"Only Hope" by Mandy Moore

I love this song and wanted to figure out some way to feature it. "A Walk to Remember" is one of the quintessential romance movies that defined the Millennial ethos on Love. Between this movie, "10 Things I Hate About You," "Save the Last Dance," and "Titanic," it primed an entire generation (especially the younger half) to believe that love can overcome insurmountable obstacles. Even Death, as it turns out. As one of those hopeless people who still believes in true love - real True Love - I've decided to take a closer look at how the romance movie formula takes shape and how that affects the trajectory of the Hero's Journey.

I was recently considering the effect meeting an authentically beautiful soul has on the Hero and his trajectory. In a lot of romance movies - especially romantic tragedies, such as "A Walk to Remember" - one of the two main protagonists is one of these Beautiful Souls. Often times, they are so Pure of Heart that it is to their detriment, and they begin the story as outcasts or ignored because their authenticity makes it difficult to blend in. The Beautiful Soul is often the female lead (there's a reason for this and we'll get to it), but it can be the male lead, as we see in Moulin Rouge. This character generally has a flat arc, in that they believe in something ardently and their entire storyline is centered around testing that conviction. For example, Christian in "Moulin Rouge" believes in Freedom, Beauty, Truth, and Love. Above all else, Love. For Jamie (Mandy Moore's character) in "A Walk to Remember," she truly believes that Landon (Shane West) is a good person, despite the bad, hurtful things he does. This character's mission is to show the other protagonist, through the example of their own authenticity, how to believe in whatever the Beautiful Soul already has faith in. The other protagonist is charged with going through the transformation - to have faith in something, even if it's fleeting. Satine believes in the power of Love before she dies. Landon believes that he's a good person and continues on the path of good, even after Jamie dies. Oh yeah - that's the thing about romantic tragedies - the characters involved usually aren't supposed to be in love with each other for certain reasons, often societal (i.e., race, age, socioeconomic disparities, betrothal to another, long-standing family vendettas) or biological (i.e., a terminal illness, a curse that can't be broken, or Death in one of her other unfortunate guises). Usually someone dies. That is the core choice of the Hero's Love Story - they make a choice to fall in love, even though they know they shouldn't. Even though they know it is short-lived. True Love doesn't always last forever for many reasons, but it would have if circumstances were different. However, it always leaves the protagonist fundamentally reformed as a more authentic version of themselves. This is the alchemical process of the Hero's Journey - to turn lead into gold and often the medium that helps the Hero achieve that is some combination of Love, Faith, and Courage.

There's a song that's inside

Of my soul

It's the one that I've tried to write

Over and over again

I'm awake in the infinite cold

But you sing to me over and over and over again

Let's go into what makes a fantasy romance, because the "Like Stories of Old" channel I've been watching brought up some good points that I only just realized are essential to romances. First, the Lovers are put into a position where they are forced to get to know each other. Some examples: They are stuck together on a long train ride, spending the summer vacation in the same location, or they are working together on a play. In some cases, such as in "A Walk to Remember," they may have been aware of each other for a long time but only get to know each other as a result of being put into a situation where they must interact. Whatever the circumstances are, they always remove whatever barriers there are to the romance and support further intimacy between the characters. Second, they both make the choice to fall in love together. There is no chasing - there's no need for it. The process feels abnormally natural, such that there's no awkwardness or the awkwardness is gotten out of the way relatively quickly. It usually helps that the characters, at least internally, are caring and romantic. They do believe in Love, even if previous experiences have made them cynical. Finally, the circumstances are only there for a short amount of time. It's not that the love has a shelf-life (True Love doesn't and will stick around long after the protagonists separate), but the opportunity to enjoy the romance is short-lived. Reality will come crashing in eventually and separation is inevitable. That's the difference between a romantic comedy and a romantic tragedy. If the characters are reunited, it's a comedy; if the separation is permanent (or if they can only be reunited in death), it's a tragedy. 

