"Trampoline" by SHAED feat. ZAYN

One of the things I've always been fascinated with was dream interpretation. Like Jung and Freud, I believe witnessing and understanding your dreams can be a powerful tool in psychoanalysis. Dreams are an amalgamation of everything we've amassed in our waking life, even the things we don't consciously remember consuming or making a connection with. Our unconscious mind can unearth inner struggles and desires that we're barely aware of on autopilot. A vague feeling of being unwanted. A pervasive and growing boredom with existing routines and the status quo. A desire to reach for something more, something different. A fear that we'll fail, in spite of our best intentions. The mind takes these hazy, intangible, fleeting thoughts and puts them together into a story, with color, mood, and some semblance of a plot. If you can remember them (and we'll get to that later), dreams can provide a wealth of insight into your inner world. As such, dream interpretation and journaling is often an essential part of shadow work and therapeutic writing.

I've been havin' dreams

Jumpin' on a trampoline

Flippin' in the air

I never land, just float there

As I'm looking up

Suddenly the sky erupts

Flames alight the trees

Spread to fallin' leaves

Now they're right upon me

Right now, many people are experiencing a period of enhanced dream recall. There are many reasons for this. Astrologically, Mercury is conjunct Neptune in Pisces. Mercury-Neptune aspects tend to correlate with more vivid dreams and enhanced recall within the collective, especially since Neptune is in Pisces, the sign it rules according to modern astrology. From the psychological perspective, none of us are sleeping very well. We're not reaching deep sleep, but remaining in the hypnogogic upper levels of sleep. We also have a lot on our minds. Sure, a lot of those thoughts may be on the current state of affairs, but times like these have a habit of dredging up things long forgotten. For me, personally, I'm in my first trimester of pregnancy and, for some reason, being pregnant causes some women to have very vivid, memorable dreams. So, due to the strange conglomeration of all of those factors, I have been having strange dreams indeed. I found out I was pregnant the day before Mercury went retrograde and - when I saw the test results - I was filled with this feeling of dread. Unlike with my first pregnancy - where I was filled with an unerring calm and sense of purpose - my only thought was "this isn't a good time, baby." Mind you, this was quite a bit before the shit really hit the fan with this whole COVID-19 situation and I was thinking it was bad timing for a myriad of personal reasons. However, my intuition was correct nonetheless. That night, I had a dream. I was in a large room, filled with shelves. Very similar to the scene in "Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix," when they arrive in the Hall of Prophesies. I remember browsing the shelves and purposefully choosing this child I'm carrying. The interpretation I took away from this dream is that this kid is meant to be born. And, for better or worse, the experience of carrying this child through this turmoil is meant for me. So I'm just trying to take it in stride and stay positive.....because I have no other choice, at the moment.

Dream interpretation has been a hobby of mine since high school. I remember we had this book of all the possible interpretations of symbols in dreams and the various meanings. However, there's more to it than that. First, it's important to note how you feel in the dream and when you wake up. Next, consider who was in the dream. Then, take note of things that seemed off or didn't seem to match. If you dream of your significant other or another person close to you and the overall feeling isn't happy or peaceful, then your subconscious may be trying to tell you something is off about this relationship. It doesn't mean it's bad, it just means there's an underlying issue that you're not addressing. Then, take note of the landscape - deserts are usually indicative of feeling unloved or unwanted whereas forests or gardens mean the opposite. Does the setting feel familiar? If so, are there details that weren't quite right? Finally, consider the point of view - were you observing the dream from a 1st person or 3rd person perspective? Were you a character in the dream at all or were you viewing it like a movie? If you dream journal, make sure to note these details along with the general plot of the dream immediately upon waking.

Wait if I'm on fire

How am I so deep in love?

When I dream of dying

I never feel so loved

If you are somebody who would like to increase your dream recall, starting a dream journal is a must. The simple act of writing down your dreams and attempting to analyze them provides immediate feedback to your brain that it should make an effort to remember future dreams. It's a self-reinforcing action. If dream journaling isn't enough to significantly increase your recall, it's recommended you meditate on an affirmation for dream recall before falling asleep. It doesn't need to be complicated - something like "I will remember my dreams tonight" or "I always remember my dreams" is sufficient. This action is essentially self-hypnosis. The mind is extremely malleable during the hypnogogic state right when you are falling asleep. Repeating the suggestion subliminally programs your mind to perform the desired action. It might take a few days but the results tend to be impactful. And, as a bonus, meditation also leads to better quality sleep. You can also try supplements or teas containing valerian root, which has properties that promote better sleep and is correlated with a higher incidence of lucid dreams.

I hope this post was a bit more chipper and informative than recent posts. I'm starting to get my energy back and I'm slowly clambering out of this depressive fog I've felt for the past month. It may be more Song du Jours than album reviews for a few weeks while I get my bearings but I intend to get back on track with that endeavor shortly. As for today's featured song, I chose the duet with Zayn Malik because I prefer this version over the original. The song is about a confusing dream where the singer feels a deep sense of love but the imagery in her dream is frightening and destructive. Although this seems like a contradiction, it may not be. There can be beauty in destruction, depending on the circumstances. Love - real, true Love - shakes you to the core and and destroys all that is false. It frees you from all that you're encumbered by. Maybe this is totally a "7th House ruled by Sagittarius" thing but I have begun to believe that Love is Freedom. If you don't feel free - to express yourself, to be an authentic soul, to make your own choices, to pursue happiness - it isn't Love. It may be attachment, it may even be addiction, but it isn't Love. I'll step off my soapbox now. Suffice it to say, my mind has been on overdrive lately, formulating wild theories and half-baked ideas. It's probably dangerous but we live in a dangerous world.

