"Habits (Stay High)" by Tove Lo

Another one of my son's favorite songs. Probably shouldn't be - this song does not reflect the healthiest of lifestyles. I think he likes the "ooh" parts and, to be honest, so do I. They're fun to sing. As you can gather from the lyrics, Tove Lo wrote this after a bad breakup. She went into a downward spiral and developed some self-destructive habits. Chief among these was excessive alcohol and drug use, hence the subtitle "Stay High." However, the song lyrics and the video are more reflective of someone who turns to promiscuity to get over their past relationship. It's the whole idea that "the fastest way to get over someone is to get under someone else," which is some Libra bullshit if I've ever heard it. Our brains and definitely our hearts don't work like that, no matter how hard we want to believe it. In case you're wondering (because, yes, I did look it up as research), Tove Lo is a Scorpio (she has a tattoo on her shoulder to prove it....such a fucking Scorpio thing to do) and, although she does have her Mars in Libra, her Venus is in Scorpio. She ain't getting over anybody if she believes they are her soul mate, no matter how many people she fucks (but it sounds like she tried her hardest....respect). The lyrics also touch on the numbness people might feel after "shadow" losses - it's like there's nothing to look forward to anymore. You're not surprised or excited about anything, but you're not disappointed about anything either. Life is just....meh. And, strangely enough, that's even more exhausting than being on an emotional roller coaster.

The video is disorienting and it's meant to be. Most of the video's perspective is shot as a close-up of Tove Lo going about her business of partying hard and lip syncing to the song. To film, she wore the camera strapped to her waist during the entire shoot. It was draining but having to carry the weight around brought into stark focus the pain she was holding onto from the experience that inspired the song. Her reactions and emotions are very real - when she breaks down in tears, that's not acting. Keep an eye on the guy with the hand tattoos, because he's critical to my understanding of the video. I had seen this video at least a couple dozen times before something clicked in my head and I fully comprehended the message the director was trying to get across. At the time, I felt really proud of myself and also really stupid, because I should've seen it earlier.

I eat my dinner in my bathtub, then I go to sex clubs

Watchin' freaky people gettin' it on

It doesn't make me nervous if anything, I'm restless

Yeah, I've been around and I've seen it all

I get home, I got the munchies, binge on all my Twinkies

Throw up in the tub then I go to sleep

And I drank up all my money, dazed and kinda lonely

Essentially, the plot of the video is Tove Lo partying all day, every day, in order to get over the person she's singing about. It seems like she's having fun in the beginning but by the end, it's clear she's not having fun at all. I believe Hand-Tattoo Guy represents the person she's trying to get over. The viewer is made to assume that he's actually there and he's one of the friends she goes out to party with. I posit that he is a figment of her imagination - even though he's not really there, he's always there because she can't get him off her mind. If you watch really carefully, there are shots where Hand-Tattoo Guy is doing something before a cut-away and when they return to the scene, it's someone else performing that action. He's like a ghost, just fading away into the shadows. Tormenting her with his elusive omnipresence. I understand how that feels - it almost makes it feel better to pretend the person is there....until that crushing moment of lucidity when you realize they aren't. Maybe this is projection (and perhaps I'm admitting a little bit too much of my crazy), but there are moments I find myself imagining someone else is there when I'm doing stuff by myself. Mundane things - like when I'm driving in the car or cooking dinner. Or having conversations with people in my head, conversations I'll probably never have because I'm so much more witty in my imagination. Occasionally, these conversations are with people I've never met or who I know I will probably never see in this life ever again. It's a way of organizing my thoughts, in order to put them in a way others will understand, because my mind tends to move faster than my mouth sometimes. It helps to have a rant prepared and in your pocket. You know....for special occasions. These blog posts often begin as imaginary conversations and I'd like to think they read better for it.

In hindsight, Tove Lo realizes the things she did to heal from this relationship - alcohol, drugs, sex - were counterproductive. Anyone with a couple decades of life experience can tell the lyrics do not describe a healthy way to deal with a situation but we've all done it at some point. Excessive drinking, party hopping because we don't want the night to end, exercising until we drop from exhaustion, burning ourselves with lighters, hopping in taxi cabs with strangers we've only known for 2 hours - the list of self-destructive tendencies is endless and, in the end, they're never satisfying. So, the question we're faced with is this - how do we heal when we've made a promise to ourselves not to be self-destructive anymore? That's the hard part. The self-destructive shit is easy - it's the comfortable way to deal, which is why we resort to that first. But those habits are just a distraction. Eventually - when the distractions stop working and aren't fun anymore - you have to take a good, long look in the mirror and accept you can't run from your feelings. And you can't change what happened. You can only change yourself. Sometimes, this means therapy (especially when addiction is involved). It always means shadow work of some kind, followed by extensive goal-setting and promise-making. And a lot of time spent finding out who you are when you're alone. This is where the magic happens, because in this space, there's a need to channel your emotions somewhere. Often, this results in the creation of something beautiful - a painting, a song, a story, a business. Something to help transmute whatever you were feeling into something enjoyable.

"Habits (Stay High)" Video