The scene in "A Walk to Remember" where "Only Hope" is featured is one of my favorite scenes in film. It's during the school play and Jamie is singing the song, during which, she looks like an absolute angel. This is a key point. This is the "Meeting with the Goddess" moment on Landon's journey, where the full weight of Jamie's beauty, kindness, and general good-ness cannot be ignored. He can't look away - everything has been unveiled to him and he must make the choice to pursue it. And he does, with a simple kiss, which is implied to be unscripted. There's also a moment at the end where his girlfriend/ex-girlfriend gets visibly jealous at seeing them together. That's often another element in romantic tragedies - there is another woman, often a femme fatale, who cannot stand to see the Goddess triumph. This woman is not always linked romantically to the Hero. Sometimes, shes simply jealous of the Goddess because of her beauty and/or talent, such as Nini in "Moulin Rouge." Or it's an overbearing mother who doesn't want her daughter to waste her life on a man she deems as unfit ("Titanic" and "The Notebook"). In the end, this leads to another test for the Lovers - often the ultimate test, before they finally end up together (for however long Fate decides).

It should be noted that this song is actually about Jamie's faith in God, but the lyrics were written purposefully so that it could be inferred that she was referring to her growing feelings for Landon. I could keep ranting because I'm pretty sure I missed a few points that were jumbled in my head earlier today, but I'll keep that to myself (or, more likely, write an entire literary analysis that I don't show anyone). Enjoy the following clip from "A Walk to Remember"!

"Only Hope" Video

"Far Away" by Nickelback

A few months ago, I was thinking, "You know what song I really like? "Far Away" by Nickelback." Because those are the sort of things I think about when I'm driving home from work. Naturally, as soon as I remembered the song existed, it got stuck in my head. Luckily, a couple minutes later, you'll never guess what song came on the radio....yep, "Far Away." Coincidence? I don't believe in coincidences. My favorite Italian word is "la coincidenza," which means "the connection." I love that. There's no coincidence, only connections.

'Cause with you, I'd withstand all of Hell to hold your hand. This line calls to mind the tale of Orpheus and Eurydice. This story and its hard lessons has been on my mind lately. Orpheus was the son of Apollo and the Muse of Music, Calliope. He was a magnificent museum and when he played his lyre, all of Creation was entranced. Orpheus fell in love with a woman called Eurydice and they married. But one day, while dancing in the forest, she was bitten by a snake and died instantly. As Orpheus sang in grief, the world grieved with him - creatures, humans, and gods alike. He decides that he is going to venture to the Underworld and beg its queen, Persephone, to resurrect his True Love. To get there, he charms Cerberus to calmness and pays Charon, the ferryman, in songs. At first, Hades will not grant Orpheus's request - no one escapes his domain. But Orpheus plays and sings of Eurydice's beauty and even Hades is moved. Persephone convinces her husband to allow Orpheus to leave with his beloved wife. Hades agrees, but on the condition that Orpheus not look upon her until they are out of the Underworld. Persephone tells Orpheus that Eurydice that will walk behind him and he must not turnaround, no matter what he hears or doesn't hear. At first, it seems easy enough. But as he gets closer and closer to the edge of the Underworld, doubt and fear takes hold of his heart. With the threshold of the human world a few feet before him, Orpheus looks behind him to ensure that he has not been made a fool by the gods. The last he sees of his beautiful Eurydice is her shade being whisked back to the Underworld. He lost his faith when everything he wanted was within his grasp. The lesson in this - trust that the gods have your back and stay on the path as directed.

I love this story and I love the opera and, as it just so happens, Gluck wrote an opera telling the tragic tale of Orpheus and his dearly departed bride, Eurydice. It has always been a dream of mine that - if I made enough money - I would have season opera passes. Unfortunately, although I've reached an income level where that is actually feasible, it hasn't happened. I begged my parents to go see Orfeo ed Eurydice when it was being performed in Tucson, which they did....after I had moved to Texas. And - just my luck - when I first moved to San Antonio, this city didn't have an opera. Come on, man! Even El Paso had an established opera company when I lived there. Eventually, SA did establish one - in 2015, around the time I got pregnant. Oh well - I guess it wasn't meant to be, at least until I find a good babysitter. I'm not even sure The Husband will indulge me - I dragged him to the ballet once and he didn't get the point. But, at least he went with me the one time. Will it ever happen again? Doubtful. Luckily, I don't mind going alone. You can afford better seats when you're only buying one ticket.

This time, this place, misused, mistakes

Too long, too late, who was I to make you wait?

