If Real Life were a Music Video....Ed. 1

I was at the supermarket today, buying Cream of Mushroom soup because my mom has a weird hankering for the Cream of Mushroom Chicken on the back of the can, when nostalgia wafted in through the sound system.  That's right, my friends -- The Macarena was playing in Food City.  To make matters worse, I couldn't shake the insane notion that everyone in the store was going to drop everything and start dancing, which -- I have to admit -- would be f*cking awesome.  Just for reference, I have disturbingly good visualization skills, so in my head, I could literally see the cashiers shaking their hips.  Suddenly, everyone was wearing neon spandex outfits, disco balls dropped down from the ceiling, and the linoleum tiles lit up every time I moved!  It was amazing! -- and I had to try extremely hard to keep from laughing.

Are instructions really necessary?

Of course, that isn't actually what occurred....but, somewhere, deep inside, I believe it could've happened that way.  All I needed to do was start it -- to be the catalyst, so to speak.  In theory, if I had just started doing The Macarena right there in the soup aisle, everyone would join me and then, it wouldn't just be an ordinary run to Food City.  No -- it would be a party!  On the other hand, I could start dancing The Macarena and people would give me funny looks which would lead to me immediately ceasing all movement and scuttling away like Dr. Zoidberg.  Perhaps that's the more realistic scenario, but I prefer my outrageous version to boring old reality anyway. 

The Macarena can't really be that terrible, right?  I mean, the bitches from Beauxbatons (see Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire) adopted it into a sort of cheer, so it must have its merits.  I remember when that was the biggest thing in 1996 and--being the coolest muthafuckas going into 4th grade--my friends and I taught a bunch of 5-year-olds how to do the moves.  Looking back, that definitely belongs in the Questionable Life Choices pile but it was exciting at the time.  And -- be honest -- you know you're going to jump in line when The Macarena is played at a wedding or a party because it's kind of like the Latin Hokey Pokey....it's fun because dancing is fun, anyone can do the dance moves, and it's really hard to f*ck it up.  Sure, to the aliens, it might look like a bunch of semi-intelligent humanoids flinging their arms around all willy-nilly, but to everyone else, it just looks like a hella good time....And I. Want. In.