If Real Life were a Music Video....Ed. 1

I was at the supermarket today, buying Cream of Mushroom soup because my mom has a weird hankering for the Cream of Mushroom Chicken on the back of the can, when nostalgia wafted in through the sound system.  That's right, my friends -- The Macarena was playing in Food City.  To make matters worse, I couldn't shake the insane notion that everyone in the store was going to drop everything and start dancing, which -- I have to admit -- would be f*cking awesome.  Just for reference, I have disturbingly good visualization skills, so in my head, I could literally see the cashiers shaking their hips.  Suddenly, everyone was wearing neon spandex outfits, disco balls dropped down from the ceiling, and the linoleum tiles lit up every time I moved!  It was amazing! -- and I had to try extremely hard to keep from laughing.

Are instructions really necessary?

Of course, that isn't actually what occurred....but, somewhere, deep inside, I believe it could've happened that way.  All I needed to do was start it -- to be the catalyst, so to speak.  In theory, if I had just started doing The Macarena right there in the soup aisle, everyone would join me and then, it wouldn't just be an ordinary run to Food City.  No -- it would be a party!  On the other hand, I could start dancing The Macarena and people would give me funny looks which would lead to me immediately ceasing all movement and scuttling away like Dr. Zoidberg.  Perhaps that's the more realistic scenario, but I prefer my outrageous version to boring old reality anyway. 

The Macarena can't really be that terrible, right?  I mean, the bitches from Beauxbatons (see Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire) adopted it into a sort of cheer, so it must have its merits.  I remember when that was the biggest thing in 1996 and--being the coolest muthafuckas going into 4th grade--my friends and I taught a bunch of 5-year-olds how to do the moves.  Looking back, that definitely belongs in the Questionable Life Choices pile but it was exciting at the time.  And -- be honest -- you know you're going to jump in line when The Macarena is played at a wedding or a party because it's kind of like the Latin Hokey Pokey....it's fun because dancing is fun, anyone can do the dance moves, and it's really hard to f*ck it up.  Sure, to the aliens, it might look like a bunch of semi-intelligent humanoids flinging their arms around all willy-nilly, but to everyone else, it just looks like a hella good time....And I. Want. In.

Song du Jour: Oh Land

Son of a Gun

by Oh Land

How Dare He!?!

This one is from the weekly haul before last.  Warning -- It's catchy....I can't promise that it will get stuck in your head but it's statistically probable that it might.  For those of you who aren't familiar with Oh Land, she is a Danish transplant to New York--and by Danish, I mean she's really Danish...her name starts with one of those weird scandinavian Os with a slash through them.  I have no idea what the letter is called -- I searched an entire wikipedia page on the symbol and the most I could come up with was "slashed o" so if someone could help me with that, I'd appreciate it.  Back to Oh Land -- She's been around since 2008 and generally deals in pop electronica, so if you here me refer to Goldfrapp and Little Boots a lot, that's why.  This song typifies the idiom "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."  Basically, she's telling titular "son of a gun" (or bitch, as my brain is already replacing the lyrics) that he can go f*ck himself because she's not going to pull him out of the mess he's made.  Damn skippy.  Let the bastard fry....er...drown. 

I finished Foundation by Isaac Asimov and have moved on to Foundation and Empire.  I started the Zombie Apocalypse Drill website -- well, my hand was forced.  The Boyfriend decided to tell everyone on the Facebook Event page that the website would be up "in a couple days" even though he hasn't told me what he wants on it.  I'm flying blind here but I'll still be the one who gets the heat if something isn't put up soon.  So, if he doesn't like the dramatic spin I'm putting on it because that's just how I roll, he can go suck a bag of dicks.  Word to the wise -- don't settle for a lazy-yet-overzealous boyfriend.  Oh...and did I mention that I had to wait for my sister to get out of class in the Serial Killer Snatching Grounds on post.  For damn near a whole hour.  Seriously, I could've been stolen and they probably wouldn't have found my body for years. Oh sure....blame it on my overactive imagination.  Video after the jump, of course. 

Song du Jour: My First Earthquake

Cool in the Cool Way

by My First Earthquake

Requisite Indie Photo Op in front of a mural

This is quickly becoming my new favorite song.  Why, you may ask?  Two words:  Sarcastic lyrics.  It's funny and serious at the same time, just like me on a good day.  Also, the keyboard breakdown at the bridge is epic, especially paired with the synthesized vocals -- Am I a dork?/I've got a robot name/ Like I care/Call me it just the same.  Hi-larious.  Bass-line also kicks ass, and serves as a strong opening, even when it's paired with an abrasive buzz during the introduction (similar to the one that begins "Can't Get Away" by Stardeath and White Dwarfs).  I'm sorry--I'm very sensitive to harsh sounds, so give me a break.  I've downloaded a couple more of My First Earthquake's songs just to confirm my diagnosis but I think we have a winner!

Remember that Zombie Apocalypse website I was supposed to work on yesterday?  Yeah, that didn't happen -- I got distracted by coloring books and a short story I'm writing.  Which is also why I didn't bitch about the VMAs in a timely manner.  Don't worry -- I'll have a rant up later today.  Video after the jump.