Just one chance, just one breath

Just in case there's just one left

'Cause you know you know, you know

That I love you I have loved you all along and I miss you

Been far away for far too long

I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go

Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore

Went on a bit of a tangent but I'm back now. I like this song because it's so vulnerable. Clearly, the guy fucked up somehow (or made a choice that put some distance between them) and now, the one he loves isn't there. He's asking for a second chance, hoping for a second chance, because if he knew what he knew now, he wouldn't make the same choices. Unfortunately, we don't know the outcome. All we hear is the apology part. Does he/she accept? Is he even singing this to anyone or is this just written down in a book somewhere, because he pushed the other person so far away that he can't even apologize properly? Again, more hard lessons - you never know how important someone is to you until they're gone forever.

The video is a tearjerker. A firefighter leaves the comfort of his bed and his wife to fight a wildfire. She watches the news, concerned whether or not he's okay. He's out there, doing his job valiantly. Then we see him save his friend when he's overcome by smoke inhalation and the helicopter leaves him. Oh no! But it was just tricky editing - the director cut out the part where the helicopter comes back so we're in suspense. He's there at the end to greet his wife and they share a passionate kiss. Which what you should do when your husband comes home from work, in my humble opinion, even if he's not a firefighter.

"Far Away" Video

"I Don't Wanna Live Forever" by Taylor Swift and ZAYN

I love duets like this, when you get both points of view and, of course, they're weirdly mirrored. And it makes you wonder - why can't these two people work it out? If they want to be with each other so much, why don't they do what they need to do to make it happen? Of course, I don't know what the problem between the two people in the song is. It sounds like she feels like she's giving him everything and she's getting nothing back. And he realizes he's doing this and he doesn't know why, because he wants to give her everything, too. So what's stopping him? I know that answer could be incredibly complicated, so I'm trying to suspend judgement. Because, honestly, there's two people making a choice in this song.

Both are hoping that the other will call (or text) but not making the first move themselves. What are they afraid of? That the other person doesn't feel the same? That it's really over? Or worse, it's not over but maybe it should be. And that's what will haunt them - that they ended things too soon, because of petty obstacles. My favorite lyric in this song is "Wondering if I dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life." Isn't that the worst feeling? Knowing that there's so many things wrong (or one major thing) with a relationship but knowing that you love the other person so much and you want to be with them anyway, no matter what happens. I like to think that Love conquers all but when I say conquer, I mean conquer - it can leave a path of destruction and bodies like nothing else in this world. Romeo and Juliet. Guinevere and Lancelot. Antony and Cleopatra. In all three of these stories, the two people involved loved each other like the moon loves the sun....and their affairs resulted in massive wars and countless lives lost. Although I seem to be making a cynical point, I'm not. In any case, these stories (fictional and historical) have the same lesson - True Love is worth the cost. That being said, given the level of potential destruction, it's probably not for the weak.

I'm sitting eyes wide open and I got one thing stuck in my mind

Wondering if I dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life, oh

Baby, baby, I feel crazy

Up all night, all night and every day

I gave you something, but you gave me nothing

What is happening to me?

The chorus always kind of makes me wonder, though. I just want to keep calling your name until you come back home. I'm assuming this sentence is more figurative than literal. Although, it is kind of a funny to imagine they're each on a street corner, in the rain, screaming for each other. Like they're looking for a lost puppy or something. (There's a metaphor in there, I know it...) No, I'm almost certain they're talking about their soul crying out for the other person. As perhaps we all do, when we're in the throes of existential dread. But does the other person hear it? Do they feel it? This has been one of the great metaphysical questions I've been pondering lately. Is it possible to know if someone is thinking of you? Or is it all just wishful thinking? I hope Person X is thinking of me but I have no control over that. No one does. Also, there's also the main theme of the song - they don't want to live forever if it means living without the other person. This makes me think of the book I'm writing, which ruminates on the perils of Immortality for precisely this reason. Immortality is ultimately the curse of loneliness, a curse to live without the ones you love for the majority of your days. As much fun as it would to finish my epic reading list, the prospect of living forever only to watch the people I care most about slip away constantly would be heartbreaking. As you may have guessed, my story ideas don't come from the cheeriest of places.