"Trampoline" Video

"I Don't Wanna Live Forever" by Taylor Swift and ZAYN

I love duets like this, when you get both points of view and, of course, they're weirdly mirrored. And it makes you wonder - why can't these two people work it out? If they want to be with each other so much, why don't they do what they need to do to make it happen? Of course, I don't know what the problem between the two people in the song is. It sounds like she feels like she's giving him everything and she's getting nothing back. And he realizes he's doing this and he doesn't know why, because he wants to give her everything, too. So what's stopping him? I know that answer could be incredibly complicated, so I'm trying to suspend judgement. Because, honestly, there's two people making a choice in this song.

Both are hoping that the other will call (or text) but not making the first move themselves. What are they afraid of? That the other person doesn't feel the same? That it's really over? Or worse, it's not over but maybe it should be. And that's what will haunt them - that they ended things too soon, because of petty obstacles. My favorite lyric in this song is "Wondering if I dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life." Isn't that the worst feeling? Knowing that there's so many things wrong (or one major thing) with a relationship but knowing that you love the other person so much and you want to be with them anyway, no matter what happens. I like to think that Love conquers all but when I say conquer, I mean conquer - it can leave a path of destruction and bodies like nothing else in this world. Romeo and Juliet. Guinevere and Lancelot. Antony and Cleopatra. In all three of these stories, the two people involved loved each other like the moon loves the sun....and their affairs resulted in massive wars and countless lives lost. Although I seem to be making a cynical point, I'm not. In any case, these stories (fictional and historical) have the same lesson - True Love is worth the cost. That being said, given the level of potential destruction, it's probably not for the weak.

I'm sitting eyes wide open and I got one thing stuck in my mind

Wondering if I dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life, oh

Baby, baby, I feel crazy

Up all night, all night and every day

I gave you something, but you gave me nothing

What is happening to me?

The chorus always kind of makes me wonder, though. I just want to keep calling your name until you come back home. I'm assuming this sentence is more figurative than literal. Although, it is kind of a funny to imagine they're each on a street corner, in the rain, screaming for each other. Like they're looking for a lost puppy or something. (There's a metaphor in there, I know it...) No, I'm almost certain they're talking about their soul crying out for the other person. As perhaps we all do, when we're in the throes of existential dread. But does the other person hear it? Do they feel it? This has been one of the great metaphysical questions I've been pondering lately. Is it possible to know if someone is thinking of you? Or is it all just wishful thinking? I hope Person X is thinking of me but I have no control over that. No one does. Also, there's also the main theme of the song - they don't want to live forever if it means living without the other person. This makes me think of the book I'm writing, which ruminates on the perils of Immortality for precisely this reason. Immortality is ultimately the curse of loneliness, a curse to live without the ones you love for the majority of your days. As much fun as it would to finish my epic reading list, the prospect of living forever only to watch the people I care most about slip away constantly would be heartbreaking. As you may have guessed, my story ideas don't come from the cheeriest of places.

Speaking of origin stories, this song was specifically formulated to be the theme for "Fifty Shades Darker." I have a confession - I tried to read the "Fifty Shades of Grey" trilogy. But I just couldn't - I don't want to judge another's writing but it definitely wasn't for me since I couldn't even finish the first chapter. Trust me, there's better erotica out there, my friends. For instance, I'm reading a historical fantasy series called Kushiel's Legacy by Jacqueline Carey. It takes place in a reimagined Renaissance-period Europe where courtesans are revered as performing a sacred service. It's intriguing and, although her overuse of highfalutin words (most of which I think she made up) can be kind of annoying, I generally like the flowery luxuriousness of the world Carey created. Just a warning - like "Fifty Shades," it's high on the BDSM scale. In the current book I'm reading, Phedre has decided to return to Naamah's service, much to the chagrin of her True Love, Joscelin. Pained by her choice, after he's forsaken all his Cassiline Brotherhood vows for her, he decides to return to celibacy. This, of course, is painful to Phedre because he effectively takes back the love he said he had for her. At least in practice - there's multiple times in the book so far where today's Song du Jour would be quite fitting.

A few words about the video. It follows Zayn Malik - the most attractive former member of One Direction (and the most successful thus far) - and Taylor Swift (looking smolderingly beautiful, as is her custom) roaming around New York after they stopped seeing each other. They both look sad and lonely. But they must stay apart, because that is a disgustingly attractive pairing. However, it must be said that the guys Taylor dates in real life aren't nearly as hot as Malik and it's kind of a shame. She has this tendency to cast really super attractive men in her videos but then she turns around and dates Jake Gyllenhaal and John Mayer, of all people. All I'm saying is....the poor girl needs an intervention.

"I Don't Wanna Live Forever" Video