Song du Nuit

Paradise

by Coldplay

::WARNING:: Long-winded, Personal Rant

I need a pick me up tonight.  Everything feels like it's going to sh*t.  One of the lights at the end of the tunnel went out today:  I wasn't accepted to do Teach for America.  Yes, I feel like a big giant failure, because I don't understand why I wasn't accepted.  I have tons of leadership experience, I'm a good planner, and I'm way too intelligent for my own good.  I keep thinking back to the interview and the fact that I admitted I had some reservations about joining the corps.  All legitimate worries -- not wanting to fail the little brains that would be placed in my care chief among them.  I suppose I shouldn't ruminate on it now....it does no good.  Mom is getting worse.  She's not taking her medicine and, legally, we can't do anything until she does something really awful, like she did last time.  It sucks because I literally can't enjoy my days off because, most days, I can expect to walk through a toned down version of hell.  First circle, just past the gates.  Not too bad but it wears me out and some days are worse than others, especially when she gets snippy.  The one bright spot is my writing hour....that's actually been going very well.  Aside from one night when I crashed out right after work, I've been sticking to my number 1 resolution like a hawk, with some promising results.  It makes me feel so much better to escape to some beautiful, exotic world that I've created in my mind.  Having control over something, even if it's all just make-believe, keeps me from having a nervous breakdown every day.  Don't get me wrong--I've had a couple breakdowns in the past few weeks....just ask Ana.  But I'm dealing.  Just keep meditating on inner peace--Om Namah Shivaya.   I think this song embodies exactly where I am most days.  This song is from Coldplay's new album, Mylo Xyloto and the video is just has bizarre and nonsensical as that album title.