Speaking of origin stories, this song was specifically formulated to be the theme for "Fifty Shades Darker." I have a confession - I tried to read the "Fifty Shades of Grey" trilogy. But I just couldn't - I don't want to judge another's writing but it definitely wasn't for me since I couldn't even finish the first chapter. Trust me, there's better erotica out there, my friends. For instance, I'm reading a historical fantasy series called Kushiel's Legacy by Jacqueline Carey. It takes place in a reimagined Renaissance-period Europe where courtesans are revered as performing a sacred service. It's intriguing and, although her overuse of highfalutin words (most of which I think she made up) can be kind of annoying, I generally like the flowery luxuriousness of the world Carey created. Just a warning - like "Fifty Shades," it's high on the BDSM scale. In the current book I'm reading, Phedre has decided to return to Naamah's service, much to the chagrin of her True Love, Joscelin. Pained by her choice, after he's forsaken all his Cassiline Brotherhood vows for her, he decides to return to celibacy. This, of course, is painful to Phedre because he effectively takes back the love he said he had for her. At least in practice - there's multiple times in the book so far where today's Song du Jour would be quite fitting.

A few words about the video. It follows Zayn Malik - the most attractive former member of One Direction (and the most successful thus far) - and Taylor Swift (looking smolderingly beautiful, as is her custom) roaming around New York after they stopped seeing each other. They both look sad and lonely. But they must stay apart, because that is a disgustingly attractive pairing. However, it must be said that the guys Taylor dates in real life aren't nearly as hot as Malik and it's kind of a shame. She has this tendency to cast really super attractive men in her videos but then she turns around and dates Jake Gyllenhaal and John Mayer, of all people. All I'm saying is....the poor girl needs an intervention.

"I Don't Wanna Live Forever" Video

"Come What May" from "Moulin Rouge"

I know it's late and it's not even technically November anymore, but I wanted to fit in just one more song before the next theme. I just came home from an awkward but enjoyable night, which will hopefully result in some new friendships. Anyway, you know you wanted another sappy love song, right? And this one is the sappiest, I tell you what. "Moulin Rouge" is my favorite movie. It's true. The doctors say I'm incurable. I went to go see it in the theater when I was 13 and - as with all my favorites - had no idea what to expect. From the very beginning, I was like "What the fuck is this magic?" and by the end, I was bawling my eyes out. But, as you know, I'm a hopeless romantic and "Moulin Rouge" is the most tragic of love stories.

The story is the classic Twin Flame scenario.  A poet with a head full of romantic ideas ventures off to the Big City (Paris, in this case) to lose himself in the debauchery of the demimonde. Christian - our poet - is hoping to find love in Paris because how can you be a poet if you've never been in love? His first night in Montmartre, he falls in with a troupe of miscreants (artists, actors, and other various performers), who just happen to be looking for a writer. They take him to the Moulin Rouge, the Belle Epoque-equivalent of a modern day strip club/brothel. There, he meets Satine, a beautiful courtesan whose only wish is to be a real actress (like the Great Sarah Bernhardt). Unfortunately, she is slowly dying from tuberculosis. Anyway, Satine, mistaking Christian for a Duke who will fund her dreams of stardom, attempts to seduce Christian but ends up falling in love with him. That's when the actual Duke comes in and Satine has to pretend they were rehearsing a play. The Duke promises to fund the play but only if Satine belongs to him - and only him. No other clients. Satine and her boss, Zigler, agree. However, Satine and Christian can't deny the growing love between them and they carry on their love affair. You know what happens next. Jealousy, resentment, anger. And that's all before the Duke finds out that Satine has been unfaithful. The Duke threatens to kill Christian if Satine doesn't break it off immediately. In the greatest performance of her life, in order to save her True Love, she tells Christian that she never loved him, that it was an act, that she was just doing her job as a whore. A broken-hearted Christian is barred from the Moulin Rouge but returns during the final performance and makes a show of "paying for his whore." Satine sings their love song and melts his icy heart. They sing the final song in the play together and the curtain closes. Having performed as a real actress and reunited with her True Love, Satine dies in Christian's arms. During this whole movie, the story is being recounted by Christian, who had fallen into a deep depression after Satine died. Writing the story helps him to grieve and move on. Fin.

