Cough Syrup
by Young the Giant
::WARNING:: Depressing Rant Ahead
I'm having a hard time handling this nonsense, my friends. I love this song....it's got that resigned, zen feeling that I'm trying to reach--a certain numbness that will get me through this sh*t. Because this hope thing--it's not working out so good for me. Looking forward to a better day that never comes, that feels like insanity. It's wearing me out--and the thing that really gets me is that feeling angry also makes me feel so guilty. I don't know if any of you understand--maybe you do--but it's so hard to feel angry at someone who was so abusive your whole life when you also know that they've got a mental illness. You have to continually remind yourself that they wouldn't say such terrible things if they were in their right mind, they wouldn't do such destructive things if they were stable. And I'm trying so hard to cling to a peaceful refuge in the Goddess because I know I should be striving to be kind, understanding, and forgiving but some days, I just can't do it. And it's seriously taking a toll, so it feels like my only option is to shut down. Everything. Because life's too short to even care at all.
Woah.
You know, there was a time I took cough syrup just to fall asleep at night. This behavior lasted for like a week, until I decided it probably wasn't very healthy. It was such a blissful, dreamless slumber that didn't end in night terrors, though. I wish developing a substance abuse problem would make things easier, but that is not the case...Nice try, Young the Giant.
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