Song du Jour: "In My Blood" by Shawn Mendes

I heard this song about a month ago, which was the perfect time. I've been going through some turmoil, lately, which culminated yesterday with an assault of emotions. Stress from planning and hosting a party, acclimating to new job responsibilities, awkward social situations, and saying goodbye (but not really goodbye) to a good friend who is moving on to her next challenge at a new job. That's not to say there hasn't been good parts. I think I'm reaching some sort of equilibrium. I've actually felt really happy once in a while in the past couple weeks. Of course, when I'm happy, I tend to run my mouth. I'm sure people are like, "Man...Jess won't shut up," but whatever. They'll deal with it. I'm allowed to be happy.

Anyway, I've discovered - or decided, more like - that I really like Shawn Mendes as an artist. His song lyrics always have an intensely graphic quality. For example, take the bridge from "Mercy" - "Consuming all the air inside my lungs/Ripping all the skin from off my bones/I'm prepared to sacrifice my life/I would gladly do it twice." Holy crap, that's dark. "Mercy" is about inspiration and how it can take you dark places, as per some interview he did for an LA radio station. I dig it, Shawn. Of course, Shawn Mendes is one of those insanely attractive but also disgustingly talented kids whom you kind of hope bursts into flames. But only sometimes.

"In My Blood" is about how sometimes you want to give up - which some people do - but that's just not who he is. And it's not me, either. Sure, I'll bottle all that madness up inside but at least, on the outside, it will seem like I have my shit together. It's exhausting, sometimes. But people - like my son and my mom - depend on me to be strong, to hold things together, to provide some stability. So you take a few deep breaths, put on your big girl panties, and just do it.