My Favorite Picture of Nicole Kidman

I can't fucking watch this movie without crying. I just can't do it. Even thinking about it kind of makes me sad. I don't know why, but something about this particular plot has always resonated with me. Maybe something similar happened to me in a past life, if you believe in reincarnation (spoiler alert: I do). My grandmother used to call me her little Sarah Bernhardt - throughout high school and even a bit into college, I wanted to be an actress. I was really good, too - I am really good, still, when I break out the old monologue books. I'm a natural. That's what everybody said. But, to me, acting is simply the art of being human....and there's nobody as human as I am. I have flaws, I have weaknesses, I have annoying quirks, and I'm painfully aware of all of it. 

(Side tangent: Tonight was a good example of one of those flaws - even though I like being around people, I have a tendency to wait until people are done talking to speak, which makes it seem like I'm quieter than I am because I can't get a word in - that's why it was a bit awkward. It's a known issue and I'm trying to work on it.) 

Satine seems aware of her shortcomings, too. She always seemed so aware of what she was - what she did for a living - and, although she tried to make the best of her situation, she never let go of her dreams. I'm sure, to her clients, it would've seemed like she loved being a courtesan. Only Christian saw through all of that, knew that she could be something more, something greater. I think she loved that about him - that, for once, she didn't have to pretend. And eventually her dreams came true. She did get her happy ending, it was just too brief and that's why it's sad. 

Never knew I could feel like this

Like I've never seen the sky before

Want to vanish inside your kiss

Every day I love you more and more

Listen to my heart

Can you hear it sing?

Telling me to give you everything

Seasons may change, winter to spring

But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may

I will love you until my dying day

"Come What May" is Satine and Christian's secret song. Since they couldn't tell each other "I love you" in front of the Duke, they sang the song and just pretended they were rehearsing. I know - kind of ridiculously romantic. It's also a ridiculously simple melody. I found myself singing it today, because it is a pretty song that's easy to learn. It's a duet and in the movie, it plays over a montage of Satine and Christian going on "dates," usually with an oblivious Duke in tow. It's sweet, because it's all so innocent. A walk through the park, a picnic on the Seine, rehearsing at the Moulin Rouge....simple things. However, juxtapose this song against Satine's spotlight songs, which are all conflicted about the relationship - she's really happy when she's with Christian but she knows it can't end well. That's why the song is "Come What May" - regardless of what happens, even if they break each others hearts, even if they are forced apart, they will love each other. Until the end of time. Or their dying day. I'm not really sure if it's a "whatever comes first" situation, but we know that Satine kept up her end of the deal.

Anyway, it's been a long day. Heck, it's been kind of a long week and I'm a bit surprised it's over. Regardless, enjoy "Come What May"....unfortunately, I wasn't able to find the clip from the movie but the soundtrack version is cleaner anyway.

"Come What May" Video

"Origin of Love" by Hedwig and the Angry Inch

We've encountered Hedwig before. I've had this song in my back pocket for a while. Now that I'm writing about it, I'm not sure exactly what to say. It's a power ballad, for sure, with lyrics whose brilliance are unrivaled by any other song I've heard. In fact, after seeing "Hedwig and the Angry Inch," I felt so strongly about this song, I had to make The Husband (formerly The Boyfriend) listen to it immediately. When he dismissed it as "the most emo song he's ever heard," I cannot begin to describe the level of disappointment I felt. Because I was hoping - just hoping - that he would understand what the song was saying as much as I did. Which is silly, because it isn't the type of song he would get. Not only are the esoteric references over his head, I'm not sure he's even interested in googling the Cliff's Notes for Plato's "Symposium," which is the text the lyrics are based on. Mind you, you don't have to be well-versed in classical philosophy to follow the story - some people just know it's true in their heart. Or so I've been told....maybe that's true for you, too.

For those who haven't spent a lot of time perusing ancient Greek philosophy, I'll sum up "Symposium" here as best I can. "Symposium" is an imagined collection of speeches given by celebrated philosophers of the day in praise of the god Eros. "Origin of Love" is based on Aristophanes speech. Aristophanes tells the other guests that, in the beginning, there were three sexes. One looked like two females attached at the back (Children of the Earth), another was two males (Children of the Sun), and the third was comprised of a man and a woman attached together (Children of the Moon). The humans conspired to climb Mt. Olympus and confront the gods. The gods, frightened by the humans strength and determination, devised an especially cruel way to punish them. Zeus used lightening to cut the humans in half and then scattered them to the wind. And thus, humans are doomed to walk the earth, searching for their other half, wishing to be whole again. However, Aristophanes posits that if they do find their other half, they will be inseparable. It's the essential Love Story, which all other love stories are based on. This text is the basis for the idea of Twin Flames - a single soul split between two bodies. It's not the same as soulmates, if you believe in that kind of thing. You can have dozens of soulmates over your lifetime, but you only have one Twin Flame.