Wedding Bells for Sofia Coppola and Thomas Mars

Sofia Coppola, director of films such as "The Virgin Suicides" and "Marie Antoinette," married Pheonix frontman and longtime beau, Thomas Mars in Italy on Saturday.  Quite possibly two of my favorite artists, this is another couple that I'd have to say it was about time.  They have two babies already and, just based on experiences my friends have had, married with children is better than being steady with children, if that made any sense.  From a legal point of view, that is--if you're not married, the father can end up having a really hard time just getting joint custody.  But without the financial, legal, and social benefits, marriage is completely pointless in my opinion -- just an excuse to have a big fancy party.  Although not quite as flashy as heiress, Petra Ecclestone's wedding, the Coppola shindig still managed to impress.  Sofia kept it classy and understated in a chiffon cocktail dress in a patterned lavender by Azzedine Alaia and Thomas worked a navy blue suit.  The wedding took place at Francis Ford Coppola's villa in Bernalda, Italy (where their family emigrated from) and, as expected, wine from the family vineyard was served alongside a fantastic wedding cake.  Good luck to them.

Italians do everything better...

Song du Jour: Rilo Kiley Day!

Science vs. Romance

by Rilo Kiley

 

Rilo Kiley is one of my top favorite bands so you can imagine how bummed I was when they split in 2009.  But, as a concession to their fans, they released a vinyl version of Takeoffs and Landings earlier this year.  Is that like a given for indie bands?  "Sorry, there is no way in hell we're going to get together again to produce new material but your consolation prize is a vinyl version of our old sh*t."  I call "cop-out!"  It's a great album, though, and I do want the vinyl version....because I'm an uber geek about my respective fandoms.  I have boxes full of Sailor Moon crap from when I was 9, which includes things like an alarm clock with the most annoying song-to-wake-up-to ever, a Sailor Moon RPG guide, and a few of those gauzy anime posters --I shit you not.  Back to the Rilo Kiley -- this song was stuck in my head this morning.  More confusing dreams involving people I should not think about anymore.  "Science vs. Romance" was Rilo Kiley's debut single, and it has fantastic lyrics laden with metaphors and whatnot and serves as a low-key indie rock ballad.  The first lines are great -- they describe rather accurately the disillusionment I feel on a daily basis.

Jenny:  WTF are we doing here again?
Blake:  I....have no idea...

My Life in a Nutshell for Today:  The Boyfriend was getting on my case about creating the Zombie Apocalypse Drill website (even though he hasn't e-mailed me any information about what he wants on there) so making a start on that is today's project.  Also -- I forgot how truly impotable unfiltered Arizona tap water was....I'm dying of thirst....Please, somebody save me.  Video after you click-clickety-click the jump.

Weekly Haul: August 28th Edition....Huzzah!

If you can't tell, "huzzah" is my favorite ye olde-timed interjection.  I did manage to get the weekly haul done on time this week so Yay for me.  It wasn't too bad....a lot of the songs were surprisingly short.  Like last week, there's lots 'o' goodies and this week also has a delightfully diverse range of genres.  I didn't plan that, considering I had just under a zillion songs to choose from this week -- it just sort of happened when I picked a random sampling from my cache.  Anyway, there's a little bit 'o' country, a little bit 'o' rock 'n' roll, some rap, some dark cabaret/darkwave, and a reasonable amount of indie and electronica.  So, without much further ado, let's jump in it.

My First Earthquake...
And a Star-Spangled Rotary Phone

Hipster Pocahontas...Because the Internet Understands Bullsh*t

Some Girl I Ran Into at Starbucks

In case you were wondering, the Flood-In-My-Kitchen fiasco is under control now.  We're covered by insurance (Huzzah!), so the fact that they have to basically re-drywall our living room and re-carpet isn't a big deal.  In fact, my mom has embraced it and is considering tiling the bitch and adding an accent color for the wall they're going to re-do.  My sister out east survived Hurricane Irene -- Philadelphia may not have been directly impacted but they did get a sh*tload of rain -- enough to warrant shutting down Septa.  I imagine riding the underground trolley system can't be much fun, especially in Center City.  Weekly Haul will be up tonight, even if it kills me.  Dealing with our little situation turned me into a total blog slacker on Friday.  Whatevs.  It happens.

I was on the 3G Interwebs with my awesome smartphone the other day and I stumbled upon a bunch of hipster memes. The above picture made me bust out laughing because I've had people say that to me a lot.  By far the funniest thing about the hipsters is how pissed you get when you have heard of something (music, books, movies) they're talking about (which I do....I'm smart and have a wide variety of obscure interests myself.)  Bonus points if you can point out if something sucks and give them a detailed explanatory rant--regardless of your own personal feelings on the topic, of course.  It's okay to like sh*t that isn't up to rigorous standards -- they're called Guilty Pleasures or haven't you heard of them? Other favorite hipster meme images included a Gaston who critisizes Belle for reading something with an Oprah Bookclub sticker (it's not the sticker that annoys me so much as how much the book costs after it gets stamped with it) and a Princess Tiana who is saving up for Doc Martens.  I used to wear Docs all the time in high school and I didn't realize that, rather than a punk thing, they're now a hipster staple.  Again, whatevs.  They're still good, sturdy shoes that can take a beating.

Oh. My. God.....what if I am a hipster?!  Shit...I don't think my bank account will survive.