying to get 10-15 minutes of sleep when fatigue hits me. That usually does the trick. My older sister is throwing me a virtual baby shower. She's trying to get my younger sister involved but that's not the easiest task - please be aware that being a Virgo does not automatically mean you're organized and efficient. It is a mutable placement, after all, which can have a very unfocused energy when not harnessed correctly. I'm sure it's no picnic for her either. Can you imagine being a Mutable sign with two Cardinal sisters? So much bossiness! And Cancer and Libra are considered the "softer" Cardinal signs? Yeah, there's no such thing - we just have better people skills.
Little Big Town had an official video for this song, so I'm sharing that as well as Taylor Swift's performance at the Bluebird Cafe. A little vocal compare and contrast - and Swift is so endearing and genuine, it makes me smile when she performs for her fans. As is custom, I'm scheduling this post to publish at the exact time of the Full Moon. Happy September!
Little Big Town "Better Man" Video
Bluebird Cafe Performance
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