Last time I saw you

We just split in two

You was looking at me

I was looking at you

You had a way so familiar

But I could not recognize

'cause you had blood in your face

And I had blood in my eyes

But I could swear by your expression

That the pain down in your soul

Was the same as the one down in mine

Aristophanes called his speech a eulogy for the human race - I think that's probably right. It sounds like a sad and lonely existence searching, knowing you're missing something. What a monumental task, to find that one other person out of 7.5 billion people? And, like our friend Wreckless Eric reminded us on Monday, "she probably lives in Tahiti." Eric was obviously from Great Britain - how the fuck would he know to go searching in Tahiti? Or what if they're in some place even farther away? It's basically guaranteed that they'll be from a different culture or socioeconomic status or any number of things that make a relationship difficult. Or what if they ended up dying early this lifetime? Or can't be with you for some other stupid reason? So many "what ifs" and "oh nos." Maybe it's better to not believe in such things, unless it's in a movie or a book. Otherwise, it's just depressing to think about....enough to call back that existential dread that lingers around in the back your mind.

Anyway, this idea also serves as the basis for Hedwig's story, too. At first, she believed Tommy Gnosis was her Twin Flame. Then, he freaks out after discovering she's transgender, steals all her songs and goes on to be a famous rockstar. Hedwig spends the majority of the movie following his tour while playing with her band of Eastern European immigrants. Finally, Hedwig hits rock bottom, having pushed away her friends, and starts working as a hooker. Hedwig and Tommy do reunite briefly, when he solicits her "services." It's a funny scene - Hedwig gets really pissed off when she finds out that Tommy fucked up the lyrics to "Origin of Love" (He was calling Osiris "the Cyrus"). When the paparazzi discover them together, their fortunes reverse - Hedwig becomes a big star and Tommy fades into oblivion. In the end, she realizes she never needed Tommy - she was whole all on her own. And that's the moral of the story, kids.

Including the scene from the movie (because I like the illustrations that go with the song) as well a clean version from the soundtrack.

"Origin of Love" Scene

Soundtrack Version

"The Blower's Daughter" by Damien Rice

This is kind of a sad song but I wanted to make sure I included it this month because it's really beautiful. "The Blower's Daughter" was featured in the film "Closer," which is one of those grown-up movies that I'm not sure I'm deep enough to understand. I'm not even sure if it was a good movie, but it has both Julia Roberts and Natalie Portman, so my assumption is that it probably was. The movie was about two couples whose stories interweaved as they cheated on each other with their counterpart from the other couple. Even after reading the plot summary, I'm not sure I quite get it.

Jude Law plays Dan, who meets Alice (Portman) in the beginning. After they've been dating a couple years, he writes a book about her. Then he meets Anna (Roberts) when he is getting his picture taken for the book cover. Dan tries to convince Anna to have an affair with him, which Alice overhears while she's in the bathroom. Anna refuses and in an act of revenge, he tricks a random sex addict from an online chat room, Larry (Clive Owen), to meet Anna. To Dan's dismay, Larry and Anna actually do start a relationship after meeting. Then, Dan and Anna finally have an affair before leaving Alice and Larry to be with each other. Paths criss-cross and you're meant to think that Dan and Anna are supposed to be together, as are Alice and Larry. However, in the end, Anna and Larry reunite and - although back together briefly at the end - Alice and Dan ultimately break up.

Now, Dan is clearly a manipulative sociopath - the audience realizes this from the very beginning. But the twist in the story is that Alice was lying about her name the entire time she was in a relationship with Dan. The only person in the story that knows her real name is Larry, who didn't believe her when she told him. The film begins and ends with scenes that mirror each other - Alice/Jane is walking down a busy street. The camera is fixed so that everyone around her is blurry and she stands out. Whereas in the first scene, she's dressed to stand out - she's wearing a wig, a lot of makeup, and a loud outfit - in the final scene, Jane appears more natural. This signifies an embrace of authenticity for the character, that she is singularly beautiful, whether she uses tricks to call attention to herself or not. She's made an impact on Dan and Larry, and they won't forget her any time soon.

