"Moderation" by Florence + the Machine

Trying to fit in one more Song du Jour in before September. I was feeling this song today and, truth be told, I hadn't even heard it before today. I'd only seen a short bit of the lyrics from Florence's Instagram but it had struck a chord. As per my sister, seeing Florence in concert was amazing and easily the best concert she's ever been to. I believe her - and I've been to some great concerts. I saw Cher on her first farewell tour! And, of course, seeing Elton John live is transcendent. But Florence Welch has a way of singing the words in my soul that strips me bare. And I've seen the footage from her tour - her performance is like a ritual. She's raising magic as she sings and you can tell every person there is so high with it. So much energy! I love every song she's ever written, because it's always brilliant and heartachingly beautiful. Which is why I can read the lyrics and instantly know that it's going to be one of my favorites. I've decided the next time she comes through Texas (if ever again), I'm going to go, even if I have to go alone.

I've never made it with moderation

No, I've never understood

All the feeling was all or nothing

And I took everything I could

Can't hold it back, I can't take the tension

Oh, I'm trying to be good

Want me to love you in moderation

Well don't you know, I wish I could

"Moderation" is about feeling tired of holding yourself back to make others comfortable. Especially in love. I don't know why but it got me thinking about Scarlett O'Hara in "Gone with the Wind." She spends the majority of the movie chasing after this guy named Ashley Wilkes. Lord only knows why. Sure, Ashley is handsome, wealthy, and a perfect Southern gentleman.....but he's milquetoast. And that's fine - especially since he chooses to marry Melanie Hamilton, who is incredibly kind and very beautiful (she's played by Olivia de Havilland, for chrissakes) but also probably just as boring as he is. And Scarlett, who is ravishing and fiery and hella smart, just can't understand it. Just can't understand what she's doing wrong. Throughout the movie, Ashley struggles with his love and attraction to Scarlett. He understands why he married Melanie - they have more in common and she is a good wife. Not that Scarlett wouldn't have been a good wife - on the contrary, I think she would've loved him more fiercely than he could handle. And that's the thing....some people just can't handle the intensity. There's two ways you can react to that - you make yourself smaller to make others more comfortable or you move on to someone who loves how extra you are. I think you know you know which one I'm more in favor of, but that's because I feel that one of them slowly kills your soul until you're only a shell of who you used to be. Rhett Butler understood that about Scarlett the instant he met her. Scarlett is the definition of extra - incredibly flirtatious, attention-loving, and sensual to a fault. That would've been exhausting to Ashley, who might've always lived his life trying to tame his wild wife. However, Rhett couldn't look away and her vivaciousness made him feel alive. He was content to let her be a star.

And that's my rant on Scarlett O'Hara. My dad says I'm a lot like her, because I get really fiery when I get worked up about things. And I get worked up about so many things. I'm naturally a passionate person but I don't think that comes through, because I survived for so long pretending I was invisible, even though I desperately wanted to be seen. I know from experience that it's soul-killing. Another similarity Scarlett and I have is best summed up in the following quote: "No, I don't think I will kiss you — although you need kissing badly. That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how." It's true. I need a lot of physical affection. It helps me come back to neutral and helps me feel safe/secure. Yes, it's a product of my childhood - my sister and I were discussing this last week, because she's the same way. And I know I should be ashamed because that makes me "needy" but - fuck it - that's what I need. If you're the same, the right person will be eager to meet you where you live. They won't force you to "love in moderation."

If you can believe it, I really did mean for this to be just a short song o' the day post. Must've got into the zone. Oh well - Enjoy!

"Moderation" Video