"Bad Liar" by Imagine Dragons

::WARNING:: There may be some (very minor) Game of Thrones spoilers. But, if you've watched the past few seasons, you probably saw it coming anyway. ::END::

My son loves Imagine Dragons. I'm not sure if he likes them because I like them, or if I started liking them because he enjoyed their music. He's definitely the bigger fan, between the two of us. Whenever their music videos come on our playlist, he dances with wild abandon, like only children do. Sometimes I join him. "Bad Liar" is one of our favorites to dance to. In the video, a girl is dancing - mostly classical freestyle. Gives me a chance to break out the old ballet moves. I'm not very good at spotting but I can do at least a single pirouette decent enough.

The video is a little disturbing to me but it matches the song perfectly. In the video, there's a guy hanging from an invisible rope. He seems dead. A girl walks in and starts dancing. For him. Trying to bring him back to life. Trying to show him what it's like to be free and alive. He's following her but through no effort of his own. And she's trying so hard but she's losing patience and getting frustrated. At the end, his noose is released and he drops to the floor. She bows and walks away. It's a metaphor. Presumably, after the video ends, he comes back to life. But it's too late. She's already gone.

Oh, hush, my dear, it's been a difficult year

And terrors don’t prey on innocent victims

Trust me, darlin', trust me darlin'

It’s been a loveless year

I'm a man of three fears

Integrity, faith and crocodile tears

Trust me, darlin', trust me, darlin'

This song (and its associated video) reminded me of The Impotent Lover archetype, a shadow version of the master masculine archetype, The Lover. The Impotent Lover has lost his passion for life and is just existing in a dull, grey world. He's consumed by loneliness, even in a room full of people. He's cut himself off from his friends, his family, but - most of all - he's cut off from himself. Ultimately, he's cut himself off from his own emotions. In a world devoid of pleasure, at least he can avoid the pain. He's lost his identity so it often feels as if he's watching a life that isn't his own, as if it's a movie he has no interest in. 

The Impotent Lover usually has too much discipline and limits, that he can't enjoy the fullness of life. He lives so much in his head that he feels powerless and this may manifest in various ways. The most obvious (given the name of the archetype) may be a loss of sex drive or sexual dysfunction. He may seem bored and listless. Or, when offered something he desires, he may come up with a reason why he cannot indulge. Because of so many rules and restrictions, there may be a great reserve of anger and envy bubbling under the surface, waiting to come out in self-destructive ways. Excessive alcohol and drug abuse, thrill-seeking, obsessive behavior, promiscuity - effectively turning him into the active shadow, The Addicted Lover.

I'm caught up on GoT now and, having watched the most recent episode, this song could definitely stand in  as the theme for Jaime Lannister. A good woman loves him, in spite of all his faults, even though he's not in the same shape he used to be (he's missing an arm), even knowing his past (including the whole incestuous relationship with his twin thing). She stood up for him, fought zombies next to him, and probably would've died for him if it came down to it. But he leaves her outside Winterfell - freezing in her robe, full on ugly crying while begging him to stay - to return to his cruel, sadistic, manipulative sister (Cersei). Cersei would kill him (or have him killed) without another thought. She couldn't care less about him, so what the fuck is he doing?!

I agree. On the surface, it seems like he's - literally - the worst. But I must have compassion for Jaime - I imagine he's feeling a lot of cognitive dissonance. His relationship with Cersei was/is really fucked up (he manifests as The Addicted Lover within its context). He has murdered for her, lied for her, done everything he could to serve her. Jaime even says as much in his goodbye, with the implication that he must love her if he did all those terrible things, if he endured all her madness and cruelty. But, in earlier episodes, he confesses that he's genuinely afraid of Cersei. And you cannot love what you fear. Fear is the antithesis of Love. But Jaime doesn't understand that - no, what's going through his head is that he cannot be redeemed. That is unchangeable - no matter what good he's done since then doesn't change his situation. So when faced with real love, all these feelings of unworthiness and doubt arose. Jaime walked away because he loved Brienne enough to know that she deserves better than him. And maybe she does (fuck yeah, OF COURSE she does!). But the heart wants what it wants.

I can't breathe, I can't be

I can't be what you want me to be

Believe me, this one time

Believe me

I'm starting to get all hopeless romantic on y'all, so let's cut to the chase. The Lover archetype is about being present in your life and pursuing your passions in a healthy way. A few questions to ask yourself when exploring its shadows:

• Are you enjoying what you have in your life now? If you are, engage in more of whatever makes you happy. If not, make a change - take a class, start a hobby, go on that trip of a lifetime, indulge in a Chai Tea Frappuccino....something that will ignite your excitement. Again, writing down a list of things you want to do (hobbies, adventures, food places) is great for figuring this out.
• Are you rushing through the pleasures of life (eating, sex, cashmere)? If so, why? And what can you do to slow down and enjoy the small things?
• Are you taking time for romance? Yes, I'm talking the "red roses, love poems, serenades under the balcony, dinner on the rooftop then dancing under the stars" type of romance. Okay, maybe not that far, but it is called The Lover archetype for a reason....be creative with it.
• Are you being fully present in your life? Or are you constantly looking for the next distraction?
• Do you allow yourself to feel your emotions? Or do you bottle them up? Or are you constantly over-analyzing them and trying to convince yourself that you shouldn't be feeling a certain way? If you do one of the latter two, try to understand why you do that.
• Finally - and this is the toughest one - do you love yourself? Do you believe you deserve love? A lot of people think they do, but when they start to make an effort to love themselves, they realize a lot of their actions have been self-sabotage. If the answer is no, taking time to discover your passions will help.

I'm going to end with a quote from my favorite real-life embodiment of The Lover, F. Scott Fitzgerald. I read it on my Twitter feed (because I'm one of those dorks who follows an F.S.F. quote bot) and thought it was the perfect description of The Lover archetype in literature:

"In her presence he was too absorbed to notice his surroundings; so that her absence never made them empty, but, rather, sent him seeking for her through haunted rooms and gardens that he had never really seen before." - from Basil & Cleopatra

"Bad Liar" Video