"Two Princes" by Spin Doctors

Okay, so perhaps the 90s nostalgia will still be around, even if I'm following a theme. This particular song is a re-telling of a fairytale that I remember reading in Honors English during my freshman year of high school. We had extensive discussions about the purpose and structure of fairytales in the class, which I remember being very interesting. In the song, the lead singer of Spin Doctors - Chris Barron - is trying to convince this girl that she should choose him over her other suitor (which we're led to think is a rich, preppy asshole). If you've seen the Spin Doctors, they basically look like the stereotypical 90s hippies/stoners - fluffy hair, scraggly beards, stupid hats....you know what I'm talking about. The choice is clear - choose love over money.

The fairytale it's based on goes a little like this....Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess whose father had decided it was time for her to get married. They invited all the princes in the land and requested that they bring a gift for the princess. The princess was going to choose who she'd marry based on the gift she liked the most. The first prince brought a gold crown encrusted with diamonds, the second a box filled with sapphires and other precious gems, and so on and so forth. Then, one prince comes in and he's clearly from a poor kingdom because his clothes are pretty shabby. He announces that he has no gift but if she chooses him, she will never know a day without love.

So, who does the princess choose?

Marry him or marry me

I'm the one that loves you baby can't you see?

I ain't got no future or a family tree

But I know what a prince and lover ought to be

I know what a prince and lover ought to be

Well, the actual ending of this tale might surprise you. The princess turns to her father and says she chooses the prince with the box of sapphires and her reasoning is that she thinks that gift is the most valuable. Because she's not a stupid bitch. Marrying for love is kind of a recent thing and is really only a luxury that us Westerners have come to believe is a necessity. For much of the world and for a long time, marriage was a financial transaction and love had nothing to do with it. I mean, sure, it's super nice if you like your spouse but that's not the point. The point is that you're financially stable and have someone to take care of you when you get sick and old. The idea of a fairytale romance is pure nonsense, because princesses never got to marry for love. If you were a princess, it was guaranteed that you were going to be married to the heir of the kingdom whose alliance was most needed for your country's prosperity. And they did it with honor and grace, because it was their duty. Were they happy, though? Perhaps, at least for a few moments here and there. I've read a lot about the lives of royalty in France and it sounds like it was not uncommon for both the King and Queen to have extramarital affairs. It was tolerated - even expected - as long as they performed their marital duties when it was required. And usually, after a royal heir was produced, no one gave a shit what the Queen did in her free time, anyway, as long as she was discrete. Not very romantic, but that's life.

The video is in black and white, and for some reason, Rita Repulsa is involved. The plot essentially follows the same line as the lyrics. There's a pretty waitress who has to choose between two guys - one is a dude wearing gold chains and is pretty obviously rolling in cash. The other guy is the bassist for the Spin Doctors (apparently, his name is Mark)...before they got their "one-hit-wonder" money. Ultimately, she chooses Mark - but not until after she's been wined and dined by rich gangster guy.

"Two Princes" Video