And so it is just like you said it would be

Life goes easy on me

Most of the time

And so it is the shorter story

No love, no glory

No hero in her sky

It's fairly clear what "The Blower's Daughter" is about. A relationship has ended - maybe it was mutual at the time, but the singer still misses the girl. There are a lot of theories surrounding where Damien Rice got the inspiration for "The Blower's Daughter" from. I won't repeat the biggest one, because he's already said that it was complete fiction. But the other popular theory is that he fell in love with his clarinet teacher's daughter, who was younger than him. Not by much, nothing sordid or anything, but she couldn't be with him. Eventually, he stopped taking lessons from the teacher, but he was still a bit obsessed with her. Whatever happened, Rice was in a lot of pain when he wrote this song. I think you can kind of hear it - the sadness as he strives to accept that it's over, the waver in his voice as he sings the first couple lyrics. That's what you look for in a good tragic love song. I know I keep saying this but....this is definitely in my Top 10 favorite songs. I'm pretty sure I'm up to 20 now, but....meh....who cares.

"The Blower's Daughter" Video

"I'm Kissing You" by Des'ree

I'm not a big fan of "Romeo & Juliet." I think the story is kind of silly - two teenagers have a brief fling that ends up with like nine people being killed and a suicide pact. Sounds ridiculous and foolish. But I do like Baz Lurhmann's interpretation with Claire Danes and Leonardo Dicaprio. My AP English teacher in 9th grade had us watch it instead of the 1968 film starring Olivia Hussey. He said that the storytelling, and the ending especially, seemed more impactful. I'm inclined to agree. But I love Baz Luhrmann films because they are so decadent and colorful and outlandishly lavish. Overall, I think his version is more effective mostly because Claire Danes is plainly a better actor than Olivia Hussey. Her Juliet just seemed more believable and tragically beautiful - watching her, I knew she loved Romeo and Romeo (Dicaprio) loved her back. Passionately. And it was easier to think that you can fall in love in an instant and have it last forever. I want to believe that, if Romeo and Juliet had not been young and stupid, they would've stayed together and still be as in love as in those first three days. But I know how unlikely that is. Cynical as it is, he would grow distant and she would become disenchanted. Happily ever after is only true in fairy tales, so maybe it's better they both died in the end.

For a brief moment a few months back, I thought I understood the story. In the beginning, they were both sad and lonely. Romeo had been recently rejected by a girl he thought he loved immensely, Rosalind. And Juliet - well, her mother didn't really know how to show her affection and she was being pushed into a marriage of convenience. Sure, Count Paris is handsome (it's fucking Paul Rudd...fuck yeah, he's handsome) and rich, but Juliet is young and she wants more. They were both a little broken. Then, this party happens and Romeo and Juliet are brought together by chance. Neither of them were looking for it, but when they meet, it's like lightening. Like it's supposed to happen. In the Baz Luhrmann version, this is the song that's playing when they meet at the party. During the infamous "fish tank" scene. I love that scene. I would say it's one of my favorite scenes in all of cinematic history. Mostly because of this song. But it's weird though - that scene is supposed to be happy and magical and this song is unimaginably sad when you actually listen to the lyrics. I can't help but cry, sometimes (which makes writing this post especially difficult...).

Des'ree is singing about a love that's seemingly over and she's clinging to the memory of a kiss. Just a kiss. And at the end, she's asking, "Where are you now?" , because he (or she) is not there anymore. Maybe he's dead or maybe he's disappeared. More than likely, he disappeared. I guess that's what you'd call foreshadowing. Maybe we're not meant to be happy that Romeo met Juliet, because that's the beginning of the end for them. Sure, they are destined to be together but not in life. Fate is a cruel mistress.

Pride can stand a thousand trials

The strong will never fall

But watching stars without you, my soul cried

Heaving heart is full of pain

Oh, oh, the aching

'Cause, I'm kissing you oh

I'm kissing you oh

Touch me deep, pure and true gift to me forever

'Cause, I'm kissing you

Oh, I'm kissing you, oh

Where are you now?

