Today, we have a penumbral lunar eclipse in Gemini, the first of a series of eclipses occurring on my Ascendant. It also marks the start of the final eclipse season for 2020 and we're almost out of the battle royale in Capricorn, as Jupiter and Saturn will be making their way into Aquarius really soon (mid-late December). Congratulations! You've survived 2020! Perhaps celebrating is premature but things are starting to get better, even if we can't see them. As we know, eclipses portend major changes in the House they fall in our natal chart. As a Gemini Rising, this series of eclipses (as eclipses fall near the lunar nodes, which change approximately every 1.5 years) will be making aspects in my first and seventh Houses - the House of Self and the House of Partnerships. At the begin of the COVID Crisis, I watched a really interesting astrology webinar that posited that, aside from being the House of Partnerships, the 7th House contains our Shadow. I felt there might be something to that, because we often are triggered (i.e., attracted or repulsed) by traits we are repressing. For example, I've always been attracted to charismatic people. My best friend in high school often said my "type" was the loudest guy in the room - and that has been so true. Up until recently, because as I've integrated my Shadow more and became more of my authentic self, I've found that I can be quite charismatic and charming, too. Often when I'm not even aware of it - well, duh, it's my Shadow. To reach Maslow's ideal state of "self-actualization," you have to fully integrate the Shadow into the Self.
I've been feeling much better - not depressed by my standards anymore - but I plan to continue counseling because there's clearly a lot of stuff I still need to work on. Mostly around meeting and communicating my own needs, desires, and boundaries. I have a tendency to slip into codependent behaviors - giving to much of myself (in an attempt to feel worthy and avoid rejection/abandonment) without considering (or noticing) if others are reciprocating. My mindset in the past has been "if I do more, then the other person will do more." And that's simply not true. You have to ask for what you want and the other person will (1) make an honest effort to meet your request fully or (2) they won't and you have to ask someone else. And you have to be prepared to accept their response at face value, even if it's disappointing. No making up narratives about how "they really want to but they can't for some reason." Yes, being generous, caring, and helpful is in my nature, but I'm learning I need to be more discerning in who deserves my time and energy. With one month left (and it's sure to be just as eventful), I'm grateful for this year. It's unveiled the cracks in the foundation of how I deal with life and I'm finally in a place to start patching those up. So when the next baby (or other life changing circumstance) comes along, I can cope better with whatever craziness it triggers.
My favorite YouTube astrologer, Wondergirl (yeah...I don't know her real name...I think it might be Britney?) has been framing the Saturn - Pluto conjunction in Capricorn this year as huge transformational energy. Although it was only exact on January 12th, it's been in a loose conjunction since April 2019. Wondergirl says that, since that time, we've been trying to change our lives in ways we haven't been able to for the last 35 years. For some people, like myself, that's my whole life! And yeah, I've just realized in the last year that I've been mistaking codependency and repression for kindness, loyalty, and love - and it's really not fucking working for me. It never has. The same things that attract all those "pure of heart" people I've mentioned also attracts some really shitty people. And I never see it coming. I always get it wrong, because I want to believe the best in people. Weirdly enough, I have a tendency to keep the best people at a distance. There's a better song to analyze those issues, though. Long story short - I have been trying to fundamentally change my life since last April. Maybe I haven't been aware of it the whole time but I have been.
Stale approaches to how we used to solve our problems just aren't going to cut it anymore, so we have to take a leap of faith into the great unknown. It's uncomfortable but it's necessary. A lot of people are excited to "get back to normal" when the vaccine starts rolling out next year but - let's face it - the old normal was shitty. Why would you want to go back to that? Because it's familiar? Because it's easy? Because it's less scary? Because you've invested so much time into that way of life? No, none of those are good reasons. When you know better, you do better. If you keep doing things the same way - accepting the same situations, following the same patterns, attracting the same people - expecting different results, the fault is on you when you're unhappy. Regardless of whether you believe in astrology, I think that's a good way of looking at downturns in life. Every day is an opportunity to grow into the person you were meant to be. I've transformed into a million different people in my life thus far (total Gemini Rising thing) yet, somehow, I'm even more myself than ever. Weird.
"Better When I'm Dancin'" was featured in the "Peanuts Movie," and that's the only notable thing about this song. It's fun and it makes me feel happy. So much so that I've added it to my "Party Like It's the End of the World" playlist on Spotify. Yes, I spend more time thinking about what my playlists should be named than picking out the songs featured in them. Trying to keep this energy as my first day back at work is tomorrow. As is custom, this post is set to be published at the time of the eclipse.
"Better When I'm Dancin'" Video
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