Where are you now?

Cause, I'm kissing you

I'm kissing you, oh

Yes, seriously. Those are all the lyrics and the song is nearly 5 minutes long. But I could (and do) listen to it over and over, that's how good it is.

I do kind of love Shakespeare, though, and the various adaptations of his plays. Some of the greatest teen romances of the 90s and early 2000s are based on them, as you'll see. My older sister, M, had this old, battered book of all Shakespeare's plays and sonnets that she stole from the high school we went to. I used to borrow it to practice my acting skillz. I had my favorite monologues - Ophelia from "Hamlet," Hermia from "A Midsummer Night's Dream," Beatrice from "Much Ado about Nothing." But by far my favorite was one of Juliet's monologues. Not the balcony scene....that's too predictable. No, my favorite Juliet monologue is the soliloquy she delivers before she takes the sleeping draught Friar Laurence gives her to make it seem like she died. It seems especially dramatic, because at the end, she's hallucinating that she sees Tybalt's ghost. And at the end, the performer gets to pretend to die. That's always fun.

In addition to the song video, I'm including the fish tank scene from "William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet." Because this month is more about the movies than the music. I was thinking of this particular movie recently because John Mulaney and his wife dressed up as Leo and Claire this Halloween and instantly won Best Couple's Costume of 2018, hands down.

Fish Tank Scene

"I'm Kissing You" Video (Just the song)

"People are Strange" by The Doors

My favorite Doors song. I remember hearing this song when I was like 8-years-old and feeling like Jim Morrison knew exactly how I felt. Morrison struggled with depression most of his life. Like many people with depression, he self-medicated and eventually, he added drug addiction and alcoholism to his myriad of problems. Ultimately, he ended up dead under mysterious circumstances (probably a drug overdose but they didn't do an autopsy). His long time lover, Pamela Courson, found him in the bathtub in his Paris apartment, which sounds more poetic than it is. He's buried in Pere LaChaise Cemetery. One day, when I visit Paris, I plan to visit his grave, simply because it's fucking Jim Morrison. There are other folks I plan to visit at Pere LaChaise - Oscar Wilde, Colette, Isadora Duncan, and Edith Piaf (just to name a few) - but The Lizard King's final resting place is definitely Stop #1.

Morrison was kind of a weird guy. Ignore the fact that he was attractive (which he didn't feel he was at all), he was also incredibly deep person. One of those people who thought deeply about everything but was usually very quiet and introverted, unless you really knew him. I guess that added to his allure. Girls thought he was dark and mysterious, which I suppose is sexy. It can also be highly infuriating too, which Courson would probably attest. She and Jim were together intermittently since they met in college. People described her as his "other half" and even though they both had relationships with other people, they shared a special, unwavering connection right up until the end. People say that she's the only one he gave him some sense of peace, so you have to wonder why they never managed to make it work. Even though they were never married, when Pam died a few short years after Morrison did, her parents buried her under the name Pamela Susan Morrison. And thus, that's how another tragic love story ends.

This song always struck me as rather sinister whenever I heard it. Maybe it's because of the words or the hollow way that Morrison sings it. But I understand the feeling. I never understood why, though. How could I be in a room full of people and still feel lonely? Even when I'm with the Husband, I'll just feel lonely and no amount of cuddling can fill the hollowness. It's an ongoing problem, I just try to deal with it. Alcohol helps occasionally, as old Jim can attest. Distraction works well - I've been keeping myself busy with work and special projects, volunteering, and teaching my son stuff (mostly sick dance moves). But when I get a little time to myself - like when I'm reading or meditating - that familiar emptiness creeps in.

People are strange when you're a stranger

Faces look ugly when you're alone

Women seem wicked when you're unwanted

Streets are uneven when you're down

The song lyrics came about because Morrison realized he was depressed because "people are strange when you're strange." I can see what he means. I find that when I'm less than chipper, human interactions and interests seem meaningless, almost futile. Why bother? We're all going to die eventually anyway. Possibly tomorrow. Thus spake Fatalist Jess, killjoy extraordinaire. But that's not normal me - talking to and helping people usually makes me happy, so that's how I know a course correction is needed. I'm rambling and I have no idea where this paragraph is going, so I'm going to end it here. Video below.

"People are Strange" Video